What IS Aware?

[liatione]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
There is awareness that this IS-ness, now is silent being, knowing and that the apparent separate self is an amazingly resilient matrix of thought believed, habitually referred to by itself, like an snake appearing, eating its own tail. The habitual ME-story is a vast composite of sticky thoughts which when witnessed are simply seen, like vapour.

What are you looking for at LU?
Support, reflection, questions, suggestions, for re-minding, un-minding, unwinding the appearing frequent ME-thoughts, seeming to veil what is. Unwinding of the well practiced, endlessly justified ME habit glue!

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Being deeply listened to, met, questioned, guided. To be offered deep caring clear reflective support to guide this turning underway, this remembering underway and this knowing which is unquestionable, even as mind constantly does so

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have spent 40 years diving into a myriad new age practices in this quest for clear lasting aware knowing, now aware that most of it has been focussed on "improving" the me-self, even as in some moments, clear awareness seems to have been present. Nisargatta's "I AM THAT" was provocative life-turning for me, I have long been a student of Rupert Spira, and moved by many of the Advaita/Non-Dualtiy guides like Jed Mckenna, Adyashanti, Ganga-ji, and more. I have found that I still embrace the "Work" of Byron Katie and the core of NVC for self-reflection and which seem to support the turning towards IS-ness. There is now a burning hunger, a deep yearning to live reality.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

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[Anastacia42]

My name is Stacy and I can be your guide, if you would like.

The Work of Byron Katie is excellent for questioning our thoughts. I use it, too. Have you read "A Mind at Home With Itself?"

One thing that is helpful is to come to this forum
& post every day. Sometimes the site goes down. It will be back. Just come back later.

Yes, if once in a while you must post later, please post a note telling me when you will return.

If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and just confirm to me that you have read it. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Some housekeeping guidelines:

1. Post at least once a day, or every second day. If you need more time, or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know please.

2. There is no one judging answers given, so please be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.

3. This exploration is based on actual experience (AE) - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts. Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. This is not a self-improvement process. There is no ‘self’ to improve.

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

Technology is not perfect and sometimes there is a glitch which can wipe out your responses. It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. Always save a copy of what you have done, it will save time in the long run!

To begin with, so that we both become aware of what your expectations are about this exploration. In your own words (not from actual experience, but just honest answers), could you please answer the 4 following questions:

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing?

Throughout this exploration I would like you to answer all questions that I have written in blue text. Please answer all questions even if I miss using the blue text.

Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the quote function to highlight the question being answered.

Below is a link to the video with instructions on using the Quote Function. Please watch it. Use the PREVIEW button to make sure your text looks right before you hit "SUBMIT."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

What would you like for me to call you? What time zone are you in, please?


Loving,

[liatione]

i Stacy

Thanks for reaching out with your offer to be a guide - I appreciate your time and presence

I have just had a busy couple of days and am now learning how this forum and communication system works

I understand enough now to proceed, have read all the recommended FAQs and guidelines and am ready to write every day, informing when I cannot, and to stop all other modes of self-reflection/enquiry, while engaged here

For now I will send this first as an initial admin response, so we can get rolling - I will work on a detailed response to your questions shortly and send separately

Please call me me beckett (my first name) and I'm located in New Zealand (GMT +13 currently)

Where are you and are we able to do live zoom sessions, if wanted/valued?

I have read pretty much every book that Katie has published and sat with her countless times from hours to days, including participating in the School for the Work - the work enquiry process is something that is foundational and alive in this awareness! When entered deeply, seems to lead to a knowing of "spacious not this-ness" and yet it does also appear to facilitate an ongoing personalness, at least here, becoming a kind of beneficial habit for the personal, which is what I want to address here with you, ie living in/as the awareness inclusive of all, including the apparent personal

OK thats a start, please respond to let me know this communication is working, while I sit with and work on a detailed response to your questions

Thank you much, beckett

[liatione]

Hi Stacy

Again, thanks for the guidance and great questions

Here’s what’s alive wrt the questions:

1/ How will life change?

Unknown - can’t find how to know now who would know

Thinking arises, instantly seeming to assume identity, as a known beckett character, with content like - “life will change for the better”, more awake, more freedom, more love, more ease, living endlessly in total grace, attracting and manifesting all the goodies ever yearned for (”inner and outer”)

All currently seen as habitual appearances in/of/as this spacious is-ness

2/ How will you change?

Answer as above

3/ What will be different?

Again unknown

This edgeless, alive, no-thing/silence currently includes appearing thoughts like; life aspects that seem to matter, like health, wealth, peace, loving presence… will be easier, better, more abundant

These thoughts belong to no one, have no clear source/solidity/validiity other than when defended/justified by more thinking that in turn arise and falls, albeit seeming familiar - they appear to be on habitual replay

4/ What is missing?

No thing, no one

Again instantly thinking appears, saying things like; you’ll never get it, never be free, you’re missing the ability depth, I’ll never get it like those awakened beings you are attracted to being with, reading, watching, listening

This thinking again arises and fall as I write, no ground to it, simply seen and known habitually, again with no obvious validity - it is like a vapour, arising, swirling, habitually looked at and believed with more thinking and swirly away into nothing, this awareness

Thank you warmly, beckett

[Anastacia42]

Hi Beckett,

living endlessly in total grace, attracting and manifesting all the goodies ever yearned for (”inner and outer”)

Well, things are not magically all better. Life still has the usual challenges, but there is an inner peace.

Now what comes up when reading that there is no separate self, never has been, and never will be? That the whole thing was a made up story that we believed.


Loving,

[liatione]

Hi Stacy

Love this question - "Now what comes up when reading that there is no separate self, never has been, and never will be? That the whole thing was a made up story that we believed."

