Don't get up, just be.

[budhanature9]

Hi Becca,
Thank you so much for your guidance. The pointing has been so valuable and I feel like layers are being peeled off.

Do the colors contain the sensation? Or are the sensation and the image simply appearing at the same time?
Is there an actual bridge between the sensation and the image? Or does thought simply say “This sensation belongs to that image.”
The thought claims ownership after the fact.
But can you actually find the connection?

I can see and experience all this clearly when I look directly on what's happening right now. Shapes and colors are appearing, sensations are appearing, thoughts might appear ... etc. They all can be appearing at the same but they're happening on their own, not in relation to each other.

Can you actually find the walking itself, separate from sensations? Or only sensations + the thought “walking”?

What is actually present in vision? Where is the “room” inside those colors? Can you find the room without thought naming it?

Are sensations inside a body? Or is the body just a mental image appearing with sensations?

Yes, I can see now. "Walking" is a label, it's a construct. It is shapes and colors and sensations that "make up" "a body" and they are moving in a space labeled "a room", which is also just colors and shapes that are appearing.
When I slow down and look directly, mind stops labeling things and activities, and everything is seen directly as it is happening. There is a gap between that and mind putting labels.

It's hard to describe but without labels, when just shapes and colors are seen, things appear different, colors seem more brighter too. I looked at my nose in the mirror, and it was so fun to observe when it was seen just as a color and shape, not as the nose.
At times it feels like putting an effort in order to be here and now but it's actually the opposite. When I relax into it, it's seen right away.

What's next, Becca? :-)

Hard part is when interacting with family members or when overwhelmed with stuff. Emotions get steer up. I can feel getting anxious, sad, upset or angry, thoughts coming and sensations rising. Like big waves that rise out of calm ocean surface. I can see all that is happening and it's painful to be going through that. How do I approach that?

Thank you again for everything.
Iva

[graceabounds]

Hello Iva,

Is there ever anything else other than what is happening right now?

When I slow down and look directly, mind stops labeling things and activities, and everything is seen directly as it is happening. There is a gap between that and mind putting labels.

Beautiful. Practice sitting in that gap and just looking for ‘I’ from that space. What do you find?


Regarding family members, you are seeing all the components of thought + sensation = emotion formula.

The suffering is the story glued onto sensation… separate them.

Follow the sensations, locate them, allow them to flow, and see is there a problem there?

Look at the thoughts and see are they true? Is there an I to whom they apply?

The beliefs that underlie these emotions will come up to be seen once the first illusion of a separate self is seen though.

What's next, Becca? :-)

Is anything missing?

Much love,
Becca

[budhanature9]

Is there ever anything else other than what is happening right now?

This made me laugh and cry at the same time. Such a great reminder. It stops thinking activity right away. Just cuts right through. Thank you for that.

Beautiful. Practice sitting in that gap and just looking for ‘I’ from that space. What do you find?

Nothing really. It's just quiet and still.

Regarding family members, you are seeing all the components of thought + sensation = emotion formula.
The suffering is the story glued onto sensation… separate them.

This one is really hard. Sometimes I can see that and pause and stay in presence but often the story follows a sensation in an instant and strong emotion arises. I go back to the sensation, stay there, let it flow until another thought/story "hijacks" everything and it loops back and forth like this. Like you said, there is not really a problem with anything. I can see how it is all just happening on its own and resistance doesn't help. I'll keep playing with it.

Look at the thoughts and see are they true? Is there an I to whom they apply?

I don't know. When I look closely, the thoughts are just bunch of silent words put together. It reminds me of the body not really being the body. When I pause and look, it's just colors and shapes but then it again seems like it's the body. Same with thoughts .... it's back and forth .... seeing/presence and being in the head/mind.

The beliefs that underlie these emotions will come up to be seen once the first illusion of a separate self is seen though.

Beautiful and so peaceful. Thank you for this reminder. In the past, I've witnessed this falling away of beliefs after an intense emotional work. There was nothing left and I saw that there was nothing to begin with. It was a false mental construct that got created and I built my beliefs and identity on. All the weight just fell off.
I'll keep going back to "Is there ever anything else other than what is happening right now?" :-)

Your guidance and pointing is so appreciated. Thank you Becca!
With gratitude and love,
Iva

[graceabounds]

Coming back to your question 'what's next'...
Is it clear that there is no separate self at all, never has been never will be?

[budhanature9]

Is it clear that there is no separate self at all, never has been never will be?

It's not clear. There hasn't been a permanent shift whatever that means. There are moments during the day where there is a pause and there is being in a present moment. Things are happening but there is stillness inside. Self is not there. But most of the time there is an activity of observing and at times being lost in thoughts. Everything is just happening on its own, there is no I or self producing anything and at the same time a sense of effort is present at times.

[graceabounds]

There hasn't been a permanent shift whatever that means.

Whatever that means would be looking and then comparing to some idea of what it should be... all mind stuff. It can only be clear now, and now, and now.

