Richard511, this is your thread

[Richard511]

Dear Nona,

I am about to send the responses to my final questions, but before I do, I want to thank you so very much for your extraordinary kindness and generosity. I have learned a great deal through your crystal clear and straight-forward guidance. I am particularly appreciative and touched knowing you have done this while making a move quite literally 1/2 way around the globe.

Much love,
Richard

[Richard511]

Please find below my responses to the final questions. Thank you for your review.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? how about self, is there anything that is separate from everything else?

There is no me anywhere, in any way, shape or form. As described in an earlier post, there is now an experiencing of life. To describe a physical aspect of it, it’s like going from watching an ‘old’ TV to being fully immersed in life and having all senses engaged and heightened.

Was there ever a me? No, the concept of me is just a thought that doesn’t exist in reality.

‘Me’ and ‘self’ are both thoughts, there is no self, no separate me. I earlier described this illusory ‘self’ as somewhat of a describer of life events telling ‘me’ what is going on, along with interpretation. That describer / interpreter of life events is gone. There is now just experience. Perhaps now the perspective is more one of a video camera. The camera records what it ‘sees’ through its lens. There is nothing between the camera and what it’s filming. The camera also films without interpretation of what it is filming. It just takes in whatever it is pointed at. Although the human experience is a bit more immersive and involves all senses, (and thoughts/labels still arise), that is the essence of the current perspective.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

The illusion of separate self is the perspective that there is an experiencer of life separate from life itself. Illusion of separate self indicates a ‘doer’ of things, a ‘thinker’ of thoughts, etc. For humanity, the illusion has always been, and is so ingrained, that it appears until recently the truth of this has been largely missed.

Functionally, the illusion is that we are separate from life, and that we have to somehow live/function separately from life itself. That we are somehow at odds with life; a separate player within a construct, and have to learn to control life in order to survive and keep on living. This thought of separation causes thoughts of fear, thoughts that other people, nature in all forms are all separate from self.

3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.

It feels great! It is, as my dear guide Nona says, a small shift in perception, that changes nothing except the perception of everything. This is absolutely true. Below are but a few examples of my feelings and experiences since I have seen through the illusion of self. In addition to the examples below, I see new examples every single day of how this shift has truly been transformative. Examples are:

- I am experiencing a deep sense of passion and energy for hobbies/activities I had given up and lost interest in previously
- I am thoroughly enjoying music and again have renewed passion – and there is this certain feeling of being completely into the music. Loving all kinds of music and absolutely feeling the spirit in the music.
- The ‘translator’ telling ‘me’ what is going on is not noticeable; life activities are simply experienced.
- There is a heightened awareness of the body’s immediate environment
- There is an experience of joy and happiness and being part of the world when out of doors. It can be as simple as walking to the car, playing with the kids outside, etc. It occurs spontaneously and pretty much every time
- There is better focus on what others are saying.
- When I look in the mirror, prior harsh judgment is now ‘just is’ or at most, labels are positive, pleasant acceptance.
- Definitely losing sense of ‘time’

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.

I would begin by discussing the self. That there is this inherent thought that all seem to have that there is this self. And that we see ‘our self’ as somehow separate from life. And from this perspective, we see everyone and everything else as separate. And that we all tend to struggle and work toward doing what it takes to keep on living/surviving in this world. This causes anxiety and any host of problems when we see ourselves as separate from life.

I would go on to describe that there is a certain thought layering that we have, and that it is entirely possible to see through that layering to directly experience life. It is possible to see that this thought/illusion of self is not real. Once one sees through the illusion, there is a shift in perspective that there is no separate self, that there is no self to live life, but that we are the experience of life lived.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?

I would have to say that my first experience began to happen spontaneously just shortly before coming to LU.com. I have been working with Rita Friedman, who many reviewing my responses may likely know. One day, while walking home after escorting my son to the bus, there was a change in vision, where everything I looked at was in exquisite color, crystal clear focus, and alive. It lasted only a few moments and was interrupted by the thought ‘wow, this is amazing!’.  So, that was the start.

