There was/is an idea of me…a character, if you will.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
It starts at birth - we are given a name, we are taught names, words, labels, emotions, history - these things make up the script of the character interacting with the other characters on the stage. Everything in this world imprints on the character, to measure, compare, what is more, what is less, what is good what is bad - etc. All labels overlaid to veil the no-thing that is beneath. When I stop fighting and struggling and trying to figure out what is what and why and how and on and on and just - be still, follow/trace all things, thoughts, emotions, sensations…etc - it all flows back to the same no-thing. Not good, not bad, no thing to define, no thing to defend nothing to figure out - just presence and quiet.2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
It feels light to see this, like the heaviness and spinning of searching and not finding is lifting.3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
The difference from when I started this dialogue is that I now see more clearly to just allow everything in my experience to just happen - It was becoming clearer that to “surrender” to EVERYTHING, all thoughts, events, emotions, sensations - to stop measuring (judging) and be still - but it is as if in the last couple of weeks something subtly shifted in that I immediately become aware of the inner resistance and how I engage with resistance. This awareness brings release.
4
It was not one last bit, it was more like a quiet realization of an inner flow - waking up very slowly from a deep sleep and opening the eyes.) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
A few weeks ago I could have described all these things with certainty and provided detailed examples. I've been looking at these for the last 2 days and I haven't a clue as to how to answer - I started to answer but stopped and could not continue as nothing I think feels real. I just don't know what any of these things are anymore.5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
6) Anything to add?
Ciao
-E

