Awakening in London UK

[Anastacia42]

Good.

How does it FEEL to see this?



Loving,

[Adam2271]

How does it FEEL to see this?

I feel a sense of expanded spaciousness, somehow within me and also somewhere else I can't pinpoint. I do feel things are shifting. I had a few minutes of sensing complete relaxation today with all the stories of me (both mine and other people's) never having really existed, all just thought and story.

[Anastacia42]

Exactly! I told you we might finish before your tantra workshop. Not finished, yet, but getting there!

This is the only pointer Ilona gave me when I was guided here. i practiced this for about 3 months. I call it:

ButtChair

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?


It is simple direct & nonverbal. Just LOOK.

Then write what is true.

Loving,

[Adam2271]

Ok thanks :)

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

In experience I feel a hardness (bones) pressing down on the squishyness (flesh) of my butt, and a resistance to that downward pressure, so the squishyness is squished between two hardnesses.
I can't find a dividing line, only a sense of flesh being squished between two hardnesses.

Thanks

[Anastacia42]

Okay, keep LOOKING in only Direct Experience.

The point is not right answers but to experience that there is only one and no "self."

Loving

[Adam2271]

I feel a sense of infinite space, somehow both within me and my entire space of awareness. And that bubbling sensation I mentioned before is present. My 'centre' almost feels outside and behind the body, as if the body is a tip of a much larger - possibly infinite - 'iceberg' of awareness.

Thanks

[Anastacia42]

Yes, that is how folks describe waking up

Can you say 100% there's no separate "self"?


Loving,

[Adam2271]

Can you say 100% there's no separate "self"?

Almost! I can't find a self in experience. When I look within I feel an emptiness that also feels full. I didn't sleep well last night and I feel strange, between dreaming and waking. I want to rest and see what I see/feel in the morning

Thanks

[Anastacia42]

Excellent. Those are normal feelings. It's a bit disorienting.

We have some traditional "final" questions. Let me know if you feel ready for those or have any other questions.

Loving

[Adam2271]

Thanks Stacy!

I can't find a self in experience, yet I still feel a sense of agency, of doership

[Anastacia42]

Try this one. Report how it FEELS to SEE.

Doership Exercise

You see that there is no self to be found. Now let’s have a look at the feeling of being a 'doer’.


Take a few relaxed breaths to let the dust settle for a while, and then: Look on your right.

Then look on your left.

Finally, bring your head back to centre, close your eyes and look in front.


Okay, so when you look on the right, the view on the right is seen (whatever that is).

When you look on the left, the view on the left is seen (whatever that is).

And then, when you look in front of you with eyes closed, the view in front is seen (ie ‘black space’).



So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ not to see? I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘black space’ if you close your eyes. The question is; can you turn seeing off?

Can you NOT see what is seen?


Same thing with the view on the left, can you NOT see the view on the left?

Same thing with the view in front with closed eyes, can you NOT see the ‘black space’?

Can you turn off seeing?


What did the 'chooser' choose?

Did a 'self' choose something?

If you are unable to choose what you're aware of, then what else is there to choose?

Loving

[Adam2271]

Hi hi

So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ not to see? I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘black space’ if you close your eyes. The question is; can you turn seeing off?

No I can't turn seeing off

Can you NOT see what is seen?

No

Same thing with the view on the left, can you NOT see the view on the left?

No

Same thing with the view in front with closed eyes, can you NOT see the ‘black space’?

No

Can you turn off seeing?

No

What did the 'chooser' choose?

Interacting engergies led 'me' to this forum and being open to exercises you suggest, so the exercise was done as you described it. A specific decision to do the exercise can't be found. More the lack of a reason not to.

Did a 'self' choose something?

No, see previous answer

If you are unable to choose what you're aware of, then what else is there to choose?

It feels like I can pay attention to different things I am aware of - for example I can focus on one specific sound or the whole sound scape together.

Thanks

Adam

[Anastacia42]

In terms of DE, what are "interacting energies?"

feels like I can pay attention to different things I am aware of - for example I can focus on one specific sound or the whole sound scape together.

But are you "choosing" or telling the thought story of "choosing" after the fact? Look very very closely.

Loving

[Adam2271]

Hi

In terms of DE, what are "interacting energies?"

Just things happening! Thoughts occurring, and disappearing.

are you "choosing" or telling the thought story of "choosing" after the fact? Look very very closely.

I can't find a definite choice. It's more I do whatever occurs to me to do. So a thought appears and it's either followed or not. Sometimes I might start a course of action but then it just doesn't feel right somehow, so I stop. I have also noticed sometimes I feel like I have mentally chosen a course of action, and then my body does something else. I feel more drawn to non-resistance and going with what feels like the flow.

Thanks

[Anastacia42]

Good.

Is there anything further to seek?

Can you say 100% now that there's no separate "self? "



Loving,