My first experiences with direct seeing while being guided were fairly early in the process. I would say easily within the first two weeks and perhaps 10 – 12 exchanges with Nona. In particular, I would go outside and have what could be described as peaceful, vivid experiences where life was truly and simply just happening and everything was connected. There was peace, getting lost in the experience and feeling a part of everything going on. At this point, I was still thinking a lot, trying to intellectualize this, and thoughts like, ‘OK, have you seen past the illusion yet?’ were abundant. Clearly, still in the head, still having a discussion with ‘self’.

As far as really seeing past the illusion and being crystal clear that this happened, I really didn’t have a specific moment. In some ways, it was something I realized in retrospect, after stepping away from this work for about a week or so. There were many realizations related to ‘before’ and ‘after’ and the current state of being. So, then came the realization that there truly was a shift in perception; which had a physical shift in how the world is experienced through the eyes, along with the non-physical aspect of the shift which included acceptance of experience exactly as it presented itself. I realized that what I had called the ‘interpreter’ – the intermediary/translator between the occurrence and ‘me’ was gone, entirely. It had been gone for a while, but I now realized that in full.

6) When you say "I", what are you referring to?

I is a label and as such is not real. The thought of I or self just leads to more thoughts, which leads to nothing real. In the way ‘I’ is used in this document and in general conversation, it is to refer to the real physical collective arms, legs, heart, lungs, fingers, toes of this body that my parents labeled as ‘Richard’. Likewise, the label ‘tree’ is not real, but it refers to a real physical barky, leafy, rooted object collectively referred to as a tree.

7) Is there an experiencer experiencing, or is there only experience? Actually look. Does experience belong to the body, or does the body belong to experience?

There is only experience. I have looked and with the benefit of time, it is clear that experience is all there is. To have an experiencer experiencing, would, I think, still imply that there is a self to experience something and potentially have some level of control over that experience. Body belongs to experience. And it’s great that way. The perspective shift that is now seen is the difference between someone telling you about life vs. actually experiencing life very directly. Ie: That roller coaster is 200 feet tall, has some great hills, and this really scary turn vs. being on the rollercoaster and experiencing the wind in the face, the heart pounding, the exhilaration of falling back toward earth at alarming rates, etc.

8 ) What did you experience at the moment you awoke?

The awakening process was more of an unfoldment over time and so subtle that it was recognized more in retrospect. If I had to pin it to a specific experience (perhaps not yet fully 100% sure what was happening, it was my aforementioned spontaneous SEEing of the world around me in an absolutely new and wonderful way. It was very profound for me. Please see answers 5 and 3 – I think these should give you a pretty detailed account of experiences/feelings at the time of awakening and directly afterward. New realizations/experiences continue to unfold daily.

9) Describe your experience in the hours and days following awakening

- There is a lot more smiling. People at work are actually commenting!
- There are spontaneous moments of what might be described as pure wonder and joy. There is a noticing of things that were never given any attention previously. They are experienced from a new perspective.
- I am laughing a lot. Many times, not around other people, but a thought comes-up and it is just funny
- There is this shift in perception with vision. It is like going from watching something on TV to being fully immersed in the story, experiencing everything.
- There is a huge relinquishment of perceived control.
- There is new understanding and creative responses to situations as they arise.
- Interactions with people are much more satisfying/productive. I get the impression people have more of a tendency to want to talk to me or be with me.


Many thanks to you who are reviewing this document. I hope it comes across that all questions are answered faithfully and in a unique and authentic manner. I did read Gateless Gatecrashers back a few months ago, but have refrained from reading GG or other posts as I wanted this experience to be an individual effort. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to hear that Nona is an incredible guide and I feel very fortunate to have her assistance. She cut right to the point and brought exquisite clarity to every post.

Richard