Lifting the veil

[Seeker01]

Hi JP,
I am pleased you feel it would be beneficial to continue our dialogue. I find it very helpful to be able to explore my experience with someone. Do say though if you feel a time comes when I need to go it alone. I don’t want to monopolise your time, but I am extremely grateful for your generosity.

I have noticed two distinct states I appear to shift between. A doing state and a being state. Since our dialogue I have been motivated to increase the frequency of sitting and during these periods I am finding it easier and quicker to access the stillness and peace. There is a reluctance to move from this state into what I guess I would call ‘normal life’ with activities to complete, things to do etc. Once I move out of the beingness, it’s like a switch has been turned off and I am back in the mind.
This makes me want to just sit and not participate in my usual activities which is obviously not healthy.

Today, I tried to take the being/ knowingness into my active life. I was driving and I could see two things happening. I could sense the welling up of love and peace, but also I could see the thoughts that were trying to attach to this experience and make them into a personal achievement. It was very clear that the thoughts were building up a sense of self, but the love just wanted to express itself without any selfish intention.

Do you think either of these is a helpful practice?
- watching how the body and mind moves independently without a doer (during everyday living and action)
- watching the thoughts arise during everyday activities and contemplating how I have not chosen them

Should I be trying to do this through my day, or should I just concentrate on the times when I am sitting?

With love
Sarah

[indranet]

Sarah,

I am glad you want to continue.

have noticed two distinct states I appear to shift between. A doing state and a being state. Since our dialogue I have been motivated to increase the frequency of sitting and during these periods I am finding it easier and quicker to access the stillness and peace.

Yes , the more attention you give to the" being " state the stronger it becomes.

Once I move out of the beingness, it’s like a switch has been turned off and I am back in the mind.

That's ok, eventually the two states will coexist together, one will be in the foreground and one in the background.

Today, I tried to take the being/ knowingness into my active life. I was driving and I could see two things happening. I could sense the welling up of love and peace, but also I could see the thoughts that were trying to attach to this experience and make them into a personal achievement. It was very clear that the thoughts were building up a sense of self, but the love just wanted to express itself without any selfish intention.

Your mind will always be doing stuff like that. Is doesn't matter as long as its clearly seen and you don't draw conclusions about yourself.

Do you think either of these is a helpful practice?
- watching how the body and mind moves independently without a doer (during everyday living and action)
- watching the thoughts arise during everyday activities and contemplating how I have not chosen them

That becomes THE practice, awareness notices what arises without avoiding anything or pursuing anything.
I don't think you need to contemplate on anything in particular, the awareness is enough.

With love

J.P

[Seeker01]

JP,
I have continued to try and take the awareness into my activities. There have been varying degrees of success, but I have noticed a few things:

- At times in the day awareness just arises now, but this happens when I don’t try too hard. If I really try, I can fall into the trap of thinking I’m doing it and this perpetuates the I thoughts; mind gets cross and frustrated.
It feels like there is a very delicate balance here.

- At times, the stillness seems more ‘me’ than the thoughts do - I have no idea if this makes sense. I guess what I mean is, the thoughts seem ‘not me’ or more alien than the sense of resting in awareness.

eventually the two states will coexist together, one will be in the foreground and one in the background.

There is evidence of this on my practice sometimes. Not all the time, but there is an occasional overlap during active times.

With love
Sarah

[indranet]

Sarah,

awareness just arises now, but this happens when I don’t try too hard

This is good, the whole thing is just a process of letting go, there is no doing to be done.

thoughts seem ‘not me’ or more alien than the sense of resting in awareness.

Yes , because the thought, feeling stream is always changing , it's a constant cycle of creation and destruction.

The ground of consciousness is unchanging, it's been the same way since you were born.

You are on the right track.


Love
J.P

[Seeker01]

Hi,
It’s been a strange day today. I have felt connected to an expansive awareness for longer and longer periods.

There has been a full range of emotions- a bit of a rollercoaster really. On one long walk, strong sensations of fear, resistance and angry thoughts arose around expectations of ‘getting it’. Thoughts were saying I should give up- what’s the point? 😂 However, observing/ being aware of the sensations and thoughts resulted in them disappearing and a sort of opening happened and joy and love arose- an extreme lightness of being similar to my first experience of LU . It continued for about half an hour, dwindled and then just calmness. This evening, similar thought patterns and reactions. It makes me think of your early comment about really wanting it- maybe there is some fear tied up in this.

