1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? Will there ever be? If NO to all questions, then Explain Why?
There is no 'me' at all, anywhere in any way shape or form, there never was, and there never will be. This is because the sense of 'me' in any way, shape, or form, is an illusion, always has been, and always will. This illusion arises because the combination of thoughts, feelings, and desires include the notion that there is
someone thinking, feeling, and desiring things, without realizing that all of these things can exist without a thinker/feeler/desire-er.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
The illusion of the separate self is just a matter of confusion. Thoughts and feelings are constantly running through the brain, and people come to label these thoughts (the labeling itself is just another thought) "Jason" or "The voice inside my head" or "my conscience", and characterize those thoughts and feelings as a personality. That is, to say, that these thoughts characterize themselves as something other than thoughts. In doing this, they believe that this personality, which is just an thought/label placed on a group of thoughts available to conscious attention, is everything that they are. Their bodies become THEIR bodies, and soon it is no longer 'I am my body and my body is me' but 'I am my conscience, and my stomach belongs to me/my conscience,
my heart,
my body, and even
my brain'. Although this seems like a matter of linguistics, it becomes a real belief. Human culture intensifies this belief - language, religion, etc - and soon people forget that the label/thought put on a group of thoughts available to conscious attention is nothing other than a label/thought. No 'me', no self, just thoughts, feelings, and desires.
3) How does it FEEL to see this? describe in detail.
As far as I can tell it doesn't feel like anything important. Thoughts, feelings, and desires are all the same, I still enjoy the same things, I still dislike the same things, the only real difference I've noticed is that when I do get bothered my thoughts drift towards the no-self and I feel better... sort of... less invested? It's really hard to say, but I guess it makes me feel rather insignificant in the whole scheme of things, and so cultural pressure seems to fade away a little (by cultural pressure I mean the idea that I need my life to be a movie - see question 6).
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it
This is a really difficult question, and I'd begin by saying that it's not something that can be put down in words. I'd probably say what I wrote for question 2. I'd also say that the world inside the head is very different than the world outside the head. I'd say that humans have morals, ethics, thoughts, ideas, hypothetical situations, analytical thoughts, philosophies, etc., but that the world outside the human head is a world of mechanical process that is not at all the same. I'd compare humanity to an ecosystem of wolves and rabbits, and ask if the populations would reach some sort of an equilibrium, assuming there were no other factors involved. I'd then ask why humans are the same but with more/different factors.
Honestly I think explaining it in as many different ways works best, but is a double edged sword - the more ways it's explained, the more chances it'll 'click' with the curious person, but the more ways it's explained the more confusing it can become.
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?
There were lots of little epiphanies, realizations, and understandings that pushed me in the right direction. There were multiple realizations where I thought "Aha! I've got it" but that was only part of it. It was mostly gradual, but it feels like something I've known forever, not something that I realized over the past weeks/month(s). I'm very left brained and I love analyzing, and so I think one big turning point for me was when Cosmik made me take 1 day for each exercise, and only accepted responses that were purely from direct experience and weren't philosophical.
6) describe the difference before seeing, at the moment of seeing, and after seeing?
Before seeing there was this huge pressure to
make my life like a movie. Everything I did emphasized this sense of self/character, which I was fully invested in, and I thought
I was responsible for his actions, thoughts, feelings, successes and failures, desires etc. After seeing, though, it's obvious that there's no need for me to
do anything to make my life like a movie. I don't need to do anything, I don't need to worry about the past or the future or my personal outcomes because
I don't exist. I still have thoughts feelings desires and such, but before I thought it was my responsibility to make all of it perfect, as though these things defined who
I was and
I had the power to control them, and thus change the definition of myself into the protagonist at the end of the movie, living happily ever after with the girl, fame, money, and success in everything. It was as though my whole life was made for this one final conclusion, a grand ending, some massive thing that
I was responsible for creating, when in reality there is no great ending, no grandiose finale to anything, because there's no self to have such an ending, and no self to control/create an ending. I'm just less invested in some ending now, and generally more focused on enjoying the present since that's really all there is.
7) in what ways has thing changed your life? what impact will this have on your life?
So far it's just made me a happier person, and the happiness is more stable than other forms of happiness I've experienced. It's humbling and comforting, and I'll still live my life in a similar way, working in school, maintaining a social life, enjoying fun things and growing upset at bad things, but I'm less invested in all of it. Before I took many things personally, as though failures and bad things were an indication of myself, but there's no self for it to be an indication of.
8) what if i told you LU was a persuasion cult and we have just got you to believe that "there is no self". How would you respond?
"Good job."
On a more serious note, I'd be
very confused and probably seek counseling to see if I'd been brainwashed. LU hasn't pushed any strong ideas on me that I hadn't found in other places previously (I did lots of research on Buddhism & philosophy before I came to LU), and most of it was about direct experience and introspective investigation. Almost everything I learned from LU came from my own investigation, not LU telling me what to think.
9) do you have any comments about my guiding, what you feel was effective, and what was not so effective, and why?
I wish I had constructive criticism to help you out, but your guiding was excellent. I'm not sure how I would have gone about guiding myself if I were you, but I doubt it would have been as effective. Telling me to take a day to reply when I was intellectualizing everything is something that I plan to do even after LU, since it really helps me organize my thoughts. Thanks for being so patient with me and sticking with me on this, even when it seemed like I was going one step forwards, two steps backwards.
