Looking for a guide

[poporo]

Hi Vivi!!

I don't know what to say, Got it!
It was really simple and totally unexpected, all the expectations were not real, just realized that.

Thank you
Paula

[dreamer]

Hi Paula

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?



2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.



3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.



4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.



5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?

[poporo]

Hi Vivi!

1) There is no "me" at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form. Yet the Experience itself may be reffered as "me"
2) The illusion of separate self is just a thought, it starts and ends in mind. Just a belief in certain belief.
3) well... it feels free and hopeless at the same time, there is no hope. And the first experience was huge disappointment. Now, all that is just is.
4) First thing, which popped in "My" mind was I would ask them what do they think "I" is. And point, that thoughts are not real, that they are just a part of experience. Basically "I" is a big fat lie of the mind hehe
5) The last push was your question concerning expectations mind had. And suddenly, realization. That was never real. And "I" could not sleep at night.

Hugs,
Paula

[dreamer]

Thank you Paula

Here are a few more questions :)


6) When you say "I", what are you referring to?
7) Is there an experiencer experiencing, or is there only experience?
Actually look. Does experience belong to the body, or does the body belong to experience?

Enjoy
Vivi

[dreamer]

Hi Paula

What happens?

Warm regards Vivi

[poporo]

Hi Vivi,

a lot is happening, the mind is going crazy, forgetting happens, but when I check and look for the "I" there is nothing!

6) When "I" say I am reffereing to embodiment and the experience itself.
7) There is only experience. The body belongs to experience. Thank you for that question it helped to SEE that :)

it is not only bliss and love, all the things are within the experience, but somehow nothing is "mine" anymore.
It is very slight change of perception and the dissapointment of the moment when I gave up all the expectations was like "what?! is that it" it kinda makes me laugh right now, just integrating, all the time integrating the experience.

love,
Paula

[poporo]

Hi Vivi,

I wanted to add, that even though the body belongs to the experience, there still is a mind process conected with fear of letting go.

Hugs,
Paula

[dreamer]

Hi Paula

Great addition!

What is the fear about and what is having the fear?

greetings Vivi

[poporo]

Hi Vivi,

the fear is about death, injury or physical pain.
It is the mind which has the fear. But those thoughts are strongly connected with sensations within the body.

Hugs,
Paula

[dreamer]

Hi Paula

So, there seem to be a mind having fears of death, injury or physical pain.
And there seem to be a connection, a strongly connection even, between that fear and sensations within the body.

What is this mind having fears? Look in direct experience. Can you find a mind and what is it, if you can't find a mind what is the fears then?

Is it your mind? Is it your body? Is it your fear?

Warm regards Vivi

[poporo]

Hi Vivi

I don't know what a mind is, looking for it and can't find it. It was like a conception of "having" a mind. Went deeper into what is connecting body and mind, and it was a thought! Thought of "My body, my mind, my fear" looked for "I" and where is it, those conceptions are floating in emptiness.
Attempts to close, define something, will it ever stop?

It seems unrealistic!!!!! What is real then?
Hugs,
Paula

[dreamer]

Good observations and a very good question Paula!

What is real then?

Now what is the answer?

Warm regards Vivi

[poporo]

Hi again Vivi

isn't that this separation between real and unreal does not exist? Everything just is as it is, without labelling it reality/illusion?
Yet still, thoughts are not real, sensations, feelings are not real but somehow everything is a part of real experience?

Hugs,
Paula

[dreamer]

Bingo !

8 ) What did you experience at the moment you awoke?

9) Describe your experience in the hours and days following awakening

Warm regards Vivi

[poporo]

Hello Vivi,

8) at the moment it was huuuuge disappointment "what? is that it? there are no rules?" and then laugh :)
9) in the first hours after there were no thoughts at all, but when I went to sleep, I could not sleep at all, (there was enormous amount of energy, thoughts were going crazy, emotions, frustration, anger, sadness everything mixed up but beyond that was peace and just space where all that was) for the first four days I slept maybe 4 hours with intensive dreams of falling into emptiness, etc
Later on, it began to stabilize a bit, yet still there are processes going on and awareness within it.
Basically, nothing changed (how could it?), thoughts sometimes try to label something "this is me", yet there is space for labels without identifying with that.
There is just one question, which arised within, what about soul? Does it exist? Or is it a concept as well?

Hugs,
Paula