Ready to pull back the curtains on 'I'.

[Mogie]

Holy ****, Becca!

I did what you asked and the first thing I noticed was my mind immediately reaching for a distraction. I could sense it saying ‘This is boring, let’s look around for something more interesting.’ But last night, for the first time in a few weeks, I picked up my copy of Liberation Unleashed and, believe it or not, the page I opened was where Ilona addresses distractions and how they can present themselves when we are close to seeing. So with that in the back of my mind I persevered and by the third time of repeating the sentence you gave me I felt a huge physical softening around my eyes and the back of my head! An undeniable sensation. My response was ‘No, you’ve just willed that to happen or something, it can’t be from just saying some words.’. Then I noticed my mind drifting again, seeking-out some other distraction. I brought my attention back to the words as I repeated them once again and the softening continued. This time I noticed it in my belly too, like that had also been clenched and was releasing. This was all accompanied by a resistance, I must add; the controller/manager saying, ‘No! This can’t be so easy and immediate. Your problems need to be ‘figured out’ that’s MY job!’

I leaped up from the chair to write this to you. I have a friend staying with me for a couple of nights now but will dive back into this on Sunday.

Thank you,
Liam

[graceabounds]

:D

The body knows that that statement is true.

The contraction is the lie of ‘I’ that the body has been protesting all along.

Enjoy your friend’s visit.

[Mogie]

Hi Becca,

I hope you're well.

I'm ready for my next pointer :)

I've been spending time with the thought 'there never was a separate self' for a few days now and feel I've stagnated a bit. I sensed energy building around it last week but in the last couple of days I've found myself resisting again. It comes mainly in the form of seeking distractions.

Thanks you,
Liam

[graceabounds]

Hello Liam!

Where is the resistance? How is it known (in direct experience, not interpretation)? Describe it.

And here’s an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

So for example, when having breakfast, become aware of:
Seeing a cup, simply= image/color
Smelling coffee, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought

Just break down daily activities into these categories (which are all actual, or direct experience) and report back how you go!

Becca

[Mogie]

Hi Becca,

Where is the resistance? How is it known (in direct experience, not interpretation)? Describe it.

The resistance is simply jumping on a particular thought and interacting with it through more thoughts until I realise what's happened. I usually then feel some frustration at how much it keeps happening.

And here’s an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

I found this really helpful/interesting. It took me a few days to get into it but it gave me a sense of detachment. I was really able to notice my tendency to jump on thoughts and let them cary me away. And it gave me a sense of space around all of it. I would say after doing it for a few days there was definitely more calmness. It feels like this particular exercise has a lot more to tell me.

Liam

[Mogie]

Hi again Becca,

I'm finding this exercise really revealing.

Here are some things I've noticed more recently.

1. It's hard and it's frustrating! I sense this urge in me to 'get it right' and be 'good' at it.
2. When naming thoughts I initially focused on sentences or phrases I heard myself utter internally but soon I started to broaden this to include thinking non-verbally. Tricky, this, as it makes thoughts feel more evasive and difficult to pin down.
3. I also noticed a sense of frustration around change which again made things more difficult to pin down. It's like I feel this inherent preference for things to be fixed in time somehow. Which is kind of crazy.

It's an extremely revealing (and frustrating) exercise.

Liam

[graceabounds]

I usually then feel some frustration at how much it keeps happening

Where is the frustration felt? What are its qualities?

I was really able to notice my tendency to jump on thoughts and let them cary me away.

Is there a you to be carried away? Take a look.

I sense this urge in me to 'get it right' and be 'good' at it.

When you say sense, is it a thought or a body sensation or both? Break it down. :)

When naming thoughts I initially focused on sentences or phrases I heard myself utter internally but soon I started to broaden this to include thinking non-verbally. Tricky, this, as it makes thoughts feel more evasive and difficult to pin down.

Are you the one who utters the thoughts internally? Are you responsible for them?

And yes, thoughts can be mental pictures, or non verbal as well. And the content of thought is never direct experience, only its appearance is direct experience. Ca you see that?

