Journey Within

[Wintonia]

Hi C,

I must say, this is the best laid out set of instructions and guidance i have come across so far. Thank you so much for caring enough to detail it in such a manner. I have followed your instructions and realized that I have been limiting my looking to memory as well as imagination. Holding on to what I know. Whereas, when I simply look, it becomes clear, I don't know anything, I don't know where 'I' end or begin. All I see is a body, I feel these sensations, and thoughts and experiences. However, the boundary I continue to perceive as 'me' simply is not there when I look with no prior knowledge/expectation or memory. It is all connected. All of it....

[Canfora]

Hi Wintonia!

Happy to know that you saw there are no boundaries between a you and a world out there. If in doubt, come back to looking. The answers about what is are in plain sight - the answers about what is here now. Example: Is it raining? You go to the window, you look, and you have your answer. No, it's not raining or yes, it's raining. Finding answers by looking at what is here is simple and lets you know the obvious.

The answers about "why", "how", the past, the future, etc, etc. can't be found in plain sight. We have to go to conceptland and think if we want to achieve such answers. Thinking may be useful for many, many things, but not to find if something is real. In conceptland we may seem to make amazing things real - think unicorn, think pink elephant, think a better version of myself - but none of this can be seen, it doesn't materialize here. So, although amazing in itself, thinking can't create something. Which is easy to realize. If we look.

It may be useful to spend some time noticing the role that language has in creating the self illusion. Ilona has a nice article about labels here https://markedeternal.blogspot.com/2012/05/labels.html, that has a exercise in the middle of it.

Please read the article, do the exercise and let me know what you find:

First write what you are experiencing right now using words I and me. Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just plain description of here now.

Like this-
I am laying in bed. I am hearing the rain, I am typing these words..

Do it for 10 minutes. Watch the body, are there any sensations of tightening or relaxing?

Then for next 10 minutes write without words I and me. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs:
Waiting for next thought, typing, breathing, blinking, hearing the rain.

Again watch what is happening in the body.

Now compare the two ways to label experience- is one truer than the other? If so, which one? What is here without labels? Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

[Wintonia]

Hi C,

The prodigal child is back. Please tell me you are still there.

Kr.

[Canfora]

Hello! Yes, still here. So, how are things going? Any struggles? Any insights? Ready to keep looking? What's going on with you?

[Wintonia]

I had a few personal issues that kept me significantly preoccupied. I am ready to keep looking, it is the single most important thing for me to do right now.

[Canfora]

Ok. And what are you waiting for? Can you find a self?
Share your immediate experience.

[Wintonia]

there is no little me inside my head controlling everything, just thoughts passing through my mind. There is a body, extending into limbs, fingers, skin. The body is in constant contact with at least one thing around it at any given time, air, another surface, another body. It feels, it senses, its a part of the environment. It is the environment. But no, no self. I just don't see it.

[Canfora]

But no, no self. I just don't see it.

What do you think about this?

[Wintonia]

I think that if I do not see it then I must be making it up...

[Canfora]

Are you making it up? How does that happen?

[Wintonia]

the mind has taken the memories, feelings and experiences experienced and carved out a 'self' from that. Essentially a 'personality'. I'm sensing once I empty my mind of this, the truth becomes ever so clearer.

[Canfora]

the mind has taken the memories, feelings and experiences experienced and carved out a 'self' from that. Essentially a 'personality'. I'm sensing once I empty my mind of this, the truth becomes ever so clearer.

I would say you don't have to empty the mind of anything to see the truth. That's not my experience. I don't seem to have any power over what pops here as thoughts. If I had, I would be having always much happier and peaceful thoughts.

It seems you believe that there is work to do, so that you can realize there is no self.
Which implies that this can only be seen in a imaginary future, under certain condictions.
Can truth be absent from this now moment?
Have a look.
Look around.

Do you need to change thoughts to see what is present and what is absent?
There is no self here. Can you see how true this is?

[Wintonia]

I must admit C, you made me feel a little silly right there. Truth is unchanging and I need not be in any particular condition to see something that has always been and is always there. I just need to look, which I feel I have been doing. I have looked and I have seen but why is it that even though I have not found this 'self' I keep holding onto the concept of it?

Ultimately I seem to have taken the body and mind and said, this is the self! *frustration*

[Canfora]

My goal would never be to make you feel silly. Or feel anything negative.
This is just an invitation to see things as they are, here and now.
Yes, it's very simple.
Yes, it's so simple that its simplicity may cause a serie of apparent obstacles.

It's a simple process.
I suggest you look for a self.
You do and can't see one.
Then the thinking overrides this seeing.
You are placing your faith in a believe system that you've learned all your life.
That's ok and to be expected.
The idea is to keep looking and checking if the thoughts about a self match your experience. If they are about facts or if they are empty concepts.

We aren't trying to change any believe.
We are practice seeing what is here, as it is, regardless of the beliefs.
To me the seeing is the way to know if a self is real.
The thinking can go on and on and on about me, but I know there is no me. Why? Because I have looked and looked and looked and I can see there is no such thing here.
This seeing is available every time I look, there is nothing special about it. You can look and see also, as easily as I can. Is just that you still seem to be stuck in the "this isn't it", "I don't know what I'm doing" thoughts.

Let's explore from other angle.
There is a self. You are a self.
Is this true?
If it seems to be true, describe your self to me as best as you can.

[Wintonia]

I really appreciate your patience C. Means quite a lot....also, your ability to unpack these concepts in an easy to understand manner is quite reassuring, there is hope still :)

This seeing is available every time I look, there is nothing special about it. You can look and see also, as easily as I can. Is just that you still seem to be stuck in the "this isn't it", "I don't know what I'm doing" thoughts.

You are absolutely right about the last part. Logic/thought always seems to hijack the seeing and send me off on another spiral until I come back and see the same thing...I'm in some sort of really frustrating loop! Release me mind.

Okay, now, back to the tasks, let's have a look again, using your suggestion:

There is a self. You are a self.
Is this true?
If it seems to be true, describe your self to me as best as you can.

I am me, a human being, complete with a full body that has a face, eyes, ears, hair, legs arms (all the appendages). I have a mind that allows me to think, process data, make decisions, feel emotions. That us me...my self.