Now and Here and Nowhere?

[Ezilda]

Stacy, ok, will try again. . . I sat still for an hour or so this morning, and made an effort to notice feelings that were occurring when the sense of self seemed in abeyance. Here's a sample that relates to your questions:

Where in your body do you feel "dizzy whooshing?" That's nearly a Sensation, but be very specific.

At one point, briefly, the whooshing (apprehension): a slight tensing, tingling in the belly/diaphragm region, slight tingling in lower arms . .

Empty, spacy, blank - again, where? Teach me how to feel that.

A" hollow" or empty feeling: tingling at the surface of the skin of the upper arms, upper back/chest, a sense of nothing/blankness in the interior,

There was a shift out of that replaced by a heaviness in the heart region . . .(with a feeling of "me")

Then awareness of a sense of constellations of feeling shifting back and forth. . . tight focus (looking,not finding a real "I") tightness in jaw, neck, chest . . giving way to a spaced out/trance-like feeling (very familiar): a sort of heaviness sagging feeling in face, around eyes, (stupor) a kind of paralysis in the arms, all more on the right side . . .
(and at different points there's shifting back to the tightness of focussing/trying . . . and back again to the trancelike sagging heavy sense)

Calm is a label, a thought. Where exactly? How does the body feel it?

There's a sense that there' s a sweet spot in between the shifting back and forth between the "tight" and the "saggy."
And this middle spot is where there is the clearest awareness of the flow of direct experiences . . . (including thoughts -- they pop up and vanish) and the calmness arises: a weighted feeling in arms, a warm softness in chest, heart region . . .pleasantly light . . .
With some moments of simply seeing the calmness is a tingling on the left side of neck, softness in jaw
smooth swivel at neck, turning head . . . and or a sense of relaxing through the torso . . .

Other moments of just seeing, without thought, and the calmness: pleasant sinking feelings -- a loose, soft heaviness to the shoulders, upper arms, the chest relaxed . . .

It seems easier to have some awareness of a sense of no self while sitting still, but things like intending/doing/planning/talking/etc tend to drive that awareness off.

[Anastacia42]

Good enough. Just keep noticing. "Self" is a lie. The evidence is the tight contracted feeling

things like intending/doing/planning/talking/etc tend to drive that awareness off.

Yes. They would. Try this.

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Loving,

[Ezilda]

Stacy hi,
So have done this well over a dozen times, trying to "watch like a hawk" . . . .

How is the movement controlled?

The movement itself is not controlled, in the actual moment when it happens, it just seems to spontaneously happen when it happens.

Does a thought control it?

No, but somehow it seems to be instigated by a thought . . .there's a thought (which contains a suggestion:" flip the palm" . . . . then there's an experience of a tension that sort of builds up in the arm . . .a brief wait . . all of a sudden, it happens, the hand flips over . .

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

no . . . although the sense of "I" is ready to take credit . . I'm thinking, I'm intending, I'm doing, I'm interested, etc . . .

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately

.
This question isn't easy. There was a thought. There was a sense of intention/suble tension. The hand flipped over. But there was difficulty locating the actual decision point. If anything the hand would flip while being watched as if it made the decision itself. (What is a decision, anyway?)

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Force of habit seemed to choose the right hand . . . it just popped out ready to go to work . . .
but this question instigated a thought to try the left hand . . .

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

no . . . the thought of a person doing this is just a thought, a label again . . .
at most there was just seeing/feeling it flip, sort of like seeing a frog suddenly hop

(And realizing a LOT of my movements through the day have this same quality of just happening)

[Anastacia42]

(And realizing a LOT of my movements through the day have this same quality of just happening)

Yes. When we don't believe the lies that our thoughts tell, ALL action is involuntary & beyond our control. What's more is we have NO IDEA how anything works at all, as you clearly observed.

Would you like to try another? Here:

Let's look at this some more:

Drink Exercise

The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

Loving

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi . . . appreciating that you keep at this with me . . .

