Seeing through the illusion

[poeticspace]

Thank you Lubo ♥ These are beautiful questions for me to contemplate.

This is home. , notice that you are Home itself,
(You are not space or emptiness) nothing can describe you?
Connect with You/Home/Heart and listen - no thoughts but the hearth...
Ask what/who is the supreme reality, where everything is coming from?
ask it anything...
and notice the answer?

When I read your words ‘notice that you are Home itself’ there is a relaxing and settling without really knowing what that is yet. There is no sense of vastness or expansiveness but only a quiet beginning to see, a feeling of something beginning to reveal itself. And it feels exactly right to leave mind and thoughts and to connect with heart. There has been a strong inclination to stay with the senses. To remember over and over during the day to feel, see, hear. To be in immediate experience. To not worry about thought, to let that be.

Where thoughts are coming from?
Invite thoughts to rest at home where they are coming from

I see that thoughts arise in consciousness just as everything else arises there. And there is no ‘there’ of course. I am feeling the way into this. Part of me says 'I am all of this?' and part says 'no there is only all of this'.
I see how much pushing and pulling happens with thoughts themselves and now there is more ability to just let it arise and disappear again. There is a sensation, there is a thought, there is a sound. Inviting thoughts to rest is to stop fighting with them.
I become more aware of this habitual tendency to separate things out. Thoughts, sensations, etc. It can be so subtle. Becoming more curious in an impersonal way about how all this is working.

Is this energy someone?
What does it want, is there something that is not already here?

I don’t know about this energy yet. And truly it does not seem that there is anything that is not already here :)

with love and gratitude
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,

When I read your words ‘notice that you are Home itself’ there is a relaxing and settling without really knowing what that is yet. There is no sense of vastness or expansiveness but only a quiet beginning to see, a feeling of something beginning to reveal itself. And it feels exactly right to leave mind and thoughts and to connect with heart.

So beautiful. This is the hug of God, now just notice that there is only God and you are the home itself, let this " I, me" to disappear in the love you are.

There has been a strong inclination to stay with the senses. To remember over and over during the day to feel, see, hear. To be in immediate experience. To not worry about thought, to let that be.

Mmm, OK.
Notice that there is Home/God/You + experience 5 senses+ thoughts+worry
Somewhere a person? :)

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

Notice that there is Home/God/You + experience 5 senses+ thoughts+worry
Somewhere a person? :)

All of these things - home, senses, thoughts, worry - they all arise in consciousness and there is no person experiencing them. There is just a flow of happening. A flow of beauty. When I saw that the seeker is the obstacle, thought began to lose its potency. There are thoughts causing contractions, double guessing, etc but now it is seen what is happening and I can choose not to give them energy. There is a quiet gleefulness about this. A feeling of being released from prison. Of seeing that every thought is no longer believed. I am not actively pushing thought away but moving towards sensations instead and thoughts just naturally subside. There is relaxation.

My cat was curled up with me last night and my hand and wrist were under his body. In direct experience I felt warmth, an indeterminate softness and a beating sensation. My mind filled in soft fur, warm cat body, cat heart, hand, wrist. Images appeared for all of these various parts and the mind had created a tableau. It was seen how quickly this happens and how it is believed to be real. But as I lay quietly, there was actually only sensation. No bodies, no fur, no heart, no borders and a dawning of ‘oh this is all one’ without understanding what that meant. A oneness was just a feeling beginning to form.

I feel a bit unsure about what has happened and yet something definitely feels like it shifted. I still feel like Simone in many ways. But the belief in her seems to have dropped. When I stop and look I can see how the illusion was operating. And yet it has not been a dropping away of everything. There hasn't been a giant explosion of all encompasing clarity :) I can see that there are expectations here, ideas, beliefs and they all cause contractions. Focusing on sensations is relaxing and an openness is felt. Thoughts are welcome but they aren't believed.

Thank you Lubo ♥

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Wow, so beautiful dear Simone,
Now I want to invite you to Transcend all that is not real, all that is not you, and you will remain.
The clarity you want will appear by itself.
Just remove the not real.

Let'e start with dreams - is there dream that is happened?
Mind will say Yes, but we label something with 'dream" that is not happened, not real, doesn't exist.

Now meet mind - we label with "mind" something that never happened.
Meet it, no need to welcome it, just note that this phenomenon has never happened?!
exactly as the dream.
The same with emotions!
The same with "A me and me's life and family and work and memory" - never happened!
And in the end notice the freedom to not be any me?
What remains what is really real?

