I is burning

[Noreferencesanymore]

Long day, full of activity and stimulation, and now I'm tired. :)

hello John,

So, what's next? You mentioned "clarity and confusions". We can explore those or let them come out in the wash.

Share what the heart is saying Joseph...and we'll go from there.

mmm

Well, it comes to me that the time to finish the enquiry will be when it's obvious it has already finished. In a similar way the completion of a work of art it's never finished, but we can say it's finished when further modifications can only worsen the result.

I don't feel the enquiry has finished. But I also feel the doubts are also part of the illusion. And this reminds me of an image I enjoy. The image shows a heap of rocks in a beach that supports a signpost over them that warns of the danger that the rocks represent. :)

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Joseph,

Long day, full of activity and stimulation, and now I'm tired. :)

hello John,

So, what's next? You mentioned "clarity and confusions". We can explore those or let them come out in the wash.

Share what the heart is saying Joseph...and we'll go from there.

mmm

Well, it comes to me that the time to finish the enquiry will be when it's obvious it has already finished. In a similar way the completion of a work of art it's never finished, but we can say it's finished when further modifications can only worsen the result.

I don't feel the enquiry has finished. But I also feel the doubts are also part of the illusion. And this reminds me of an image I enjoy. The image shows a heap of rocks in a beach that supports a signpost over them that warns of the danger that the rocks represent. :)

As long as we're not still here in our 90's Joseph. LOL :)

Let's explore the doubts. Nice image.

One aspect of seeing which is quite funny in a way, is that any doubts that I had were based on what I knew, which had no resemblance to what happened or happens. As that was new rather than knew. :)

So let's pick at these doubts Joseph. They may even come together as one key doubt/fear.

What comes up then with respect to doubts/fears?

With best wishes,
John

[Noreferencesanymore]

One aspect of seeing which is quite funny in a way, is that any doubts that I had were based on what I knew, which had no resemblance to what happened or happens. As that was new rather than knew. :)

Yes. It's true :) That's a daily realization. Anytime that I believe I know, or I fear I don't, I'm identified with the past. There's joy in discovering those candies.

So let's pick at these doubts Joseph. They may even come together as one key doubt/fear.

What comes up then with respect to doubts/fears?

There are doubts about how many of the knowledge straws can be cut. How much the being can be set loose without "checking" :D. Those are impulses are recognized as the habit of seeking safety. And there's still experience of fear when faced with the illusion of choice about the uncomfortable truths being exposed, and the wanting to protect the familiar identity, which may not be actively believed in, but by default yes. And there is a recognition at the same time of the absurdity of the worry, so it all happens less and less, and the joy is more obvious it was always there. It feels like a gradual forgetting of identity. Amnesia with flashbacks. There is data, but looks dead. It doesn't smell tasty so it's not eaten.

And there are doubts about readiness also. About what is here more to look that isn't going to be looked by itself anyway. And I'm watching what I'm saying and it's like the answer doesn't really interests me very much. It's obvious that I'm still here talking to myself and that's what's it is. Nobody can tell me I'm this or that. There is no point in waiting for a diploma because there is no diploma, there is no other, and there is no me. Just this divine play of ping pong.

I really don't know what to say my friend.

Every worry seems irrelevant. Every search seems pointless. Each day I feel more bored of thinking about life. Now that I know I don't -and could not- have a life I just want to be the witness of the enjoyment without seeking any more.

Best wishes

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Joseph,

One aspect of seeing which is quite funny in a way, is that any doubts that I had were based on what I knew, which had no resemblance to what happened or happens. As that was new rather than knew. :)

Yes. It's true :) That's a daily realization. Anytime that I believe I know, or I fear I don't, I'm identified with the past. There's joy in discovering those candies.

Yes.

So let's pick at these doubts Joseph. They may even come together as one key doubt/fear.

What comes up then with respect to doubts/fears?

There are doubts about how many of the knowledge straws can be cut. How much the being can be set loose without "checking" :D. Those are impulses are recognized as the habit of seeking safety. And there's still experience of fear when faced with the illusion of choice about the uncomfortable truths being exposed, and the wanting to protect the familiar identity, which may not be actively believed in, but by default yes. And there is a recognition at the same time of the absurdity of the worry, so it all happens less and less, and the joy is more obvious it was always there. It feels like a gradual forgetting of identity. Amnesia with flashbacks. There is data, but looks dead. It doesn't smell tasty so it's not eaten.

Nicely described. As you say, the illusion of choice comes with the illusion of a chooser. Yet, in my experience, all is not pre-determined, but is created on the spot in the response of the body/mind as an organism of life. The difference between re-action ("I" referring to a conditioned past/pattern) and response-ability of the body/mind.

