Guide request

[jazmine928]

Hi Elad!
I wanted to share a noticing..the past two nights I’ve spent a few minutes just sort of sitting and noticing my experience while my family is sort of bustling around (dishes, tv on, kids doing homework etc) and I’ve noticed how the thoughts that arise seem similar to the noise around me..like more impersonal. I’ve done the numbers exercise and also notice how the “I” feels like a habit…the thoughts that come now with that particular exercise are more or less predictable. Thanks again and I’m glad there isn’t a rush or that I’ll be kicked out by a certain deadline 😂

[Elad]

Hi Elad!
I wanted to share a noticing..the past two nights I’ve spent a few minutes just sort of sitting and noticing my experience while my family is sort of bustling around (dishes, tv on, kids doing homework etc) and I’ve noticed how the thoughts that arise seem similar to the noise around me..like more impersonal. I’ve done the numbers exercise and also notice how the “I” feels like a habit…the thoughts that come now with that particular exercise are more or less predictable. Thanks again and I’m glad there isn’t a rush or that I’ll be kicked out by a certain deadline 😂

Beautiful, things are flowing well, and no kicking no deadlines :)

Please do these exercises:

Imagine “me”

Many experience the ‘me’ as being centred in the head.
What I would like you to do is imagine a small apple centred in the head. Before the apple disappears....
...imagine a canary centred in the head, tweeting away. Before, the canary flies off (weird huh?)....
...imagine a 'me' centred in the head. Stay with it...
...imagine it is completely transparent. See straight through it... ...imagine there not seeming to be a 'me' in the head anymore. Give it a go, see what happens.


Cookie Exercise

Like cookies? If not, any food will do.
I can give you an imaginary cookie - here you go!
Imagine that you take a cookie and eat it – really feel it happening - the sensations, texture, taste, sound.
If you have some cookies, eat one, if not, eat something else for the exercise (fruit), and compare: what is the difference between an imagined cookie and the real one that is experienced? See if you can dive in the sensations of taste, smell.
Take your time to investigate how a real cookie smells and tastes, feels in the fingers and so on. Focus on sensations and perceiving, without naming it.
Then for a couple of minutes describe the taste and smell.
What does description have to do with actual experience?
Is sense of self referring to imaginary self or something that is experienced? Is there a self/I in the experience?
What is found?

[jazmine928]

Hi Elad,

Just wanted to share quickly..I had a few minutes in between students (I'm a teacher) and felt them to be really powerful. In the first one, I noticed my "mind/head" felt like just wide open space. It felt like effort to keep the apple, bird, or imagined self in place. It felt better when they just disappeared. I also loved the second exercise and noticed that no thought can really match true experience. It helped me see how thoughts come up and then the mind sort of claims them to be "me." I noticed a subtle shift in my body or something. When I was walking through the hallway of my school, a smile just came over my face and all I wanted to do was laugh out loud..I'm not sure what at. I didn't allow that to happen because I was in a professional setting and didn't want to look like I was losing my mind. Perhaps it was a glimpse of something...I'll continue to practice those exercises. :)

[Elad]

Hi Elad,

Just wanted to share quickly..I had a few minutes in between students (I'm a teacher) and felt them to be really powerful. In the first one, I noticed my "mind/head" felt like just wide open space. It felt like effort to keep the apple, bird, or imagined self in place. It felt better when they just disappeared. I also loved the second exercise and noticed that no thought can really match true experience. It helped me see how thoughts come up and then the mind sort of claims them to be "me." I noticed a subtle shift in my body or something. When I was walking through the hallway of my school, a smile just came over my face and all I wanted to do was laugh out loud..I'm not sure what at. I didn't allow that to happen because I was in a professional setting and didn't want to look like I was losing my mind. Perhaps it was a glimpse of something...I'll continue to practice those exercises. :)

Beautiful!!! 💗💗💗

Yes continue and write me!

[jazmine928]

Hi Elad,
I'm starting to wonder if I'm just sort of a puppet controlled by the brain and all it's amazing do-ings. Feeling a little lost today. I think I'm hoping to find something miraculous and now I'm starting to doubt that which is feeling a little bleak. I also went on facebook and then down some philosopher's rabbit hole...I just always want to find the "Truth" and have trouble trusting my experience..I see how "I" don't exist as a separate controller in the head, but there's a body, feelings, thoughts, movement, desires, etc and all of that feels familiar and "in place"...

[Elad]

Hi Elad,
I'm starting to wonder if I'm just sort of a puppet controlled by the brain and all it's amazing do-ings. Feeling a little lost today. I think I'm hoping to find something miraculous and now I'm starting to doubt that which is feeling a little bleak. I also went on facebook and then down some philosopher's rabbit hole...I just always want to find the "Truth" and have trouble trusting my experience..I see how "I" don't exist as a separate controller in the head, but there's a body, feelings, thoughts, movement, desires, etc and all of that feels familiar and "in place"...

It is familiar and in place.

I would recommend you to avoid external inputs - philosophy, nonduality videos etc - until we finish this process. Its crucial to stay with your experience (as opposed to anything else including what I say) and just see and describe simple and plain.

Puppet and brain is all conceptual - not direct experience.

So what is most clear in terms of direct experience in relation to our work here so far?

[jazmine928]

Hi Elad,
All the reading and listening has become an addiction of sorts over the years. But I agree it needs to stop. What is quite clear now is how thoughts are often labeling things that have already appeared..like it’s always late to the party. I notice how thoughts, urges and preferences just bubble up like bubbles in soda water. I’ve also noticed how when I really plunge into the moment, I feel a tingle and warmth throughout my body and things in my visual field appear very very clear. I notice this when walking the dog a lot. Have a good Saturday!

