I am so much more

[Anastacia42]

There's nowhere to get.

Relax into seeing nothing. Be patient. You've only been looking for what? 6 weeks?

Loving

[maya8383]

Yes, less than 4 weeks since I got you as my guide! Being patient... I'll relax some more tomorrow, thanks Stacy

[Anastacia42]

Sounds good.

[maya8383]

Hey Stacy, just checking in here. Past couple of days I'm just observing thoughts, and have read some of the stories from Gateless Gatecrashers on "I" thought. One pointer that for a moment blocked further thoughts from arising and got my full attention was: If "I" is a thought and thoughts cannot think (which are clear to me), then who am I, really?!" Felt confusion mixed with curiosity. Looking at who's curious and who's focusing while observing thoughts but gets me nowhere so far, I keep getting sucked into thoughts (not that there's anywhere to get but for the lack of better words). Obviously, there is one expectation here for sure and that is that I'm gonna be crystal clear when I see through thoughts. Will look more.

[Anastacia42]

I suggest you focus on ButtChair & stay out of so much thinking.

ButtChair

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?


It is simple direct & nonverbal. Just LOOK.

Then write what is true.

I did only this and nothing else for 3 months and then saw. It crept up on me while I was sitting at a stoplight. Seeing often happens when we are simply relaxed and looking. I should say, it ONLY happens when we are relaxed and LOOKING. All of this thinking is useless. Truly.

Loving

[maya8383]

Hi Stacy, I've been going through a challenging time over the past 10 days. I'm sleep-deprived because I'm taking care of my dog, and I find it hard to relax at all. I hope my dog recovers soon, but I really don't have anything to share at the moment...

[Anastacia42]

Okay. I hope your dog gets better.

If you're up to it, notice the difference between what is actually going on and your thoughts about what is going on. That might help.

Loving,

[maya8383]

I did observe the two for the day. It's like two different worlds, those two perspectives. Thoughts are all about the future and imaginary scenarios, mostly negative. I notice in hindsight that none of them ever actually come true, of course.

On the other hand, when I put my focus on actual experience, it's all okay. Just seeing, hearing, touching, feeling tired and restless. But it's so much easier not to get caught up in those contractions when focus is on DE. I just continue noticing what's happening in my actual experience, and it's all okay again.

What a lifelong habit of getting lost in thoughts whenever there's a lot of contraction happening. I can see how useless that is. I'll keep following your pointer whenever I remember.

[Anastacia42]

Excellent!

Remember contraction indicates lying.

Loving

[maya8383]

Remember contraction indicates lying.

Yeah. That's clear. But still not sure what to do with that knowing? It does not dissolve the contraction. I suspect there is still a lot of resistance to feeling it. Even though I believe I feel it since I'm aware of body area(s) where it contracts, but not seeing that it changes anything. It's actually something I'm doing for a long time, but seeing no progress. Then they say - drop your expectations, I guess I'm still trying to figure how one does feel without resistance.

[Anastacia42]

Stop lying. I km kw. First you find the lies.

All thoughts are lies

Try thinking about something that's true, such as, "there is no separate self. "

Stay relaxed.

Loving,

[maya8383]

Minimalno ispravljeno, uz zadržavanje tvog stila. Pitanje u quoteu nisam mijenjala.

Try thinking about something that's true, such as, "there is no separate self. "

I always feel ease and opening when I think about it. I often rest and fall asleep with that feeling, ever since you started guiding me. There's a huge desire to see the truth. I feel it's growing. I also see more often how I have no control over thoughts that come in and how the world is a big circus playing ping-pong with thoughts, adding more thoughts with every hit. But seeing that there's no control over thoughts softens my reactions. I see more clearly how movements, feelings and sensations are all automatic. Then thoughts come on top of those, and we think we're in charge, that we made the action, but in fact, it's all automatic.

[maya8383]

Disregard the first sentence in Croatian :)

[Anastacia42]

always feel ease and opening when I think about it. I often rest and fall asleep with that feeling, ever since you started guiding me.

Very good. We're looking for a shift in perception.


From an email from Ilona

Nothing dramatic happened.

There were no fireworks.
No permanent bliss states.
No sudden personality changes.

And yet, something shifted.


Here are a few things people said afterwards:

“I’m not fighting my experience anymore. There’s more space around everything.”

“I expected something big to happen. Instead, life feels simpler and I trust myself more.”

“There’s less urgency. The seeking has softened.”


This is the kind of shift this work supports.

Ilona Cuinate

Loving,

[maya8383]

There hasn't been any shift in perception. There's still a sense of self in whatever I do. I just have more awareness, so I can check and see in hindsight that I'm not in control. I'm also starting to see how everything in this system is made up and based on thoughts, but I still feel like I understand that there's no self only intellectually. I still question whether there's free will at all. There's a lot of doubt, and I feel like I'm struggling. as I was before. I was never questioning existence of self in this way so I feel excitement and opening whenever I think about it or when doing excercises I learned here. But majority of my day is the same as it was before.