RaamS

[indianguy]

Dear Lubo,

The reality is what you share in this: "the empty blackness ... there is some discomfort"
Notice the quality of "Blackness" can die, disappear, change?

No, the Blackness has been the same since the time I remember. Body has grown older, thoughts and ideas have changed, preferences have changed. But this feels the same. It cannot change.

Die/disappear: it does not seem like those can happen. Mind tells stories "how will I know what happens in sleep/death". But no, has not changed at all in all these years.

Discomfort - this is the only little obstacle here,

To talk a little about the discomfort, there are questions, "is this looking correct?" "Is this blackness really a something?" Am I just looking at nothing?"

Attention keeps trying to return to some 'thing', like breath, body sensation, etc, because it feels empty. As if I'm not sure if I'm awake or half-sleeping, when looking at the Blackness.

Today, the discomfort is that it feels like I might be separate from the blackness, as if I am seeing it from somewhere else.

Notice the stability to "step" to be this "Blackness" ?

This is the problem, Lubo. I don't know how to step to be the Blackness.

This "Blackness" we are - the Eros itself - now notice the discomfort is deep shadow pleasure for Eros/"Blackness?

Notice what is to find that the discomfort is Eros's deep hidden pleasure (desire or something else)?

Struggling with this part.

Love,
Raam

[indianguy]

Dear Lubo,

The idea that "I am born" is a fundamental, innocent belief passed down from our parents. It's the root of the "destiny of Me Raam.

Right, Lubo.

Thoughts will never grasp it; thoughts create a map, but the map is not the reality. You are not looking for an understanding or a map.

Right, Lubo.

The key is simple: just for a moment—for a second, for half a second—see through this story of the "destiny of Me Raam."
And simply notice what is left.

So, what is here, without the destiny of "Me Raam"?
Without "me raam " for half second - who what is looking through the eyes this wall in front?

It feels like there's nothing there.

Trying to find anything feels endless. "Nothing" feels like an unsatisfactory answer, not just in words but it feels like I have not looked correctly.

Just to describe how it goes:

With eyes open and looking at the door in front, attention moves to "who is looking at this? what knows that this exists?"
Attention moves from the door, the door is not in focus much, and "hereness" is felt. At times, it feels like hereness is only known properly when a breeze is felt. Then only it is realized, "aah, this hereness is here only".

At other times, it is quiet.

After attention moves from there, I feel that I haven't made any progress.

This is how it's been, Lubo.

Love,
Raam

[Lubo]

Hi dear Raam,

With eyes open and looking at the door in front, attention moves to "who is looking at this? what knows that this exists?"

We see that we are the only existence: a Vast, Empty Space. Everything else is just experience, constantly changing.

The eyes and the visual field are both experiences; they do not exist as separate things. Like a rainbow, which appears but is not an object or a subject called "Rainbow," these are not stable. They are always changing.

Now, notice with your eyes open and with your eyes closed that both are one single experience called the "visual field." This "visual field" does not exist as an object or subject. It is temporary.

What is behind the visual field is what we are. Without us, the visual field cannot appear or be held.

"Nothing" feels like an unsatisfactory answer

notice the relief that "Noting already IS"!
Everything else is floating in us. Everything else is held in love.
What is coming ?

Much Love,
Lubo

[Lubo]

Hi again Raam,
We are investigating what is here.
The easiest way is to share your current experience, how do you feel now?
Let's start from here.

The name of the forum is Liberation Unleashed.
What is not liberated at your own Direct experience?

So much love,
Lubo

[indianguy]

Dear Lubo,

We see that we are the only existence: a Vast, Empty Space. Everything else is just experience, constantly changing.

The eyes and the visual field are both experiences; they do not exist as separate things. Like a rainbow, which appears but is not an object or a subject called "Rainbow," these are not stable. They are always changing.

Now, notice with your eyes open and with your eyes closed that both are one single experience called the "visual field." This "visual field" does not exist as an object or subject. It is temporary.

