Symbols of symbols

[BabyLyon]

Hello Tyler,
Any other questions or suggestions as it applies to this forum?
Thank you,
Celine

[ty0]

None from me. Do you have any questions or anything you'd like to explore?

[BabyLyon]

Nothing specific comes to mind. Exploring is endless these days. 😊 Thank you for the help!

[ty0]

Great. We have a set of final questions for those who don't have anything else they'd like to explore with their guide. Would you like me to send those to you?

[BabyLyon]

Yes, sounds good. Thank you.

[ty0]

Here ya go

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

[BabyLyon]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

No there is no separate entity “self/ me/ I” and there never was. Of course, words fail in trying to respond to these questions but here goes: The illusion of a separate self is a collection of thoughts; beliefs, memories, learned concepts and labels applied to a sensory experience. When a human organism is born it is named, labeled with identity of gender, race, place of origin etc. Eventually the sensory experience/ human organism is taught to label objects in experience, to believe that it acts autonomously and is its own entity which is even responsible for thoughts and actions and has the ability to control such thoughts and actions. In the case of this writer, it was taught that that there was also an individual “soul” that would live on forever in eternal bliss or torment depending on choices and actions. Later, as “I” began to explore other religions and beliefs it came to be believed that what the “soul” may be is a higher “Self” that was exclusive to “me” and was the real “me.” This was always a really confusing concept as there were still all the past/ future thoughts applied to it. Once it could be seen here that the seeming self in any form is continuously being constructed by thoughts, beliefs and labels and there is only ever direct experience which is always happening now, it became clear that it can't be said what anything is or how anything is happening. Even by the time words can be spoken to describe experience, the experience has become a new experience. There is just this continuous flow of experience, just this.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

There has been a deepening of equanimity here and frequent giggling throughout the day when the human drama thoughts arise. I find that far less judgment, defensiveness or concern for things such as politics arises and when it does, it’s quickly realized as a story. When thoughts arise of things that need to be done, I’m able to rest knowing what needs to be done will be done when it’s time. All of this leads to a greater sense of flow and equanimity. Usually with all the things that are happening here in the past several days which include health concerns and home issues, there would be a lot of feelings here that I would label anxiety but at most there is an occasional sense of slight annoyance that quickly passes when recognized as thought stuff.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

The drilling down through thoughts and labels to direct experience was very helpful and especially the way you called out the labeling of more subtle direct experience such as what I was referring to as "presence." I no longer feel the need to try to define experience. It can't be defined.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen?

I can’t describe them, I wrote many half sentences in an attempt to answer this but ultimately nothing could be said, the mind goes blank.

How does it work?

As fun as it is when discussions of this topic arise, it’s all conjecture and the answer comes back to the fact that I have no idea. Experience just is, happening happens but I have no idea how.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Nothing really. It seems strange as I’ve always strongly identified as a responsible person. Now, showing up to work and other commitments happens but it seems just as likely that it could not happen and that would be fine. I notice how often things happen that there was no plan for and how often I’m already moving in the direction of something when a thought arises of what I’m apparently moving towards. What has really diminished almost completely are thoughts that I "should" be doing something I’m not doing or vice versa or that things could/ should be different than they are. I’m starting an art class soon and yesterday we were encouraged to write down our intentions for this year's class. Historically, I've been all about setting intentions but the concept now seemed a little confusing. How could I set intentions? Wouldn’t any intentions I could set be limiting? I realized whatever intentions may arise aren’t devised by a me. Nothing was written down. Painting will happen or not happen how it happens and it's delightful to feel a sense of non-attachment to outcomes.

6) Anything to add?

Thank you. Your directness is appreciated. The word "I" used multiple times above is, of course, for convenience sake; while it can still seem like there is an I here, upon investigation it is easily seen that its just thought and there is just this. There’s so much gratitude for this tiny shift that brings such a sense of freedom.