Looking through the Gate

[Doppler]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That there isn't a separate self in reality, that all of life is unfolding in one movement. There's no-one seeing, hearing, feeling, thinking, not here and not there.

What are you looking for at LU?
To finally see the truth in an abiding realisation once and for all. To be free of the misunderstanding of being a separate individual who thinks things happen to them, who suffers though not accepting reality, who aches with the pain of imagined separation.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
To form a partnership with a someone who has seen the truth, to trust them and put down my expectations, assumptions, and conditioning. To allow myself to be fully open to be guided to look directly at reality as it is, and to be kept on course even as internal fear and resistance attempt to deflect my gaze, until I have clearly seen.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I lived an unconscious life until my early forties, and then from a place of crisis embarked upon a journey of plant medicine for around two years, where layers of truth exposed themselves, and seeking became the predominant function of my life. I clearly received the message to continue my journey without any plant medicine, and for the last three years I have been performing various spiritual seeking through self-enquiry, advaita, meditation, reading numerous spiritual, religious and philosophy books (including Gateless Gate Crashers and Liberation Unleashed). I also have had a number of glimpses through the gate lasting up to 48 hours (which occurred spontaneously), where I could clearly see that I did not exist and never existed, however identification with what I am not returned on each occasion. When working on looking through the 7 steps, I can feel like I'm looking straight through the gate, however some resistance or fear is holding me back from direct and abiding seeing. I'm tired of seeking, I just want to live in truth.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[Anastacia42]

Hi,

My name is Stacy and I can be your guide, if you would like.

It won't be 24/7. There's likely to.be a "honeymoon period," and then what we call, "got it, lost it," as untrue beliefs come up to be questioned.

Watch this, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4


One thing I want to make very clear up front is that with me, you must post every day. If you know yourself and your schedule are such that you cannot do this, tell me, "no," and someone else can guide you, please.
Yes, if once in a while you must post later, please post a note telling me when you will return.

If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and just confirm to me that you have read it. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Some housekeeping guidelines:

1. Post at least once a day, or every second day. If you need more time, or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know please.

2. There is no one judging answers given, so please be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.

3. This exploration is based on actual experience (AE) - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts. Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. This is not a self-improvement process. There is no ‘self’ to improve.

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

Technology is not perfect and sometimes there is a glitch which can wipe out your responses. It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. Always save a copy of what you have done, it will save time in the long run!

To begin with, so that we both become aware of what your expectations are about this exploration. In your own words (not from actual experience, but just honest answers), could you please answer the 4 following questions:

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing?

Throughout this exploration I would like you to answer all questions that I have written in blue text. Please answer all questions even if I miss using the blue text.

Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the quote function to highlight the question being answered.

Below is a link to the video with instructions on using the Quote Function. Please watch it. Use the PREVIEW button to make sure your text looks right before you hit "SUBMIT."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

What would you like for me to call you? What time zone are you in, please?

Loving,

[Doppler]

Hi Stacy,
Good to meet you, and thanks for offering to guide me, I really appreciate it. I’ve been a long time hovering around LU, and I’m excited to embark on this journey together.

My name is Michael, and I’m based in Ireland (GMT). I confirm I’ve read and agree with the disclaimer, your specific terms, and have watched the videos. I am committed to giving my all to seeing things as they are.

How will life change?

I don’t expect my life on the outside to change much as a result of liberation. I’ve spent several years in therapy and made changes that are important to me and am growing in a way that feels authentic. If anything, I expect my relationships might improve without the burden of defending an imagined separate self.

How will you change?

I won’t associate any longer as an imaginary self, constrained to a body and mind. I won’t need to waste endless energy maintaining an illusion. To live from a place of peace and acceptance, knowing it’s all part of experience, all equal, without the current drives to constantly grasp and repel.

What will be different?

Nothing other than perspective. Such a small thing, and such a massive leap.

What is missing?

