Requesting a guide

[Firen]

Has it happened again?

No, not a shift in perception. That has not happened again. Other things have happened. I have dropped huge chunks of angst in the past month. I see thoughts sometimes and laugh at their absurdity. It's much easier to let go of them. But I am still getting caught up in selfing quite often.

When the shift in perception happened on Oct 15 I knew without a doubt that the other people I was looking at had no selves. I saw them almost like they were little automations in a video game—walking down the street, talking on their cell phones, driving their cars, scurrying around on their lunch breaks—and none of them realizing that they weren't real at all. Their important little lives were all a fiction. I did not look at myself though.

"I've been living in a room full of light wondering if I'm in the dark."

I am looking at my expectations. There are a lot there. Perhaps they are blocking me from seeing. I will investigate.

[Anastacia42]

"I've been living in a room full of light wondering if I'm in the dark."

Yes, I believe you have already had a shift & you're only stuck in doubt & expectations.

knew without a doubt that the other people I was looking at had no selves

Let me see if I've got this straight. No one had a self but you? Doesn't that seem a bit odd?

Loving,

[Firen]

Let me see if I've got this straight. No one had a self but you? Doesn't that seem a bit odd?

Hahaha. Yes, the obvious implication is that I too have no self. I'm not any different than the people I was looking at. I just didn't examine my own "self" directly while I was in the shifted state. It didn't occur to me to do this. I remember thinking how odd everything felt and marveling at the open, expansive feeling and the complete lack of worry or fear. I searched for worry and couldn't find it anywhere. It all felt like a strange, colorful, incredibly intricate piece of theater.

What you're saying about doubt and expectations makes sense. I will look there now.

Firen

[Anastacia42]

You see when that happened to me I was finished.

[Firen]

Hi Stacy,

I went back and read through your conversation with Ilona again. The part where Ilona asks if a tree has a doer hit me in an interesting way. A tree has no doer. A tree trees. Animals animal. Humans human. It can be no other way.

Still, I do not know what I have seen or not seen.

I made a list of my beliefs and expectations. It is not exhaustive. Logically, I know none of these are true. But I can tell that I still believe them. How to inquire into the root of belief? Perhaps: "Is this true?"

Beliefs
- Danger can come out of nowhere. I (the mind) must protect against surprise danger by being hyper vigilant and sounding the alarm.
- Life is dangerous. Life is scary. All things are driven by fear.
- I am not awake. I am asleep.
- I must solve the problem of awakening.
- "I" must wake up.
- Also: "I" cannot wake up because the I will cease to be upon awakening.
- There is a gap between where I am and where I want to be.
- I am doing it wrong.
- There is nothing there—nothing behind thoughts—it's just empty. It's not where awakening is to be found.
- I must "do" something to awaken; I must think about it.
- The "I" is slippery and tricky; it will try to trick me. I must stay vigilant.
- I am deceiving myself.
- I am the subject in a world full of objects.
- My thoughts carry truth.
- I would not be able to function without my thoughts.
- Seeing the no self is just the first part of the waking up process; the process is lifelong. But seeing no self is the biggest shift.
- I am "doing" things. I am making decisions. I am a doer.
- I am lost.
- There is something wrong.
- There is an insurmountable gulf between me and god/my true nature.
- I must find my true nature. It is out there somewhere—apart from me.
- I am contained within this body. I am separate from other people and things.
- I can control certain aspects of my life.
- The voice in my head is me.
- I am afraid of death.
- I am afraid of old age and disease.
- If I see the no self but then it shifts back into normal perception, I have not woken up.
- Waking up is hard; that's why no one does it. We are not meant to wake up; that's why it's so hard.
- Waking up is simple. It is so simple that it gets completely missed.
- I must strive to wake up. I must strive to have the things I want in life.
- I need to somehow figure out how to give up all of my thoughts, desires, wants, needs in order to wake up. I don't know how to do this.
- I have lots of layers of beliefs and expectations that I cannot see and that are keeping me from waking up. I don't know how to find them.
- Self-inquiry is not working for me.
- ButtChair is not working for me.
- I don't know how to tell if I'm awake or not.
- It may take me a very long time to wake up. I am scared of it taking a lot time for me to wake up.
- I am wasting my life by being asleep. There is a different, beautiful reality that I am missing.
- The world is real. I am real. What I see, feel, touch, taste, hear are really there.

Expectations
- I will know it when I wake up.
- When I wake up it will be a sudden, clear shift.
- When I wake up colors will get brighter; I will experience a temporary state of bliss—"honeymoon phase."
- After I wake up I will feel different; I won't feel like a "me" anymore.
- Once I wake up I will leave seeking behind. The need to seek will dissolve on its own.
- Once I wake up I will not suffer anymore.
- Waking up will permanently change how I perceive myself and the world.

