Need guidance and reassurance

[Chris]

I'm tired out. The spiritual awkening deconstructed everything. Now what.

You sound depressed (something I've experienced myself for many years). When you say "deconstructed everything", what do you mean? What is different after this spiritual awakening that you had? It's difficult to offer much when you haven't really provided details about what is going on with you and what caused this change.

I have a strong sense to keep meditating.

I also find meditation helpful. What type of meditation do you do?

[ali]

If I don't call it the space- but a lack of thoughts.

How do you function- get things done. It's very strange.

There doesn't seem to be any motivation.

[Chris]

If I don't call it the space- but a lack of thoughts.

How do you function- get things done. It's very strange.

There doesn't seem to be any motivation.

There was never any you making things happen via motivation. It has always been this way. There were just thoughts about what was happening after they happened including thoughts about a self that made these things happen. Nothing has changed except the thoughts.

There's just a flow of sensations and thoughts, there is no you that is in control of this flow.

[ali]

The experience still seems to vaccillate.

I think I have sense of what you're getting at. That their is no stabilzation.

But I still experience it as going back and forth between ego and soul.

[Chris]

The experience still seems to vaccillate.

I think I have sense of what you're getting at. That their is no stabilzation.

But I still experience it as going back and forth between ego and soul.

All that is ever experiened is the five senses and thoughts. The content of some thoughts tell the story of "going back and forth between ego and soul". There is no actual going back and forth because both soul and ego are only concepts and do not have any actual inherent existence.

The next time you meditate, observe any thoughts that arise and see if you can notice this "storytelling" in action.

[ali]

The motivation is different too.

I sometimes worry that the motivation will not come back, - or how will I motivate myself.

[Chris]

The motivation is different too.

I sometimes worry that the motivation will not come back, - or how will I motivate myself.

What is it that you feel you should be motivated to do that you are not doing?

What are that activities that now no longer occur in you life due to lack of motivation?

[Chris]

Do you think that you've fallen into nihlism and that life has lost all meaning for you? Is that perhaps where the lack of motivation is coming from?

[Chris]

Hello Ali,

Hope you are well. What comes up when it is read that there is absolutely no “you” in any way, shape or form, there never has been a “you”, nor is there or will be there ever be?