Seeking guidance.

[JFK1974]

The mind keeps looping back, trying to reclaim ground, trying to plant a flag and say, “Ah, but what about this?”—but every time you check, there’s nothing actually there!

This is true. Noticing once one thought dismissed another quickly comes in. Things that usually don’t even make a dent seem more aggressive. Demanding attention.

Even now, the only thing creating a “problem” is thought saying: “Wait, but what about dreams? What about presence?”—as if any of these things are separate from raw experience itself. But check: do they exist apart from the thought about them? Is there ever a “me” apart from the story trying to grasp at certainty?

Nothing exists- problems that is- without thought. This is clear. This is seen in direct experience. I am catching this more and more before the mind takes itself down the rabbit hole.

And that resistance you see—perfect. That’s the glue holding it all together. Thought + resistance = entanglement. But if resistance is just another arising, if it’s just another appearance in experience like the sound of a bird or the warmth of your hands—then what’s left to hold onto?

I guess nothing is left to hold onto. Yet, it is still challenging at this point. But the investigations are helping a ton. Keep them coming.

Thank you Becca! Seriously, much gratitude! Btw, Boston is a cool place. Not my cup of tea but nice place to visit.

[graceabounds]

Noticing once one thought dismissed another quickly comes in. Things that usually don’t even make a dent seem more aggressive. Demanding attention.

So here's a little practice:

Sit for at least 10-15 minutes quietly somewhere, several times throughout your day. Close your eyes and just notice thoughts. Don’t engage with any thought, just notice them.
1. Notice the current thought that is present.
Like when you sit observing the body, a thought might arise “this is my feet” or “here is a pain” or “my breathing is too quick” or “I am bored with this exercise” or “I have better things to do” or any sorts of thoughts.
2. This thought will pass and another thought will come. So just observe this thought passing.
3. Then wait for the next thought to come.
4. When the next thought is present, just notice it, and see how it passes.
5. Then wait for the next thought to come.
6. Repeat #4 and #5 many-many times.
Between the 2 thoughts there is a gap. It can be very short or subtle, just a second or a few seconds before the next thought comes in.
This is how to look at thoughts:
Looking how they come and go, and
Observing the short gap between them.
Noticing how the current thought is passing.
And waiting for the next thought to come.

Throughout your waking day, try to observe the gap between thoughts as often as possible. It can be done by noticing that ‘thinking’ is happening right now, then stop and just simply wait for the next thought to come. In the ‘waiting’ there is a gap between two thoughts.

Let me know how you go.

[JFK1974]

Throughout your waking day, try to observe the gap between thoughts as often as possible. It can be done by noticing that ‘thinking’ is happening right now, then stop and just simply wait for the next thought to come. In the ‘waiting’ there is a gap between two thoughts.

Done this a few times the past two days. I notice a lot of randomness to thinking and repetitive thoughts. First time I did this, there was probably 20 thoughts in the first couple minutes. Bang, bang, bang.

Today, i meditated and noticed more how the “I” thought inserts itself especially with body sensations. I focused on the I thought and how it appeared when certain thoughts arose. Ones more personal. There’s a sensation attached to it. I guess a resistance that arises along with it.

The last two days during meditation so much moving energy and sensations. My whole body felt “lit” up. I kept asking “what do you want me to see?” And “what do you need?” I never felt a distinct answer.

It’s clear, that “I” have no control of the sensations or resistance. I sat looking for the origin or place of center. In solar plexus but sensations were coming from everywhere. Strong in some places and a moderated “humming” or “throbbing” in others.

I have tried to see it from the the perspective of the story playing out. The person who struggles with compulsive thoughts and sensations. Not reacting only looking. I also looked for John. There’s no John so to speak. Only thought and sensations. Without them, there’s nothing. I see it directly. The sensations and lingering fear, worry, doubt, insecurity is so penetrating and persistent, tough at times to just be. And then I remind myself, that’s ok too.

Please advise. Thank you! 🙏

[graceabounds]

Beautiful. A wholesome process is underway. You’re seeing directly—no John, only thoughts and sensations. No center, just movement. No controller, just happenings.

Now, drop even the perspective of “someone seeing this.” Is there really an observer, or is that just another thought tagging along? Look closely—does awareness belong to anyone? Or is it just here, empty, holding everything?

I kept asking “what do you want me to see?” And “what do you need?”

Notice how this assumes two—one who asks and something separate that reveals. It is a useful practice to really isolate sensations and break the autolabeling of them. But at this point in the process is there really a division? Or is it just more spontaneous movement—thought appearing, sensation responding?

The fear, the insecurity, the doubt—don’t try to sit through them. Let them completely do their thing. No resistance at all. No looking for them to change, no managing them, no technique. What happens when they are totally free to be here, without anyone “dealing” with them?