It seems some shift is happening, but I’ve been here before. It will be interesting to see how I can take this practice into a work environment; a busy day teaching teenagers. I will continue with the same approach. I rarely manage to find any extended periods of stillness within my working day- there are just so many thoughts and activities battling for attention. Let’s see what happens though ;)

With love

[indranet]

Sarah,

It all sounds good, really it is a revolution taking place within you. It is not surprising that resistance is arising, the mind/ego is used to being king.

Try not to put pressure on yourself around maintaining some sort of idealized state when you at work.

Just keep moving forward without trying to protect yourself and see what happens.



with love,

J.P

[Seeker01]

Hi JP,
Just a short post tonight. As expected, it was hard to stay present during my working day. I got to about 10am and that was it- apart from the odd moment during the day when presence arose. The rest was just a continual stream of thoughts. It all happens so fast.

I did notice some times during the day when I was certainly trying to protect a notion of self, but couldn’t find the space to explore that further.

With love
Sarah

[indranet]

Sarah,

apart from the odd moment during the day when presence arose. The rest was just a continual stream of thoughts. It all happens so fast.

.

It is good that you noticed that presence arises on its own, all it needs is a little space between you and your thoughts.

Don't make the thought stream your enemy. You naturally phase between presence and everyday mind depending on life's demands.

You are not trying to stamp out the ego, presence allows you see it clearly.

with love

J.P

[Seeker01]

Hi JP,

Today has been very similar in a way- flipping between different experiences. I have tried to just allow thoughts to be and find the stillness when it occurs to me to do so. Sometimes it feels like a me, remembering to be present. Sometimes it arises without it feeling like an effort. I feel very motivated in all quiet times to revert back to the stillness.
It still feels often like I am choosing to do this. When it seems to arise independently of a chooser, it makes me smile.

It continues to amaze me how much love and joy arises when I look and rest within. Sometimes, love and joy just pops up from nowhere without any obvious reason. Sometimes it so strong it overwhelms me. The contrast between these ways of being and experiencing the world is so different. It makes it very hard to be in the thinking, critical mind state after experiencing so much love.

With love
Sarah

[indranet]

Sarah,

It continues to amaze me how much love and joy arises when I look and rest within. Sometimes, love and joy just pops up from nowhere without any obvious reason. Sometimes it so strong it overwhelms me.

This is great. When that happens ,you realize that is your true nature, and it becomes a place of peace from which all relative actions arise.


much love

J.P

[Seeker01]

Hi JP,
Today has been very similar to yesterday- though busier and with less presence. I think I’m just very tired.
I shall update you again tomorrow.
With love
Sarah

[indranet]

Sarah,


Why don't you take a couple of days off. Relax a little and come back when you have the energy.



With love

J.P

[Seeker01]

Hi JP,
Yes- thank you. I think I will. Let things settle a bit and relax.
Love
Sarah

[Seeker01]

Hi JP,
I am sorry for my delay in replying. A few days turned into a few more. It has been an unpredictable time of anger and frustration, deep peace and calm- like a pendulum. Feeling like I am never going to make headway and considering giving up to feeling I am in the brink of enlightenment ☺️ It’s interesting how the quiet just arises in me when I think it is impossible and want to give up. Like a persistent voice without words.

Right now, and for the last few days I have felt presence arriving frequently. I feel space in everything- between thoughts, between cells in my body, between sounds- it is everywhere. And it is vibrant and slice too. Sometimes, it feels that everything is arising from the space. That everything comes to be from the space- every thought, sound, sensation. This isn’t an intellectual thought, but an experience. Sometimes (often) that space feels like it is just love. Sometimes it feels like it is just peace, sometimes it feels like it is joy.

Thoughts still (more frequently than not) pull me out of the moment and into past and future. When they are just judgements they are easier to see as separate, but not always.

The stillness feels more me than the thoughts. I am afraid of forgetting all this- or rather presence not arising.

I’m trying not to try too hard too.
With love
Sarah

[indranet]

Sarah,

That all sounds good.

Can you accept all your experiences , blissful, mundane, even unpleasant, as all part of the same unfolding of life ?

If you can do this you will be free of the internal pressure to try and dwell in one state more than another.

It is the end of seeking as you know it.

with love
J.P