good place

[daisyrain]

Just wanted to say (no time to really answer) that it‘s so obvious that there are no answers. As in, answers aren’t even an illusion, they are not even that.

[graceabounds]

:)

If there were such a thing I’d give you a perfect score.

Now, Is there a separate self?

[daisyrain]

Does life have power over this? :)
What is the intention behind the request?

Oh, no idea. Heard here and there over the years teachers mentioning these requests towards life.
In the moment of writing you I just noticed that the attitude towards „hardship“ changed when „remembering I once asked for this“

It’s not really relevant to the LU school of teaching, though I find myself doing little prayers here in there in life anyway it seems.

is there a separate self?

Maybe. Okay. Hm.

I’ll try to answer that

What am ….
Huh? What …?

(coming again after a while)

is there a separate self?

Maybe.
I don't know.

[daisyrain]

Hey Becc, I need a friend for advice!

I'm moving and cleaning out.
There's this heap of spiritual books by adyashanti, tolle, angelo dilullo, great peeps really.
Do you think they will come in handy again or should I throw them out? (I'd put them in a public bookshelf)

Best

[graceabounds]

All 3 authors you named I went back to after the gate. No one else really except the LU book.

Heard here and there over the years teachers mentioning these requests towards life.
In the moment of writing you I just noticed that the attitude towards „hardship“ changed when „remembering I once asked for this“

It’s not really relevant to the LU school of teaching, though I find myself doing little prayers here in there in life anyway it seems.

Are you in control of thought or prayer?
Do you notice these requests having an effect?

It would always be a looking back after the fact, no? And a looking ahead to what is desired? Not here now.

[daisyrain]

Hi! :)

All 3 authors you named I went back to after the gate. No one else really except the LU book.

I don't think I understand the sentence. Do you mean for you only the LU Book really held value after the gate?
I think there's a bit of attachment to one book here, maybe two.

Do you notice these requests having an effect?

hm. it's a fun faith to have :)
I recall adya talking about that. Some other people as well.
it's purely intellectual, but there's a crazy story of a german teacher. And I love to tell crazy stories! :)
Sitting in a train he kind of prayed for the search to end, and two days later there was a letter in his mailbox with an address and a time on it, where he met someone who never taught before or after as far as he told.

So... I don't really know, but man, it's a fun believe :)

It would always be a looking back after the fact, no? And a looking ahead to what is desired? Not here now.

Hah, yeah 😄 let's get back to that.

Are you in control of thought or prayer?

I guess sensations can arrive that feel like control.
Thought kinds of just bubbles up.

[graceabounds]

Tell me more about these sensations that feel like control.
How does the sensation get that assigned meaning?

And I mean I went back to read Adya and Tolle after the gate. I came upon Angelo later, once I was guiding.

Of all this the most impactful aftercare was Adya ‘The End of Your World’.

[daisyrain]

Some of the stuff Adya talks about is so beautiful it makes me cry.

I notice there’s a part here that makes plans on what to read when after awakening and organized „how to optimize without consumerism“. asking what that part wants..

I think the response was „control“. It was actually quite clear.

There is an assumption that seeing through control means there won’t be a felt struggle anymore in anything.

these sensations that feel like control.
How does the sensation get that assigned meaning?

I don’t know but am curious. That framing hits something.
It’s just enticing to think about it that way.
So many thoughts come up about control when doing the turning-the-hand exercise.
In a way things just are.

There’s immense emotional push back / resistance here.
Feels like the nervous system going into overload.

I can rest and stay with that sensation.

I’m not sure why I can never give you a straight answer to the question if there’s a me here.
But there isn’t really. I think I have expectations around what that means.
I recall hearing a teacher saying something like: „I don’t think you saw through it. Look at how often you say „I““
To someone. That for example was really taken in here.


That overload nervous system sensation seems to be in more places than anticipated.

[graceabounds]

I notice there’s a part here that makes plans on what to read when after awakening

You’ll just know. There will need to be no plan, and it will always arise as an impulse now.

In a way things just are.

Follow this down the rabbit hole for today…
What does life look like from here?

I recall hearing a teacher saying something like: „I don’t think you saw through it. Look at how often you say „I““
To someone. That for example was really taken in here.

Well, you presumably aren’t going to retreat to a mountaintop and meditate for the rest of your says, so using subject/object in everyday communication is just part of life. It may feel odd for a time perhaps to be pointing to nothing, but that passes and one still asks ‘would you like a cup of tea’ and makes it clear who is to buy the milk on the way home.

No need to be weird cuz that is just another tool of ownership, no? A hierarchy of who sees and doesn’t see that inflates the thing seeking to be deflated.

Now, what one can do is notice in the body if it is truth or lies when these communications with ‘I’ are happening. What do you find?

[daisyrain]

In a way things just are.

Follow this down the rabbit hole for today…
What does life look like from here?

will do.

Now, what one can do is notice in the body if it is truth or lies when these communications with ‘I’ are happening. What do you find?

a small accent of tension on the word I.
Not even all that small. so, hm. even going a second into the past, that accent is felt as well.
right now it's all very cozy and open so to say.

[daisyrain]

I found that a lot of seeing gets coopted by doubt on the form of:

"I can't be possibly good enough to have seen this. it would be arrogant to assume anything was recognized"

[graceabounds]

Haha, well true in a way.
Can THIS ever be owned? Can it be claimed by the thing that doesn’t exist?

Can you walk away from even that? Being the one in the center of it all who KNOWS and who SEES?

[daisyrain]

Can you walk away from even that? Being the one in the center of it all who KNOWS and who SEES?

It comes reading this. It’s there.
A thought talks about the sensation „being alien“.
A thought wonders if this is just an altered state of mind.
Expanding comes.

Can THIS ever be owned? Can it be claimed by the thing that doesn’t exist?

What about THIS..? Is there a border between the THIS that obviously can’t be owned and another THIs?

Hui. That’s Quite something to the body.

Hö? That other THIs is a thought. Öööööö
Ö <- surprised little guy

[graceabounds]

Great.

Does ‘good enough’ exist?

Is there a border between the THIS that obviously can’t be owned and another THIs?

Hö? That other THIs is a thought. Öööööö

So no border then? :)

[daisyrain]

Does ‘good enough’ exist?

I have no idea how to answer non intellectually.

Asking myself this, I have no idea, what the response means, but feel it.

I am worried of not being good enough for work. My colleagues are very impressive.
I can stay with that which worries.

It came that there’s an assumption that I have to judge myself at least as hard as the worst judgement anyone around me could muster. As if that’s my expected duty.

so, no border? :)

It’s like the body can’t contain THIS properly.


No, no border seen.

I think it’s worth it to occasionally check if there’s a sense of THIS that can be owned. It’s a mental image was to not notice and take for granted.