[Anastacia42]

Yes, inquire with the Work of Byron Katie.

www.thework.com

https://youtu.be/zPQYunNwXsQ?si=a6GO9WAOeBoXvUxc

Loving

[Firen]

Hi Stacy,

Been exploring this, and yes, something has shifted. The sense of "me" is still there most of the time, but it's becoming easier to recognize thoughts as the wheels of momentum turning and less as something "I" am "doing." Once recognized, they often then just get dropped and attention returns to a neutral, open space (briefly, but still). Movies play on the screen of awareness because that's what they've always done. A thought pops up about a person, place, or thing and it is not taken to mean anything about "me" or about "them" but looked at more with curiosity. The thought occurred on its own and left on its own. Watching, watching a lot. Exploring the feeling of "self" a lot. Exploring the feeling of not self. Thought --> sensation in the body --> more thought --> more sensation, around and around a central contraction, like a tornado. Expansiveness or contraction; clinging to story and spinning or dropping story and returning to neutral. Waking up is a thought. What is "waking up?" I cannot see, touch, hear, taste or smell it. It does not exist. There is only this right here. Subtle, familiar, peaceful. Color, line, sensation, sound.

Still feel like "me" and still getting caught in thoughts, but things dropping away little by little.

[Anastacia42]

Thank you for the report.

"Me" Does not now and has never existed. It is a made up thought about a contraction or lie feeling.

Keep looking.

Are you using the tools I've given you?

Did you look at the work of Byron Katie for that list of beliefs you posted?

Have I sent this?

https://youtu.be/fEv7UF8evQ4?si=0quQlOl6c4S5QvUU

Loving

[Firen]

Are you using the tools I've given you?

Well, you know what, I had totally forgotten about the exercises in the Dropbox that you shared. I had done a few already and I did Perceiving Receiving and Zooming in on Peace today. I'll keep doing more of those (and won't forget about them this time!).

Did you look at the work of Byron Katie for that list of beliefs you posted?

Yes. I have not done The Work for each yet, but I watched the video of her and it was fabulous. I reviewed the 4 questions and they make so much sense. I read some of Byron Katie's stuff a few years ago and I even went to one of her online sessions a few months ago and found TW to be very confusing. Today it is as clear as day. Very exciting to have and understand how to understand that tool.

Similarly, Pernille and Todd's videos, specifically the interview of Todd, did not make a whole bunch of sense to me when you sent them to me. I thought they were interesting, but I had a belief at the time that I was not in doubt, and therefore was blocked from seeing why they were pertinent. I rewatched the video of Todd's interview today and so much of it resonated. It's fascinating how things don't make sense until you are ready to receive them.

Have I sent this?

https://youtu.be/fEv7UF8evQ4?si=0quQlOl6c4S5QvUU

No I don't think so. I will do this today.

Thank you, Stacy.

[Anastacia42]

Glad to hear all of that.

You're doing fine. Keep looking. It will come.

Love,

[Firen]

Hi Stacy,

I did The Work on some of my beliefs and noticed a pattern early on. I didn't feel the need to finish the rest. All of them give the contracted, heavy feeling. They are all lies. Always, without the belief, the feeling is levity, expansiveness, peace.

Here are the ones I did:

Beliefs

I am not awake.
- Is it true? I don't know.
- Can I absolutely know that it's true? No.
- How do I react, what happens when I believe that thought? I feel a yearning, a striving. I feel alone, sad, disappointed, heavy. Something pressing on my chest, very heavy on my chest. The LIE feeling.
- Who would I be without the thought? Connected, light, weightless, expansive, present, breath slows, body relaxes

I am doing it wrong.
- Is it true? No
- How do I react, what happens when I believe that thought? Same—big contraction in the trunk/chest/stomach. Tightening knot in the belly. Tensing and constriction of the limbs. Scowl. Eyes looking downward.
- Who would I be without the thought? Light, expansive, open, unguarded, flowing

I am "doing" things. I am making decisions. I am a doer.
- Is this true? Maybe? Sometimes?
- Can I absolutely know that it's true? No.
- How do I react, what happens when I believe that thought? Heaviness, effort, struggle, tired, overwhelmed, knot in stomach, sluggish, disinterest, feeling of carrying the world
- Who would I be without the thought? Relieved! Free, carefree, joyful, playful, inspired

The voice in my head is me.
- Is it true? I don't think so.
- Can I absolutely know that it's true. No.
- How do I react, what happens when I believe that thought? Oof, the voice says all kinds of awful things. My life becomes unmanageable. I feel tied up. I can't make up my mind. It feels like war in my head. The voice changes so much I get confused.
- Who would I be without the thought? Absolutely thrilled. I would be thrilled. Such a great weight I could put down

I don't know how to tell if I'm awake or not.
- Is it true? No.
- How do I react, what happens when I believe that thought? Contraction in the trunk. Lots of thoughts saying different things. Tensing of jaw, face, eyes. Breath shallows.
- Who would I be without the thought? Simply just here.

