All you need is love. Requesting Elad as guide.

[Busahug]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I understand from this that the continuation of the “self” is a thought rather than reality, and when I am attached to it, it distances me from awakening to reality.

What are you looking for at LU?
I am looking for a daily practice framework that will allow me to explore the direct experience of no-self. I hope that the step-by-step practice during this time, with guidance from a mentor, will help me stay committed to the inquiry beyond the theoretical idea.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect the guidance to provide step-by-step practice instructions, the opportunity to ask questions, and the space to share my practice experience and what arises as the daily exercises progress Or stagnation.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have been practicing for several years, but in the past year, I have been struggling.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

[Elad]

Hi R. (what do you want me to call you here?)

Welcome to Unleashed :)

Let's start!

Read out loud the following sentence several times:

"There is no separate me, there never was, and never will be"

Maybe translate it to Hebrew and intone it in Hebrew several times as well.

And: Just notice what happens. Don't try to control it. Just notice what happens in terms of thoughts, feelings, sensations...

And write me what you see.

I recommend we both try to write here every day.

[Busahug]

Hey Elad,

What a surprising experience—I could never have imagined feeling this from such a simple practice. Wow.

The first sentence gave me a sense of connection and expansion. I noticed that the second part, “never was,” brought me to tears with a feeling of relief from something burdensome—it had something comforting in it. The third sentence, which refers to the future, stirred restlessness and resistance in me. I tried to notice, again and again, what else was there, but it didn’t reveal itself. So I let it be just as it is right now.

[Elad]

Hi R!

Great attending there. Stay some more with the last part "never will be", stay curious what comes there by itself... Are there wishes or dreams for a future separate self that play into this? Again, just see what comes by itself.

Then look into: Are there expectations or fears around discovering and living the nonexistence of a separate self?

Stay with the this question for a while also, same way. The more expectations and fears you clarify now, the better off we are for this work...

Last thing: The most important thing is not what you write, but what you discover in REAL TIME as you look into the questions. This DIRECT EXPERIENCE in real time is always the essence in this exploration. Describing it is also valuable, but is the "number two" here.

[Busahug]

Hey Elad,

Thanks for the guidance. It helped me notice some interesting things regarding what came up yesterday. For example, the fear of letting go of one of my past thoughts about death as a solution to suffering—so the separate self gave me relief and, at the same time, triggered resistance to letting it go while looking toward the future.

It feels like every time I notice the thoughts and beliefs I cling to, another layer of fog clears, which makes me want to explore even more what arises.

And yes, following your questions, I also noticed the longing for connection, alongside the fear of the implications of realizing there is no separate self.

❤️🙏🏻

[Elad]

Beautiful.

Can you say more about the feared implications?

Expectations and fears can make it harder for us to pay full attention to just what is actually herenow and what is not, which is the core of this investigation.


Here is an exercise also for today:



“I” labelling

Get a sheet of paper and draw a line that divides that sheet in half. Label one half 'self' and the other side 'other'. Sit down and start a timer for 5 minutes. Every time you have a thought make a mark on the sheet. If that thought is about the self put a mark on the self side, if it’s about something else, mark the other side. If a thought about food occurs due to feeling hungry, mark that on the self side. If a thought about another person comes, focused on your feelings and wishes with that person, mark it on the self side. Any thought that refers back to a self should go on the self side. (I'm bored, I'm tired, is the door locked (my safety) that video was funny (I was amused), my back hurts, I am frightened) get it?

Let me know how it goes, what is noticed.

[Busahug]

Hey Elad,

First, regarding the previous practice, what I meant was that I noticed fear and aversion arising in the third sentence, which referred to the future. When I got curious about this experience several times, I noticed thoughts emerging in this context. If there is no separate self and never will be, then my belief that death is an option to end suffering is shaken, which actually connects me to the fear of lack of control when suffering is present.

Today’s practice was amusing… During the five minutes, I noticed seven thoughts on each side of the page. It was surprising to see how, when thoughts involved the other, my mind immediately related them back to me—and vice versa, when thoughts about myself arose, my mind also related them to others. Suddenly, the thoughts just made me smile, and something about the division between “I” and “not I” feels more like an idea..🤭

[Elad]

Hey R,

This is really good looking! That moment of seeing how thoughts about “self” and “other” are constantly looping back into each other—right there, the separation already starts to dissolve. Is there truly a dividing line, or is it only ever a thought claiming there is?

It can be good to repeat this exercise several times.

Here is another and related exercise:

Spontaneous/controlled thoughts

Observe your thoughts again. This time mark thoughts that emerged spontaneously on one side and thoughts that were controlled/chosen by you on the other. Make sure to really attend to what actually happens in real time! Notice that just because a thought seemingly is repetitive or familiar or "feels chosen" it doesn't mean it will be seen to be so, when you really look what actually is happening...

Enjoy and let me know what is seen.

[Elad]

Oh, also, it is great you notice that belief in a separate self is motivated by the wish for ultimate control over pain.

Try over the next days, several times to say:

"I have no ultimate control over pain"

Alternate it with

"there is no ultimate control over pain"

And just see what happens... And write me about it.

[Busahug]

Hey Elad,

What a liberating experience to see how all the thoughts that arose were spontaneous. I noticed that even when I told myself something like, “Look how much time has passed,” it wasn’t a choice but just another spontaneous thought. Even though I already knew I don’t truly have control over my thoughts, something about this practice allowed me to experience it directly. I’m still engaged in the idea of choosing actions, even when spontaneous thoughts arise, and I’m curious to explore the truth about this notion of choice altogether.