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

The qualities, the words describing the qualities, just seemed to appear in the mind . . as thoughts.
The preferences also seemed to happen on their own.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

The counting obliterated any sense of preferences. As if the mind was too busy with the numbers and couldn't simultaneously be having thoughts about preferences. There was no choosing involved. It just happened that way.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

There didn't seem to be any mental faculty doing any choosing. There was a sensation that popped up. A sort of urge, or "tugging sensation" toward drink B in the body, mostly in the right arm/shoulder region.

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’?

No. At the point of reaching for drink B there was interest, but no thoughts. There was just an awareness of reaching for drink B.

Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

No. "I am choosing," "I am the chooser," wasn't part of it. The actual reaching for the drink happened without any of that.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

No, a feeling can't choose. It can only be experienced, felt.

Again, last time I was wondering "what is a decision, anyway?" and this time: "What is a choice?" Is that tension in the arm the beginning of reaching? Is it something that I normally would have described as "I want . . "?
But to catch this kind of thing I have to really slow down, and as you say, "really feel" and "watch like a hawk."

[Anastacia42]

This is the most fun I have all day.

"what is a decision, anyway?" and this time: "What is a choice?"

You know the answer though you may not realize it. These are your only choices. So what is a "decision?" A "choice?"

Direct or Actual Experience is

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)

Those are part of our checkpoint questions, which I'll offer you shortly.

Can you say now 100% that there is no separate "self? "


Loving,

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi . .

Can you say now 100% that there is no separate "self? "

100%? The logic of no separate "self" makes 100% total sense. It's clear that there are only the direct experiences of sight, taste, sound, feelings, smell and thought, and that the contents of thoughts are simply concepts -- arbitrary and not actually real in the way that direct experiences are. Further, concept of self is only that -- a concept in thought and not real as a direct experience.

This mornng for instance, while still in bed I woke up needing to use the toilet and actually experienced a thought which announced "I have to get up." There was an immediate sense of Voila! and amusement, with the recognition that that was just a thought accompanying the sensation of tension experienced in the bladder . . . . a thought that wasn't necessary, especially the "I" . . . .it was just describing/overlaying the situation . .

Nevertheless, there are frequent little tensions and thoughts of this sort throughout the day, and I'm usually not so quick at catching them -- this habit of self, is is still operating . . .

There's also some uncertainty around "separate" self . . . . for instance, in looking at a plant, mostly wordlessly, it seems like "just seeing" vivid forms and colors . . . (with a bit of empathy/appreciation of the plant's perspective) . . .
But there's still somehow this sense of "here" and "there," separated by space . . and a sense of otherness . . Does that totally dissolve with the recognition of no separate "self?"

And as to choices and decisions . . . it seems that actions just happen, but that there might be a lot of push and pull tensions (dithering) before they do . . .

thanks, e

[Anastacia42]

Okay. That's not it. We don't care about logic at all. That doesn't count.

How does it FEEL TO SEE there is no separate "self?"

We're looking for a total shift in perception. Not thinking!

Read examples & see what is meant.
by this.

Watch these, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

This is just a beginning.

It may hit you like ton of bricks or it may sneak up gradually.

LOOK Don't think!

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Online meeting with Ilona.

This Thursday on zoom.

Join our group for an exploration the core question of a ‘separate self’.

To participate use the link that you already have or email me to receive it at admin@ilonaciunaite.com

Looking forward to serving you there!

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi . . . ah thinking again . . . sigh . . . .
I watched the videos -- thanks . . . it's clear that this is a process . . .
You asked last time: Can you say now 100% that there is no separate "self? "
And as in the videos . . . sometimes I can, sometimes not so much -- there is wobbling . .
But in really making an effort to see, it can't be found. It's only a label with thoughts, feelings.

This time you asked,

"How does it FEEL TO SEE there is no separate "self?"

When thought is more in abeyance and the focus is on seeing, feeling, etc., the sense of self is also in abeyance,
and it FEELS good! The feeling GOOD is a feeling of expansiveness and lightness . . . uplift . . . pleasurable . . .
This happened yesterday while walking to the store and back . . . . riveted by the beauty and patterns of plants, tree branches against the blue sky, birdsong, barb, etc. .

