Looking for a guide

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Ziad!!

Oh dear, do we really want to provoke more thoughts? While playing with concepts in a “spiritual toss and catch” may feel fun, and invigorating even, let’s not mistake that game for liberation! No matter the context or concepts, it’s the same game we seem to have been playing for some time.


Is there a game in directly experiencing what is and what is not? In the instant of experiencing, is it a game, or might that conclusion get added on after the fact, like ALL thoughts.

If you are as interested in freedom from suffering as I feel you to be, are you willing to really dive into the investigation? What this means is, are you willing to suspend the commentary and simply answer the questions, EVERY question, as asked, using minimal words and from LOOKING DIRECTLY IN THE INSTANT, not afterward. Forget about afterward. Tell me about Now.


I recall a drawing class taken long ago. The instructor stated, “A lot of people think that they cannot draw. Why is that? …because they draw what they ‘think’ they see, rather than what is there.” The class was given a couple exercises to work with “what is actually there.” First, we were to take our subject matter, in this case a photograph (could be anything… a chair, an instrument, a vase of flowers) and turn it upside down. From this perspective, which discouraged objectifying, we were to simply draw what we see… lines, shapes, colors.
In the second exercise, we were asked to look out the window at the tree branches. “Draw the space between the branches,” she advised, guiding from the vantage point of what is not there.

You may recognize the benefit of such a practice, and may even agree that it could be helpful. How helpful is that? More mental gymnastics?

The imperative behind our investigation is to LOOK directly in the instant. In other words, what do you see, hear, smell, sense tactilely, taste, and think (WITHOUT the content of the thought, without becoming identified with the thought stream).

The more willing and able you are to answer, simply, EVERY question (typed in blue) without unnecessary commentary, the greater access you will have to Vast Space. Do you agree?

Let’s find out.

There is a big difference between knowing and seeing.
If I ask you what color socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to come up with an answer:
• You can think back to this morning and try to remember putting your socks on, and perhaps report what color you think they are.
Do this and report the color.
• Alternatively, you can take a quick look at your socks and report what color they actually are!
Do this and report the color.
Hopefully you would agree that you can only be 100% certain by looking!!!
For the purpose of our dialogue together, it is going to be very important that you are clear about this difference. Knowing is about knowledge, which is all in the mind. We are not interested in that. We are only interested in LOOKING… SEEING what is actually going on in your present moment to moment experience. We are only interested in your direct experience in the moment.
Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.

Btw, I feel your sincerity, so if ever you need more time, just let me know.

No hurry, no worries!

Cheers and with love,
Janine

[Ziad144]

Thank You for this clarification! I think it was needed, because I was, without realizing it, still using the mind quite a bit to contemplate, instead of doing just direct looking in the moment.

I am willing to do only that from now on. And it is clear.

Thank you!

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Ziad!!

Super, let’s dive in!
Getting back to the socks.
I did not see if you discovered the color of your socks!
Please do the exercise again, and, this time, in addition to reporting the color, tell me your felt experience when you apply the two ways to answer… remember, what you see, hear, smell, sense tactically, taste, and think (aware of a thought about... minimal description).

If I ask you what color socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to come up with an answer:
• You can think back to this morning and try to remember putting your socks on.
Do this and report the color.
• Alternatively, you can take a quick look at your socks.
Do this and report the color.

Here’s Another Exercise for LOOKING DIRECTLY:

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN’, what is the actual experience?

Is the color red ‘experienced’, or is the color green ‘experienced’ as the label suggests?

Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’?

Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red color)?

Is 'green' associated in any way with the experience of the color red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no effect whatsoever on ‘reality’?

Cheers!!
Janine

[Ziad144]

Remembering: It's black.

Looking: Black, but made of seemingly infinite photons of light appearing and disappearing instantaneously, making any conclusion about what is being look at indeterminate. It feels fresh and alive.

The actual experience of GREEN in red color is simply seeing the color red in a bunch of curved and straight lines.

The label green does not have a one-to-one correspondence with reality. It's just a label.

The redness isn't affected by any new label, like good or bad. They have no effect on it.

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Ziad!

Looking: Black, but made of seemingly infinite photons of light appearing and disappearing instantaneously, making any conclusion about what is being look at indeterminate. It feels fresh and alive.

