Want to SEE through the illusion of Self

[Anastacia42]

Great.

[Jonathan785]

Hi Stacy, apologies for the delay. I’m going slowly through the series. Last meditation I did is the dissolving complete and it was quite powerful. Still can’t see through the illusion of the self but started feeling I’m intellectualizing things much less.
Will be more consistent with the updates going forward. Thanks for your understanding.

[Anastacia42]

That works.

LOOK do you see a "self" with your eyes? Anywhere?

Loving,

[Jonathan785]

Nope, there’s no self. It’s just thoughts or made up identity. But I have no idea why I still feel/think/act as it exists for real.

(Thank you for your understanding by the way).

[Anastacia42]

Describe this "self."

I suspect that you are confusing the contraction of the lie feeling & calling it "self"

Explore ‘Sense of Self’

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

Loving

[Jonathan785]

Yes! It’s exactly like lost keys.

Does the sense of self have a location?

It feels it exists behind the eyes, the place from where vision/awareness is looking.

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

It feels to take the shape of the body and mainly the head and the torso

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

“I exist.” Past memories. Future imagination. Identity.

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Thoughts and interpretations, thought content that seems to arise from the location either behind the eyes or the whole body

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

- Location (behind eyes or anywhere in the body)
- Emits thoughts of various kinds
- Identification/claiming credit for some actions (Self is eating, self is screwing up this exercise and not getting it :))

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

- thoughts but can masquerade as images (how I look), sound (the thoughts noise as if you’re listening to something talking to you). It also claims credit for sensations (self is feeling pain)

What is found?

- Thoughts of various content

[Anastacia42]

Thoughts of various content

Yes. All thoughts. All made up. Nothing to see here.

You might even say, "lies." What will it take for you to stop believing the lie?


Loving,

[Jonathan785]

What will it take for you to stop believing the lie?

I have no idea why it’s sticking so hard, Stacy. I really don’t.

I think the awareness coming from a vantage point (head/behind the eye) makes it feel as if awareness is tied to that entity/body, so there must be something distinct about this body. My eyesight doesn’t see what you see, nor does your eyesight see what I see. How can we be one? How can we not be separate? Something is just not clicking here.

[Anastacia42]

What belief have you not let go of?

[Jonathan785]

What belief have you not let go of?

Could you please elaborate? Not sure if I understand the question. Are you talking generally or the last statement or what?

[Anastacia42]

I've been elaborating since we started. It is all the same. You are believing what you think.

Didn't you watch Pernille's 3 videos on doubt? She talks about untrue beliefs and doubt. Here is the first one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_8N331jpA4

ButtChair is designed to show you that there is nothing "distinct" about a body.

Remember, you can't make this shift in perception happen. It happens on its own. Often when you are not practicing & not thinking (!!!) about it, but just relaxing. Once, I was sitting in my car at a stoplight and noticed the roadside greenery was glowing. It's very simple.

"Enlightenment is an accident. Meditation makes us accident prone."

~ Sunryu Suzuki

Loving,

[Jonathan785]

Can you tell me more of how the moment for you was? Like what about the glowing greenery, how did it feel for you, how was life and thoughts before and after?

It’s a little scary to feel you can’t make it happen honestly. I feel I’ve been trying for so long on and off, and it feels I’m making progress but nothing proves this.

By the way what’s the name of the teacher of the “I am” playlist you shared with me earlier? I felt his meditations were quite helpful as well. Thank you for all the resources and help. I truly cannot thank you enough Stacy.

[Anastacia42]

Hi,

No. Your experience will be different from mine.

It's not scary at all.

Fears & expectations are the only things preventing seeing what is right in front of you.

No, I've agreed not to give his name. He went into a totally different business after that class. I was lucky to be there.

The pointers I have given you are more than enough..

If you can handle the fear (with the 2 videos below) that will help. Also, let go of expectations & comparisons - ok?

There is a Direct Looking process for fear.

https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE?si=jHXuuyyVtp7c-1R2

And this one:

https://youtu.be/fSTT8nc8cvQ?si=Alcukpbi7SUlXpfi

OK?

Loving,

[Jonathan785]

Yeah absolutely. The videos were quite useful. Seeing fear as something useful and protective is powerful.

I’ll keep at it. Thanks for your support, Stacy.

[Anastacia42]

You're welcome. Have fun with this.