So as the videos described, it seems the shift in awareness can happen, even unexpectedly at times, but it's not yet solid/enduring. Selfing arose at the store, "deciding" what to buy . . . noticing contractions in the torso. . . but even that had a quality of just happening . . . easier than usual.

In this moment right now, as I pause, there is just a flow of direct experiences . . sounds, seeing, awareness of sensaton, awareness of sensation as the fingers type these words . . . pausing . . . .
a sort of heaviness & light vibration around the eyes and top & back of the head,
relaxed, heaviness in chest arms . . felt as a sense of calm . . . .

thanks, e

[Anastacia42]

Good.

FEELS good! The feeling GOOD is a feeling of expansiveness and lightness . . . uplift . . . pleasurable . . .

This is the kind of shift in perception we're looking for. This can come & go for years. It may never be "solid enduring."

It is more like "lather, rinse, repeat" as we go through life.

Clarity fades when we believe an untrue thought.

The Work of Byron Katie (www.thework.com) or some other method for questioning thinking & finding the truth can be helpful.

Here are some additional pointers that may be helpful. They're easy to learn & to remember. Be sure you listen to the Introduction.

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/k1ph01pt ... gproc&dl=0

Loving,

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi,
"Lather, rinse, repeat"...... ok, if that's what it takes . ..
I did notice a depressing "I" thought this morning -- a strong belief -- and in dissecting the sensations from the thought it lost it's punch . . . working in this way while not exactly a mindblowing, seems do-able.

And listened to another Dropbox today . . helpful meditations.

Do you think the Course in Miracles could be helpful? -- The course and text books have been sitting on a bookshelf for decades untouched. I noticed it just a few days ago, and it looked intriguing.

Byron Katie is also intriguing. Right off I resonated with her video of "The Morning Walk."

thanks for your help, e

[Anastacia42]

Hi

Yes, there are many habits of thought to unravel and living in this world we continually encounter new ones so we must continually lather, rinse, repeat. Some people come to a place where they've examined so much that the penny drops and it is more generalized and there is less repeating.

listened to another Dropbox today . . helpful meditations.

Which one? What were your responses?

Do you think the Course in Miracles could be helpful?

i was a student of A Course in Miracles for 25 years and I've never heard of anyone waking up with it. It may help with fear. but we have Direct Pointing for that here & it is faster.

So, no.

Direct Looking process for fear.

https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE?si=jHXuuyyVtp7c-1R2

And this one:

https://youtu.be/fSTT8nc8cvQ?si=Alcukpbi7SUlXpfi

Also, neither Jesus nor God can be found in Direct Experience.

Byron Katie's 4 questions & turn arounds are Direct, too.

Loving

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi,
Appreciated the two videos . . . . coming back to the here and now, welcoming what one is feeling. . .

Which one? What were your responses?

The dropbox on Repairing the universe . . . . having awareness presence in one hand, absence in the other going back and forth between them.. . . then feeling into that space in the middle, where the fulcrum doesn't move, "resting in that still point" . . . at some point a feeling of fullness suddenly arose in my chest. It somehow encapsulated presence AND absence while simultaneiously nullifying them both....and that center place/feeling had no preference. ..
Feeling like this could be a game to play when I'm faced with an oppositional choice. . ..

Another exercise, release and receive was interesting showing how a contraction is a contraction is a contraction.... whethere it's gripping a pen or experiencing a sense of wanting through contraction sensations in the chest . . . the sense of want (or aversion, dislike -reading the news these days) gains its sense of reality from the intensity of contraction sensations.

Hope to continue listening to the exercises.

And the news these days is fairly triggering for me, especially when I'm talking with friends . . . am interested in seeing how working with Byron Katie's techniques would affect that.

[Anastacia42]

Good morning

Glad you liked the fear videos

As for the news, take a look at this:

https://thework.com/2017/01/video-im-afraid-trump/



Loving