Tell me more about “fresh” and “alive.” Look again at the socks. Feeling into “fresh” and “alive,” where in your body do you sense this, and describe the sensations… the raw, felt sensations.

The actual experience of GREEN in red color is simply seeing the color red in a bunch of curved and straight lines.
The label green does not have a one-to-one correspondence with reality. It's just a label.
The redness isn't affected by any new label, like good or bad. They have no effect on it.

Well done!

So, Ziad, do you feel that any thought or label has more or less of a one-to-one correspondence with reality? In other words, does “accuracy” of a thought or label have any bearing whatsoever in Direct Experience? How credible is the mental landscape?

Let’s find out. Read through the entire exercise before you begin.
Please capture 5 thoughts, specifically 5 complaints, preferences, or opinions, that appear in the next day or so. Type the thought, word for word, in blue. (Sometimes, this may be simply the gist of a longer story containing thoughts in the form of words and images. Just reduce to the simplest assertion of the given complaint, opinion, or preference.) Look at this typed thought and feel into the verity of it, as it first occurred for you. Tell me in a few words what you feel in the body.
Now retype the thought, this time, removing the subject and any imposed “should,” also in blue. Look at what remains and feel into the verity of it. Tell me in a few words what you feel in the body.

EXAMPLE:

(I think) that Lisa and Jane should have responded in a timely manner to my text.
Contraction in the jaw, shallow breathing, tongue pressed against lower teeth.

Lisa did not reply right away. Jane did not reply.
Sense of emptiness, tingling and ease in lips and jaw, sense of rest.

In each of your five cases, Ziad, which thought feels more true?
Feel free to take an extra day if necessary to complete the exercise; let me know that you are doing so.

Cheers and much love!!
Janine

[Ziad144]

Sorry never replied that I'm taking an extra day!

Looking again, the socks themselves don't have the feeling of being fresh and alive. It's actually the pure experiencing itself that feels fresh and alive, and I can't found a boundary between that and the socks. I feel it throughout the body as tingling and vibrating- like a billion particles all pulsating constantly.

I should have told her the complete truth.

Contraction in the gut, chest and spine, tight jaw, contraction in the shoulders and neck.

I didn't tell her the complete truth.

Sense of ease, relaxation in the body, calmness and deep rest.

I can't believe how inconsiderate and selfish those drivers who are cutting ahead in line are. They shouldn't do that.

Tightness in the jaw, hot gut, restless energy in the chest.

Those drivers are cutting ahead in line.

Sense of expansiveness in the body, feeling of restful ease in the chest.

I really don't like these places where everyone is smoking.

Contraction in the spine, gut, chest, and shoulders. Tight jaw.

Many people are smoking in this place.

Sense of ease, and gentle tingling throughout. Lightness in the chest.

I hate it that she is upset with me- I just want her approval.

Contraction in the spine, gut, chest, and shoulders. Tight jaw. Furrowed eyebrows. queasiness in the stomach.

She is triggered and upset.

Some contraction in the chest and gut. Some tightness in the jaw. Ease and rest everywhere else.

The real estate agent shouldn't be so unfair and keep the commission check even though the deal fell through.

Strong contraction in the jaw. Heat in the gut. Contraction in the spine and chest. Restlessness in the arms.

The real estate agent is keeping the commission check even though the deal fell through.

Light tingling in the chest. Slight smile coming to the face. Ease in the shoulders and arms.

In each of these cases, the second statement feels more true for sure.

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Ziad!

It's actually the pure experiencing itself that feels fresh and alive, and I can't found a boundary between that and the socks. I feel it throughout the body as tingling and vibrating- like a billion particles all pulsating constantly.

Lovely!

I didn't tell her the complete truth.
Sense of ease, relaxation in the body, calmness and deep rest.

AND

Those drivers are cutting ahead in line.
Sense of expansiveness in the body, feeling of restful ease in the chest.

Here, I feel a dissonance between the reported sense of ease and expansiveness in response to affiliation, in the case of, “’I’ didn’t tell her the complete truth,” and judgment, in the case of, “Those drivers are cutting ahead in line.” Please feel into these statements again. What might they look like and feel like without affiliation or judgement? For instance, in the case of those drivers, could you report, “Those cars ahead are passing from one lane to another”? Does that affect the felt response?

