Help me to enlighten

[Veganmamma]

Hello lovely Liam

I hope all is going so well.

I did the responses a couple of days ago and clicked send and it didn’t! I had to log in again so lost the work so I copied and pasted this onto a document on my phone. Sorry it’s late.

I want to say thank you so much for sharing your story with me 🥰 I have ordered the Adyashanti book (and started reading the sample on my phone through kindle :) I have the Angello Dillullo book! I have also listen to some Pernille info on YouTube (like ‘unpinning’). EmersonNonDuality also very good.

Can you see that your descriptions of doubt--of going back and forth-is a story?

Yes! I can! Oh wow I can see all everything is story! When people are talking to me I see them saying stories, when they say ‘I’ I can see there is no I…

Can you see that any response from me is also a story?

Yes. However, seem to go along with it - until I look, and realise…

When you describe your path of seeking up to this point, is that description what you really are?

No! As it has changed so much. (Another story lol!). As I look right now and ‘see’ sort of the bigger picture, the real me, this has always stayed, witnessing.

Next door just started playing amp guitar this triggers me so much . I’m waiting for it and heart pounds when he does. Will this improve when I know 💯 there is no me. I’m so confused though as I do know there is no me ?😩 so - I wrote this the other day. I believe now that my body will respond but I just need to know that this is natural and I need to honour it and do something else… but that it is NOT a me.

In the story of your life, can you find what you really are?

No. Sensations, heart beat, movement, thoughts.

Can you find a self in it?

No. See above. Then why do I get carried along with thoughts etc 😩 Again, wrote this the other day. Last night in bed I could see the stream of thoughts as part of the wider area, as part of say the background noise, I could see no I, just thoughts.

]

Is it what you really are?[/quote

No! I can see clearer today and know they are just thoughts.

What are you?

Don’t know. Big I think. But also nothing! Stillness. Thoughts are there. Sensations are there, noise is there.

About me being a complicated character who struggles to get it … Can you see that this is a story?

Yes. I also see the stories of ‘is this it? Is this not it’ as stories. So…. If this is it, I mean it really is plain! It’s the bits without being attached to the thought worries, when I zone into them and see them as bits of fluff, when they morph and squirm. It’s ‘life’ as is … it’s when it says ‘is this it?’ I think’ ‘no, can’t be’ but it is .. as I am aware of the thoughts..? I mean, really plain! Normal..?

Why do you think this is not it?

I expect it to look so so obvious (the no self) I expect to laugh at the simplicity. Wrote this the other day… realise, I would be laughing constantly if I had that experience again ! I had a couple of laughing experiences which were so cool! But … they are experiences aren’t they?! Like crying or even spiritual cool experiences. They are not ‘the norm’. I suppose then it’s only thought that is making me think ‘it’s not it’ and I’m getting wise to that!

What are you expecting "it" to be?

I did revisit the link about expectations. I suppose I expect to laugh at how obvious it is like before.

The video on YouTube …

What did you find when doing this exercise?

It reminded me of thoughts ..! Babbling on unnecessary through life, day to day living. I could feel the bodily reactions like heightening as he was commenting. Could see he wanted to sway our thoughts to agree with him, to see what he was narrating as fact.

Is the commentary on the soccer game a necessity for the play to happen?

No. It was fluid and perfect without the commenting. In fact, seemed natural, more peaceful.

And in the same way, is the inner narration of thought a necessity for the play of life to
happen?

No! See above! This was a nice realisation. I always thought that when thought takes hold, you need more thought, to try to pacify it. Whether from self or someone else. Say a ‘work worry’ then I need reassurance from another to calm it. But maybe not… I was overthinking the other day worried about something going wrong, I’d ’said too much’ bla .. and did the exercise you taught me… so I extended the thought outwards… it was helpful. My thoughts can really grip me sometimes though, coupled with the heart pounding feels quite scary. I am more able to see they are thoughts though with my knowledge from doing this work with you. I will keep practising / as in seeing that they are just thoughts. Wrote this the other day and things do seem a little clearer since even then..

Thank you so so much ❤️

Nic xxxx

[Kaiho]

Hello Nic

What are you?

