Seeing through the illusion

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,
beautiful work!

Visual field is always a clear reminder of what is here. My experience. Now.

Ok. "My experience" Yes, there is only One subject here!
owns experiences but it is not an experience!

Internally thoughts of past and future have a feeling of movement, of location, a feeling of objects existing

Big Yes! Thoughts are pure insanity!!! Thus is what you want to wake up from.
We call this "mind" -the mind is a crazy thing that confuses things!
Call to the dream - real life, call for the experience of the body - " a me"
In reality there is no mind, only this crazy thing appear as mind.
You cannot trust mind this is the illusion, mind is the extract of the illusion. it is insanity itself in action!
Look here:

I feel my body in the chair

Does the awareness/ God/you have a boundary?
Do you have a body?
Notice everything is a dream here, One big soup of experiences. You are not contracted in any form/body.
Notice the movement of the hand?
Notice that this movement is movement only of the hand and there is no connection with the rest parts of the body?
Only crazy thoughts are claiming for real body that exist and can move by the free will of the crazy thoughts, can you see this? :)

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo♥

Ok. "My experience" Yes, there is only One subject here!
owns experiences but it is not an experience!

I hadn’t even noticed the ‘my’ experience. The identification is so habitual. Thank you for pointing to that♥

Does the awareness/ God/you have a boundary?

No. When I look I cannot find a boundary of any kind.

Do you have a body?

When I look I say yes, I have a body. It’s right here. This is much more tricky for me. With eyes closed sensations are experienced. There is no foot or hand with borders like you would draw on a piece of paper. With eyes closed there is no body, just sensations that also have no borders or boundaries.
When I open my eyes I see the body. It is the container where all sensations and thoughts are arising. Like the sense of I in thought there is a sense of me about the body.
When I look more closely there is actually no part of the body that feels like ‘me’, if my hand was cut off it would make no difference to what I am. Could I say that the body is a vehicle for experiencing the dream? And that whatever I am it is not confined to the body.

Notice everything is a dream here, One big soup of experiences. You are not contracted in any form/body.
Notice the movement of the hand?
Notice that this movement is movement only of the hand and there is no connection with the rest parts of the body?

I’m not sure I understand this. Physically the hand moves. Physically it is connected to other parts of the body. It cannot move otherwise. So you must mean this in another context. Is it that the hand moves and there is only awareness of the hand moving. There is only awareness when there is sensation somewhere. When the hand moves and I am aware of it I am not simultaneously aware of the rest of my body.

Only crazy thoughts are claiming for real body that exist and can move by the free will of the crazy thoughts, can you see this? :)

I have read other teachers saying that the body doesn’t exist and I think maybe this is what you are saying here. Can you explain this more or point me in a general direction? I understand that we label the body, that we claim ownership but I cannot understand how it doesn’t exist. I also have the experience that I have to visually see the body to know that it is here. With eyes closed or standing and looking around there is not an obvious body that I am aware of in direct experience. I feel like maybe I am missing something obvious or am mistaken in my understanding of what you are saying. I do see that thoughts are not moving body. Body movements happen spontaneously.

Whew. Felt like I had to start over a bit here with the body :) Definitely needs some deeper looking. I feel a little shakey with this.

with deep gratitude and love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,

Ok. "My experience" Yes, there is only One subject here!
owns experiences but it is not an experience!

I hadn’t even noticed the ‘my’ experience. The identification is so habitual. Thank you for pointing to that♥

let's look this here:
We are looking that you are not "a persona, me, body, narrative", right?
1. notice that you don't know what exactly you are?
2. notice that this experience called life is known by you, you should be here in order to know this experience, right?

Do you have a body?

When I look I say yes, I have a body. It’s right here. This is much more tricky for me. With eyes closed sensations are experienced. There is no foot or hand with borders like you would draw on a piece of paper. With eyes closed there is no body, just sensations that also have no borders or boundaries.
When I open my eyes I see the body. It is the container where all sensations and thoughts are arising. Like the sense of I in thought there is a sense of me about the body.