The real estate agent is keeping the commission check even though the deal fell through.
Light tingling in the chest. Slight smile coming to the face. Ease in the shoulders and arms.

Ever hear of “laughter yoga?” The instructor guides the class in behaving absurdly, acting like goofy animals and even forcing exaggerated laughter. Initially, the practice may feel contrived or ridiculous. A sense of embarrassment or abject vulnerability may invite the question, “What am I doing here?” But in the company of others, so exposed, concern about appearances recedes, and true laughter reigns, as the absurdity of the mental landscape is seen for what it is – smoke and mirrors.

…which brings us to an important query: who is running this show? Who has the power to make or break our lives? Who can choose to judge or not to judge? Who chooses to drop the “I” subject or the “should?” Who forgets to drop the “I” subject or the “should?” Who is asleep to the havoc in the world, born from unconscious intentions or unskillful means? Who had better wake up, lest our suffering, felt, or extended, continue?

Today, look for the one running the show. The controller. The decision-maker.
Take these slowly, and one at a time.

1. Can you see a controller making you head for the bathroom? Where does the "decision,” the "command" to move come from? What makes the body get up? Does a ‘you’ or a thought command the body? It's always interesting to see the difference between thought content and what really happens. Can you see a self making the body get up and go?
2. Do you find a self selecting what and when to eat? Is there choice in this?
3. Do you choose when to fall asleep at night? Do you see the instant/spot/point/realm when that occurs?
4. Can you choose the content of the next thought? Can you hold onto the thought for any length of time?
5. Scan the room. Who is choosing where the eyes move, or on what they may or may not alight?
6. Think of a number between 1 and 20. Try to notice the exact point when the choice is made. Did you know what number would be chosen before it appeared?
7. Can you choose the very quality (tightness, openness, vibration, hardness, contraction, etc.) of the physical sensation that will arise next?
8. Can you choose the next emotion, mind state, or attitude that will arise? Sit and look at what is happening. Can you find any choice-point, where you willingly selected an emotion in response to a stimulus?
9. Raise your right hand. Now keep the right hand up for the duration of the exercises. Who responds to this request?
10. Sit quietly for 10 minutes, watching the movement of attention. Focus on focusing. Do you move attention, or does attention move? What moves the movement of attention?

Cheers!!
Janine

[Ziad144]

Yes, changing the drivers sentence brings a deeper sense of peace and ease. But I'm not sure what you mean by affiliation for the other sentence. Do you mean the fact that I wrote "I"? If so, what would be the more truthful sentence? "The complete truth wasn't stated"?

1. I've actually been experimenting with this a decent amount already, and paying closer attention. From what I've seen, much of the time the body is just doing something and then thought comes in with a "reason" to do it. But the thought comes in a split second after. At other times it seems that a thought pops up out of nowhere to do something and the body responds and does it. In neither case have I ever been able to find a self actually making the decision when I look for one.

2. Thought says "I feel like eating this or that" but an actual self producing the thought can't be found anywhere. Choice is seen to be an illusion in this because thoughts and impulses and cravings or aversions just arise and decisions are made based on those, but those themselves aren't chosen- hence where's the choice?

3. Definitely not.

4. Definitely not.

5. This one was interesting to experience. Zero control. It just happens spontaneously.

6. No, the number just appears in the mind suddenly out of nowhere.

7. No (I wish! lol)

8. I have not selected an emotion in response to a stimulus. However, for this one, I can say I want to feel gratitude, and induce a state of gratitude. I just did it right now. What am I missing here?

9. Can't find a self that does. Seems like the body/mind's intelligence does.

10. I don't move attention. I don't know what moves it. It seems completely spontaneous.

Thank you!

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Ziad!!

In considering the statement, “I didn’t tell her the complete truth,” there is an implied “should” - people should speak the complete truth (whatever that means) and also a subject, the elusive “I,” who holds the responsibility of telling or withholding the complete truth. Another way to see it is two bodies communicating, spoken words arising from emptiness, gestures, expressions, a dance of sorts. Where do you feel the truth abides?

Direct experience is simple. Unadulterated. How we add onto reality with our subjectifying/objectifying and all manner of qualification and judgment. Can a qualification or conclusion ever be true?

Let’s examine this mental landscape, this case, in the form of an image.
The following exercise is designed to let you “feel” the difference between actual experience and imagined experience. Use the questions as a guide. Afterward, describe your felt experience.