I have a self.
- Is it true? No.
- How do I react, what happens when I believe that thought? Contraction in the body. Tensing. Gripping. Trying to control. Worrying. Endlessly analyzing. Fear. So much fear.
- Who would I be without the thought? Lighter, easier, more present, more forgiving, breathing more deeply, sleeping more soundly. Without thought there is no self. It just isn't there.

Expectations

After I watched the Todd video I realized that my expectations are just stories. They aren't real either.

- I will know it when I wake up.
- When I wake up it will be a sudden, clear shift.
- When I wake up colors will get brighter; I will experience a temporary state of bliss "honeymoon phase."
- After I wake up I will feel different; I won't feel like a "me" anymore.
- Once I wake up I will leave seeking behind. The need to seek will dissolve on its own.
- Once I wake up I will not suffer anymore.
- Waking up will permanently change how I perceive myself and the world.

Just thoughts. I was expecting some kind of fireworks to knock me off my feet like Eckhart Tolle style or Byron Katie. None of these expectations are always true.

Here is the summary of learnings:

-All beliefs are thoughts. All thoughts are beliefs. All thoughts are lies. This is obvious in the body upon looking.
-Absence of belief/thought = joy, peace, the body relaxes, sensations are experienced directly. There is no past, no future, no time, no worries, no fears, nothing but here. This is also obvious in the body upon looking.
-The sense of self is thought + contraction in the body. Sense of self vanishes when there is no thought because it is nothing but a thought.

Old patterns could stick around for a while. Or not. Feeling a sense of self does not mean it is there. Feeling a sense of self means there is a thought + a contraction in the body. Feeling a sense of self does not change the fact that there is no self and never was a self. It does not erase the SEEING. Thoughts and feelings can be seen through and revealed to be nothing.

[Anastacia42]

Good! Good learnings. Excellent, in fact.

How does it FEEL to see all of this?

Where are your Turn Arounds? That completes the learning very solidly.

HOW TO DO TURN AROUNDS is attached if it worked. If not, I'll paste it

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

HOW TO DO TURN AROUNDS



Turn Arounds are just a grammar exercise.

Usually, we only get stuck when our thinking or our emotions are stuck. It’s not about the words themselves. By thinking of it as a grammar exercise, you can simply find opposites.

If you can find the opposite of a word, you can do Turn Arounds. The simplest way to do turn arounds is to find an opposite of each word in the sentence, one at a time. (Then you can do double turn arounds if you like, but start with one word at a time.)

If you have a 4 word sentence, you can find at least 5 Turn Arounds, one for the opposite of each word, plus the “My Thinking” Turn Around:

Judgment: Mary shouldn’t hit Joe.

Turn Around “Mary”:

I shouldn’t hit Joe.

Joe shouldn’t hit Mary.

Turn Around “should not”:

Mary should hit Joe.

Turn Around “hit”

Mary shouldn’t caress Joe.

Turn around “Joe”:

Mary shouldn’t hit Mary.

Mary shouldn’t hit me.

Then there are a couple of additional Turn Arounds we can do:

The “My Thinking” Turn Around:

My thinking shouldn’t hit Joe.

The “Someone” Turn Around:

Someone shouldn’t hit Joe.

Mary shouldn’t hit someone.

That was 10 Turn Arounds for one 4-word sentence. You can do this!



The “Someone” Turn Around is very useful when the thought under inquiry is about a skill or a resource. You may not have that skill or resource, but “someone” does!

I don’t have enough money.

Someone Turn Around:

Someone has enough money.






More Turn Arounds

When the judgment is more complex, there are even more Turn Arounds. Here are about a dozen Turn Arounds for a single judgment. You can use these as a guide when you feel stuck.



Original Judgment Thought:

I am angry at Sally because she treats her co-workers poorly.



Turn Around to Other:

I am angry at me because I treat my co-workers poorly.

I am angry at me because I treat Sally poorly.

I am angry at me because I treat Sally’s co-workers poorly.



Turn Around to Self:

I'm angry at me because I treat me poorly.



Turn Around to Opposite:

I am not angry at Sally because she treats her co-workers poorly.

