Dear Warissem,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there is not a separate self/me/I entity anywhere in reality. It seemed like there was, but it was just imagined and believed in. It doesn't exist in reality now, and did not exist in reality in the past.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of the separate self is a pattern of thoughts playing out in the mind that revolves around the idea of being an individual and solitary creature that needs to be protected and defended against threats. This pattern attracts and holds attention with stories, fears, desires, and a constant commentary on what is happening moment to moment. The commentary makes it seem like there is a me-entity making things happen in life by taking credit for what is unfolding.
It starts in early childhood, probably through the mixture of a built-in defence mechanism that humans are born with, and the conditioning influence of family, friends, and society.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels amazing to see through this illusion. There is a much deeper experience of the present moment, with awareness being able to be aware of so many different things going on, instead of just stuck focusing on thoughts.
Before starting this dialogue, the illusion of the self was just a mental concept. It was very rarely experienced at the deeper level of seeing and feeling it in the moment. Now it is deeply experienced for small stretches of time throughout the day, especially while the body is doing its thing on its own, and while observing nature. It is gradually starting to creep into other situations (such as watching videos, reading, being around others), but just a little bit.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
A combination of things seemed to push me over. The exercises you gave and the guidance were definitely key. Also, reading the books "Liberation Unleashed" and "Gateless Gatecrashers" brought up similar perspectives and issues that helped. All of this led to realizing how this is just about seeing what's really happening in the moment, life unfolding on its own, instead of trying to understand it in the mind and create new beliefs.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
-Decisions are made in the unfolding of life, but the illusion of a controlling self makes it appear that this self has made them
-Intention is also naturally occurring, but the illusion lays claim to it as well.
-Free will is part of the illusion of the self. It is amazing to think that there is such a debate in Philosophy about Free Will, and "I" previously would have said it exists, but now I've seen that it doesn't. We are just doing what we've been conditioned and programmed to do.
-Choice and Control are also illusions. Choice falls under the same illusion as free will. Control is something that is desirable in the pattern of self-illusions because it would be an antidote to fear, but it doesn't work because there is no real control over "self", "others", "life", "the world". They are all unfolding as the one Life.
What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.
Things happen due to unseen instincts, decisions, and motivations. They just happen. An itch arises and it is scratched. It is time to leave and the body gets up and starts walking.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
There is no you/me/I that is responsible for anything. This manifestation of Life (labelled Marty) is playing roles in the world that could be labelled responsibilities, but there is no self who is in charge of them because they are just being done as part of the flow.
6) Anything to add?
There was some disbelief that arose when you proposed asking the final questions. There was surprise that "I" was ready because there was an expectation that there would be some big dramatic revelation here, instead of the gradual way in which it happened. There was also an expectation that the illusion would be completely wiped out in all situations. It is now seen that everyone is different, and that for many the illusion will linger a while in some situations.
Thanks very much,
Marty
