My forever home is the living stream

[Yozay]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
All my thoughts and feelings are not real, they are just 'habits', programming, things I learned to take seriously and define myself with. Instead of letting them grab me, I know I 'just' need to witnes them passing by.

Sometimes I feel how life just flows through me. Then 'I' disappear and all that rests is life itself. I want more of that.

What are you looking for at LU?
I am very curious to investigate this further. Sometimes I can really feel this being true, but other times (and specially when strong emotions are involved, or 'big things' happen in my life) I feel totally captured by my thoughts and feelings. It seems like they grab me, but i know that "i" am the one that holds on to them.
I do not want to spend too much time online, but i do want support and contact with likeminded people. To experience more and more that i am able to bear whatever arises.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Guidance to let go of this identification with my thoughts and feeling. Encouragement to 'die', to let go. Support in the growing knowing that I am safe, that life flows through me whatever my thoughts and feelings are, and that I only have to just experience whatever occurs inside or outside of me.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
i did some retreats (online) with Rupert Spira, had some sessions with different guides (like a student from Almaas and a Dutch coach), my partner is always present in this realisation. So it is quite present in our daily life, but I need other anchors in this knowing, too.
I have always be a 'seeker' and did a lot of therapy and things like that. But it did not really help, issues (especially fear, anxiety, panic) kept on returning and I was happy to meet my partner and also come in contact with Rupert Spira, Eckhart Tolle, Mooji and others to find this special point of view that feels so true to me.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

[graceabounds]

Hello,

Thank you for your patience in waiting for a guide. I know it has been quite some time, are you still interested in this exploration here?

If so I would request you set down other teachers and teachings for the duration of this process. Meditation is beneficial, so certainly keep that up if you have a regular practice (but it is also not at all necessary if you do not).

In gratitude,
Becca

[Yozay]

Hi,
Yes I am still very interested!
What do you mean bij ‘set down other teachers?’
Best regards,
Yozay

[Yozay]

Ha Becca,

I read my answers again and I am not so sure about that 10 at the last question. Who was answering that, I asked myself. Of course there is my intention of letting go, but in conversations with my partner I notice that there is this righteousness in me that is not so eager to un-stick. So a modest 6 or 7 is probably a more sincere answer.

Oh and I realise you probably mean not to follow other-minded practices than the non-dualistic one during this proces. Am I right?


Hope to hear from you soon, best regards,
Yozay (that is the fonetic writing of my name. Here in The Netherlands it is written as José)

[graceabounds]

Hello Jose,

Yes, the request is simply to pause consumption of other sources of nondual/spiritual content.

Are there certain beliefs that elicit high resistance to looking into?

What is noticed in the absence of righteousness?

-Becca

[Yozay]

Hi Becca,

Thanks for your quick reply!

Persistent beliefs at the time are mostly about my partner, who ‘should be’ different than he is. So there is irritation, nagging (mostly inside me), judgements. Looking into them needs a focus that seems difficult to find. My thoughts seem te be too turbulent for that. I am curious how I could do that?

In the absence of righteousness ( or judgements or opinions) there is just presence. I can shift my attention now to this absence/presence. Then my busy mind pops in and fills the space with turbulence.

In the absence of that there is just presence. Then the busyness (funny how that looks like business) drops in again. I know this sequence very well. It is like the space/presence is absorbed by the busyness.

I want the presence, not the busyness ;-) It feels like I have to work hard to keep in touch with the presence, whereas the busy mind is always on the edge of taking over.

José

[graceabounds]

Hi José,

I see. If it helps to frame this, we won’t be much concerned here with what the specific content of beliefs and judgements are, but with the one who presumably owns them. And we will also LOOK at the specific body sensations labeled ‘irritation’ separate from the story of the turbulent thoughts.

Looking into them needs a focus that seems difficult to find. My thoughts seem te be too turbulent for that.

Sitting in a room, curtains closed, you wonder what the weather is like outside. You can think about it, look it up on the internet, watch the forecast on TV, call your mother and ask her - or you can simply open the curtains and have a look.

Sit quietly and relax, take your time just looking at what is in front of you for a while. Observe how the mind is dividing and labeling every thing into objects and is embellishing them with stories about what they are.

Give it some time…
Then, stop watching the objects as labeled objects. Just look at the seeing itself. Observe the pure process of seeing. This is direct experience.


Here is a thought exercise. Sit quietly for about 30 minutes and notice the arising thoughts. Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.

Where are they coming from and going to?

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?
Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?
Can you predict your next thought?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?
It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organized sequence? Or is that just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that ‘one
thought follows another thought’?

Please look into and respond to each question using the quote function so I know which is being answered. Here’s a quick tutorial on this:
https://youtu.be/-fAToDNh9hQ?is=lsORltwzDIknm90p

With gratitude,
Becca

[Yozay]

Ha Becca

Thanks for the interesting assignment. My mind is zo jumpy that is takes some effort to really stay with the exercise without floating away with some thought or another. However I had some beautiful insights about the nature of (not) thinking and where to look for to find this place of just observe what thoughts and feelings are occurring.

Going to your questions:

Where are they coming from and going to?

I cannot figure out that. They just pop up and than are replaced by new thoughts or feelings. Sometimes these new thoughts seem to be reactions on the previous thoughts. Sometimes they are associations. In general it looks like a big fat stream of 'thinking'.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

No I do not. They seem to have a life of their own. I am merely the presence in which they arise. So you might say that my being makes it possible for them to be noticed. And somehow I guess they are connected to this particular being 'José'.

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

I guess not. It is my being and not my doing that 'makes' this specific thoughts arise.

Can you predict your next thought?

Although some thoughts are pretty familiar and seem to pop up in the same circumstances again and again, still they arise each time as a surprise. Which is quite funny, actually.

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

No I cannot. It seems that the (un)pleasantness of thoughts is a feature of this being 'José'

Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?

No, I cannot. Same answer as above.

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

I sometimes wonder about this, as it seems that some people have thoughts that are so different than 'mine'. But then I realise my innocence in not creating this thoughts but only 'think' them.

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

I cannot do anything to prevent that. They seem to arise from a source that my doing self has no acces to.

It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organized sequence? Or is that just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that ‘one thought follows another thought’?

I like this question! Yes I tend to see an organized sequence in my thoughts. But I like to reveal this to be just another thought.


I find it quite difficult to come to the 'direct observation' that you mention. More often than not thoughts take me with them and I get lost, until I realise this and am consciously present again for some moments. However I had a meditation-time when I realised with every thought that this was not the place of awareness and could stay for a while in this presentness while observing all the jumping thoughts. That was great and quite peaceful.

Thank you for your inspiring mail,
José

[graceabounds]

Thank you for this careful report. You have seen some very important things precisely.

Now lets look here:

I am merely the presence in which they arise.

When that sentence appears, is it anything more than… another thought?

Can you directly find “the presence” as something separate from the thoughts, sensations and sounds that are happening?

Don’t answer from memory or teachings. Take a LOOK.

Same inquiry with “my being makes it possible for them to be noticed.”…

Does experience actually show a “being” doing that? Or is “being” another explanatory idea that thought offers after the fact?


When a thought carries “you away,” can you actually find someone being carried away, or is there only thinking, followed later by the thought, “I was carried away”?

Look very carefully. Can you find the moment where a separate José suddenly entered the thought stream?

:)