There is and has never been a Luce.

[Lubo]

Hi dear Luce,
I feel exactly where you are. The sensitivity and honesty in your insight is powerful.

Notice the sensation of the persona in your body. Describe what is there
A small child, scared and alone, I felt such compassion.

The compassion you felt for that scared, alone child is the truth of the Vastness.
This is your assignment:Allow the child within to see reality.
Meet yourself now—let’s stop running from us.
Make a list, literally,
with two columns exploring this dynamic:
1. Specific Fears & shae (From something, someone, or others) 2. Suppressed Desires (What is the fear and shame protecting?)

Ask the child to give concrete answers about what exactly is going on.

So much Love to You,
Lubo

[Luce]

Hi Lubo

I will do this exercise. I logged on to share further developments and found that you had posted. So I will go ahead and share while I am here.

I see that 'Luce' only exists while there is a Luce thought present. I asked who is perceiving that Luce thought and taking it to be part of a narrative? Or understanding that Luce thoughts don't actually form a narrative? These thoughts are just patterns in the Being that exists between them.

I thought that it could only be Awareness perceiving itself. But that makes no sense. That's the heart of the illusion of separation. Awareness doesn't perceive itself, it just is. All thoughts and sensations are just arising and dissolving. Nothing and nobody is perceiving them. There is no perceiver.

But it still feels like 'I' am perceiving even though I know that the idea of a perceiver is just a thought that has arisen. It feels like a 'sticky' thought that lingers when the thought is not actually present. But that can't be so. It's just that the perceiver thought seems like something more while it actually happening because it is reflecting other perceiver thoughts. Thought upon thought upon thought upon thought. But still just thought all the way down. The perceiver thought references itself to give the appearance of a stable narrative of separation. But there simply cannot be any separation. Separation is just another thought. The separation thought reflects other thoughts, which feels like a knot but it can't be because all there is is the one thought that is arising right now in Being.

All there is is thoughts and experiences arising in Being. Nothing and no-one to perceive any of it. Just arising and dissolving, patterns in the vastness. But still separation feels somehow ingrained even though I am really starting to KNOW that it cannot be. Just thoughts all the way down.

Much love, Luce

[Lubo]

Hi Luce, I love you too,
Notice that this game with thoughts is dead end :)
Now move the focus to the vastness and suprime power we are.
Thoughts will relax realising what we are.
We are the Life foce, life appear by itself, it is a gift.
Notice the body, room, sky - right now we appear as this
The shift -
1.we are real only we are alive
2. Life itself—look!—is only pictures that are changing. Only the appearance of memory connects these pictures?
It is Fun right:)

This is not for understanding but to realise between fear and "what will happen" What really we are.
We can appear as anything, exactly how we appear as this weather, body, room...etc One big Picture
Manifestation is effortless, move your attention to the deep desire in the shadow and notice that there is nothing in the way this to appear.
But for now realise what we are...and don't pay attention to shame- voce
We can only enjoy the raw shame of what we are, how we appear, because there is no one else to be ashamed from.

Love,
Lubo

[Luce]

Lubo, I think I am home.

I understood that

there is nothing in the way

and surrendered.

Life itself—look!—is only pictures that are changing. Only the appearance of memory connects these pictures?
It is Fun right:)

This makes sense now. Yes pictures, sounds, sensations. Not a me in here looking at things out there. Just the pictures. Here and now, I can't seem to find the things that worried Luce. I can't find the scared child. Fun, yes :)

I feel like I don't quite trust it yet, but I guess that's just a feeling. After all that grasping, have I finally let go of Luce? I had glimpses before but this is different. Such a small change. Everything is exactly as it was.

Thank you Lubo.

[Lubo]

Hi Luce,
Give more:

Everything is exactly as it was.

What make things to happen?

After all that grasping, have I finally let go of Luce?

The feeling/belief, understanding, seeing - befor this investigation - What you are, Are you that?

Here and now, I can't seem to find the things that worried Luce. I can't find the scared child. Fun, yes :)

What is Luce now - if it is not an imagined persona?

Love,
Lubo

[Luce]

Hi Lubo

What make things to happen?

Nothing. Life lives. No-one controlling anything.

The feeling/belief, understanding, seeing - befor this investigation - What you are, Are you that?

I don't know what I am. This is unfolding. I know that I am not what I thought I was before this investigation.

What is Luce now - if it is not an imagined persona?

Luce is an imagined persona. A story I had been living and took to be separate and all that there was.

It doesn't feel like there is a watcher watching from behind my eyes any more. It feels like the pictures are in front of the eyes. It feels like there is much still to unfold.

Love, Luce

[Lubo]

Mmm :)

It doesn't feel like there is a watcher watching from behind my eyes any more. It feels like the pictures are in front of the eyes. It feels like there is much still to unfold.

Let's unfold from here:
Does the eyes are someone?
Look here - eyes are someone that is separate from the seen 1+1=2 but nonduaity
Now look at this very moment - computer in front of you
then notice nouse - in front of you
1. are the computer and nouse know/experience that thy are here? or Are they have an idea that they are here in this very moment exactly in the way they are?
after that investigation look at this:
2. add to computer & nouse - eyes: are they (eyes) know that they are here at all- in this very moment ?

