Who am I?

[Anastacia42]

Hi Braden,

I think I might have had a longer glimpse today while just walking around. Its hard to describe the feeling. Lately on my walks I have been just very happy and satisfied to just observe and be aware of everything, no division between "inside" and "outside". Its like I'm just aware of everything and its subtly beautiful.

There's this feeling that I can get in touch with where it almost feels like my sense of "I" gets removed from right behind my eyes where it normally sits and theres sort of just this diffuse awareness through my whole body and everywhere outside my body. When I am in that state I feel like I wouldn't be able to say there is a self anywhere specific. Its very subtle, for sure.

You may be right. One way to tell if you've clearly seen there's no "self" is that seeking stops.

It is like finding out that there is no Santa Claus. You're done. Even if he puts the red suit back on you know that it's a man and a suit.

Is it like that?


Nature Exercise

Go out into nature and spend some time watching the movement of the whole. See how clouds move, trees swing, leaves wiggle, grass moves, insects, birds - all move all the time.

Then move focus to sensations and see how they too are in constant motion, thoughts come and go, sounds, colours, sensations come and go.

Notice that everything is part of one movement.

Then close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself.

If yes, where is the boundary?

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance?

Is witnessing part of the one movement too?

Is there anything which is not just happening?

Go out, come back and tell me what you found.

Loving,,

[beingbraden]

Is it like that?

No, unfortunately it is not like that. I am still very much seeking.

Then close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself.

Yes, I remember doing this exercise probably about a month ago

If yes, where is the boundary?

There is no boundary or line

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

No

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

No, everything is interconnected and moving together

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance?

I think I get stuck here. The space that I have been able to get into just feels like a new and improved "witness". Like the witness used to identify with certain aspects of myself, but now it takes a step back and doesn't identify with those things. The problem is that there is still the feeling of being a witness that is somehow separate and able to observe everything both inside and out as the same.

Is witnessing part of the one movement too?

It has to be..

Is there anything which is not just happening?

..No everything is just happening.


I feel like its because of the amount of deep relaxation I have been able to access during buttchair, but I have started to unearth some emotions that will just randomly surface during the day. I feel pretty sensitive, almost on the verge of tears for pretty much no reason for the past few days. There is a big feeling of shame and sadness as well that will just randomly hit me at certain parts of the day. To be honest, I have been pretty down the last few days but I'm not sure how relevant it is to this whole process. Part of it probably has to do with being triggered a lot by coming home for the holidays.
Just thought I would mention it because it does feel connected with the buttchair exercise and an increased sensitivity to my body, as well as a stronger impulse to relax into a feeling instead of trying to push it away.

[Anastacia42]

Okay 3 things:

1. Awareness
2. Fear/Emotion guidance video
3. Group meetings

Yes, that witness/awareness thing is tricky. Even guides disagree at times. It is not a "self." One way I look at it is that if you're seeing clearly, it's all one, all life life-ing, but nobody doing it. It's not a named thing. Not a name, but a process, a doing.

As far as the emotions. you can use this fear guiding for any emotion:


ThI s iis a Direct Looking process for fear.

https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE?si=jHXuuyyVtp7c-1R2

And this one:

https://youtu.be/fSTT8nc8cvQ?si=Alcukpbi7SUlXpfi


One model for looking at this is called Ten Fetters. At LU we only cover the first 3. There are groups outside of LU. some led by LU guides. that take it further. Interacting with others real time can be bet helpful.

Here is a list of the Fetters;:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetter_(Buddhism)

and some resources:

Christiana Michelberger

https://findingawakening.com/about/

Vince Shubert

Weekly Free Meetup Times (Sydney, Australia time):

Saturday 9 pm,
Monday 6 am (for paid subscribers - recording only available to attendees)
Wednesday 4 pm (recorded and published on YouTube)
Friday 7 am (recording only available to attendees)
📍Check your local time: www.worldtimebuddy.com
⏱ Countdown timer for the next meeting on: www.wakingupwithvince.com (scroll down)
🧭 It’s always the same Zoom link; you can arrive late or leave early.
🔗 CLICK HERE TO JOIN free meetings:
Meeting ID: 869 9148 5768
Passcode: 083035

Click here for the YouTube Channel


Todd & Pernille Lent Damore

Yes, we still have a monthly Inquiry Group that's free, and that they are welcome to join. We actually just had one two days ago.
We also have our Discord community which is free too.

Write to:

unfetteredmindfulness@gmail.com

Check in with me about how all of that goes.

Loving,

[beingbraden]

Okay, I think I've reached a point where I can reliably see that there is no 'inside' or 'outside' of me.

I can see that the sensations, emotions, thoughts, etc. are essentially no different from the sensations that I would normally label as 'outside' of me. Its all just experience and none of it is special or distinct from other parts.

I watched one of Ilona's new videos on being stuck in understanding and it really helped things click some more. Instead of frantic searching and efforting, there is more curiosity and allowing what is.

When I am seeing clearly there is a sense of ease, and settling in. I regularly forget it, but it is relatively easy to see again if I relax and look for it.

