Bert, this thread is for you! xxx

[Chris7]

Hi Bert

Thank you for letting me know where you are in the process. Whether or not you are aware you are making progress, you cannot help but make progress.

Just a quick reminder (just in case) that you are not trying to destroy the ‘I’ just see that it doesn’t exist and it never did exist.
In a similar way, your ability to read didn’t initially exist but was progressively learned. You now take that ability for granted as though it is a part of who you are but the ability once didn’t exist in any way, shape or form. Just like the ‘I’.

Chris

[albertobrownie]

Hi Chris,

Though I still have not found an I that is the controller/manager, I do find awareness again and again. It feels like I am this instance of awareness that is aware of all of sensations that are experienced by this particular body I call 'Bert" and I believe there must be other instances of awareness that experience the sensations of all the other bodies I see.

Bert

[Chris7]

Hi Bert

Though I still have not found an I that is the controller/manager, I do find awareness again and again

As I mentioned before, there is a sense of a ‘you’ an awareness unique to you in the same way as I have an awareness unique to me and as does every other human being. As the knowing of non-existence of an ‘I’ deepens the self-awareness becomes more subtle but still remains.

Our aim at this stage of the LU process is to see we have no ‘I’ as the controller/manager. Once you can know that there isn’t an ‘I’ ‘me’ that exists in any way, shape or form, then the next stage is go through the Gate and (if you wish) on to LU groups for further deepening and support.

In light of this I need you to focus on whether there is an ‘I’, ‘me’ that exists at all. Remember ‘I’ is a concept - a story that is added to awareness, to direct experience. So, keep this in mind during you investigation.

“

It feels like I am this instance of awareness that is aware of all of sensations that are experienced by this particular body I call 'Bert" and I believe there must be other instances of awareness that experience the sensations of all the other bodies I see

.

So, without a story of an ‘I’ attached to the awareness, who or what is this ‘I’ to which you refer?

Chris

[albertobrownie]

Hi Chris,

Our aim at this stage of the LU process is to see we have no ‘I’ as the controller/manager. Once you can know that there isn’t an ‘I’ ‘me’ that exists in any way, shape or form, then the next stage is go through the Gate and (if you wish) on to LU groups for further deepening and support.

It sounds very tempting to go through the Gate, but I do not see one. It feels like something still needs to happen, some sort of "letting go".

In light of this I need you to focus on whether there is an ‘I’, ‘me’ that exists at all. Remember ‘I’ is a concept - a story that is added to awareness, to direct experience. So, keep this in mind during you investigation.

Yes, I try to focus on this only. I can see it is a concept, but I am still not completely convinced it points to nothing at all. Investigation is still continuing.

So, without a story of an ‘I’ attached to the awareness, who or what is this ‘I’ to which you refer?

This awareness-I is that what is aware of everything. It is that what is experiencing this story, it is not part of it. It is that what is always there, without properties. OK, somehow this question triggered something....hard to put into words. I need some more time with this. I will be back with you soon.

Bert

[Chris7]

Hi Bert

Great work, Bert, you're doing well, I'll leave you to your contemplations. No need for me to add anything else it will only overload at this stage - and in any case it's only the ego-mind that would would benefit by adding more.

Chris

[albertobrownie]

Hi Chris,

I really took my time with this. I wanted to do this myself, but I feel like I am stuck again.
When I truly focus on what I am without any stories, I feel like something opening up. There is this ever-present awareness. But then it is like it stops there. It feels incomplete, like I still have to see something more clearly. After some days the frustration came back in. I'm still trying to see the truth, but somehow I did not succeed so far.

Bert

[Chris7]

Hi Bert

Thank you for giving this long and careful contemplation. I appreciate what you’re saying and you are on the right lines for a deeper expansion. However, all we need to do at this stage is to know there is no such entity as an ‘I’ existing within you (sorry for the repletion about this). And just a word of warning here: be careful not to be chasing an experience. Awareness is what you are but it isn’t an experience and it isn’t ‘you’.

The truth we are after here is there is no individual entity known as an ‘I’ that exists. There is a habituated feeling that who you are is the ‘I’ but this is only conditioning, language and attachment and believe to thought etc. that gives a sense of this but it isn’t true.

What you could try next is look at something - anything, a house, a tree, an animal, a friend, your own reflection, a book, a car - absolutely anything. Look without any thought whatsoever. See without the slightest interpretation. Although thoughts, interpretations, judgements will very quickly arise and when they do notice that: without thoughts arsing what you see is seen without ‘’no one’ no ‘I’, when thoughts arise so does a ‘someone’, the ‘I’.
In which case investigate what it is that is this ‘I’ that now arises.

Again, Bert, take what time you need in this but try to use the intellect to work this out just do the exercise and experience it. If you need any clarification as to what I mean please let me know.

Chris

[albertobrownie]

Hi Chris,

Thank you for giving this long and careful contemplation. I appreciate what you’re saying and you are on the right lines for a deeper expansion. However, all we need to do at this stage is to know there is no such entity as an ‘I’ existing within you (sorry for the repletion about this). And just a word of warning here: be careful not to be chasing an experience. Awareness is what you are but it isn’t an experience and it isn’t ‘you’.

Thank you for putting me back on track. I was distracted by certain experiences.

Again, Bert, take what time you need in this but try to use the intellect to work this out just do the exercise and experience it.

I assume you mean "don't try to use the intellect", but maybe I misunderstood it.

Bert

[Chris7]

Hi Bert
(I've being trying to post this all day but each time I do my internet crashes before I get the chance to submit it)

Sorry for the delay in responding it’s just that I’ve been very ill, and still not revered significantly. Although test-results to date have been inconclusive and therefore no remedy as yet forthcoming

Yes, you are quite right I meant to write: "don't try to use the intellect", my apologies for that.

As you know, what we are doing here is beyond the intellect to grasp and once we have used it as a kind of door to open up the place we seek to investigate then it (intellect) can become more of a hindrance than a help.

I hope all is well with you and you are continuing to see with increasing clarity that there is no ‘I’ that actually exists beyond a concept.

Chris

[albertobrownie]

Hi Chris,

I hope you will be better soon.

I hope all is well with you and you are continuing to see with increasing clarity that there is no ‘I’ that actually exists beyond a concept.

A few days ago I had a glimpse of seeing beyond the intellect that there is no separate entity that is in control, no 'I'. It was just a fraction of a second and then the thinking came back in, but it gives me confidence that I will see it fully one day.

Bert