I am with you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

Let'e start with dreams - is there dream that is happened?
Mind will say Yes, but we label something with 'dream" that is not happened, not real, doesn't exist.

Now meet mind - we label with "mind" something that never happened.
Meet it, no need to welcome it, just note that this phenomenon has never happened?!
exactly as the dream.
The same with emotions!
The same with "A me and me's life and family and work and memory" - never happened!
And in the end notice the freedom to not be any me?
What remains what is really real?

This just threw a wrench into my brain :) I need to sit with this a bit. Mind jumps in with 'of course my life happened!' It's so quick to defend its story.
But when I sit quietly with this there is a felt sense, a knowing beginning in the body.... Without a 'me', without the thoughts, there is no timeline, no past, no future. I wake from a dream and all that happened there is forgotten, it is clear that it was only an experience in the mind. So the same is happening in waking life. All the stories, 'my life', memories are thoughts in the mind. The difference being that they have been believed to be real. What is actually real is what is here now without any thought added.

I don't know if I'm getting this very clearly yet in the felt sense. It is very radical to my mind to say that life, family, work never happened. But this is the dream yes? I see that there was never a me that anything happened to. Nobody to have a life, etc. There is only this and this and this, happening endlessly.

Now I want to invite you to Transcend all that is not real, all that is not you, and you will remain.
The clarity you want will appear by itself.
Just remove the not real.

Thank you for this Lubo. Beautiful pointer ♥

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Mmm, mind.
Let's deal with this AI,

Let the thoughts begin to repeat:
"We are foolish thoughts,
we appear in some immortal Deity.
There has never been a person or а human, there is only this Deity.
There is no person, women or thoughts that can be realized.
There is only this Deity.
We are foolish, very foolish thoughts.
We are not the Deity.
We are only foolish thoughts.
Only the Deity is!"
Play some mantra with Ramana or monks chanting OM.
Let the foolish thoughts repeat what they are. And see what you are?

I am with you,
Love,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

Let the foolish thoughts repeat what they are. And see what you are?

As I told you before it has been a great relief to not have thoughts ruling the day. Thoughts are still busy and active but the belief in them has dropped. I might get caught for a moment but as soon as I look I can say ‘oh it is only thoughts’. Foolish thoughts :) They are not so compelling anymore. The clenched fist can relax and open.

I am focusing on the sense gates. Coming back to them over and over. With the intention to experience them fully. When there is allowing and trust in what is here there is a relaxing. It seems the body knows the way.

I ask ‘who am I?’ and I have no idea. It is all a mystery. What is all of this here? Who is aware? What is awareness? The questions have a deeper resonance now. The mystery is here.

Thank you Lubo

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,
Nice. Thoughts are thoughts, it is important to find are they rule the show,
Notice at DE, thought is causing something or first is what is happening?

I ask ‘who am I?’ and I have no idea. It is all a mystery

Beautiful. Let's explore with curiosity all imaginations What you are?
With eyes closed check all ideas "I should be this",
notice the freedom to find - you are not that imagination?

Love,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

Thoughts are thoughts, it is important to find are they rule the show,
Notice at DE, thought is causing something or first is what is happening?

There is no question that what is happening comes first and then thought comes in. Thought can never cause anything or do anything.

Beautiful. Let's explore with curiosity all imaginations What you are?

Yes it is so clear that any thoughts about what I should be, about what I am, etc have no reality. There is still a lot of habitual programming running but it’s just Simone reacting or responding in a way unique to her. It doesn’t feel personal. Although certain responses like anger can still feel very personal :/

With eyes closed check all ideas "I should be this",
notice the freedom to find - you are not that imagination?

I am going to practice this in the coming days. I feel like something new is here but it’s not clear yet. This will be a good way to see some of what is being held on to, some of the ideas and expectations that are still here.

Thank you Lubo ♥

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,

Beautiful exploration!

Although certain responses like anger can still feel very personal :/

This is old habit. Notice that we are playing small and thats why anger appear.
Check what is coming when you play big?
Notice the both roles we are playing .

I feel like something new is here but it’s not clear yet.

Mmm, yes. you are coming closer to the Gate.
When you investigate with eyes closed:
1. Notice the "darknest" in front
2. Then let's focus be towards "you" , not in front but behind the scene, to what "darknest" appear
and stay there as longer you can.
This will help the truth reveal itself.

Now you are Ramana , find the mountain behind you
and realise that you are the mountain.

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

This is old habit. Notice that we are playing small and thats why anger appear.
Check what is coming when you play big?
Notice the both roles we are playing .