The only thing that is left that gets labelled as 'me' is the sense of awareness or witnessing. There is something that is experiencing all the direct experiences. I don't know if this needs to go away too, since it feels natural to label it as 'me' but it feels different than what I would label 'me' before.

I actually have the course from Todd and Pernille and I have slowly been making my way through it. I will email them about their meetings and discord community

[Anastacia42]

Good. All of that should help. Keep posting what you find. please.

We are looking for a shift in perception. At that point seeking will stop.

Pay attention to how it FEELS to see that there is no self.

Loving,

[beingbraden]

Stacy!

I had the clearest, longest glimpse I have ever had so far. I don't know if this counts as The Shift or not, but it was definitely cool and has sort of stuck with me the whole day.

I was just eating breakfast after having done my morning sit and there was just this realization that I am not what I normally thought of myself as. There was this recognition that I am not my thoughts, emotions, actions, or anything. I am just perceiving all of it, but none of it is 'me' or owned by me. I was able to feel what you were talking about with life life-ing and everything just being a process. Most (all?) of my actions are just conditioning that has been built up over my life, there is no real controller there.

I fell into my usual habit of thinking more than I was feeling but there was definitely a felt sense instead of just an intellectual figuring out.

There was some fear that the feeling would go away so I made sure to do a voice recording of what I was feeling and the things that I was sensing. For probably a couple hours there was this feeling of lightness and freedom, more settling in, curiosity and excitement. The feeling sort of came and went after that. Like before it feels relatively easy to come back to the realization that there is no self if I am still for a second and feel into it.

I'm a bit confused because I'm not sure that seeking will ever stop for me. I feel like at the peak of my experience this morning I was about 90% sure that I was seeing what you have been pointing at. There is still some doubt, but even if I was completely confident I had seen through self I know that there is more to the pathway afterwards, so I don't think seeking is going to stop unless you mean it in a different sense.

[Anastacia42]

That does sound like the shift we're looking for.

You said 90% but we need you to say 100% that you are certain there is no separate self. Otherwise, we keep looking. At the same time you're right this isn't all there is. One model called 10 Fetters gives several other insights that will occur.

We have some groups that meet and look into that.

At LU we only cover the first 3. There are groups outside of LU. some led by LU guides. that take it further.

Here is a list of the Fetters;:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetter_(Buddhism)

Have you seen these?

Watch these, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

This is just a beginning.

Loving,

[beingbraden]

I've heard about the other 10 fetters and I have looked into them. I have mostly been interested in seeing through the self (first 3 fetters) before I move on to the others.

I watched the videos you sent.

Here is my attempt at being as clear as possible and honest about where I am at, I am still unsure if I have had the shift or fully seen through:
- I have seen that I am not my thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, memories, etc.
- If I had to identify as anything I would say I am the awareness that is experiencing all these things
- There is still doubt in my system -- I still have beliefs that I need to examine about how seeing through the illusion "should" feel or things that "should" happen. (For example, when I had the huge breakthrough I told you about it was not really a very emotional experience, or shocking in any way. Didn't feel "life changing" or even super meaningful, just more like something obvious that I had been overlooking.)

Like I said, I feel like I am able to see through identification with everything that I used to think was me. I feel like I finally understand what you mean when you say LOOK all the time. Like its been sitting in front of my face the whole time. Its always there, which is why I have missed it for so long. This deeper ability to actually see awareness. Awareness being aware of itself.

My biggest concern is that I seem to have latched on to the idea that I am awareness now, and that idea very subtly slips into identification with thoughts about my awareness being able to make choices and influence action in my life. Theres a belief that I am not my body, mind, past, emotions but I am now my awareness that is able to somehow influence all those things in some positive way.

During my sit this morning I realized that I was still identified with this small subset of thoughts, and realized that I am not that either and I started feeling very dizzy for the rest of my sit.


To put it as simply as possible, I feel like I have seen through the illusion of 'self', but seem to have fallen into identifying as a 'self' (aka 'awareness') that has seen through the illusion.
Maybe this isn't an issue because the illusion has ultimately been seen through and it will all clarify as time goes on?

[Anastacia42]

Hi,

The way we check is with the following questions. Please answer these & they will be reviewed by other guides, who may have questions. Please keep your replies succinct. Short & sweet


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Loving,

[beingbraden]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, not in the way that I have believed in so long. There is an experience happening that is local to this bodymind, but it is just happening the same as everything else and is not a separate self. There never was a separate self, just a mistaken belief

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of separate self is created when Awareness starts to separate certain experiences into "me" vs "other" and identifies itself with the things labeled "me". Sensations, emotions, and especially thoughts get identified as a self that is separate and experiencing the rest of life. As the false belief in a self strengthens, Awareness starts to be convinced that it is controlling certain aspects of the experience as well, making choices and decisions that are distinctly separate from the all-encompassing flow of life.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Slightly more peace, ease, and relaxation in my system. Theres an increased sense of wonder and curiosity. At any time I am able to tap into a sense of openness, and fearlessness. Willingness to experience everything, instead of trying to protect myself or somehow filter my experience. A couple times now when I am really feeling into it there is a sensation of falling or dizziness.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

After having done my meditation in the morning I was having breakfast and instead of checking my phone like normal, I decided to just pay attention to direct experience.. and then it hit me.