And now - computer+nouse+eyes are not real- in the way that there is something to\from what they appear.

look again in this way - computer is just an experience for you - colours forms, sensations, smell test, sound
nouse and eyes the same - notice how thoughts create separation - this is this, this is that - but if you remove any separation for you vast space all this beauty is what?
is there something more then 1 experience - including thoughts?
Can you say that experience is real?
Mirage in the dessert , rainbow, the blue of the sky, , the sound of tundehstom, wind, rain - appear and disappear.
this picture in front of you, where it is coming from?
What is real: where the picture/Life is coming from or the "place" where all they are coming from?
Now look what is behind the beauty?
Notice the real vast body where all bodies and life appear from?
Is that too much for you? or your are curious?
Share what is coming.

So much Love to you,
Lubo

[Luce]

Hi Lubo

It's hard to distinguish my direct experience from the conceptual knowledge I have of nonduality. When I inquire, I can feel that my conceptual knowledge is true but it isn't yet my direct experience. Words are inadequate to explain how I know it is true. Whenever I think about this or inquire into my direct experience, I can feel something. My conceptual knowledge tells me that I am feeling the vastness, awareness, consciousness, the universe, whatever you want to call it. But it doesn't quite feel like that... yet..? It feels like I am only experiencing a fraction and I have no idea in my direct experience how vast it is. Whatever it is, it is light and peaceful and joyous. But different to how I have experienced those things in the past, as emotions. It has an intimate reality that I am experiencing more and more, that is now always there when I inquire. I'm going to call it the universe in this post, even though that's not quite (yet) how I am experiencing it.

Share what is coming.

I will do my best to answer your questions from my direct experience. I'm going to work through your post sharing as I go.

are the computer and nouse know/experience that thy are here? or Are they have an idea that they are here in this very moment exactly in the way they are?

I don't know. The idea would have seemed ridiculous before because Luce thought they were material objects out there in an objective reality. Writing this, I can feel the universe. I feel like I have no idea just HOW wrong Luce was about everything, locked into her illusion of a separate self. If the computer and mouse arise out of the same conscious energy as everything else how do I know they're not conscious? The simple answer to the question is that I don't know.

are they (eyes) know that they are here at all- in this very moment ?

I don't know anything Lubo. It feels like what I call eyes are windows through which something much bigger is experiencing experience. Not Luce.

computer+nouse+eyes are not real- in the way that there is something to\from what they appear.

From my conceptual knowledge, I would say that they all arise out of the stuff of the universe. I can feel the truth of that but it is not my direct experience of those things. Previously, I would have said that the mouse and the computer were still there when I wasn't looking at them but now it feels more likely that all experience is manifesting in the here and now. I'm somewhere between my conceptual knowledge of nonduality and nonduality as lived experience.

look again in this way - computer is just an experience for you - colours forms, sensations, smell test, sound
nouse and eyes the same - notice how thoughts create separation - this is this, this is that - but if you remove any separation for you vast space all this beauty is what?

The only reason I think that is a computer or a mouse is because that it what thought says. That process is so automatic that I don't even necessarily sense a separate thought. Every sensory experience has a label to go with it. All of those labels arise in thought. I see that for what it is, and that it creates separation but I don't know how to get beyond that.

is there something more then 1 experience - including thoughts?

YES! I can feel the universe intimately.

Can you say that experience is real?

I don't even know what 'real' means any more. It feels real. But less and less in the sense that it has some independent reality. Or I guess I mean that it feels less and less like there is something real that is being experienced. That the experience and the thing being experienced are not separate. I don't know.

this picture in front of you, where it is coming from?
What is real: where the picture/Life is coming from or the "place" where all they are coming from?
Now look what is behind the beauty?
Notice the real vast body where all bodies and life appear from?

What feels most real right now is the intimate feeling of the universe. Conceptually I know that everything arises from this. There is still a sense of separation though.

Is that too much for you? or your are curious?

This is such a good question. I am curious but also afraid. I think the fear must arise from all of that conditioning that made up Luce. Fear of letting go of the remnants. But I want to trust the universe and surrender. That's the whole point I think. With each step along this 'path' I feared I was throwing a depth charge into my life, and with each step it feels like ervything has changed but nothing has. This particular life from this unique perspective is still here living itself. Conceptually I know that I need to keep surrendering, to let go, to trust the universe, to enjoy the dance of energy flowing. Stop seeking and just see. Every time I have done that and taken another 'step' it's all been OK. Better than OK. But there is defintely fear of the unkown, of not knowing how things will change, if I'll still do my job and deal with practicalities.


But now I have a meeting to go to. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Much love, Luce

[Luce]

OK, so my meeting was an online writing group I attend every week. I logged on immediately after I posted my last post, with the universe still buzzing, immediate, intimate. And the flow was so apparent in the discussions and in my writing. I was open to the universe and the universe provided.