[JFK1974]

Some interesting stuff this morning when meditating.

As I sat with eyes closed. I noticed how "I" was still and everything else was moving. Thoughts moving. Sensations moving. Breathing. Etc. I could sit and not get pulled into any of it. It was different. Not sure if I noticed before in this deep of a context. And I was behind or saw the "I". The one who feels discomfort. Hears thoughts. etc.

I also saw (if you call it saw) that we (people) are basically one source. One thing. Not sure really how to describe it. While in meditation it dawned on me, that this quiet whatever it is, is the same for everyone with a talking "box" following each of us around.

I am not sure if this is accurate or it was something imagined but felt truthful.

I get intellectually the one movement, seeing, seen, seer is all the same. One flow. But it still feels like behind all of it, there is something. Call it "I" or something else.

Thoughts?

[graceabounds]

Where does ‘feels like’ arise from? Where is ‘behind’?

Does that which is separate from the talking box need to be defined as if it were also a talking box? Who is needing to define it? To verify it?

From this vantage point, distinct from the illusion of the separate self, with the simple seeing of one thing, are there questions?

[JFK1974]

Where does ‘feels like’ arise from? Where is ‘behind’?

Feels like is a thought. Behind- not sure. A knowing. Which goes back to “feels like.”

Does that which is separate from the talking box need to be defined as if it were also a talking box? Who is needing to define it? To verify it?

Yes that’s true. A talking box defining a talking box. Feels like aside, awareness arises when a thought occurs: if no thoughts, there’s still something. I think. A definition is not needed.?? This isn’t philosophical, even if it is all an experience, something is seeing or knowing it otherwise I wouldn’t be even in this discussion. Unless this is all part of the illusion. Meaning, I suffer. I seek relief. I learn about non duality. I inquire about true nature. Etc. Something ultimately wakes up to it. Please advise.

From this vantage point, distinct from the illusion of the separate self, with the simple seeing of one thing, are there questions?

Not sure what the question is asking. Are you asking if everything is known as a ln illusion- are there still the need for questions?

[graceabounds]

Yes, exactly. If the illusion of separation is seen through—fully, directly—what remains to be questioned?

You’ve already exposed something key: “Feels like” is just another thought. “Behind” is another mental position. And you saw that the need to define or verify is just the talking box reinforcing itself.

So now, drop it all. Thought, position, verification, explanation. Is there any actual problem right here, without any mental processing?

You say, “If no thoughts, there’s still something. I THINK.” But do you actually need to define that? Who would be there to define it?

[JFK1974]

Good points.

I already know.

If all dropped, there is no problem right here this moment.

How do I stay there/here? And I already know your answer.

[graceabounds]

If all dropped

If? There was nothing there to begin with.

[graceabounds]

Checking in.
What is arising now?

[JFK1974]

I was going to reach out earlier. Struggling. Thoughts. None of this resonates. At least, not for long. Generally, frustrated right now.

[graceabounds]

How would you describe the experience without the thoughts about it?

[JFK1974]

It would just be this. Things happening. I get that. Nonstop I am reminding myself- just this.

Maybe it’s my expectations. Thinking all of this will provide relief. Nothing does.

I didn’t reach out or respond the other day because this no self, no me, no John, etc. just isn’t sticking.

And, maybe it wont. Pretty defeated right now. Who is? Certainly feels like me. And for this purpose “feels” like isn’t bringing about deeper understanding.

[graceabounds]

Thinking all of this will provide relief. Nothing does.

Turning to thoughts will never work. Thinking is not going to ‘solve’ a problem that doesn’t exist.

Close your eyes and imagine that you are holding a spoon. Imagine the spoons form, its size, its weight, its temperature. Look and feel at the imaginary spoon for a while.
Then open your eyes … is there a spoon here, in real life?
So how did you see that there is no spoon?
What happened to the spoon?
Did it disappear or did it never exist?
Notice that there was no boom and no bright flashes of light when the imaginary spoon was no longer imagined. Remember this, the shift to seeing through the illusion of a separate self is not going to be any more than this, it is just a dropping of a belief – the belief is the glue that holds the illusion together.

Now go and get a spoon from the kitchen and hold it in the same way that you imagined it.
Feel the spoon’s form, its size, its weight, its temperature.
Close your eyes and feel the spoon for a while.
Now open your eyes … is there a spoon here, in real life?
Are the image of the spoon and the experience of the spoon the same?
How does imagining and experiencing the same thing differ?
Now close your eyes again and bring your attention to the image of “me”, the separate individual entity. Spend some time exploring this, and then answer the following question:
Is it an image or is it an actual entity?