Ready to pull back the curtains on 'I'.

[Mogie]

I struggled with this one a little.

But I did notice how it brought awareness to the 'weight' that accompanies the 'I' thought.

[graceabounds]

Ah, good.

Now is this ‘weight’ of I also felt in the body?

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation ie is there any tightening, or any relaxing.

Get a piece of paper. For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.
For example: I am sitting on a chair, I am hearing a clock ticking, I am looking at a computer screen, I am feeling hungry. Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs. For example: sitting on a chair, typing, breathing, blinking, hearing the clock. (Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labeled and answer the following questions:
1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?
2. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?
3. Did you notice any differences in the body? If so, what were they?

[Mogie]

This is powerful.

Get a piece of paper. For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.
For example: I am sitting on a chair, I am hearing a clock ticking, I am looking at a computer screen, I am feeling hungry. Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs. For example: sitting on a chair, typing, breathing, blinking, hearing the clock. (Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labeled and answer the following questions:
1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

One is certainly not truer than the other.

2. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

I tried it a couple of times and noticed how the label ‘I’ tended to instigate more thinking about ‘I’; thoughts about the past and future. My experience tended to go more inwards and what I wrote would invariably contain more thoughts. But when I omitted the ‘I’, what I wrote seemed to be more observations about my environment and immediate experience. To the point where I then went for a walk and kept up the exercise, leaving out the word ‘I’. I noticed myself really staying with my present experience - the wind rustling in the trees, the colour of the grass etc. It was actually really peaceful.

3. Did you notice any differences in the body? If so, what were they?

I did notice about 20% less tension in the body; around the eyes and upper back.

I feel drawn now to simply omitting the ‘I’ wherever I can!

[graceabounds]

Great! Think of that 20% tension as the body as the body’s resistance to, or ‘tell’, that I is a lie. It is not that the I resides here, since it is an illusion, but this tension can be used as a barometer of sorts to point the way when an underlying identification is present.

I feel drawn now to simply omitting the ‘I’ wherever I can

Very good.

the label ‘I’ tended to instigate more thinking about ‘I’; thoughts about the past and future.

Yes.

There is a general assumption that there is linear time that started (if started at all) somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time, or an event that is moving forward on a linear line, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

But is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along the line of time?
Any experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?
Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?
Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?

How long does the ‘now’ last?
Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?

When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?
What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?

So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or merely thoughts about ‘time’?

[Mogie]

There is a general assumption that there is linear time that started (if started at all) somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time, or an event that is moving forward on a linear line, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

But is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along the line of time?

No, there is not.

Any experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?

Nope.

Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

No.

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?
Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?

To be honest I can’t even answer this as it’s clear the ‘present moment’ is just a label. The present moment is all there ever is so to even call it that brings in concepts of it being a fixed entity appearing in another fixed entity called TIME. There just IS. Just THIS.

How long does the ‘now’ last?
Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?

Again, I see ‘now’ as a label. And actually I’ve always found it to be a confusing one at that. My mind would try to grapple with these exact question; ‘How long is it?’ and ‘Where does it end and begin?’.

When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?
What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?

Any reference to past is a thought and directly experienced as a thought. Writing these words leaves me to face the reality that there is only direct experience. THIS. And it’s empty. Like a void. Peaceful. I can feel the mind waiting in the wings to jump back in and think about the past and future.

So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or merely thoughts about ‘time’?

100% thoughts.

This has ‘loosened’ things a little, for want of a better word.

[graceabounds]

Writing these words leaves me to face the reality that there is only direct experience. THIS. And it’s empty. Like a void. Peaceful. I can feel the mind waiting in the wings to jump back in and think about the past and future.

YES!!!

Does it matter if thoughts of past or future continue to arise? Is there a space where they appear from the wings?


Here is part 2 of the exercise:

Almost everybody believes that a memory thought is referring to something that has happened. That a memory thought is a different thought than a non-memory thought.

Please don’t go to thought explanations, but just let a memory be there, and look at it. Look at what is actually going on and not what thoughts say - but what actually is.

What is memory exactly?
What is the memory ‘made of’?
WHEN does the memory appear?
What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘memory’ thought?
How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

Then, look at a thought about the future.
What is the future thought ‘made of’?
WHEN does the future thought appear?
What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?
How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that will happen?

Then let’s compare a thought about past and a thought about the future.
What is the EXACT difference between the thoughts about past and future?
If there is difference how is that difference known exactly?

[Mogie]

Does it matter if thoughts of past or future continue to arise?

When I look at that question I see how another thought has deemed these thoughts unwelcome; like I’m trying to create and maintain this experience of presence. But of course the is just another thought. No, it doesn’t matter. Feels weird to say that but also very freeing.