One of the things that scares me is that so much of Luce's life and identity was built around concepts. Working as an academic is all about concepts. And so many concepts are being dismantled on this path. But just because the concepts are not what I thought they were does not mean they don't arise from the same place that everything else does. The concepts arise in the flow of the universe and surrendering does not mean they go away. Quite the opposite I suspect, that I will be enjoy playing with them just because they are there, not because it is something that I do as a job.

[Lubo]

I hear you Luce,

Working as an academic is all about concepts.

BIG YES!
What academic is investigate and trying to create a map.
We are already that.

One of the things that scares me is that so much of Luce's life and identity was built around concepts.

Mmm, why to be scared, are we a concept?

My conceptual knowledge tells me that I am feeling the vastness, awareness.

Aha , I see. OK. We are infinite, we have infinite parts and we can identify with any of them.
Let's make an simple experiment:
Finger and face:
Identify with the face only "I am the face" and allow finger to touch you.
Notice you are touched by finger - how does it feel?

Then shift, notice that finger freely is touching the face, so something is moving the finger, someone is the finger - "You are the finger" touching the face, face is just here doesn't move and face is simply touched by you - how does it feels?
Play and share.
And now back to your sharing:
" I am feeling the vastness, awareness" You are Yes! Luce Is! I amness is the gate and you found that I amness, "I Luce" is floating in vastness, awareness, One Love. Notice that you can be vastness where any "I am" appear? In the same way as finger and face.
This is how things are.
and
We are investigating to find that:

I feel like I have no idea just HOW wrong Luce was about everything, locked into her illusion of a separate self.

Luce is the san/daughter of Infinite space and Luce Is Loved unconditionally! And she can't be wrong, only the voice of shame/ fear is wrong.

the computer and mouse arise out of the same conscious energy as everything else how do I know they're not conscious

Let's look here: Consciousness is Consciousness, but not you. During the sleep when the dream appear with all pictures and sounds - this is Consciousness, but are you the dream and the show?
Where the show/dreem appear from? which energy is this?

Because the words are close and the mistake is coming from them, notice Consciousness and Awareness are smilingly similar.
Check how the differentiation appear effortlessly for you:
Consciousness/computer, nouse, eyes are Aware - notice the respond in you -is that sounds right ?

It feels like what I call eyes are windows through which something much bigger is experiencing experience. Not Luce.

Let's make diffraction here "experiencing experience" - how you share above you experience yourself " I amnees Luse" Vastness - this is important. And Consciousness appear as 5 senses, exactly in the same why the dream appear. You are and the dream is. You experience yourself - you are and there is a dream - dream is. Sound is sound is not what you experience. Consciousness is Consciousness is not what you experience.
The same example when you are in the cinema, you can experience only yourself and move is move-colours, sounds now there is 5 D movie even.
How does it feel "I experience the movie vs I experience only myself and cannot experience move, movie is just a movie?

Love,
Lubo

[Lubo]

Hi Luce,
Now I see that we are investigating everything instead of you. This is why you here.

Forget everything !
Now look at your own Direct Experience - what is your experience of yourself?
Share the contractions- where are they in you?

Love,
Lubo

[Luce]

Hi Lubo

Forget everything !

This morning I read the whole of Alan Watts 'The Book', and I think I see how things have always been.
It was so perfect to log on to tell you this and to find this message.

Now look at your own Direct Experience - what is your experience of yourself?

When I look for myself, there is only Awareness. Right now, there are no contradictions, just Awareness, lightness :)

I think I see but it's so fresh that I don't know if this is just another glimpe. I don't think so. That indescribable sense of Awareness, of Isness feels foundational in a way that it didn't before. A Wholeness unfolding..?

The light on the corner of the keys as I type, the feel of them under my fingers.

Much love, Luce

[Lubo]

When I look for myself, there is only Awareness. Right now, there are no contradictions, just Awareness, lightness :)

YES!

I think I see but it's so fresh that I don't know if this is just another glimpe. I don't think so

Fresh Yes .

That indescribable sense of Awareness, of Isness feels foundational

Foundation, I like this. It is so pleasurable to feel home, Love.

So much Love,
Lubo

[Luce]

Hi Lubo

I know I have woken up. The descriptions I have read of this make sense now. I know this is only the beginning, the first "step" on a new "journey". Everything is so different but just the same. I have Awareness where Luce's head used to be. The feeling of separation is gone. Such Mystery still to unfold.

Thank you, my friend. I hope we can continue to talk as this unfolds. What happens next with LU?

Love, Luce

[Lubo]

Hi Luce ,

" I know this is only the beginning, the first "step" on a new "journey"."

I see it more like We are already done, We are what we are already and what left is to see what we want to enjoy, to mastery. Where do you want to focus your attention?

"I have Awareness where Luce's head used to be."

Nice :)

" The feeling of separation is gone."

Super!

You are more than welcome.

If you feel ready to finish your thread here and move toward confirmation, just let me know, and I will send you the final questions?
After you answer them, our three other guides in the forum will review the thread and may have a few follow-up questions for you. Once that step is complete, you'll be confirmed.

Alternatively, we can certainly continue chatting here, or we can transition the conversation to email if you prefer that format for ongoing discussion.

What feels right for you?

So much Love,
Lubo