Seeking more than an intellectual understanding

[solstice]

Yes I will try to post here daily from now on, the business in my life has hopefully passed.

Can you expand on the differences between when your self feels diminished and stronger?

When stronger it is usually due to anxious thoughts and feelings, these seem to take over and it is a struggle to see them as what they really are.

When diminished everything is much easier to see as what it is, and direct experience is experienced more richly. Thoughts still arise but they are just thoughts.

Also, what's the "sometimes almost entirely" like?

Although I am sure I still have a way to go there are moments were it feels as though I just am, there is just direct experience, just presence

[solstice]

I am trying to write these without editing them as I don’t want to overthink the words, and want these posts to be as much a stream of consciousness as possible.
Is this the correct way to go about this?
I do worry that I am sometimes embellishing the truth, or saying what I think is the right thing.

[jrm72]

Hello Solstice,

There's no right or wrong way, there's your way, and that's the only way.

Nothing you say here is judged.

What is in control of your stream of consciousness?

❤️🖖

[solstice]

What is in control of your stream of consciousness?

I don’t know that anything is in control. Although it feels like thoughts do influence it a lot of the time. The thoughts say that it is also influenced by childhood experiences.

[jrm72]

Morning Solstice,

I don’t know that anything is in control. Although it feels like thoughts do influence it a lot of the time. The thoughts say that it is also influenced by childhood experiences.

What is in control of anything?
What makes anything happen?

The child that had those childhood experiences is not in the past. It exists, as do all your experiences, in (for want of a better word) you now.

❤️🖖

[solstice]

What is in control of anything?

Nothing seems to be in control

What makes anything happen?

Nothing makes anything happen, but past experiences seem to influence current/future experiences

The child that had those childhood experiences is not in the past. It exists, as do all your experiences, in (for want of a better word) you now.

Struggling to wrap my head around this.

Yesterday I had maybe my first shift if you want to call it that. For 15-30 minutes or so there was only attention/awareness. Thoughts still arose although much less frequently and it was easy to not have attention get sucked into them, instead moving it to whatever I felt like focusing on. Since then the thoughts have ramped back up and getting lost in them happens. I think I better ‘understand’ what the end goal is after the experience

[jrm72]

Morning Solstice,

The child that had those childhood experiences is not in the past. It exists, as do all your experiences, in (for want of a better word) you now.
Struggling to wrap my head around this.

The philosopher William James uses the following idea to describe how we function -

In our head is a model of the world, which contains all of what we would call the past (as memories) and all what of we would call, the future (as expectations). So everything about us, the world, past and future, exists in the expression of this model in the moment. It is not possible to go back in time and be that child or have the experiences, it's all an expression of the model right now.

This is just a model, if it helps, great. If it doesn't, we'll find one that does.

I think I better ‘understand’ what the end goal is after the experience

Would you expand on this?
I ask not to see if you've got it right, because each experience is different, but to give us something to explore.


❤️🖖

[solstice]

This is just a model, if it helps, great. If it doesn't, we'll find one that does.

Okay yes this makes sense to me

Would you expand on this?

I guess that for that period of time ‘I’ was able to point awareness at whatever part of experience I wanted and have it stay there, thoughts could not distract me. I felt like I was just whatever I was pointing awareness at/that’s all there was

[jrm72]

Morning Solstice,

I felt like I was just whatever I was pointing awareness at/that’s all there was

What happens if you take the "I" out of that sentence?
Does it still make sense?

❤️🖖

[solstice]

What happens if you take the "I" out of that sentence?
Does it still make sense?

Yes it still makes sense

[jrm72]

So what effect does the statement -

"There is no I, only awareness"

have?

❤️🖖

[solstice]

So what effect does the statement -

"There is no I, only awareness"

have?

It makes sense, but there is still the feeling of being the body & mind within this experience. Even though when examining this feeling it is seen to be thoughts and sensations

[jrm72]

Evening Solstice,

It makes sense, but there is still the feeling of being the body & mind within this experience. Even though when examining this feeling it is seen to be thoughts and sensations

Have you ever seen a mirage (like on a really hot sunny day on a long road and it looks like water ahead on the road)?

When you get there, there's no water.

The I is like a mirage. It'll still look and feel like it's there, even when you know it's not.

❤️🖖

[solstice]

The I is like a mirage. It'll still look and feel like it's there, even when you know it's not.

At some point it will become obvious that it is a mirage though, no? Must I just keep looking and noticing until eventually they are seen through automatically?

[jrm72]

Morning Solstice,

At some point it will become obvious that it is a mirage though, no?

I know the Earth moves around the Sun.
It still looks like the Sun moves around the Earth to me.

I know the shimmering patch on the road ahead is a heat haze mirage. It still looks like water to me.

A helpful step is to move from delusion to illusion.

How would you define the difference between delusion and illusion?

❤️🖖