gratefully seeking a guide to realize that i don't exist

[lovehere]

There are no thoughts when you are not thinking about thoughts.

(Other answer that appears)
Thoughts appear like sensations. They come in and out of this experience; even if there is no “thinker” doing that. Just like how a flower blooms or a water drop turns to vapor. Stuff happens. Even thought stuff.

[Bananafish]

Ok, Michael. Good try, and now, please answer what thoughts ARE when you don't thin about them.

Best regards,

Kento

[lovehere]

I went into this…no thoughts, just being, just presence. That’s what’s there. It’s like this pointer is a koan. No answer can be found, but the “finding” brings you an into presence.

[Bananafish]

Hi Michael. :) Ok, let’s delve into this a bit further.
What is “just presence?” We’re you to show it to me, how how would you do it?

[lovehere]

I would point to being here, right now, without any goal, agenda. Not trying to extract something from this moment or resist this moment. That's it. In this directive, you too would feel "presence."

[Bananafish]

I would point to being here

What do you point to exactly?

[lovehere]

I would point to what is, right here, when there are no thoughts. The substance of being of existence that is. No gainful activity. No extraction from the moment. Just this. Senses are felt. There are subtle changes in sensation and a sort of unchanging presence for a lack of a better word.

[Bananafish]

would point to what is, right here,

What exactly is "what is, right here?"

when there are no thoughts.

What about when there are thoughts?

[lovehere]

Right here...sensations can arise, all in the same place. It is expanded and also close. Thoughts can arise. Attention is a spotlight function of the mind that will move around. There is a timeless feeling. There is nowhere to go and nowhere to run from. It's hard to put it into clear words. It is the moment itself experiencing itself.

[Bananafish]

Can you show that in a far less abstract way?

[lovehere]

What is “just presence?” We’re you to show it to me, how how would you do it? (in a less abstract way)

It's the sights, the thoughts, the sounds, the sensations, the tastes. It's this thing that is reality. Nowhere to go, nothing else to do. No one to do it. Yet, its happening.