Is there a space where they appear from the wings?

No, they just appear like any other thought.

What is memory exactly?
What is the memory ‘made of’?
WHEN does the memory appear?
What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘memory’ thought?
How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

Memory is a thought that arises. It is made up of images. It appears right now (the only time it could appear). No difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘memory’ thought’. The difference is in the labelling; attaching meaning (another thought) to the images.

What is the future thought ‘made of’?
WHEN does the future thought appear?
What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?
How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that will happen?

Again, images appearing right now. No difference between general and future thoughts. The thought ‘this is referring to the future’ accompanies it. A label.

Then let’s compare a thought about past and a thought about the future.
What is the EXACT difference between the thoughts about past and future?
If there is difference how is that difference known exactly?

Simply the labels (thought) ‘this refers to the past’ and ‘this refers to the future’.
The attaching of ‘reality’ to both thoughts in the form of thoughts.

This is getting more and more revealing in a way that’s hard to put into words.

[graceabounds]

Excellent. Don’t worry so much about putting the gap that is widening into words, just keep sitting in that gap.

Let’s move from time to space then…

Lie on your back and relax. Have a look at the ceiling.
There is thought to be a distance between that what is thought to be known as ‘body’ and that what is labeled ‘ceiling’.

Close your eyes. Now focus on the space between body and ceiling.

Take your time, breathe in and out and simply look. Keep the eyes shut.

What do you notice?
Is there a body? Is there a ceiling? Is there a distance?

[Mogie]

I’m so sorry for the delay. I didn’t notice the email notification of your last reply for a few days and then I had a visitor for the weekend.

When I close my eyes the and I try to sense the ceiling the mind produces an image of what it looked like before closing my eyes. Ditto the space between the body and ceiling.

As for the body, I notice various sensations but the actual outline becomes unclear and again thoughts fill the gap.

Sorry again for the delay.

[graceabounds]

No need to apologize. The site was actually down for a day or two.

When I close my eyes the and I try to sense the ceiling the mind produces an image of what it looked like before closing my eyes

Yes, this mental image is a thought :)

Close your eyes. Feel the sensations without naming them.

Now find the edge of the body. Not where you know your skin is. Not where the mental picture says your body ends. Find the actual edge in sensation.

Can you locate a precise line?

If you can, stay with it. What is the line itself made of? A sensation? Or does the thought “this is where the body ends” appear on top of sensations?

Then notice the thought filling the gap. Don’t suppress it. Just catch it as it happens.

[Mogie]

When I look for this line or edge I notice some tingling sensations in the head but I can’t say they feel like the edge. I notice an occasional chill on my skin from a draught which feels more like an edge but still not clearly defined.
So there is no clear line there. And yes I notice thoughts arise which create images of what the edge of me looks like.

It is interesting to notice thought filling that gap. There is a resistance there to gaps.

[graceabounds]

Yes. That resistance is the interesting part!

Don't try to get rid of it.

Close your eyes and notice the sensations. Don't construct the body around them.
Then notice what happens when there is a moment of uncertainty:
Where exactly does this end?

Watch the mind's movement toward an answer.

Maybe an image appears? or a label? Maybe a subtle feeling that something should be there.

Let the gap remain a gap.
Stay there for 10–20 seconds.

What is actually unpleasant about not knowing where the body ends? Is there an unpleasant sensation? Tightness? Urgency? Or is the discomfort primarily the thought that there shouldn't be a gap?

Without supplying the body's outline, is anything actually missing from the sensations themselves?

[Mogie]

Yes, there is a subtle feeling that something should be there but when I stay with it there is nothing uncomfortable about not knowing where the body ends.

There is almost a sense of relief at ‘dropping’ this need to mentally construct the body. If there is a discomfort perhaps it’s a physical tightness sensed in the need to ‘fill in the gap’.

There is nothing missing from the various bodily sensations I feel. I can see that now.

It’s very interesting to observe. And also relaxing to allow those sensations to just ‘be enough’

[graceabounds]

So, where is 'I' now?

[Mogie]

I’ve sat with your question a lot over the last few days.

I’m reminded of the famous poster in Mulder’s office in the X-Files which read,

‘I want to believe’

The best answer I can give you brings me back to your lost keys analogy. I can’t find good evidence of a separate self yet there’s a stubbornness there insisting there is.

I’ve experienced, when I sit, moments of deep presence where time seems to ‘quieten’. There’s the thought ‘no self here’ which is immediately followed by ‘but this isn’t reality. As soon as I snap out of this the ‘I’ will reassert itself.’