Thoughts about 'I, me" are here because of the confusion and they refer to the body and also that this life is real and there is independent body running here and there in order to survive, right?

Now notice, that without this confusion/mind, there is no real life just experiences and you are vast behind the visual field? Something like Divine screen and you are behind the show :)
You can rest home,
behind the scene
even now,
without identifying with the show.
Calm the mind with something like " Stay as the Self" and notice what is going on here?
:)

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

let's look this here:
We are looking that you are not "a persona, me, body, narrative", right?
1. notice that you don't know what exactly you are?
2. notice that this experience called life is known by you, you should be here in order to know this experience, right?

Yes. I don’t know what I am and at the same time I am here :)

Now notice, that without this confusion/mind, there is no real life just experiences and you are vast behind the visual field? Something like Divine screen and you are behind the show :)
You can rest home,
behind the scene
even now,
without identifying with the show.
Calm the mind with something like " Stay as the Self" and notice what is going on here?
:)

I have been sitting and paying attention to the gap between thoughts. Reminding myself that everything is still happening just as it always does even when I am not having any thoughts. Thoughts are not necessary to my experience. Paying attention to the sensations arising here. To simply seeing, hearing. I saw the moon this morning and thought of this planet suspended in space, the vastness of this all and the tiny speck that I believe I am with all my tiny problems and it all seemed ridiculous. The I, the me is only a feeling that is here. Nothing else. Why do I believe it so deeply? So crazy. As you suggested I will keep coming back to the simple Self again and again. And question - what is here when there is no thought, who am I without thought or memory?

thank you Lubo ♥

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,

Yes. I don’t know what I am and at the same time I am here :)

This is big step. Stay here. You don't know what you are!
Notice that only you/God cannot find itself?
Notice that "me, Simone" is just a concept around the body and story/thought's memory?
And this cannot describe you?

I have been sitting and paying attention to the gap between thoughts.

Ask
To whom thoughts are coming ?
- to the "me" is the usual answer.
and then ask
who am I?
and notice what the answer is coming - deep vast silence, right?
This is you!
Thoughts are nothing for you, empty, lost voices.

Now simply look, Is there "a me" running the show?
What is this question trying to tell you?

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

Ask
To whom thoughts are coming ?
- to the "me" is the usual answer.
and then ask
who am I?
and notice what the answer is coming - deep vast silence, right?
This is you!
Thoughts are nothing for you, empty, lost voices.

Now simply look, Is there "a me" running the show?
What is this question trying to tell you?

I have been a bit busy these last few days. I am sitting with these questions and looking at what is here. Noticing the subtle push and pull. I have been reading Nisargadatta. "Who/ what were you before you were born?" "The seeker is the sought."

Thank you Lubo. Activity is slowing down and I will be able to write more this weekend.

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,
Ok. Take your time.
Notice thoughts and the world are one and the same or they are separate?
Is there a "me" apart from thoughts story about the world?
Is this very moment?

Love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo♥

Now simply look, Is there "a me" running the show?
What is this question trying to tell you?

There is no ‘me’ that I can find. Am I the body? No. Am I the thoughts? No, although the thoughts feel like me. Am I where the thoughts come from? Thoughts arise from nowhere. Thoughts are insubstantial, ephemeral. They come and go one after the other. The content of thought is not real. So how does this feeling of ‘I’ persist? There are memories of past events, ideas about events in the future - all of these feature ‘me’ and so it seems there is a timeline that ‘I’ exist upon. There is an illusion of a “me” running the show.

Notice thoughts and the world are one and the same or they are separate?
Is there a "me" apart from thoughts story about the world?
Is this very moment?

The thoughts, the sensations are the world that is experienced here. Everything arising. The thoughts are not the world though. A thought, when it is believed, is an overlay on what is actually here. There is no ‘me’ to be separate. The ‘me’ is the feeling that arises with thought. So the ‘me’ and the thought story are the same thing. Interchangeable.