Close your eyes and imagine that you are holding a spoon. Imagine the spoon’s form, its size, weight, and temperature. Look and experience the imaginary spoon for a while. Then, open your eyes. Is there a spoon here, in real life?
So, how did you see that there is no spoon? What happened to the spoon? Did it disappear or did it never exist? Notice that there were no boom and no bright flashes of light when the imaginary spoon was no longer imagined. Remember this, the shift to seeing through the illusion of a separate self is not any more than this. It is just a dropping of a belief. The belief is the glue that holds the illusion together.

Now, go and get a spoon from the kitchen and hold it in the same way that you imagined it. Feel the spoon’s form, its size, its weight, and temperature. Close your eyes and feel the spoon for a while. Now open your eyes. Is there a spoon here, in real life? Are the image of the spoon and the experience of the spoon the same? How does imagining and experiencing the same thing differ?

Now close your eyes again and bring your attention to the image of “me,” the separate individual entity. Spend some time exploring this, and then answer the following question:
Is it an image or is it an actual entity?

However, for this one, I can say I want to feel gratitude, and induce a state of gratitude. I just did it right now. What am I missing here?

Who thought about inducing gratitude? Does that thought belong to a self? Look to see when and from where this idea arose.

So… when you reported previously that 80 percent of suffering has been reduced, whose conclusion is this? And who “accomplished” this? Who knows what needs to happen next? And who will know when this has been done? Who is the one who suffers? And who needs suffering to end? LOOK and tell me what you see.

If I told you that there is not, never has been, nor will there ever be a separate self, please tell me about your direct experience.

Thank you, Ziad!!

Cheers!
Janine

[Ziad144]

The second way of seeing communication definitely feels more true.

In imagining the spoon, the mind can make it seem so real- as if it can actually be felt. But it's just a memory. The eyes open and nothing is there, and the seemingly real experience instantly vanishes as it's seen that nothing is there. With the real spoon, its weight and temperature and texture can be felt, and upon opening the eyes, those don't go away.

In doing it with the image of "me", it's clear it's just an image because when it's looked for the entity can never be found. Just emptiness and vibration and sensations and thoughts seemingly arising in that (I say seemingly, because when looking closely, it's obvious that those are just vibrations themselves, indistinct in reality from the sea of vibration).

Regarding the gratitude, yes this occurred to me after I wrote you. Who chose gratitude to begin with? With that emotion? No answer. No chooser found.

Regarding your questions on suffering, it's clear that the answer to every single question is simply yet another thought which has no reality in and of itself. It's either believed or not.

As for the last statement, it's interesting. There isn't one is easy to see, because I just look and see that it's true. I think the illusion is stronger regarding past and future. Especially "never has been..." because in a way that can't be directly investigated. I can only see that there isn't one now- and to conclude that there never has been needs some kind of mental conclusion for me at the moment.

Thanks for all your time and dedication!

[JanineJanaki]

Hello Ziad!

As for the last statement, it's interesting. There isn't one is easy to see, because I just look and see that it's true. I think the illusion is stronger regarding past and future. Especially "never has been..." because in a way that can't be directly investigated. I can only see that there isn't one now- and to conclude that there never has been needs some kind of mental conclusion for me at the moment.

Let’s explore past and other mental abstractions. After all, at least as far as the past goes, we have proof that it occurred? Right? We have memories and even evidence in the form of photographs and perhaps our achievements.

Retrieve two objects, a photograph of yourself, and something that you “achieved” (medal, certificate, piece of writing or painting, etc.). Tell me this, when the image was taken and when the item was received or completed, did that occur outside of Now? When you are looking at the “evidence” of the past, when are you doing that? Has anything ever occurred outside of the present moment? Can anything possibly EVER occur outside of the present moment?


When we look about us, typically we see only the past, and not reality as it simply is. We label based upon past learning. And by the time the label or commentary begins, the instant that it points to is long gone. But the Now has never departed. The Now can be missed or mistaken, but cannot be denied.


Let’s look at memory, a distant memory, say one from early childhood. Have the intention to “be there,” so that you clearly see images and feel sensations. Go “there” now, and tell me what you see.
Are you aware of any story or emotion accompanying what you see?