[Elad]

Hi Elad,
All the reading and listening has become an addiction of sorts over the years. But I agree it needs to stop. What is quite clear now is how thoughts are often labeling things that have already appeared..like it’s always late to the party. I notice how thoughts, urges and preferences just bubble up like bubbles in soda water. I’ve also noticed how when I really plunge into the moment, I feel a tingle and warmth throughout my body and things in my visual field appear very very clear. I notice this when walking the dog a lot. Have a good Saturday!

This is great. Now look at whatever you take to be yourself. Is that being "you" or "mine" a direct experience or like the thoughts?

Think what color your socks are. Now look at the color. Which one feels more authentic?

And is the experience of self like the first category (fleeling, imaginary and thinking activity) or direct experience?

[jazmine928]

Hi Elad,
I’m really sitting with a laser focus on this. The “I” is sort of like a first responder ..sorting everything out and trying to make sense of it all…it feels like the loud voice or narrator in the head. Like a witness on the scene.. I also noticing a hot burning sensation in the chest when I sit. I also wonder if as I’m getting closer to this, there might be some fear creeping in and the voice on my head sort of yells “here I am…I’m over here..I’m right here” I’m trying to not push that away and it’s seeming like another thing to notice…

[Elad]

Hi Elad,
I’m really sitting with a laser focus on this. The “I” is sort of like a first responder ..sorting everything out and trying to make sense of it all…it feels like the loud voice or narrator in the head. Like a witness on the scene.. I also noticing a hot burning sensation in the chest when I sit. I also wonder if as I’m getting closer to this, there might be some fear creeping in and the voice on my head sort of yells “here I am…I’m over here..I’m right here” I’m trying to not push that away and it’s seeming like another thing to notice…

Good work!

Re fear yes. Rather then push it away, feel it lovingly. Also allow it to say what it wants to protect. Share here what comes.

Re sensation in the chest - does it in any way say it is a self rather then just sensation?

If you say "it is a sensation" or "it is me, my sensation" which one feels more autentic and direct?

Re the narratator. Please sit still looking at a wall for thrity minutes. Let everything including the narrator be as it is. And look: what controls everything, what controls the narrator?

[jazmine928]

Hi Elad,
Love the wall meditations. I feel like I could sit there all day..I know that’s not the point. I’m really working on this inward attention and I feel like all of the scaffolding of beliefs and hopes are sort of coming down which can be frightening. I’m noticing that all the retreats I’ve done, all the reading and listening has been driven by a sense of hope for something better and now it feels like I’m hitting the breaks and turning the flashlight fully around for the first time. I notice how I don’t have to do anything to notice this aliveness..nothing required to just be. But then when thoughts such as “I’d like to get my hair done, I should lose about 10 lbs so I can wear that dress..” when those thoughts come in it feels like separate old me…but to push them away makes me feel all tangled up again…

[Elad]

Hi Elad,
Love the wall meditations. I feel like I could sit there all day..I know that’s not the point. I’m really working on this inward attention and I feel like all of the scaffolding of beliefs and hopes are sort of coming down which can be frightening. I’m noticing that all the retreats I’ve done, all the reading and listening has been driven by a sense of hope for something better and now it feels like I’m hitting the breaks and turning the flashlight fully around for the first time. I notice how I don’t have to do anything to notice this aliveness..nothing required to just be. But then when thoughts such as “I’d like to get my hair done, I should lose about 10 lbs so I can wear that dress..” when those thoughts come in it feels like separate old me…but to push them away makes me feel all tangled up again…

It's a great sign what you describe here by and large.

One thing: you don't need to lose your taste for chocolate, doing your hear etc. This is the middle path of just seeing what is there. Not a path of rejecting ordinary tastes, pleasures, and preferences. Just examine if any of it is actually a sign of self? Is not rather a sign of no self - patterns of preference and thinking that come by themselves, including the thought that it's you?

Please answer the questions from my last message properly. They are important. Particularly the one with the wall exercise. Do it again to answer freshly.

[Elad]

Doing your *hair*

[jazmine928]

Just did the exercise again. I don’t know what controls the narrator! It’s quite prominent and familiar but I don’t know what controls it. Sometimes thoughts feel like me because “I” have the ability to turn them into spoken words..so sometimes it feels like the “me” lives in my throat. But then I noticed it comes and goes and I’m still there..being present to it all. In regard to the physical sensations..it’s only thought that labels them “mine.” They appear first, then though kicks in. I’m not sure this is a common thing, but there are a lot of sensations rising..it’s quite intense, almost like a giant bandage has been ripped off and all the anxiety, depression, etc is just exposing itself. I’m trying to allow it all..really no choice in the matter..

[Elad]

Just did the exercise again. I don’t know what controls the narrator! It’s quite prominent and familiar but I don’t know what controls it. Sometimes thoughts feel like me because “I” have the ability to turn them into spoken words..so sometimes it feels like the “me” lives in my throat. But then I noticed it comes and goes and I’m still there..being present to it all. In regard to the physical sensations..it’s only thought that labels them “mine.” They appear first, then though kicks in. I’m not sure this is a common thing, but there are a lot of sensations rising..it’s quite intense, almost like a giant bandage has been ripped off and all the anxiety, depression, etc is just exposing itself. I’m trying to allow it all..really no choice in the matter..

Great work! So the intimate inner narrotor is not you!! How does it feel to see this?

All you describe is normal and a good sign.

Is there any self at all in any of this? Is there a self that observes what comes and goes?

Don't think, look! Feel!

Write what is seen, simple.