[Mogie]

Hi Becca,

I’m spending quite a bit of time with this and finding it really insightful. Watching as my mind becomes distracted by thought stories. How resistant it is to doing something as simple as labelling experiences!

Where is the frustration felt? What are its qualities?

The frustration is felt physically. The best way I can describe how it is felt is, imagine the feeling you have when you hold your breath but a milder version of the pressure holding it in creates all around the body. I notice it particularly at the back of the head and down the torso.

Is there a you to be carried away? Take a look.

I can’t find a me that is carried away. But I can sense a feeling of responsibility around it. Asking myself 'why can't I just stay focused on this simple task?'

When you say sense, is it a thought or a body sensation or both? Break it down. :)

The sense of trying to get it right is felt similarly to the sense of frustration. It’s like a very subtle holding or gripping felt throughout the body, particularly at the back of the head, around the eyes and down the chest and stomach. It’s even mildly present in the shoulders. It’s the same sense of ‘righting the ship’ when I notice my mind has wandered. I notice the distraction and feel the sensations listed above before restarting labelling things.

Are you the one who utters the thoughts internally? Are you responsible for them?

No. They are outside of my control.

And yes, thoughts can be mental pictures, or non verbal as well. And the content of thought is never direct experience, only its appearance is direct experience. Can you see that?

Yes I can see that the content of thought is not direct experience.

This feels really powerful.

I'm really grateful.
Liam

[graceabounds]

The next time the gripping appears, what is actually present before the label or the story about it?

Stay there for a few seconds.
Feel the pressure around the eyes.
Feel the back of the head.
Feel the chest and stomach.
Feel the shoulders.

Does any of that say “I am responsible for getting this right”?

Or does the body simply contain sensations, while the sentence “I need to get this right” appears as thought?

Did you choose the gripping? Or did it simply appear?

Then something else happened: recognition of it!
Did you choose the recognition? :)


There is seeing of the frustration.
There is sensation.
There is thought.
There is recognition…

Where, exactly, is the extra entity who is supposed to be managing all of this?

[Mogie]

Sorry I’ve been slow to reply.

Life got in the way and I’ve ben experiencing resistance to this work. My mood’s been low and so I’ve been trying to distract myself from bodily experience and inquiry.
It’s passed now though and I’m ready to start digging again.

The next time the gripping appears, what is actually present before the label or the story about it?

Stay there for a few seconds.
Feel the pressure around the eyes.
Feel the back of the head.
Feel the chest and stomach.
Feel the shoulders.

Does any of that say “I am responsible for getting this right”?

Or does the body simply contain sensations, while the sentence “I need to get this right” appears as thought?

‘I need to get this right’ arrises as what feels like a response to noticing those sensations.

Did you choose the gripping? Or did it simply appear?

Then something else happened: recognition of it!
Did you choose the recognition? :)

I definitely did not choose the gripping. Although I feel there is a centre from which the response ‘I want to un-grip’ arises.

I definitely did not choose the recognition of it.

There is seeing of the frustration.
There is sensation.
There is thought.
There is recognition…

Where, exactly, is the extra entity who is supposed to be managing all of this?

I cannot find an extra entity that manages the recognition, the arising of thought or frustration or the noticing of sensations. Yet there is still a sense of ‘me’. It is ‘me’ who is acting on those other inputs. ‘Me’ who is choosing to un-grip rather than stay gripped.

I feel like you might respond to that by asking for the location of this ‘me’ I’m referring to and I won’t be able to point to a location. Yet I still cling to something.

[graceabounds]

‘I need to get this right’ arrises as what feels like a response to noticing those sensations.

Don’t accept “response to” yet. That’s already an interpretation of the sequence.

Look closer, see if you can catch the actual sequence:
sensation —> thought “I need to get this right”

Is it produced by anything? Or is there simply:
sensation
thought
ANOTHER thought describing a relationship between them

Yet there is still a sense of ‘me’.

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken. This
is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the
end.

I feel like you might respond to that by asking for the location of this ‘me’ I’m referring to and I won’t be able to point to a location. Yet I still cling to something.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it.

Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:
Does the sense of self have a location?
Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?
Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?
If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?
Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?
What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?