Don’t know. Big I think. But also nothing! Stillness. Thoughts are there. Sensations are there, noise is there.

Good. Look for a self in the thoughts and sensations, especially the sensations that seem 'inside'.

When you describe your path of seeking up to this point, is that description what you really are?

No! As it has changed so much. (Another story lol!). As I look right now and ‘see’ sort of the bigger picture, the real me, this has always stayed, witnessing.

Look very closely at 'the real me' which 'has always stayed, witnessing'. What is it? A thought? A self?

Next door just started playing amp guitar this triggers me so much . I’m waiting for it and heart pounds when he does. Will this improve when I know 💯 there is no me. I’m so confused though as I do know there is no me ?😩 so - I wrote this the other day. I believe now that my body will respond but I just need to know that this is natural and I need to honour it and do something else… but that it is NOT a me.

The realization that there is no self will not prevent you from experiencing physical or emotional pain. Sounds that hurt your ears (like nails on a chalkboard) will still hurt your ears. Perhaps the experience will be less unpleasant because you won't have aversion to it.

My thoughts can really grip me sometimes though, coupled with the heart pounding feels quite scary. I am more able to see they are thoughts though with my knowledge from doing this work with you. I will keep practising / as in seeing that they are just thoughts. Wrote this the other day and things do seem a little clearer since even then.

It seems that when you really examine thoughts and stories, you can see that there is no self in them, but, when you're not examining thoughts, you still identify with them (which means that you assume that they are 'you'--a self), and some thoughts are particular "sticky." Does that sound right?

About me being a complicated character who struggles to get it … Can you see that this is a story?

Yes. I also see the stories of ‘is this it? Is this not it’ as stories. So…. If this is it, I mean it really is plain! It’s the bits without being attached to the thought worries, when I zone into them and see them as bits of fluff, when they morph and squirm. It’s ‘life’ as is … it’s when it says ‘is this it?’ I think’ ‘no, can’t be’ but it is .. as I am aware of the thoughts..? I mean, really plain! Normal..?

Why do you think this is not it?

I expect it to look so so obvious (the no self) I expect to laugh at the simplicity. Wrote this the other day… realise, I would be laughing constantly if I had that experience again ! I had a couple of laughing experiences which were so cool! But … they are experiences aren’t they?! Like crying or even spiritual cool experiences. They are not ‘the norm’. I suppose then it’s only thought that is making me think ‘it’s not it’ and I’m getting wise to that!

Can you see that these questions about whether your situation is 'normal' are stories? Can you find a self that could be 'normal' or 'not normal'?

I'm going to give you an exercise from Vince Schubert, a guide on LU and elsewhere. Try going around throughout the day thinking that all thoughts are bullshit. Let me know how it goes.

Love
Liam

[Veganmamma]

Hi Liam

Hope all is well ❤️

Sorry for the delay again I started a new job. We need to trust the process don’t we as I was burnt out in my old job and took many months off, then worried about going to a different job. However it’s a massive change but exactly what was needed! Early days yet but it feels so right now… life sorts us doesn’t it!

Good. Look for a self in the thoughts and sensations, especially the sensations that seem 'inside'.

Now - I the sensations do fool me to feel like a self. But I know that is just a word. Like when thinking lines up with say palpitations feels like ‘mine’.

Look very closely at 'the real me' which 'has always stayed, witnessing'. What is it? A thought? A self?

Wow so hard to describe! It’s like a big huge watcher looking down, knowing everything, there, silent… (thoughts!).

Does that sound right?

Exactly right - yes. I get attached to them and ‘believe’ them… but I know and I really know they are not me. When I switch focus to examine or even just let them be I can do and see that.

Can you see that these questions about whether your situation is 'normal' are stories? Can you find a self that could be 'normal' or 'not normal'?

I can now reading over it ! All stories! Wow there’s a lot of stories! And more coming now! Looking down, seeing a body, part of the furniture, not a self!

I'm going to give you an exercise from Vince Schubert, a
Let me know how it goes.

I love this! It should be a mantra for every day! Really loved it. I was forgetting to do it but did oftentimes. I will do it more.