I have been noticing a subtle push and pull here. I’m not sure but it seems like it might be pretty constant. It feels something like the world is not enough for the ‘me’. Rather than relaxing into seeing or hearing, etc there is often a feeling to do something. It is not overwhelming, I can still just sit quietly and look but it’s curious and can be insistent. Mind wants to be occupied with something. So just noticing the restlessness.

I’ve also wanted to bring more awareness into my day to day life. I like to be moving and doing and I get caught up in activities. I have begun playing with bringing attention to one aspect at a time. I will see a bird for example and focus on it, really seeing it until mind drifts. Then perhaps I will feel my hands on the counter and really feel those sensations, again until mind drifts. Same with sounds. Breaking it up this way feels more playful and manageable. Brings me more and more into the moment throughout the day.

Generally there has been a movement to getting out of the mind and into the body. Trusting the senses to guide me even though mind really wants to believe it can figure this out. And when I look I see the crazy thoughts and that includes the idea of ‘me’. I appreciate your pointing this out to me over and over. I seem to need a lot of reminding :)

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,
Nice job!

Notice the difference:
- I there a" a me" running the show
- What I am?
Now let's look these here again

There is no ‘me’ that I can find. Am I the body? No. Am I the thoughts? No, although the thoughts feel like me. Am I where the thoughts come from? Thoughts arise from nowhere. Thoughts are insubstantial, ephemeral. They come and go one after the other. The content of thought is not real. So how does this feeling of ‘I’ persist? There are memories of past events, ideas about events in the future - all of these feature ‘me’ and so it seems there is a timeline that ‘I’ exist upon. There is an illusion of a “me” running the show.

Look again in the same way for the "me" but not for what you are.

also:

there is often a feeling to do something.

is there " a me" doing?

So just noticing the restlessness.

yes, this is somatic but is there 'a me" to do, to own that? Look!

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo♥

Now let's look these here again

There is no ‘me’ that I can find. Am I the body? No. Am I the thoughts? No, although the thoughts feel like me. Am I where the thoughts come from? Thoughts arise from nowhere. Thoughts are insubstantial, ephemeral. They come and go one after the other. The content of thought is not real. So how does this feeling of ‘I’ persist? There are memories of past events, ideas about events in the future - all of these feature ‘me’ and so it seems there is a timeline that ‘I’ exist upon. There is an illusion of a “me” running the show.

Look again in the same way for the "me" but not for what you are.

This is initially confusing to me, to mind actually, so I begin to break it down.
I am thinking to look for the me (which is an illusion) but not for what you are (awareness).
Then -
Who is looking for the ‘me’?
As I am reading what I wrote to you earlier there is seeing that there is ‘someone’ looking, seeking. And just as the content of thought is not real neither is the seeker, the one looking. Then seeing that there is no one here to seek, no one here to ‘find’ awakening. Awakening is not something to be found and yet that is how I have been behaving. Instead there is nothing to look for and nobody looking. I point a finger at ‘my’ face and there is nothing there, no face to see, just nothing. And yet the finger is seen and all the objects in the room. What a mystery. It is like a reflection but what is reflecting?
It seems like something is seen and it has a slippery quality.

there is often a feeling to do something.

is there " a me" doing?

So just noticing the restlessness.

yes, this is somatic but is there 'a me" to do, to own that? Look!

The feeling to do and the restlessness seem to be the same energy. The restlessness is just a sensation in the body, moving. There is nobody to feel restless!
It is so interesting how thought took the sensation of restlessness and created a problem for someone.

Thank you Lubo ♥ So much to explore with these few questions.

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,

Who is looking for the ‘me’?

This is BDSM question.
Notice what plays as someone looking?
Notice is there 'a me" ?
What pretend to be 'a me looking"?

Love,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

Oo, Ok
This is question causing pain.
"Who is looking for the me?"
Because there is no looking for the me, this is mental game,
notice that this looking is just thoughts about looking and thoughts about me?
Look again this question:
Is there "a me" running the show?
"A me" creating the story about "a me?

