good place

[daisyrain]

Labeling sensations as such just resulted in some sort of tumbling. Rolling through sensations without finding footing, just rolling

[graceabounds]

I think there is a vulnerability I'm afraid of not knowing how to deal with.

Don’t think, look.

Sitting in a room, curtains closed, you wonder what the weather is like outside. You can think about it, look it up on the internet, watch the forecast on TV, call your mother and ask her - or you can simply open the curtains and have a look…

open the curtains, what is behind the sensation in direct experience now?

[daisyrain]

I did it to the point of it occuring in my dreams (that felt powerful, I tell you), and I'll continue to do so.

I'm not sure what looking behind it means, I only find nothing around the sensation, but it seems to not mean anything.

Staying with the sensation feels like landing a spaceship that exerts thrust in random directions all the time. I've read too many book about spaceships recently, but it feels oddly fitting.

There's no answer here, but I've found something to bite into, and I do that now.

Best, Nils:)

[daisyrain]

the feeling of tension changes into a thin hairline when looked at closely

[daisyrain]

Sinking feeling in the stomach, then sensation moves noticeably into the legs and feet. Odd

[graceabounds]

Ok, so if nothing is behind the sensation of I and it isn’t protecting anyone…

What about the sensation/tension indicates ‘me’ or ‘I-ness’?

[daisyrain]

Hi, I wanted to write back and note that I'm (?) working on it.
It feels peaceful.

[daisyrain]

it's like a promise: "there's me here", and i look and it's like I'm always overlooking it.
Or it's like a hologram, and I'm always looking through it.
Bit like a game of chase too, because the feeling is always somewhere else.

[daisyrain]

there came the question if I would be okay with going through with it now.
It wasn't like other questions where asked, this felt really deep and encompassing. It was asked in a very unique but simple space. Does that make sense?
I noticed things would be different and unknown.

There was no "no"

This doesn't really sound like anything we've talked about yet, but I feel like it makes sense to share with you.
Some of that space is still open. It is clear this can only be answered sincerely.

[graceabounds]

OK, so if the sense of self is not fixed, and moves, does it exist?

Or it's like a hologram, and I'm always looking through it.

It is like Santa Claus or a unicorn. It never existed except in the imagination.


And yes, are you ready to go through with it now?

...

[daisyrain]

I think I'm overlooking something here still.
The question didn't really came back today

[graceabounds]

That’s ok.

Here is a thought exercise. Sit quietly for about 30 minutes and notice the arising thoughts. Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.

Where are they coming from and going to?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?
Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

Can you predict your next thought?
Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?
It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organized sequence? Or is that just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that ‘one thought follows another thought’?

[daisyrain]

Where are they coming from and going to?

They don't come from anywhere, just appear.
A thought/feeling comes, that they have left residue when going, but no, They are just gone.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?
Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

I couldn't find a thought that "I" made appear.
"Trying to make a throught appear" is a thought that appears.
E.g. "I'm gonna see if I can think about rocks on purpose" is itself a thought that is noticed, but I didn't cause it.

Can you predict your next thought?

I can't predict. Even every time I'm asking myself this, it comes as a question/thought, that I couldn't predict itself.

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

there is no preexisting range or set of thoughts I could pick from. I'd have to make up / generate a thought, but "I'd have to make up a thought" is just a thought that appeared without me doing it.

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

I can't find proof that "I" eneded a thought prematurely

It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organized sequence? Or is that just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that ‘one thought follows another thought’?

Thoughts do hint at a previous thought, right?
And there seems to be some correlation. Not always, but these does seem to be a coherent flow.




...


There came an increasingly obvious feeling of dread. I wanted to distract myself.
"Nothing can save me from this".
Allowing this feeling for a while, it resolved to absolute safety. More accurate, and I'm a bit ashamed to admit this, it felt like buddha. Whatever that means, it's sort of the best description I have to work with.

[graceabounds]

Thoughts do hint at a previous thought, right?
And there seems to be some correlation. Not always, but these does seem to be a coherent flow.

Write down a sequence of 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing? Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle? How long does that last? Test it for the fun of exploration.

[daisyrain]

when assuming they are linked, it can very easily seem that way, but when questioning that assumption.
I haven't quite seen through this yet.
oh god, you have to do so much work, to interpret coherence into them.

Thoughts building onto each other is not just an assumption, it's a thought.
I haven't quite seen through that yet.


Ah, there's so much "glue" between thoughts