seperation sucks

[Anja]

Hi Jorge,

Woke up this morning with a lot of „i-ing“ happening, I was really “buying into the stories”... “but why do you not want to do this?"... Explaining and mentally looking for reasons.. etc .. where thoughts come from, etc”... very tiring!!!
until I read your post and did the exercise of watching thoughts like TV when “I snapped out of it again”.
Yes it is like watching TV – who needs soap operas when it is all happening in “THIS” theatre?
In the beginning, an „I“ keeps appearing wanting to be in charge. Than a „higher-up I“ tells the other „I“ it does not exist – a Superior „I“ again turns up ….this game could be continued forever and there is no end of the line of “Is” queuing up claiming to be in charge once again.... until.... until there is just watching... peace....

Doing my “outing” now and will report on the other exercises....;-))

Thank you, Jorge! It's such a blessing to have you guiding me...

[Anja]

Hi Jorge,

The "I" and "you" are only conventions that we do to communicate because the common language works differently and it would be too long and confusing express without using these pronouns.

At first i was hesitant to use the word „I“ - since it felt sticky and I thought I was re-inforcing „it“ by using it. Now I can use it quite liberally, because „the charge“ has gone somewhat, to what extent we shall have to see.

Looking for the “i” in other people. I was a little shy actually looking at them for very long. Thank god, I had a slow queue at the supermarket so there was ample opportunity. What a hilarious thing to be doing, looking for an “I” in other people! I still seem under the impression that there must be “something” so I will have to continue with this exercise tomorrow and “inspect” those creatures ;-)) up more closely...

Talking to people I simply forgot to look, being so busy with the “interaction”. However I have noticed that “my” acting has slowed down somewhat, taking time to look at (the person) and listen. Previously I would be so busy thinking about what to say next, so involved in my thinking. Now, it is more of an emptiness in the meeting, I do not have to say or do anything and still talking etc happens. Meaning to say, I do not have to control anything for something to happen. It happens quite easily and naturally – or not, and THAT feels so freeing!

My “outing” experience, doing the looking for “anyone ordering the next step”: I was amused, because there so obviously wasn't anyone there. Come on, I mean, OF COURSE there isn't anyone there. Almost silly.. ?!
But to notice this very obvious thing for the first time, made such a difference!!

Today the body taking big steps up “our hill” striving – “mentally informed” those I passed by “sorry cannot help this, the body is apparently wanting to move fast and I enjoyed how this happened all by itself, taking “me” for a “ride”....

Great exercises, so much fun!

I got talking to a lady at the post office, while waiting to be served. For some reason I said isn't it all amazing how it all works and there is nobody doing anything .. and she said it is good not to have lost this “sense of wonder”about life. Later it occurred to me that I am in the process of rediscovering it.... Then I remembered my friend who would credit "all this" to "a god" and that put a dramatic end to my sense wonder....

Will ponder on “Everything” for now and report tomorrow morning.

Thank you and good night,
Anja

[Anja]

Good morning, Jorge,

rereading previous posts I came across this again:

No? then why do you think those thoughts are you or part of you?

I guess there really is no answer to “why”.
Just a “yes” how could I ever think that?
A “realization sinking in”.

And at the same time still a search for the owner, origin..
It's funny how “THIS is functioning” without an “I” and I still seem to think that thoughts cannot just be thoughts, but still “require an I” - if you know what I mean...

What seems to work is “applying the realization when a thought turns up”. For example: yesterday the thought appeared “You do not realize the seriousness of your situation” - first: panic, belief, identification. Then looking for “I” - the whole thing collapsed and a turnaround occured “the I does realize the seriousness of it's situation” - which made me smile. (sorry, turnarounds seem to still happen having done Byron Katie's work for such a long time..)
I am just realizing that these turnarounds seem to reassert/confirm the existence of an “I”. Bring the “I” as an entity back to life..

thought: what is this “I” thing?
What is the point in asking this if it simply is not there.

And you know what, it is much more fun to be directly looking, which is more appropriate at this stage..

so next I look for “everything” and yes “there it is” - ahhh.. it's weired but it has the same quality of “nothing”. Maybe these two are what describe THIS best?