Things are happening but there is stillness inside. Self is not there.

When the self seems to come back does anything actually appear, or just thoughts claiming “I am here”?
The moments where “self is not there” and the moments where “self seems to be there” what is the difference actually? Take a look...

Also where is “effort” located?

Is the “observer” anything more than a thought? In other words is there an anyone owning the observing?
...Without thoughts, does a self remain?

[budhanature9]

Whatever that means would be looking and then comparing to some idea of what it should be... all mind stuff. It can only be clear now, and now, and now.

Back to NOW, back to presence. Ideas and stories come and go.

When the self seems to come back does anything actually appear, or just thoughts claiming “I am here”?
The moments where “self is not there” and the moments where “self seems to be there” what is the difference actually? Take a look...

Everything stays the same with or without self ... nothing changes. Attention shifts. It goes towards a thought and sometimes it's so quick that it seems like an emotion came first. Especially when a strong emotion is triggered. It all happens so quickly that the sensation is missed. Then it is noticed when attention shifts from the emotion and thoughts. Sometimes it's right away, sometimes it seems like it "took time". There is "getting used to" to be with sensations and not escaping it. "It sucks and it's painful", ... says the self.

Where is “effort” located?

Yes, where is "effort" located? Where is "pain" located? Where is "observer" located? I cannot find it. Constructs, labels. Back to sensations, back to now.

Is the “observer” anything more than a thought? In other words is there an anyone owning the observing?
...Without thoughts, does a self remain?

Self is playing pick-a-boo with itself, but it doesn't know it. Will it ever get tired and give up!!?? Or should I ask myself "What's wrong with it?" Neverending ....

Always with gratitude,
Iva

[graceabounds]

There is "getting used to" to be with sensations and not escaping it. "It sucks and it's painful", ... says the self.

Great, yes. And are the sensations actually 'painful' or only the thought about them?
Stay with the sensation... what is there?

Self is playing pick-a-boo with itself, but it doesn't know it. Will it ever get tired and give up!!??

Haha it will never be able to know it, or anything. It doesn't exist!


Is there any entity here managing attention?

[budhanature9]

And are the sensations actually 'painful' or only the thought about them?
Stay with the sensation... what is there?

Yes, definitely the thoughts put labels on sensations and turn them into emotions. Do sensations always appear before the thoughts? It all happens so quickly that sometimes it seems that the thought came first or together with the sensation.
What is there is noticing tension or tingling somewhere in the body. I have to keep investigating that. Tendency is to go to thoughts or distract which is being noticed and observed. It goes back and forth between staying with the sensation and being in thoughts.

Haha it will never be able to know it, or anything. It doesn't exist!

I know it doesn't. Never has and never will :-) When I look closely, when I ask where is it, it's nowhere to be found.

Is there any entity here managing attention?

Attention is not here. Sensations are here, colors, shapes, sounds, thoughts, movement...

[graceabounds]

What is there is noticing tension or tingling somewhere in the body. I have to keep investigating that. Tendency is to go to thoughts or distract which is being noticed and observed. It goes back and forth between staying with the sensation and being in thoughts.

Very good... where in the body? What is the quality of it? Is it concentrated around a point or diffuse? Stay with sensation... is it fixed or moving?

Do sensations always appear before the thoughts? It all happens so quickly that sometimes it seems that the thought came first or together with the sensation.

Keep investigating this with the sensation in the forefront. Does thought make any contact with other kinds of sense experience, such as sounds or sensations – or are they totally separate from each other?

[budhanature9]

Very good... where in the body? What is the quality of it? Is it concentrated around a point or diffuse? Stay with sensation... is it fixed or moving?

There is attention on appearing sensations. Staying with them is "hard" because mind keeps interfering and assigning meaning. How to separate the two? Just keep coming back to sensation? Stop fighting the mind and let thoughts be here too?
Often when staying with sensations, because there is only the sensation in a body and not thinking, it starts feeling empty. Can that be the body avoiding or resisting?

Keep investigating this with the sensation in the forefront. Does thought make any contact with other kinds of sense experience, such as sounds or sensations – or are they totally separate from each other?

Right now, it feels that thoughts make contact with other sense experiences as well. For example, when there is a loud sound, sensation appears and a thought follows to describe or label the sound like it wants to make sense of the appearing sensation.

[graceabounds]

Hi dear,

Can you describe what ‘empty’ is in experience? How is emptiness known?

Stop fighting the mind and let thoughts be here too?

Well, they are here. If one cannot control that they arise or their content would it be possible to control them going? Who would do that?

Right now, it feels that thoughts make contact with other sense experiences as well. For example, when there is a loud sound, sensation appears and a thought follows to describe or label the sound like it wants to make sense of the appearing sensation.

Well this is a difference from “It all happens so quickly that sometimes it seems that the thought came first or together with the sensation.”

Is this contact or just commentary after the fact?

Slow it down and sit in the gap between thoughts. What is present there?

Much love,
Becca