Over the past few years, I have been receiving repeated messaging that the hollow ache which ails me cannot be overcome by anything in my external world. Substances, material things, relationships, achievements, success; none of these things yield lasting peace, and I’ve given up searching in those quarters. After extensive inward looking, I’ve more recently had glimpses of what I really am, it felt like coming home, to know there is nothing to do, that this living realisation is what is missing. However, I always seem to drop back in to the smaller self, tortured by the memories of my true nature. I am now here as I admit, I can’t do this on my own.


Send with warmth and love,
Michael

[Anastacia42]

Hi Michael

This is good. Your expectations are reasonable.

Did you ever read Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. it filed the Buddha through all of that searching until her presumably sat down under the bodhi tree.

Anyway.

Ireland? I've been there once, Cork mostly & a retreat center where I took a class. About 20 years ago.

I'm in Colorado in the US, near Boulder.

So, now...


Now what comes up when reading that there is no separate self, never has been, and never will be? That the whole thing was a made up story that we believed.


Loving,

[Doppler]

Hi Stacy,

Thanks for your reply, and no I haven't read Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, I'll add it to my list, but I won't read it until we're done here.

Nice to hear you visited Ireland, I hope you enjoyed your stay, Cork is a grand spot. I'm in the Wicklow mountains myself. Colorado, and Boulder looks beautiful, I'd love to visit one day. I love being in the mountains for the outdoor activities and peacefulness.

So, now...


Now what comes up when reading that there is no separate self, never has been, and never will be? That the whole thing was a made up story that we believed.

It feels like I bounce off some restricted place inside myself, like Teflon, I just can't seem to grasp it, there's a feeling denial/resistance/fear, like "You don't want to go there... Look you're right here, you're me..."

This is really frustrating as I get it at an intellectual level, and I have memories of direct experience of non-duality. When I remember saying, "Michael doesn't exist, and never has". I have the memory of witnessing thought knowing that it wasn't me, and then witnessing another enticing thought and feeling myself getting sucked back into identification with that self.



Sent with warmth and love,
Michael

[Anastacia42]

Yes, I liked Ireland, although it was amazing how foreign it seemed even with folks speaking English.

So May I suggest that you don't waste energy feeling frustrated. Just follow the exercises and let that do the work.

This is how to LOOK for no self in the exercises - we call them "pointers' - that we will be doing here:



Colored Socks



There is a big difference between knowing that there is nothing to give up and seeing that there is nothing to give up.



Here is an example to illustrate the difference:



If I ask you what color socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to come up with an answer:



• You can think about it, you can think back to this morning and try to remember putting your socks on, and you can probably tell me what color you think they are.



• Alternatively, you can take a quick look at your socks and tell me what color they actually are!



Hopefully you would agree that you can only be 100% certain by looking.



For the purpose of seeing this "no self" idea, it is very important that you are clear about this difference.



Knowing is about knowledge which is all in the mind and we are not interested in that



We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on in your present moment-to-moment experience. We are only interested in your Direct Experience in the moment..



Direct or Actual Experience is



Seeing

Hearing

Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)

Tasting

Smelling

Thoughts Arising (but not their content)



Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.



Loving,

[Doppler]

Hi Stacy,

Yes thanks, I've had enough with being frustrated, and I'm looking forward to getting stuck into the work.


I'm happy with the definition of direct experience, and seeing and answering from this perspective.



Sent with warmth and love,
Michael

[Anastacia42]

Great. Then let's practice:



Direct Experience - Labeling Daily Activities

Here's an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

So for example, when having breakfast, become aware of:

Seeing a cup, simply= image/color
Smelling coffee, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought

Just break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists exactly like the one above.

Post several of your own observations in a list *exactly* like the one above, please. Same word forms. Same order. EXACTLY.

Refer to the green list of Actual/Direct Experience in the prior post if that helps. Those are the only items any experience can be.

