Requesting a Guide

[noellgrace]

Hi Metta....I have experiencially seen that there is no actual entity that houses and generates "me-ness"....that 'Noell' is an idea that has been constructed, reinforced over seeming time. What i thought i was boils down to thoughts, feelings and sensations....appearing in/as what I actually AM....pure Awareness. This recognition isn't continuous or stabilized as yet and I'll admit to thoughts such as "That's it?????" Where's the vast, open, free wondrousness?? But the truth has been undeniably seen and will have its way with 'me' as this realization deepens. So, unless you see something I'm not...i'm ready for the final questions.

Love

Noell

[Metta777]

Here they are Noel, my pleasure. Do the best you can, there is no right or wrong. Love, Metta

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?



2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.



3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.



4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.



5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?

[noellgrace]

There is no me..at all..anywhere in any way shape or form...and never was. I find this realization strangely obvious and ordinary. It's been right under my nose all along...but overlooked..due to the blindness of unquestioned assumption. Looking for, but not finding an actual, separate me is like reaching for an edge, assumed to be there and discovering only benign absence...emptying into/as open, edgeless Presence.

The separate self starts by our being taught to identify, categorize and label experience, including this idea called a 'me' with a name and its characteristics. We learn distinctions...which gradually constructs a veil of thought between awareness and experience. We're literally relating to our thoughts about "self', 'other' rather than experiencing directly, intimately and truly. The 'i' thought is only a stream of thoughts, feelings and sensations with no independent nature or true substance.

As, stated, it feels ordinary, obvious, softly freeing..but no big bang. Just a gentle...whoa..I don't exist! I'm this big spaciousness...this experience ever unfolding. Sometimes the 'me' seems real again....then inquired into..it falls away...and so it goes.

the above would be how I'd describe it.

There was a moment when I was investigating if this person with her joys and her pains existed...and a huge shot of terror welled up...a glimpse of non-existence....and with that, a surge of argument on behalf of self-ness. Once that was allowed and seen through...there was peace , openness and emtpy fullness. Yes...this is a gradual process...not a lightening bolt...more a dawning light on the rise.

[noellgrace]

Hi Metta....I received the final questions and replied with my answers ...but in checking right now, neither your questions or my responses are to be found. Did you receive them?

Thanks for all your help...

Noell

[noellgrace]

aaahhhhhh.....they just popped up. Never mind!!

[Metta777]

Hi Noel, welcome to LU!! and Happy New Year! All is well. Here is my link if you ever need to bring something up in the future or just need to talk about something. Is Noel Grace your FB name? You will be added to Luna, which is the group for newcomers and there is good support there. It has been a pleasure working with you.

https://www.facebook.com/Metta.Del , my FB link, you can friend request me if you like. God Bless, Metta777

[Metta777]

P.S. If you don't here anything after a few days, give me a holler. Warmly, Metta