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Decisions are made, but there is no one making the decisions. Essentially, there is no decision that "could" be made, other than the decision that is actually made. The idea of a decision (like the self) comes from the idea that there is a "doer" that is separate from the rest of experience.
Ex. Deciding when I am going to eat dinner tonight is not so much an actual decision no matter how much thought and planning is accompanied by it, but rather just eating happening when it happens as part of the flow of life.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

The same explanation for decisions applies to intention, but it just happens in the thoughts. Plans and intentions can be made, but to label them as separate or intentionally constructed requires a separate doer which can't be found.
Ex. I am planning on traveling to France in a couple months. There was no controller deciding that the intention to go to France would arise within me.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

The way I understand things now, I would have to say that free will is an illusion. Life is happening, experiences are happening but there is no one controlling it. Cause and effect, the dominos are falling and whatever happens is the way things are. There is no one controlling my bodymind, just influences and consequences of actions being carried out and shaped over time. In order to have an illusion of free will there has to be an illusion created of a "starting point" where a decision is made by an entity that is separate from everything else. Its all false separations.
Ex. To "prove" I have free will I am going to slap myself in the face. But I didn't really decide that in a true sense. The exact circumstances that have led up to this point are immeasurable and to take ownership of them is pure ego. Why did I choose my right hand to slap my face? What led me to slapping my face at the exact moment I did with the exact strength that I did? Why did I choose to slap my face instead of scream or jump or dance? There is no free will, it is just an illusion of the mind.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

(I don't see any difference between this and the above explanation for decision)

Describe control & give examples from experience.

(I don't see any difference between this and the above explanation for free will)

What makes things happen? How does it work?

The way I understand right now, everything is cause and effect. Life is an amazing miracle that has somehow been set in motion and we all get to experience it. Its a ride that we ultimately have no control over.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Ultimately, I am not responsible for anything?! There is no self to take responsibility. There are no decisions being made, no real choices that I could be held accountable for. There is some uneasiness in my system around this, but its the obvious conclusion from everything above.

6) Anything to add?

I'm still fighting with my expectations of how this whole process is "supposed" to go and its creating doubts in my system. There is definitely some oscillation happening between seeing things clearly for periods of time, and then being lost in self for periods of time. Even typing this out, I felt like I was seeing clearer than I ever have so it feels like there is still some deepening happening. I would appreciate any further pointers if there are things that you notice could use more clarity in my system.
I'm filled with gratitude for you helping me reach this point so far! I really appreciate it.

[Anastacia42]

You're very welcome

I call it creating world peace one mind at a time.

Did I send these? Watch these, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

This is just a beginning.

and you can practice these if you like.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ksba3zhi9uuz ... hsk1a?dl=0


At LU we only cover the first 3. There are groups outside of LU. some led by LU guides. that take it further.

Here is a list of the Fetters;:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetter_(Buddhism)

and some resources:

Christiana Michelberger
https://findingawakening.com/about/

Vince Shubert

Weekly Free Meetup Times (Sydney, Australia time):
Saturday 9 pm,
Monday 6 am (for paid subscribers - recording only available to attendees)
Wednesday 4 pm (recorded and published on YouTube)
Friday 7 am (recording only available to attendees)
📍Check your local time: www.worldtimebuddy.com
⏱ Countdown timer for the next meeting on: www.wakingupwithvince.com (scroll down)
🧭 It’s always the same Zoom link; you can arrive late or leave early.

Meeting ID: 869 9148 5768
Passcode: 083035



Todd & Pernille Lent Damore

Yes, we still have a monthly Inquiry Group that's free, and that they are welcome to join. We actually just had one two days ago.
We also have our Discord community which is free too.

Write to:
unfetteredmindfulness@gmail.com


at the risk of overloading you...

https://youtu.be/a_8N331jpA4?si=wHE8KmhO7n9uwLPp

Your answers will be shared with other guides will let you know if anyone has questions


Loving

[beingbraden]

Thank you!

It's funny because I have watched these videos before, but there's a different way that they feel now that I have had this shift.

The whole thing is very different than my mind imagined it was going to be. I can see now that I was probably having pretty clear glimpses early on, but I was convinced that I wasn't seeing it because of how much my expectations had been built up. It's very subtle, but in another way it has also been pretty dramatic. It's hard for me to accurately describe it. I feel like I could fill up pages trying to describe how it feels, but I guess it is an impossible task.

Over the past couple days there has been a very noticeable opening up, it really is like an unfolding. I've noticed how much I would constantly tense myself and hide from experience in the past, and those habits are starting to die. I have less fear of being overwhelmed. It feels like there is more capacity to live life and truly be aware of what is happening.

For so long it felt like I was looking at life out of the corner of my eye, shielding myself, and trying to avoid facing life head on. Now I know there is nothing to be afraid of. I know that I have the capacity to welcome everything.

I know this is the beginning. My system is still getting adjusted. Thank you again!

[Anastacia42]

None of the other guides had questions. Are conversation here is complete.

I think I gave you information on groups for further exploration. If not let me know.

Loving,