Thank you so much for your time and patience you help me so so much xx

[Veganmamma]

Hello! Just re read the first part of my response and even that is stories isn’t it ?! (About the job etc). Xxxx

[Kaiho]

Hello Nic

Just re read the first part of my response and even that is stories isn’t it ?! (About the job etc).

Yes, these are stories. Of course, in the conventional world, it's important to find a job that's a good fit, so congratulations!

Look very closely at 'the real me' which 'has always stayed, witnessing'. What is it? A thought? A self?

Wow so hard to describe! It’s like a big huge watcher looking down, knowing everything, there, silent… (thoughts!).

Where does it feel like the watcher is located? In your head? Behind your eyes?
What is it? A thought or thoughts? A sensation? Look!
If the watcher is a thought, what is perceiving that thought?
If the watcher is a sensation, what is perceiving that sensation?
Set aside some time to meditate and see if you can find what and where the watcher seems to be.
Does "the watcher" stay the same or change?

Can you see that these questions about whether your situation is 'normal' are stories? Can you find a self that could be 'normal' or 'not normal'?

I can now reading over it ! All stories! Wow there’s a lot of stories! And more coming now! Looking down, seeing a body, part of the furniture, not a self!

Good.

Continue to practice Vince Schubert's exercise of telling yourself that all thoughts are bullshit. Since your mention forgetting to do it, set aside time to meditate and do it on the cushion, as well as during the day. Let me know how it goes.

Vince also hosts a free online group several times a week that you might find helpful. He's in Sydney, Australia. His website is 1ness [dot] info. You can see if any of the times work for you.

Love
Liam

[Veganmamma]

Where does it feel like the watcher is located? In your head? Behind your eyes?
What is it? A thought or thoughts? A sensation? Look!
If the watcher is a thought, what is perceiving that thought?
If the watcher is a sensation, what is perceiving that sensation?
Set aside some time to meditate and see if you can find what and where the watcher seems to be.
Does "the watcher" stay the same or change?

[Veganmamma]

Sorry posted too early ! Hello Liam I’ll get on to this okay. Posting too early.
Thank you so much xxx

[Kaiho]

Hello Nic

How are you doing? I haven’t heard from you in awhile. I’m sure you’re busy with your new job, but I’m wondering if you’ve tried the exercises.

Love
Liam

[Veganmamma]

Hello Liam

So sorry yes busy with new job. Hope all is well ❤️

Where does it feel like the watcher is located? In your head? Behind your eyes?

Behind the eyes. As when I turn to look at something I see what is looked at.

What is it? A thought or thoughts? A sensation? Look!

A thought! Then more thoughts like ‘turn head see things..’.

If the watcher is a thought, what is perceiving that thought?

That ‘thing’ that is nothing!! Or something …. Hard to describe but a definite ‘there’.

If the watcher is a sensation, what is perceiving that sensation?

Feels behind the eyes, blinks etc. although am having so many times in the day where I feel I am blending in with everyone : everything - like I can see ‘the game’ almost. The nothingness… but have to become aware / sort of tune in to see it. When I do this I can see the thoughts as they are … but normally I do go on the merry dance of thoughts.

Does "the watcher" stay the same or change?

same ! It is there! Always, watching, knowing, silent.

Thank you so much ☺️
Lots of love,
Nic xx

[Kaiho]

Hello Nic

Where does it feel like the watcher is located? In your head? Behind your eyes?

Behind the eyes. As when I turn to look at something I see what is looked at.

If the watcher is a thought, what is perceiving that thought?

That ‘thing’ that is nothing!! Or something …. Hard to describe but a definite ‘there’.

If the watcher is a sensation, what is perceiving that sensation?

Feels behind the eyes, blinks etc.

Look for the watcher again. In your last message, you said it was a 'A thought! Then more thoughts...'
Look for the watcher in Direct Experience (DE). Remember that Direct Experience is sound, thought, colour, smell, taste, sensation. Is the watcher a thought? Or is it the label you're giving to a thought? Can a thought watch anything?
What is the 'definite "there"' in DE? 'There' sounds like a location. Are you feeling a sensation somewhere?
When you write 'Feels behind the eyes, blinks, etc.,' are you saying that you perceive the watcher as a sensation?
If so, can a sensation watch anything?