Yes I can see the habitual nature of this. I’ve noticed that when I am triggered now I can quickly see that
1. It’s typically an old pattern
2. There actually isn’t anyone here to be annoyed or angry
3. The annoyance fades pretty quickly upon seeing this

A bigger anger might be different but I don’t experience that too often. I brought up anger because I have been hauling it around since I was a young child. It is typically how fear and frustration will manifest. I am very familiar with it.
When you say playing big do you mean being more in presence or awareness?

When you investigate with eyes closed:
1. Notice the "darknest" in front
2. Then let's focus be towards "you" , not in front but behind the scene, to what "darknest" appear
and stay there as longer you can.
This will help the truth reveal itself.

This morning I sat in meditation. Looking behind the scenes. A sense of myself was there. Happening by itself. Breathing was there. Happening by itself. Hearing was there. Happening by itself. Sensations were there. Happening by themselves. The idea of Simone was there. Happening by itself. As there was this realization of everything happening by itself, this ‘I’ (whatever that is, small or big) was replaced by (or became) a feeling of floating. And that is not exactly accurate as it implies somebody floating and there wasn’t a sense of anybody. It was just nothing, suspended, waiting. There was an impulse to grab onto something. It didn't seem to be from fear but more because there has always been something to grab onto. Or rather there has always been the idea/belief that there is something here to grab onto. But what would that be? Who is grabbing onto what?

I easily get caught in the mind. I notice that when you give me a prompt or idea my mind will latch on quickly, loving the idea of something to do. It occurred to me today that there are only thoughts being paid attention to or presence. One or the other. So simple. When I can feel into ‘everything is happening by itself’ there is real relief. Even Simone is happening by itself :)

Thank you Lubo, so much ♥

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,
nice :)

When you say playing big do you mean being more in presence or awareness?

Notice the play - when Simone play small, vulnerable - the other one is big and confident. And after that for Simone anger appear because this is the other part of Simone/the confident one.
Like in BDSM we contain all roles.
Notice what is happening with the role of the other person when Simone plays big one/ confident one?

A sense of myself was there

No!
I want you really to look this.
Mind is not your friend right now. Notice the story "there is Simone, there is this body and this sense is the prove that Simone and the body are real"
Now take this and threw it in the trash!
AND
Now look around with eyes closed and open
and feel this " I am free from I, from body and from thoughts"
feel the freedom, love
And notice what reveals?
:)

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

No!
I want you really to look this.
Mind is not your friend right now. Notice the story "there is Simone, there is this body and this sense is the prove that Simone and the body are real"
Now take this and threw it in the trash!
AND
Now look around with eyes closed and open
and feel this " I am free from I, from body and from thoughts"
feel the freedom, love
And notice what reveals?
:)

I haven’t known what to write to you at the moment. Do you mind if I take 2 or 3 days to explore? I’m feeling a little stuck, a little discouraged along with moments of just being. Feeling unsettled.

I am looking at what I wrote and I see stuck, discouraged, unsettled. What do these labels refer to? A sensation in the body, a story in the mind. Today I am tired. Feel like mind needs a rest, a reset. Just a small one :) There is a feeling to take a little break from writing and spend time, as you say, to really look, walk and be in nature, etc.

And I really appreciated the No!

I saw that you will be in Paris this weekend. I hope it's a wonderful time ♥

with much love
Simone

[Lubo]

Mmm, mind is trying to get it.
This is the moment of the Divine laughter ❤️
Yes, take a rest, take a rest from the mind also
You are free, completly free.
So much love to you Simone❤️
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

I apologize for this gap of time out of communication. I seem to have gone through a rougher patch than I expected. After writing to you last a constant heavy feeling developed in the chest area. Mind activity felt heavy too. Discouraged and frustrated. A lot of “what’s the point”, “I will never get this”, “I am useless”, “why can’t I figure this out”, etc. Lots of negative me talk. And quite unable to write or look or do anything. Even attempting to be present to sensations, sounds, etc seemed impossible. I was in a dark place and deeply mired in the self. Yesterday the heavy feeling began to dissolve and now I am feeling more like ‘myself’ and able to begin looking again.

Would it be alright if I waited until after the holidays to begin our dialogue again? It’s a hectic time of year. And perhaps I will have had some insights about what this heaviness has been about. Feel like maybe there is an unconscious belief operating here as I seem to cycle back to this place with varying intensity.

Thank you Lubo ♥
Light and love to you this solstice
Simone