I discovered this morning also that my resistance to going to the bank is the thought: they will think I am stupid. No “I” there and the stress left, feeling freer to go there now. Well, let's wait and see what happens.... right?

More “inspections” due today – let's find the “i” in YOU ;-))

Fun.

For now, Anja

[Anja]

when looking at other people in search for an "i"
this triggered being deeply touched in a "freeing" sort of way . Touched by the realization that what I suspected to be "there" is actually not there. That "I" had put "it" (you) THERE believing there was an "I" HERE...

[Anja]

This "seeing" of "one thing" is happening again. I can FEEL it too - possible?

I remember your question "what does it mean?" and all I can say in this moment "it just IS".

[Jorge786]

Hi Anja!

"It just is"
Beautiful, I really enjoy your words, your latest posts.

I think it's time to put the questions for your "confirmation"

are you agree?

Love
Jorge

[Anja]

Yes, Jorge.

[Jorge786]

Hi Anja

Here we go!, please respond extensively, at 100% honesty,
no rush at all, take your time, be calm and look!

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?

6) Anything to add?

Love
Jorge

[Anja]

Hi Jorge,

just to let you know that I haven't run off "conquering the world" ,-)), ignoring your last questions.

I have been writing "stuff", but extensive descriptions just do not seem to fit the predominant experience of "end of story"/enjoying the simplicity".

It feels like going from direct experience back into "story"? Why describe something that does not exist (seperate self)? My most honest reaction to that was:

To be 100% honest – with all respect ;-)) - I do not give a shit!

And it felt sooooo good being honest!

Remember Jorge, what you wrote; once that Santa is seen not to be real, who cares where he was born and how he does his job?

And I do see that description can be happening, playfully – just not “in this theatre” right now.

I would love to follow your request and I am keen to follow this up with others, so what do you suggest we do now?

Just, really take my time with this until it is “happening”? Or do you have any other suggestions how to handle this “blockage”?

It feels good to have shared this with you.

Love,
Anja

[Anja]

More is happening. Apparently answers are coming "in bits":

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.

It would not feel honest to „describe“ something – it feels too complicated. I might be taking the "confrontational approach" „you do not exist“ . And then explore it with this „somebody“ bit by bit...

And who knows what will really happen in that situation? Maybe even a description.. ;-))

[Anja]

3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.

I notice that the „seeking“ energy has dropped. I can now „drop into“ that which is. I can now simply enjoy what is. What a relief.

It feels so great to actually come to „end of story“. And then there is an „opening up of something“ (and "a dropping in" ?.

When stories/thoughts happen there are different reactions. Either they are simply noticed, they are „seen“ to be untrue or simply „amusing“.
One morning I laughed out loud many times on my early morning walk.
When „it is seen“ it is like the best joke ever..
This morning there was this „don't you just love stories..“ kind of a feeling.

It felt humbling to see that there is no „I" in the other.

There has also been a „feeling more vulnerable“ - more „in touch with sensations/emotions“ and a „oh, a contraction, heaviness, pressure“ is happening. It feels „not owned“ (how to best describe this?...)

Then there are times of excitement: It's so cool ;-))
Amazing!
JOY!
♫ „joy to the world... far as the curse is found..“ ;-)) ♫

[Anja]

Hi Jorge,

I keep wanting to write more, but then nothing more happens...

so here we go with question 1:

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is no “me”. It feels like a “full stop” there.

I have been living the life of a “me”, but there has never been one.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Jorge786]

Hi Anja!

Good to hear from you, I sat at the computer thinking about send an email to "check" to see if you had survived. ;-)

As you know, the important thing is not to answer the questions, what really matters is that you know without a doubt that the "I" does not exist, which is what is done in LU.
THAT I understand through your mails, all the joy, laughter, freedom are directly expressed there.

Describe something is always a lie, but we do not have more than the words to communicate, nothing else.

All the best
Jorge

[Anja]

Hi Jorge,

no doubts exist!

This is just so wonderful - I love that you have been guiding me.

Anything else that I should do now?

Would love to "move on to" aftercare, if possible.

Love,
Anja

[Jorge786]

Hi Anja!

OK, if you want access to the after care groups, please make a simple post with the previus answers ordered (copy&paste), and respond the question 5, you didn't


Best regards
Jorge
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