What is behind the visual field is what we are. Without us, the visual field cannot appear or be held.

The whole thing is acceptable, firstly on an intellectual level, but yes, also in experience, in a way. If even the space in which things, body, etc appear, is considered to be a part of the visual field, then yes, I must be the just the existence.

But without knowing what the existence is like, there's a feeling that I don't know "the whole thing" yet. I'm sorry, this sounds really silly because I'm still looking for an object in some way, a part of the 'feeling' field if not the visual field itself.

But I don't know how to stop wanting that, because I don't know what the final thing is supposed to look like.

There's just frustration, confusion.

Love,
Raam

[indianguy]

notice the relief that "Noting already IS"!
Everything else is floating in us. Everything else is held in love.
What is coming ?

There's frustration, not relief right now, Lubo.

Love,
Raam

[indianguy]

Hi dear Lubo,

We are investigating what is here.
The easiest way is to share your current experience, how do you feel now?
Let's start from here.

The name of the forum is Liberation Unleashed.
What is not liberated at your own Direct experience?

I am unable to answer the question without referring to experiences of other people, and comparing with them.

1. I don't feel like I am the doer of action (most things seem to happen by themselves without a doer, even conversations with people, driving, work, etc), but it feels like I am the one who experiences some things such as discomfort, possible pain, fear of death, etc.
2. I don't seem to know with as much clarity as I hear "awakened"/"realized" people say, that there is no separate self, and that there is no boundary between things.
3. I have not experienced unbound consciousness, I don't even know what that might be like.
4. There is identification with thoughts like worry, fear, etc.
5. It feels like something that needs to be known, hasn't been known, and for that reason, I am not ready for death to come whenever it might.

Much love to you,
Raam

[Lubo]

Hi Raam,
Can you answer every day?

. I don't feel like I am the doer of action (most things seem to happen by themselves without a doer, even conversations with people, driving, work, etc), but it feels like I am the one who experiences some things such as discomfort, possible pain, fear of death, etc.

is there such an "I" that is or not a do-er?

4. There is identification with thoughts like worry, fear, etc.

YES!!! - this is the illusion that this is someone


Look at the source from which the illusion arises - what is that:
you answer here:.....
Is that source a person ?

Love,
Lubo

[indianguy]

Dear Lubo,

Can you answer every day?

I will try to answer every day.

is there such an "I" that is or not a do-er?

The question is really hard to ask myself. I have always felt this way, whatever this is, and have felt that this must be what it's like to be an "I" or for there to be an "I".

So, it's hard to tell what it's supposed to feel like. I look to see, feel the same familiarity of what it's like, and don't know what to make of it.

Love,
Raam

[indianguy]

Dear Lubo,

(Some problem with the LU page in between, I think, it said "General Error" so I submitted the previous post though it was incomplete, sorry)

YES!!! - this is the illusion that this is someone


Look at the source from which the illusion arises - what is that:
you answer here:.....
Is that source a person ?

You say the source from which it arises, I take it to mean the "place" where it is felt.

Picking a specific worry/issue that is bothering me: I am unsure as to whether I should get married or not.

When looking, it doesn't feel like a person. It feels like something that is known.. So then I think that which knows must be somewhere else, and when I go looking for that which knows, it feels out of reach.

Love,
Raan

[indianguy]

Dear Lubo,

There's something i wanted to add: since a young age, I've read Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi's books, and, without guidance, attempted some form of what i thought was self enquiry.

At that time, I developed the habit of feeling the "I" somewhere in the chest region.

That habit continues to this day, and even in moments of relaxation, just when I'm sitting down after work, I notice that attention is on some place in the chest region.

I don't know how to not focus here

When looking for "is there an I that is or is not a doer", attention good to this place.

A familiar place where I've habituated to looking for I is there, but there's just distance there, nothing intimate enough to call as I.