Does "the watcher" stay the same or change?

same ! It is there! Always, watching, knowing, silent.

Look for the watcher in Direct Experience repeatedly, as often as you remember to, throughout the day.

Love
Liam

[Veganmamma]

Hi Liam

So I have been practising and practising. The most clarity is usually when driving to and from work watching the trees.

Look for the watcher again. In your last message, you said it was a 'A thought! Then more thoughts...'

This keeps catching me out. I keep feeling like an I behind the eyes. But I know this is a thought.

Look for the watcher in Direct Experience (DE). Remember that Direct Experience is sound, thought, colour, smell, taste, sensation. Is the watcher a thought? No because a thought can’t do anything. It’s mad how we can give so much priority to thoughts but they are just invisible things.

Or is it the label you're giving to a thought? Can a thought watch anything?

Yes it is a label then. No a thought cannot watch anything! So how come I keep getting muddled thoughts! Argh!

What is the 'definite "there"' in DE? 'There' sounds like a location. Are you feeling a sensation somewhere?

It’s a ‘thing’ I sense and see. It is a seeing of everything like a knowing.

When you write 'Feels behind the eyes, blinks, etc.,' are you saying that you perceive the watcher as a sensation?

If so, can a sensation watch anything?

Yes it seems like that yes. No a sensation can’t watch can it ?! I feel I have come so far yet still not seeing the direct no me… I’m more chilled in life and spend a bit part of time ‘seeing’ what I never saw before.

Look for the watcher in Direct Experience repeatedly, as often as you remember to, throughout the day.

Have been doing this and I cannot find a watcher. I still feel like a me , but I know I’m connected and free flowing as well!

Sorry I’m so confusing.

Thank you for your time and patience,

Lots of love

Nic xx

[Kaiho]

Hello Nic

Sorry I’m so confusing.

This is a story. I don’t see you that way.

I would continue with these questions and exercises. You’re getting somewhere, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Keep looking in DE. Would you like to review DE exercises?

What is the 'definite "there"' in DE? 'There' sounds like a location. Are you feeling a sensation somewhere?

It’s a ‘thing’ I sense and see. It is a seeing of everything like a knowing.

Is the ‘seeing of everything like a knowing’ truly a ‘thing’? Why or why not?
Where is the ‘knowing’?
Can you find its limits?
Is it separate from what is known? If so, where is the separation between them?

Love
Liam

[Kaiho]

Hello Nic

Hope all is well with you and yours.

I’ll be on retreat until Monday.

Love
Liam

[Veganmamma]

Hello Liam
Have a lovely time ❤️
Thank you so much
I’ll keep you posted xxxx

[Veganmamma]

Hi Liam

I hope your having a great time away x

Thank you for not seeing me as confusing ☺️

Would you like to review DE exercises

?

Yes definitely. I do this sometimes going about my day etc and can see that thoughts are thoughts and what I see right now, just is.

Thank you for saying am getting somewhere- as honestly feel I am, but then the stories, but I can see them as just stories sometimes.

What is the 'definite "there"' in DE? 'There' sounds like a location. Are you feeling a sensation somewhere?

Looking, I guess there is no there! No sensation, just looking, seems to ‘switch IT on’. Like placing my attention there. Sensations are here, in the body but this is separate from the looking (hm or is it).

It’s a ‘thing’ I sense and see. It is a seeing of everything like a knowing.
Is the ‘seeing of everything like a knowing’ truly a ‘thing’? Why or why not?

It is an awareness I suppose, more than a thing.. a thing would be something I can see, touch, but this is more like a presence. It is like a state I suppose…

Where is the ‘knowing’?

It switches on with an acknowledgement. Like I recognise it when I look. Omg it’s hard to say where it is!? I would say in my mind but it seems out there and there is no mind! Interesting..

Can you find its limits?

It will contain everything and is untouched so wouldn’t have limits…wow!

Is it separate from what is known? If so, where is the separation between them?

There would be no separation, I feel
Like I’m looking right at it but it’s not sinking in.

I’ll keep looking, thank you for your time and help and patience

Love Nic xx