There has been a little more seeing but difficult to describe. There is a seeing that any thoughts about it are not it. Thoughts are seen to be an overlay over everything. They have no place here. There is a felt sense of there being nobody here. Not continually though. I had been operating from a point of view. ‘I’ was looking, ‘I’ was seeking. And now it is seen that there is no ‘me’. There is no me to create a story, the me is the story. There is no one to seek and nothing to seek for. There is everything as it is and all else is a thought overlay.

I was getting dressed to meet a friend for lunch. A feeling arose that this pair of pants didn’t feel right. The color was wrong. So another pair of pants was chosen and the body sense felt better. There was the distinct feeling that nobody was making this decision. There was the sensation of being along for the ride, seeing what would happen next.

There have been thoughts around this - am I getting this a bit?, will I lose this knowing?, do I know?, what if I am way off base? Immediately it is seen that this is just thought and has no substance, reality or truth. As you say this tortuous mental game. Body/mind goes back to sensations, looking, hearing, seeing thoughts. Keep it simple :)

This is BDSM question.
Notice what plays as someone looking?
Notice is there 'a me" ?
What pretend to be 'a me looking"?

What plays, what pretends to be ‘a me’ looking? I don’t know how this experience of me arises or where it comes from. But the ‘me’ is only thoughts. The me that is seeking is a thought, the me in the created story is thought, it is all thought. It does feel like a brick fell out of the wall. Although right now it still feels like ‘I’ am typing. Which seems weird.

thank you Lubo♥ Deep gratitude for your one pointedness.

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,

Excellent!
Now let's see where all these experiences are coming from?
We are looking to find the final knower, the realisation of the question " Who am I"?
The knower of day and night, the knower of this very moment?
The knower of thoughts, emotions, ...


Expand,
Love,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

Excellent!
Now let's see where all these experiences are coming from?
We are looking to find the final knower, the realisation of the question " Who am I"?
The knower of day and night, the knower of this very moment?
The knower of thoughts, emotions, ..

.

I don’t know how to answer this question yet. There is knowing and it seems to be here and when ‘I’ look there is no knower. Feels like space or an emptiness. Blank. And then the sense of self appears again until it is looked at. When looked at the empty space feeling is there.

There has been a realization that this ‘me’, this ‘I’ is only a thought construct. When thought/mind tries to look there is immediate seeing that thought is the ‘me’. Then a relaxation that ‘I’ don’t have to figure out no self or awareness, etc. A relief that thought can rest. Really, a huge relief. There is nothing for it to do here. That all the thought looking and searching has been like a dog chasing its tail. There is no one looking and no awareness to be ‘found’. And still there is the typical falling back into unconscious thought patterns throughout the day.

When I sit down in the morning with my tea to look out the window there is an unsettled feeling. There seems to be an energy that does not want to be present. Any moment that thought activates about this recent insight, there is a letting go of it, relaxing and being with the sense fields. This thought dropping is new. It is so clearly seen that thought is what has been the binding.

I am not sure where or what or who. I feel the duality as soon as words are written or spoken. The mind is used to describing and having ideas and it is strange to know that nothing can be said about this. The seeking and trying to figure out the ‘me’ has stopped for now with the seeing that the thoughts trying to figure it out is the impediment, is the obstacle. There is no ‘me’ to figure out or to find doesn’t exist.

I don’t know how clear any of this is. I am having a bit of a hard time talking about it. It feels like I am just beginning to see something. And there is still this feeling of 'I' here but not in the same way. I feel like this post is a bit muddled.

Thank you as always Lubo. Deeply grateful for the time you take to guide me home.

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,

Feels like space or an emptiness.

This is home. , notice that you are Home itself,
(You are not space or emptiness) nothing can describe you?
Connect with You/Home/Heart and listen - no thoughts but the hearth...
Ask what/who is the supreme reality, where everything is coming from?
ask it anything...
and notice the answer?

That all the thought looking and searching has been like a dog chasing its tail.

Where thoughts are coming from?
Invite thoughts to rest at home where they are coming from

There has been a realization that this ‘me’, this ‘I’ is only a thought construct

YES!

There seems to be an energy that does not want to be present

Is this energy someone?
What does it want, is there something that is not already here?

Love,
Lubo