Reading this there is a sense of such deep relief, contentless, even happiness, in the body there is a warm rich heart/gut wave sensation and a “knowing” of the rightness of these words - a knowing of “home” and a surpassingly living answer to any/all the questions.

Also noted is random thinking arising and falling, saying various things like; how can this be true, it’s not possible, 72 years of life as me can’t be wrong, 8 billion separate people cant be wrong, this would mean the end of me and my functionality, nobody will understand this, I’ll be a pariah, outcast…

You get the picture - all seeming to want to protect (what?) and sweetly humourous - again, seems like vapours appearing and disappearing, no holding in THIS, what IS

THIS is currently, registering thinking and feeling, as it comes and goes, with no velcro at all, seen as a well-rehearsed kind-of movie, seemingly attractive/pervasive/persuasive software/pattern, habitually reinvested in, but with no reality, like a movie with pictures moving past, and by what?

Its a kind of joke - this thinking is so light-weight, as in no weight, other than any which has been habitually attributed to it, by more thinking - an entertaining shell game?

Thank you so much for this question - now sitting as THIS, enjoying all aspects of “experience” as arising and falling not just IN THIS, as this, of this - MAGICAL MYSTERY DANCE, no longer mystery, albeit nothing known other than THIS and even knowing has connotations thinking likes to appear to own - FUN!

[Anastacia42]

Its a kind of joke

Yes, it is.

Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.


We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Loving,

[liatione]

Thanks Stacy

Big workday, today, stopping now!

Will sit with these questions overnight and respond tomorrow

Thanks beckett

[Anastacia42]

Good.

Loving

[liatione]

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

Do you see that?


Thanks Stacy, yes I do see that!

This enquiry has helped me notice the feelings of a lie, a sense of being “off”, more than before, acknowledging noticing them often in the past - this morning well aware of

Movement/change in sensing, appears as heart and gut here for sure, no obvious temperature movements except with a really big lie - body either warms or occasionally chills and gut tightens

Gut is most obvious level, a kind of knowing, anxious, slow turning in the gut, tightness follows and thoughts get defensive in nature, justifying, defending and seem confused

Heart awareness movement is also clear especially regarding relational interactions - feels heavy, slow, sluggish, dull when feeling a lie and very warm, alive, softly swirling when truthiness, enjoyment is apparent

Realising the discomfort arising when these “negative” sensations occur, also immediately evokes depressive ideation, habitually seeming to want to make it worse with accusatory and defensive responses - watching the content of words is revealing!

This is rich territory, to be continued…

What’s next?

Thank you again

[liatione]

Hi Stacy

Additional response to the prior one

Being with this deeply, as I move through an uneventful, undemanding yet busy day (ie no big triggers/aspects), I notice extra levels of this revealing

1/ Jaw and teeth clenching - something I have worked on being aware of for a long time and come a long way with - today am seeing subtle teeth tightening, subtle jaw clenching as I recall past events, untruths, even think about daily concerns

2/ I notice the quality of ideation, if believed and invested in as a me, is self-fulfilling, self-perpetuating and increases until it is seen that this is existential OK-ness as a root story - am I ok or just fucked up, wounded, traumatised and this is my lot?

Truly freeing to see that this at the root of this apparent me, whom I cannot find, no matter how hard I look, nor hold onto and which is known as nothing more than apparitional vapour, habitually patterned, repeatedly bought into as ME, all the while no me to find - Shakespeareanly hilariously tragic and then laughter, lightness, nothing, no one, here, aware, registering these happenings

I noticed in the one relatively minor glitch event in my work flow this morning, the thought instantly arising that I don't want this to happen, I don't want to spend a chunk of my morning dealing with this - all hilariously seen as wah wah wah from nowhere findable - simple instant inner question of "is it true", "really?" and humorously, "how do you know what you are to be doing right now?" and "who is doing it"? Rapidly dissolved in laughter, started to sing, do the task easily, with "end result" being a fun job, welldone and an amazing little blessing in terms of tasks!

So fascinating, how life literally IS happening, and this beckett character in in the ride, regardless of what the thinking, feeling, talking, doing - he doesn't, there is no reliable true HE!!!

[Anastacia42]

Excellent, Beckett. Can you now say 100% that there is no separate "self? "

If so, are you ready to answer our checkpoint questions?

Loving,

[liatione]

Hi and thanks Stacy

Another long day, so short answer is YES! This is clear here, this sense of a separate body mind spirit ME is not what I AM, THIS IS, it simply arises as an incredibly rich, thoroughly justified (by it own process, like the fox designing a henhouse( story matrix with its own velcro story to help it stick

Funny!

I will sit with this more overnight and respond more as so much revealing is happening, so much clarity and lightness as ME ownership dissolves into this awareness - no more questions for now, I'd like another day with this huge and wonderfully freeing question

Meanwhile I remembered a sufi expression today for the first time in years and laughed heartily - it goes something like this:

"All thought is but an errand boy" Such delightful movement, body feeling as it popped in!

More manana

As love, beckett

[Anastacia42]

Hi Bevkett

Good quote. Mine is below in the sig line.

Here are the questions. Please write succinct, clear answers- no books. :)


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Loving,

[liatione]

Thanks Stacy

Wow big list of rich questions!

I’ve had a very full day and have been with the questions as I work, having read them this morning

I’d like some time to be with them all and answer deeply, clearly soon, will check in again tomorrow with progress, sensing I might want some time to be with these

Meanwhile today the awareness of body sensations/feelings associated with thoughts arising, is becoming loud and rich - a big story wrestled with is thinking about time and noticing little tightnesses, clenching (albeit subtle mostly) even with lightweight thoughts - revealing and valuable!

Thanks again beckett