And there are doubts about readiness also. About what is here more to look that isn't going to be looked by itself anyway. And I'm watching what I'm saying and it's like the answer doesn't really interests me very much. It's obvious that I'm still here talking to myself and that's what's it is. Nobody can tell me I'm this or that. There is no point in waiting for a diploma because there is no diploma, there is no other, and there is no me. Just this divine play of ping pong.

LOL :) I know that feeling of dis-interest. I find more and more that there is less and less known. Even what was thought to be known is more an active hypothesis.

Sure there may be fear about "disappearing" - but the truth will be seen a little more, a little more, or not.

I really don't know what to say my friend.

Every worry seems irrelevant. Every search seems pointless. Each day I feel more bored of thinking about life. Now that I know I don't -and could not- have a life I just want to be the witness of the enjoyment without seeking any more.

Best wishes

That says everything. :D

Life is a mystery and I find each day, more and more immersion in that mystery, of the mystery. It's what it is.

Keep writing Joseph...with whatever shows up.

WIth best wishes,
John

[Noreferencesanymore]

Oh, leaden mirror of truth, invisible eye of the eternal. Tell me, what is the purpose of anything at all?

Today in the menu are emotions of being sunk in the abyss of meh! Gazing into the screen, sitting on the couch with the head hanging to one side. OH that's enjoyable too.

The image of a giant plunger sailing my guts is what's on liberation TV on channel 1. The forgotten feelings parade is on channel 2! Yes we're going to channel surf my soul tonight! And all channels looks kinda pointless :D

Best wishes John

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Joseph,

Oh, leaden mirror of truth, invisible eye of the eternal. Tell me, what is the purpose of anything at all?

Today in the menu are emotions of being sunk in the abyss of meh! Gazing into the screen, sitting on the couch with the head hanging to one side. OH that's enjoyable too.

The image of a giant plunger sailing my guts is what's on liberation TV on channel 1. The forgotten feelings parade is on channel 2! Yes we're going to channel surf my soul tonight! And all channels looks kinda pointless :D

Best wishes John

Is a flower pointless? A beetle? A buzzard? Is LIFE pointless?

Says who? ;)

Notice any subtle feeling of separation from life. Only in separation can we judge.

Please explore...

With best wishes,
John

[Noreferencesanymore]

Is a flower pointless? A beetle? A buzzard? Is LIFE pointless?

Says who? ;)

Notice any subtle feeling of separation from life. Only in separation can we judge.

Please explore...

There are feelings of separation, resistance and disappointment. Nothing subtle about them. They're so obvious and so phony that I want to play with them, now that they are visiting tonight.

I'm writing whatever shows up :)

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Joseph,

Is a flower pointless? A beetle? A buzzard? Is LIFE pointless?

Says who? ;)

Notice any subtle feeling of separation from life. Only in separation can we judge.

Please explore...

There are feelings of separation, resistance and disappointment. Nothing subtle about them. They're so obvious and so phony that I want to play with them, now that they are visiting tonight.

I'm writing whatever shows up :)

Cool. Me too. :)

Let's see what shows up tomorrow.

Best wishes,
John

[Noreferencesanymore]

Hi Joseph,
Cool. Me too. :)

Let's see what shows up tomorrow.

Thanks for being so much like space John. I totally appreciate that.

[Noreferencesanymore]

Wow. It's incredible to see the forces of personality arising once again and realizing it's not me, even in the turmoil.

Hi John, today I'm alone at my girlfriend's home. She wanted to drive to a forest to see the trees of autumn, and ended up going by herself and upset because I wasn't eager to go. Days ago she said she wanted to go very much, and 100 times more with me, and she knows I'm not eager about travelling, although I said I'd probably go. But this morning I just wasn't up to the expectations. No fight and no big drama, just friction in the air, avoidance of looking in the eyes, long face, and those kinds things, I could feel her judgement. Some time ago I would have tried to avoid being in this kind of situation, to show I was trying to do something, but today I listened at the energy and I wanted to see what happens if I do nothing that doesn't arise spontaneously, to risk being judged and not trying to control or justify it, being alone with this and accept the consequences.

So now I'm sitting here. Many energies through the body. Synapses sparkling. Not interested in entertaining my self. Just here.

I read what I've just written. Interesting how fast it's become the past. The present is fresher than words.

I'm here for a while.

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Joseph,

Wow. It's incredible to see the forces of personality arising once again and realizing it's not me, even in the turmoil.