I am happy with Sally because she treats her co-workers poorly. (without “not”)

I am happy with Sally because she doesn’t treat her co-workers poorly. (without “not”)

I'm not angry at me because Sally treats her co-workers poorly.

While using “not” is a valid turn around. It can be powerful to find the actual opposite of the word.




Turn Around to "My Thinking"

I’m angry at my thinking because it treats Sally’s co-workers poorly.

I’m angry at my thinking because it treats Sally poorly.

I’m angry at my thinking because it treats me poorly.

My thinking is angry at Sally because she treats her co-workers poorly.



Turn Around to a Metaphor

Maybe you wrote, “I don’t like Sally drinking alcohol,” but you do not drink alcohol. What do you do that is similar? Do you smoke? Do you shop? Do you have sex? Do you judge Sally in unhealthy, obsessive or addictive ways?



Turn Around to the Same Words, A Reframe
Also Known as the Yahoo! Turn Around

If you wrote, "I don't like Sally," you could Turn Around without changing any words, just by changing the meaning.


Yahoo! I don’t like Sally!

For example, “I don’t like Sally,” could be referring to the “Sally” in your mind that you think about, not actually to Sally as she exists. You don’t like the Sally in your mind (or your story about Sally) when you think, “I don’t like Sally.”



Find at Least 3 Examples or Proofs

Find at least 3 examples in your life where each Turn Around is true or could be true. Why 3? Because only one usually isn’t enough. Two puts you in a double-bind of either/or. Three helps break us loose so then we can see many proofs.

The Turn Around for Number Six (on the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet (JYN)

The Turn Around for the last question on the "Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet" where you write your answer to “I don’t ever want to experience (_______) with that person again” is a bit different. There are two of them.

A. I am willing to experience (_____________).

Find 3 examples or proofs.



B. I look forward to experiencing (____________).

Find 3 examples or proofs.

Look forward to these situations that seemingly cause stress & upset because they remind us to come back to Inquiry, to question our untrue thinking and find peace.

[Firen]

Where are your Turn Arounds?

I will do them today!

[Firen]

This is perhaps cheating, but I asked ChatGPT how to do the turnarounds and it asked me if I wanted to do one together. I chose "I am not awake." The output from ChattyG is very good!

🌿 Original thought:

“I am not awake.”
(meaning: “I’m not enlightened / I’m still asleep / I don’t get it yet.”)

🪞Step 1: Question the thought

1️⃣ Is it true?
Maybe your immediate answer is yes — it feels true because you still experience confusion, pain, ego, etc. But stay curious: is it absolutely true?

2️⃣ Can you absolutely know it’s true?
What’s your definition of “awake”? How do you know what “awake” is or what it looks like?
Maybe there’s no fixed standard. Maybe even this moment of questioning is awareness — a kind of wakefulness.

3️⃣ How do you react—what happens—when you believe “I am not awake”?
You might feel shame, striving, comparison, disappointment, or separation from some imagined “awake” version of yourself or others.
You may try to “fix” yourself instead of noticing that the thought itself is the unawakeness.

4️⃣ Who would you be without the thought “I am not awake”?
Notice your body and breath. Without that thought, what’s here?
Perhaps there’s quiet, simplicity, or presence. You might find that what remains is wakefulness — effortless and ordinary.

🔄 Step 2: Turnarounds

We’ll do three core types of turnaround.

1. Turnaround to the Opposite

“I am awake.”

Look for three genuine examples of how this could be true right now:

You’re aware enough to notice and question your own mind — that’s wakefulness.

You recognize when you’re lost in thought — noticing that is awareness.

You care about truth; that caring itself is consciousness stirring.

When you let those in, maybe “awake” stops being an ideal state and becomes a description of what’s already happening.

2. Turnaround to the Self

“My thinking is not awake.”

This often reveals the layer that’s actually causing the suffering.
Examples:

The thought “I am not awake” is the sleepy one — it’s repeating an old story instead of noticing what’s alive right now.

The mind keeps comparing; comparison is what dreams do.

When I believe I’m not awake, I identify with that story — that’s the unawareness itself.

3. Turnaround to the Other / the Mirror

“Awakening is not about me.”
—or—
“Awakening doesn’t depend on me.”

Possible truths:

Wakefulness isn’t a personal achievement; it arises naturally when identification drops.

The “I” who wants to be awake is the one that disappears when awakening happens — so it can’t get there.

Reality itself is already awake, holding even this moment of doubt.

🌸 Step 3: Let it land

Notice the felt sense of each version.
Which one feels truer, lighter, or more peaceful?
For many people, the insight comes as:

“The only thing not awake is the thought that says I’m not.”

And as that thought quiets, there’s nothing left but awareness itself — simple, awake, and already here.