Loving,

[Doppler]

Hi Stacy,

Thanks, I've been practicing throughout the day and will continue. Please find some of my sample observations below:


Seeing part-made jigsaw, simply = image/colour
Smelling tea from cup, simply = smell
Feeling jigsaw piece in hand, simply = sensation
Tasting tea flavour, simply = taste
Hearing music playing, simply = sound
Thought about how to fit jigsaw piece, simply = thought

Seeing a dog, simply = image/colour
Smelling dog, simply = smell
Petting the dog, simply = feeling
Hearing music, simply = hearing
Thought of petting the dog, simply = thought

Seeing liquorice, simply = image/colour
Smelling the liquorice, simply = smell
Feeling the liquorice in hand, simply = sensation
Tasting the liquorice, simply = taste
Hearing music, simply = hearing
Thinking about eating the liquorice, simply = thought

Seeing a smartphone with a finger typing, simply = image/colour
Smelling incense burning, simply = smell
Feeling the sensation of finger touching glass, simply = sensation
Tasting lingering liquorice in mouth, simply = taste
Hearing wind, simply = hearing
Thoughts of what is being typed, simply = thought

Seeing; being in the bath, simply = image/colour
Smelling the aromatic bathwater, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the water, simply = sensation
Tasting background mouth flavour, simply = taste
Hearing rain and birdsong, simply = hearing
Thoughts about this restful experience, simply = thought


Sent with warmth and love,
Michael

[Anastacia42]

Very good. Here is the next step:


Mind Labeling Experience

Here is an exercise which examines the way in which the mind labels experience - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper.

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation i.e. is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example:

I am sitting on a chair,
I am hearing a clock ticking,
I am looking at a computer screen,
I am feeling hungry.

Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs.

For example:

Sitting on a chair,
typing,
breathing,
blinking,
hearing the clock.

(Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

2. What is here without labels?

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

4. Did you notice any differences in the body?

Loving,

[Doppler]

Hi Stacy,

Thanks for your guidance, I've now completed the exercise and you can find my answers to your questions as follows:

1. Is one truer than the other, and if so, which one?

Somewhat surprisingly, compiling the experience list without the “I” felt truer. There was a weight or ‘forcing’ felt when using the “I”, like it was clunky and unneeded. On the other hand, without the “I” everything just seemed to flow more naturally.

2. What is here without labels?

Without labels there is only the raw experience of the senses, just stuff happening.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

Labels seem to add a filter layer over experience, they add context and narrative, however when there is a possessive nature to the labels, they seem to add a heaviness.

4. Did you notice any differences in the body?

When compiling the first list, there was a tightness in the centre of the body, between the chest and stomach. This lifted while writing the second list free of the “I”, and a feeling of ease and lightness rose up.




Sent with warmth and love,
Michael

[Anastacia42]

Yes, Michael, exactly. This will explain a bit more:


Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.


We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Loving,

[Doppler]

Hi Stacy,

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.
What is found?

I remembered a lie I told my partner of the time; and I feel it as an ache in the centre of my chest just above the bottom of my rib cage. I'd call it mainly my heart centre, but the sensation does radiate downwards towards my solar plexus. As you noted it could also be described as a contraction or a tightening. (It's like a more extreme expression of what I felt when compiling the first list with "I" in the previous exercise).

I can also feel this sensation from past experiences of "How are you doing?", "I'm fine... (but not really)", as per your example of the grocery assistant.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Yes I understand, that makes sense.



Sent with warmth and love,
Michael

[Doppler]

The sensation also has elements of nausia or pukiness associated with it.

Sent from my SM-G998B using Tapatalk

[Anastacia42]

It's like a more extreme expression of what I felt when compiling the first list with "I" in the previous exercise

Yes. Exactly. "I" is a lie.

So, let's bring it together a bit, OK?


Actual/Direct Experience - Apple

Have a look at an apple (or any fruit you like.) If you have a ‘real’ apple, you can use it for this exercise. Google for a picture of an apple.



When looking at an apple, there's color; a thought saying ‘apple’; and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple."

What is known for sure? Color is known and thoughts are known.

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?

Actual experience does not refer to thoughts ABOUT something…because that is only just more thought.

Actual experience is sound, thought, color, smell, taste, sensation and the fact of thought arising, but not its content.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT can't be found in actual experience.

This is what is meant by "looking in actual experience." What you know for sure, and, is always here.

Taste labeled ‘apple’ is known
Color labeled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labeled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labeled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known

However, is an apple actually known?

Have fun and let me know what you find out.


Loving