At times it feels like my soul is in hibernation.
How is this known in direct experience?
Oh right DE.
well. Right now stories about feeling unworthy come up concerning this. And I think there's some ground to investigate them.
I.e. I am not sure how to answer from DE alone without bypassing this.
There is a sensation along with this.
Like a dense cloud in throat.
Shifted to dense cloud in torso.
Chest.
Upper Arms. Inner side of arms and hands.
Thought: "Is that everything?"
^-- that one, this one right here, it feels important to have an answer to this.
let me rephrase it: "shouldn't I look somewhere else to find the feeling?"
the leaves nearby just started rustling. that was immense.
thought: "I am so sad"
eyes: bit teary.
jaw: jittery
breath; jagged
thought: "I am afraid sadness is nowhere to be found, I don't want to be a psychopath"
^-- this might be a deeper worry.
Story, but: "I always felt like I'm not feeling the proper way, like everybody else does".
Tension in forehead, in cheeks. Dense, energetic feeling in hands.
Thought coming implying I should hold onto that story of not feeling properly, and investigate.
(I assume that it's just the ego clawing back / recreating the story, that is already gone in that moment)
So, there is a very general fear of letting people down / disappointing. It shows as aversion to answering here as well.
There are more thoughts coming up like "I am unbearably hurt" or "I wish I was dead", really dark stuff like that
For the first: is this story True?
I... don't know what true means.
But I feel it's valuable to look into this with the vince bot.
It does feel true to say that these underlying believes become more noticable these days, and affect behaviour.
For the second: is there any sense of ownership of the production of these thoughts? any sense of responsibility for doing something with them?
yeah, sense of ownership + (these days) wanting to listen to them to "hopefully heal that".
There's a believe that there is "something to heal / resolve".
Heal is a better fitting word here than resolve.
<That yearning is felt as subtle „electricity“ in the body (cheeks, lips, stomach, feet)>
Is this interpreted as negative, positive, neutral?
Where does the electricity move from and to?
There is judgement in a way. Right now it feels like the uncomfortable tightening that also occurs when actively thinking "This moment needs to change" for example.
(right now there's a less electric quality, but something resonates with the description)
The electricity does move from arms, chest, face, to feet, cheeks. Hands.
What does the spiritual porn give you that isn’t here now?
Who does it feed?
Is there an addiction to seeking?
Jesus, that's a new word for me 😄
It gives these tales and stories that sound so beautiful.
it also feeds something.
I wanna come back to these last two.
They feel relevant.
But yeah, there's a movement of seeking that...
oooooh
oooh
that really "makes "me" dream" (as in daydream)