But i don't know if I'm looking at the right place. I don't know where I should look. I don't know which aspect of my enquiry/looking is from habit and which aspect is natural.

Love,
Raam

[Lubo]

Dear Raam,

At that time, I developed the habit of feeling the "I" somewhere in the chest region.

Look around, look at the wall. This is a wall, but it is not "I," right?
Now look at this feeling in the chest. What do you find when you see that this is not "I," but a feeling?

Look again at the wall. Is the wall itself wrong or guilty for being exactly as it is in this very moment?
Now look again at that "feeling in the chest." Is there something or someone wrong because this feeling is there?

I want you to feel the freedom. Look again in this way: there is only You. This feeling can be there and can be felt freely, without needing to be covered or fixed, or to make up a story just because this feeling is here.

When looking for "is there an I that is or is not a doer", attention good to this place.

Is the wall a doer? Just because of thoughts that the wall should be fixed, and stories about what should be done to it?
The same is true with the feeling—look at it. Notice the story because of this feeling. Is there a doer? Is the feeling a doer? Or is it just a thought-story?
Is there a separate persona when you find that what is found is simply what is found?
What exactly are you?

Picking a specific worry/issue that is bothering me: I am unsure as to whether I should get married or not.

Yes, look at the worry. This feeling we also label as "excitement." Is that feeling a doer?
Now look at the story that exists because this feeling is here. Does that feeling make you do, or not do, something?
Now, without paying attention to this feeling, look at the whole picture and check your erotic desire. Without judging yourself, what do you really want?
There are infinite ways for your life to unfold. What is the best picture for you in this moment?
There is no right or wrong way.

Is that helpful?

So much Love,
Lubo

[indianguy]

Dear Lubo,

I wanted to reply to your post yesterday, but was too tired to, and slept off.

I've been looking according to it, but the mind is a little occupied. Will reply in a few hours today, pelase.

Much love and regards,
Raam

[Lubo]

Hi dear Rraam,
Take your time.

So much Love,
Lubo

[indianguy]

Dear Lubo,

Extremely sorry to keep you waiting. I tried going through the post, sitting with the question several times, but wasn't satisfied with what I wrote in response.

Now, when I think about it, it looks like, for some reason, it feels like the mind is impatient and finds all sorts of reasons to delay this looking. The story it says is, I am in the same place, I don't get anywhere. No progress, I'm repeating the same things and not reaching anything close to realization.

Suddenly some work comes up, something else takes priority or there's so much tiredness that I'm not able to sit and peacefully enquire, because the mind is restless and racing. Now when i think about it, I'm guessing I allowed thoughts to play some tricks on me. I'm extremely sorry, Lubo.

Look around, look at the wall. This is a wall, but it is not "I," right?
Now look at this feeling in the chest. What do you find when you see that this is not "I," but a feeling?

Look again at the wall. Is the wall itself wrong or guilty for being exactly as it is in this very moment?
Now look again at that "feeling in the chest." Is there something or someone wrong because this feeling is there?

Yeah, Lubo. It's just a feelings, no more "I" than the wall. The wall is not I. In the same way, whatever I'm used to paying attention to, is also not I.

I want you to feel the freedom. Look again in this way: there is only You. This feeling can be there and can be felt freely, without needing to be covered or fixed, or to make up a story just because this feeling is here.

I can see that I exist (right now the feeling is, I exist but I am nowhere, but I feel uncomfortable to say that), and that can be felt by itself without needing to fix any other sensation/feeling.

I have heard the word freedom, but don't know if i can call this from. I am able to feel existence.

Is the wall a doer? Just because of thoughts that the wall should be fixed, and stories about what should be done to it?
The same is true with the feeling—look at it. Notice the story because of this feeling. Is there a doer? Is the feeling a doer? Or is it just a thought-story?

The wall is not a doer, it cannot do anything. I can say the same about this chest-feeling, it is not a doer, Lubo.

Will reply to the rest of your post shortly.

Love,
Raam