Take a breath and come to Now. If I were to ask you about this memory, from a different vantage point, a different point in time, say two or ten years after it occurred, do you suspect that you would see it exactly as you do, presently? Try it. Imagine seeing it ten plus years after the fact, while remembering the mind state of that time.

How close is memory to direct experience? LOOK. Remember yesterday’s exercise with memory of the spoon and the direct experience of the spoon. How closely are they aligned? Does relying upon memory, no matter how captivating, ever measure up to its promise?

Let’s shift to imagination. Imagine intently a pink elephant riding a tricycle. Watch it pedal about the space. See the expression on its face.
Now compare the three mental overlays upon what is here, now, to one another. Do any, the distant past memory, the memory of the spoon, or the imagined elephant, look more clear and vivid than any other? Do any approach the vastness of what is?

I’ve heard that once the child learns the name of a bird, never again does she see it again. Here, in our investigation, we are leaning away from the labels and directly toward Suchness… which may merely be a concept in and of itself, wishy-washy as memory, or it can be felt experience, without the “middle man.”

But please DON’T believe me. No more add-ons!!! LOOK for yourself!!

Play with this for a while. Today, at least three times, come to Now and SEE what’s going on. Report from direct experience, that is simply, what is seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, and thought (minimal content; forget the story).

Clear?

Ok, go!!

Cheers!
Janine

[Ziad144]

Hey Janine,

The photo and achievement are all being perceived right now, occurred right now, and can only be right now. None of them give anything other than conceptual proof of the past. That's clear.

Memory: I see 6 year old Ziad at a birthday part. The story and emotion is that "I'm shy and I don't like being shy".

10 years in the future: An innocent child at a birthday party just being himself.

Memory is not close at all to direct experience. It's all filtered through interpretation and judgment by the mind.

No imagination is more clear or vivid than another, and none come close to the reality of what is. Not remotely.

Reality is so here- so now- so vivid- so undeniable to the senses. Thoughts are like ghosts in comparison.

[JanineJanaki]

Hello Ziad!

Let’s tighten up our exploration together.
For the sake of clarity and momentum, please use the quote function to capture the question (or segment of the post) you are responding to. Or, you may copy the question, along with its blue font, so that it will clearly contrast to your reply in black.

Unless otherwise specified (as in the case of questions used as pointers, which I’ll type in black) PLEASE REPLY TO ALL QUESTIONS (typed in blue). I will now post them one at a time; answer accordingly. If you are unable to complete the questions in the 24-hour time span, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! Consistency is quite helpful.


Let’s try this again. Remember, we’re not just playing toss and catch with ideas and concepts. We are LOOKING directly. This is empirical, not mental.

Retrieve two objects, a photograph of yourself, and something that you “achieved” (medal, certificate, piece of writing or painting, etc.).

For each of the two objects, answer simply:

What is the name of the object?

When the image was taken or when the item was received or completed, did that occur outside of Now?

When you are looking at the “evidence” of the past, when are you doing that?

Memory: I see 6 year old Ziad at a birthday part. The story and emotion is that "I'm shy and I don't like being shy".
10 years in the future: An innocent child at a birthday party just being himself.

Feel into each of these memories, and also the Ziad, right here, right now, remembering the child Ziad at the birthday party. Which memory feels the most “true?”

Now imagine a different version of Ziad at the party of long ago, playful, curious, energetic and unafraid.
Does this version feel false?

And now imagine yet another version of Ziad at a birthday party, five years from today. Sculpt it any way you wish.
Does this version feel true or false?

How is the quality of the manufactured (imagined) versions different from that of the other memories (thoughts)?

Are any thoughts more substantial than others?

Close your eyes and LOOK at EACH of these five variations. Does the content of the thought relate to how you feel in your body when you recall it?

Which variation is the most true Now?

Does a felt experience have anything to do with the truth?

Reality is so here- so now- so vivid- so undeniable to the senses. Thoughts are like ghosts in comparison.

Indeed!

Let’s try this again.
At FIVE different times during the day, take two minutes to come to Now and SEE what’s going on. Report from direct experience, that is simply, what is seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, and thought (minimal content; forget the story).

Example:
3:30 pm Hearing the water fountain. Seeing the computer screen and the hazy background on the periphery. Tasting residual coffee on the tongue. Sensing soft flesh against hard tabletop. The thought that the dog would like a walk.


Cheers!
Janine