Hi John, today I'm alone at my girlfriend's home. She wanted to drive to a forest to see the trees of autumn, and ended up going by herself and upset because I wasn't eager to go. Days ago she said she wanted to go very much, and 100 times more with me, and she knows I'm not eager about travelling, although I said I'd probably go. But this morning I just wasn't up to the expectations. No fight and no big drama, just friction in the air, avoidance of looking in the eyes, long face, and those kinds things, I could feel her judgement. Some time ago I would have tried to avoid being in this kind of situation, to show I was trying to do something, but today I listened at the energy and I wanted to see what happens if I do nothing that doesn't arise spontaneously, to risk being judged and not trying to control or justify it, being alone with this and accept the consequences.

So now I'm sitting here. Many energies through the body. Synapses sparkling. Not interested in entertaining my self. Just here.

I read what I've just written. Interesting how fast it's become the past. The present is fresher than words.

I'm here for a while.

Really good to notice this Joseph and to work with the tensions and see the stories about the tensions and the "I" story to "make things right" etc, etc, etc.

One of my teachers often said about treating everybody with the same respect that we afford a stranger. Took me a while to grasp that one, and yet it's interesting how, with a stranger, there are few labels or stories about them, and so there is more respect; whereas with those closest to us, the stories tend to come rushing in and we respond to the story about someone rather than the mystery they are, as we are.

This is something that is showing up for me a lot at the moment, those close relationships and the tensions and the labels.

Thank you for sharing that.

Best wishes,
John

[Noreferencesanymore]

Really good to notice this Joseph and to work with the tensions and see the stories about the tensions and the "I" story to "make things right" etc, etc, etc.

Yes. Not making any effort to manipulate. Just being the natural simple goodness and watching what arises, and what struggles, and not buying the struggles or the stories. Everything becomes more and more obvious. And realizing that words are not needed to explain anything makes it so much easier to breathe.

So many times comes the impulse to explain something, to understand through a made up story. And then realizing that it is not true. But there is this magnetism when a story has been bought that seems to keep the being hostage for a while. It feels like an invisible crust of resistance suddenly grew around the heart. The beliefs wants to endure, and to be treated as if they were essential. Personal energy is spent to perpetuate the believes and the appeared person craves for meaning and finds problems everywhere. All of that is seen.

But there is no one anywhere.

One of my teachers often said about treating everybody with the same respect that we afford a stranger. Took me a while to grasp that one, and yet it's interesting how, with a stranger, there are few labels or stories about them, and so there is more respect; whereas with those closest to us, the stories tend to come rushing in and we respond to the story about someone rather than the mystery they are, as we are.

Yes that's a big one. To give a significant one the same respect we give a stranger, because of the lack of expectations, and to a stranger the same kind of openness that we have with a significant one, because of a lack of defensiveness, requires a kind of... I don't know, being completely here and don't buying any story, that no person can do that. The person could be defined by being the exact opposite of that. :)

This is something that is showing up for me a lot at the moment, those close relationships and the tensions and the labels.

Thank you for sharing that.

I'm happy, we're made of the same imaginary wood that burns with the same imaginary fire. :D

[s-p-a-c-e]

Hi Joseph,

I'm happy, we're made of the same imaginary wood that burns with the same imaginary fire. :D

Thought I could smell smoke. LOL :)

Best wishes,
John

[Noreferencesanymore]

Hi John,

yesterday I went to sleep feeling calm and quiet. The sporadic snoring sounds coming from the other side of the bed were not annoying. Cold sheets weren't uncomfortable. In that regard I wasn't there to resist. Emotions and memories were active though, and I remember thinking about a couple of social situations that felt awkward that day, and how suddenly it was clear how easy every relation would be if people weren't treated as people, but as the same non-personal energy that I am. Obvious? Of course. So then who is there to treat people as people? :D

Today I awake feeling hypersensitive to sounds, light, every movement anywhere felt aggressive. And noises from breathes and steps to swallow downs of food. A mess of Christmas lights wires in the mouth of the stomach... Going out of the bed feels like walking out of a pool tar. Gosh. This is so much fun in an odd way.

But it's fine! Today the plan is we're gonna eat and go to a fair! I suppose there's no better day than today to check the truth of my absence surrounded by non-existent and noisy crowds. :) Yay!

best wishes

[Noreferencesanymore]

This pattern feels like a stabilization of some kind. There's no floor nor roof in this process. No absolute references, but there appears to be a body and a mind, an environment, an interaction, a release of springs is causing havoc. Who feels threatened? A provoking energy is moving as a pendulum, a wrecking ball for identities still standing.