good place

[daisyrain]

What does left leg want?

something fairly distressed answers.
Soreness comes.
feels like a rock.
it opens...
i feel it radiating out to the backside of the torso


now I just feel the "central tension of the heart",( which is also a very reoccuring theme for me.)
heavyness.
Asking "What do you want".
Energy radiating into the left foot.

it feels divided. it can't do that anymore.
I think it thinks I'm trying to get rid of it.

Tell me more about the sponge feeling. Is energy being taken in and not let out? What is incapacitated in these times?

Just like throwing a dry sponge in a wet tube, soaking itself full, not letting go.
So, this is a story, but every three months I had a get together with many collegues at once and there was always... I think a bit hidden there was tension, just not addressed sincerly. (many people quit, burned out and were fired etc. that's why I think that). I felt like I was just soaking up the heavy energy of everyone around me.
By day two it was just pure torture to sit through the meetings. I just.... Incapacitated means I mostly fed up with the thought of "what the fuck is wrong here??" and couldn't really work anymore.

Other times too many todos come at once, and I just... can't do anything anymore. Nothing really. it's so weird, I can't start and finish any of the tasks without TREMENDOUS effort, and it's just such an awful feeling to not get anything done...

Body:

WHAT IS WRONG; I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE?
NONE OF THAT MAKES SENSE:
I AM HELPLESS
I WANT TO QUIT THIS.
I am afraid..
I dont know what to do..
how can i help?
i am lonely...
what did i do wrong?
why is this happening?
i am afraid...
please help me..
what should i do?...
it hurts...
im gonna die
please dont do this

( i don't know anymore, where this is coming from )

i don't know anything about what's going on.

images that come up of ... ahm... parents fighting, me being a toddler.

Noticing that thought again "what do i do (about that?)", commenting on the result, and yeah.
even the regular "what do I do" (it's a pattern here really) can be traced back to that feeling describe above, if that makes sense?

feeling the bridge of my nose noticeably.
under my right eye.

the usual fanfiction of me-being-buddha comes up, and it's clearly an escape of this
"actually having no idea what to do"

(this answer is really touching upon every embarrassing topic at once)

[daisyrain]

another attempt.

leg says:
I wanna stay here (offended tone)

[daisyrain]

there's a voice here that wants to say
"I am so tired and I can't do this anymore"

[daisyrain]

I think it just wants to be heard and not changed.
just letting it be here it feels like it's very bodily working through the muscles. I think I can feel some muscles around the body relax. For example, in the left arm and around the chest. Maybe even around the heart, that would be a better description.

[graceabounds]

I think it just wants to be heard and not changed.
just letting it be here it feels like it's very bodily working through the muscles. I think I can feel some muscles around the body relax.

Yes exactly!

it feels divided. it can't do that anymore.
I think it thinks I'm trying to get rid of it.

When I said meet it with the energy of a hug, what I was aiming for is what you discovered sitting with it.

Now that it is acknowledged, not resisted, can it be welcomed? Embraced? Thanked?

….

It is the same with work…

[daisyrain]

😊

It is the same with work…

I don't think I understand that.

Now that it is acknowledged, not resisted, can it be welcomed? Embraced? Thanked?

it's interesting, there is a part of the head that tries to answer that noticed. It feels like a physical tug on the head and the heart (it's not so easily discernible).
There is a movement of "Do-er" wanting to answer this. Auto-assumed as a "who" by the way (exciting stuff!).
Gosh, this is fun today Becc! :)

Thoughts trying to find a "what to do next" come up.
the feeling in the leg just is there, right now unbothered and mellow.
(I'm fascinated with it really, noticing that right now)


a downward movement goes through the body. Like a difference in atmospheric pressure

again and again I find a voice going "this should be solved for good", with the energy/personality of a strict, grumpy general.

slowly embrace flows into that. And maybe respect/dignity. (The leg is just here vibing, doing it's own thing energetically, but notably not in an overwhelming or particularly dense way)

Asking the "strict general" what it's job is, the answer "to protect" comes. "to do this" comes.
asking what it wants: "I want this to be done"
feeling this work it's way through the entire body.

Asking it, if it wants to bear less responsibility. It does show some more tender elements.

(the feeling of leg is now very encompassing in the body)

a surge of avoidance comes. Something works its way from the left hip to the stomach.
recognition, that I *am* thankful for that

So many voices, all having their own flavour, texture and personality.

[daisyrain]

this "energetically doing its own thing, not too dense, just there" is recognized right now again and I wanted to write you.

so, I'm using the word "energy" a lot, but it's really just a grasp at describing you a sensation, right?

and there's a sensation that presents with "a lot of history, and change throughout history" that I'd call
"central tension in the heart"

right now it was recognized that this "doing it's own thing" happened with the energy of the heart. Or the heart itself.

Only >right after< recognition a tensing up came, like an overlay. I assume it's just a thought that overlayed here, but that was interesting.

Immediately thoughts come as: "But I don't think we should work on that, because" yada yada yada.
I wasn't aware that there's such a defense surrounding that.

[graceabounds]

Very very good. Keep going, just like this.

The word energy is what I use… usually it refers here to a kind of movement or rush or surge with some tingles, like electricity.

If the energy has its own kind of pull or density then I sometimes use the word magnetic.

Asking the "strict general" what it's job is, the answer "to protect" comes. "to do this" comes.
asking what it wants: "I want this to be done"
feeling this work it's way through the entire body.

Thank it sincerely for protecting. It has done a great job. Yes to less responsibility. Now can it retire from duty in order to see the outcome it wants?

Only >right after< recognition a tensing up came, like an overlay. I assume it's just a thought that overlayed here, but that was interesting.

This and the avoidance may continue to happen as you work in this deep way.

and there's a sensation that presents with "a lot of history, and change throughout history" that I'd call
"central tension in the heart"

right now it was recognized that this "doing it's own thing" happened with the energy of the heart. Or the heart itself.

It is ok to not have the right words, or not know precisely what is happening, this kind of work isn’t about any ability to understand or describe.

It is the same with work…

I don't think I understand that.

Can it too be welcomed, acknowledged, embraced? Not resisted.

[daisyrain]

Now can it retire from duty in order to see the outcome it wants?

nothing in the body indicates no. Just surges of energy working though

It is ok to not have the right words, or not know precisely what is happening, this kind of work isn’t about any ability to understand or describe.

:)

Can it [work] too be welcomed, acknowledged, embraced? Not resisted.

OOOOOOOoooooooooooohhhhhh.
oh, this is even scary.

yeah, yeah it can!

[daisyrain]

today a lot of "conflict" thoughts came. Making up scenarios and stuff.

I think talking to "them" and appreciating left them a bit like this:



I feel like that stunned something in a way.
(It also felt great to know just the right cat pic to reach for in this situation)