Regarding the second practice,
The mantras immediately brought up the thought, “Of course, I know this,” and I realized that something in me was resisting. So I stayed curious about what else would come up and noticed that the first sentence was harder for me than the second. After a few minutes, suddenly, only sadness arose. It seems like it was triggered by a moment of accepting the reality that there is no ultimate control over pain…

[Elad]

Hi R, so much clarity and beauty in these answers!

What a liberating experience to see how all the thoughts that arose were spontaneous. I noticed that even when I told myself something like, “Look how much time has passed,” it wasn’t a choice but just another spontaneous thought. Even though I already knew I don’t truly have control over my thoughts, something about this practice allowed me to experience it directly. I’m still engaged in the idea of choosing actions, even when spontaneous thoughts arise, and I’m curious to explore the truth about this notion of choice altogether.

That's perfect. Here is an exercise to explore choice:


Drink Exercise

The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.
Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.
In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?
In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting? Did you find something that is not spontaneous emergence?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience you doing the ‘choosing’? Or did an urge, an impulse, a thought, an action all arise by themselves when they did?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the ‘choosing’. But the question is, is this feeling actually chosen by someone/you or it just emerges?

Regarding the second practice,
The mantras immediately brought up the thought, “Of course, I know this,” and I realized that something in me was resisting. So I stayed curious about what else would come up and noticed that the first sentence was harder for me than the second. After a few minutes, suddenly, only sadness arose. It seems like it was triggered by a moment of accepting the reality that there is no ultimate control over pain…

Beautiful!

[Busahug]

Hey Elad,

The main thing this exercise sharpened for me directly is the gap between what actually happens—an impulse arises, leading to a spontaneous action—and my linguistic conceptualization: (I) chose the coffee. I’m aware of my mental struggle with the idea of “I have no choice” and reflecting on the difference between acceptance that comes from understanding and acceptance that is a full openness to the experience of pain…

I find that I can let go of the conceptualization of “I am choosing” when (at moments) I am not in a struggle.

It helps me to think about my granddaughter “choosing” what to eat when I offer her 🍓🍌🍐 And when she simply takes something (sometimes something I could never have predicted), I think of it as “she chose…” and even teach her to think about the action that way too. 😇

[Elad]

Hi R,

Yes the conventional language of choosing and control is useful for ordinary thinking and communication, and part of a normal healthy sense of self. If you were not teaching your granddaughter to feel into what she wants and be able to reflect on her will and choice, she would be less supported. So the paradox here is that we keep the language of choice and will as a way to connect to what feels true and desirable, etc. And at the same time, here we discover that what feels true and desirable does not come from a separate self.


Here is another exercise to explore this sense of "I" in experience:


Mind labelling experience


Here is an exercise which examines the way in which the mind labels experience - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper.

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation ie is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example: I am sitting on a chair, I am hearing a clock ticking, I am looking at a computer screen, I am feeling hungry. Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs. For example: sitting on a chair, typing, breathing, blinking, hearing the clock. (Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. What are differences in experience, in terms of thoughts, feelings, sensations...?

2. What is here without labels?

3. Do the labels affect what is actually there prior to the act of labeling?

[Busahug]

Hi Elad,

When practicing the first part, I noticed that I was more tense when experiencing unpleasant sensations. Encountering these experiences without labeling them as “I” allowed me to remain more relaxed. It seems that without labeling, there is a more direct experience of the five senses—meaning, just sensations. Regarding question 3, I’m not sure. The labeling happens so quickly that it’s hard for me to tell whether the pure experience before labeling is different from the experience after labeling.

[Elad]

Hi R,

Great noticing with the differences between unpleasant sensations with and without labeling (/believing) them to be "me, mine, myself". That points to the essential difference between "first and second arrow", unavoidable pain/discomfort and suffering. This difference goes deeeeeeeeep.

Please practice this more from time to time, when "you feel like it", just as you go about normal things (walking, eating, driving, cleaning, etc etc) label what is happening with and without I.

(i.e. I hear a hen, I see the colors on the screen, I hear the sound of the tabs in writing --- hearing a hen, feeling the body, considering what to write, feeling the arm...)

And keep looking at point 3: Does the labeling change what is actually all ready happening? Make sure not to try and analyze it but rather only look in direct experience. All we can do is look and "invite" insights. They will come in "their own time and way".


-------------


Here is an exercise for today to look at control and choice.




Stream Exercise


Imagine for a moment a scene, one of a little mountain stream which is tumbling down a hillside gully, not far from its source. It has been raining and so the level is quite high. Consider in your mind's eye, if you can, how it flows to the right over a little rock (where, had the level been lower, it would probably have gone around the rock), then the flow goes to the left over a tree bow, and then slows a little in a broader place, before splashing over a small cascade into a pool, and so on down the mountain side. Does it choose any of its directions? Is it even really a separate entity different from the water deposited in it, the rocks, the depressions in the ground etc? Is it even the same entity moment by moment, or more the product of weather conditions and water, like an ever-changing pattern?

1. Can you find anywhere where 'insert name' autonomously intervenes into life, choosing something that is not the product of all the elements; that is not a part of the overall flow?

2. Now please consider a regular decision made eg; what to wear in the morning, or what to eat for lunch, and describe to me what happens. There are environmental factors, there are colour preferences (but where did those come from - any autonomous intervention there perhaps?), practical issues (such as what is available), available time for preparation, purpose (eg; need to fill up for the day, or to look hip and cool for that person!) etc. Where in there is an autonomous entity intervening in the flow of life? Can you find someone somewhere?

3. Can anything be found for which 'insert name' is responsible – if so responsible to what and for what?