Seeking the end of seeking

[poppyseed]

Hi Brian

What is underneath the thought I’m not there yet?

Can you elaborate on how to do this? Repeating the thought and seeing what happens? When that is done, only 'frustration' arises. The frustration is interpreted as more evidence that 'I'm not getting it.' The 'I' is looked for and is not directly seen, but it still feels like 'I'm not doing it right,' nonetheless. It's understood conceptually that these are just thoughts and sensations, but the interpretation is apparently happening too fast or subtly for me to see it clearly because no end has been found to the recursion of "I'm not getting it" -> "Who is the 'I' that's not getting it?" -> "I'm not getting it" -> "Who is the 'I'...".

When this thought appears, you just leave it be and shift focus to what else is there without the labels. Is there anything there that is “not there”, that looks different or doesn’t? What could possibly be different without the labels – there is just sensory “output”? The story is where the difference is, right? The story is where you don’t get it, where you have frustration, etc. Is there anything inherently “frustrating” in the sensations without the label? Or is it just feeling with various intensity – pulsating, vibrating (whatever else you want to call it)? Just stay with the actual experience without the thought. If thought appears replace it with “Bla Bla Bla” (that’s what thought says anyway :) ). Laugh at it, swear at it (whatever feels natural to do)! See that the lack of peace is only in thoughts. Explore the sensation “frustration” let it “play out”. Is there an end to it or just the intensity changes? See how the label is applied to what looks like a discrete sensation, isolated just because the intensity has changed suddenly. Forget about the content of thoughts – they have been wrong about everything. Truth is found in everything else. And it’s been there the whole time.

Expectations are one of the most frequent blocks to seeing what ‘reality’ actually is. We can blame Guru stories and the attraction to drama in our society for focusing on stories of the initial epiphany that people have as they wake up. In the age of abundance of information, what attracts attention is the “wow” factor. Anything else goes almost unnoticed.

This puts into our head, the idea of “bells and whistles”. We expect big drama to confirm that a significant shift has occurred. For most people the realization comes slowly, quietly, and almost unnoticeably. Usually “people” that are very much "in touch with their emotions" react with a “wow” to the realization. For "others", where “logic” is preferred, the realization is like solving a math equation – it just makes sense, when you see what is there, but so what. Then "some" think “I understand it but I don’t feel it”. Do you think that there is a special sensation just for “awakening”? Or is it just that the “understanding” is associated with a sensation that is present at the time? Sensations are present all the time (aliveness) so they can be labelled whatever you want or more like whatever you are conditioned to call them. So that’s why if your conditioning is to see the glass half empty, labels are more likely to be on the negative/neutral side (no "wow").

Generally, I would suggest, if ignoring thinking is difficult, to try and notice when a thought appears. Then label it a “just a thought” and smile at it. Then the next one and so on. There is too much attention to thinking that noticing anything else is difficult. So just start noticing when a thought starts and just label it “thought”. Focus on the gap between thoughts. It’s not going to happen overnight but little by little there will be more noticing of the gaps between thoughts. Call it meditation (it does not have to happen only while sitting on a cushion), call it the natural state of being. It's not a "practice" per se, but returning to a more "balanced" being.

Love
Rali

[ablitofself]

Hi Rali,

When this thought appears, you just leave it be and shift focus to what else is there without the labels. Is there anything there that is “not there”, that looks different or doesn’t?

Not clear if this was fully understood. This was interpreted as looking to see if the 'frustration' is really there or if it's something else. The thought "who is the 'I' that's not getting it" came up again, followed by the thought that 'I' am not creating this 'frustration.' Then it seemed helpful to ask "If 'I' am not creating it, is there an 'I' that the frustration is happening to?" Going back and forth between seeing no self creating the sensation and finding no self for the sensation to happen to seemed helpful.

The story is where the difference is, right?

Yes

The story is where you don’t get it, where you have frustration, etc. Is there anything inherently “frustrating” in the sensations without the label? Or is it just feeling with various intensity – pulsating, vibrating (whatever else you want to call it)?

No, the sensation isn't inherently frustrating

Is there an end to it or just the intensity changes?

Looking at it today, only the intensity changed. There was a strong tendency to locate what 'I was frustrated about,' but it was clear during this time that the frustration was just there, and thoughts were trying to explain it. The sensation didn't end while I was dedicating time to 'looking,' but I was not constantly experiencing it during other daily activities. Not sure if that counts as the sensation 'ending.'

Do you think that there is a special sensation just for “awakening”? Or is it just that the “understanding” is associated with a sensation that is present at the time?

It is difficult to drop the expectation that sensations will feel 'lighter' somehow after awakening. Or that they will be more easily seen as merely sensations rather than getting caught up in a story of whether I'm getting it, or even if there is anything to 'get.' We used the analogy of the belief in Santa before, but another one came up today: When going to bed, the thought doesn't occur to be worried about monsters under the bed. The thought might come up tonight because of this analogy :) but it will be seen immediately to not be worth any second thought. There will be no need to 'look' (turn on the lights and check under the bed). It's just not possible to get 'stuck' in thoughts and fear about monsters under the bed because the absence of the existence of monsters under the bed is 100% clear. There is the expectation that being 100% clear on no-self should be like the 100% clarity of no-monster :)

Best,
Brian

[poppyseed]

Hi Brian

Not clear if this was fully understood. This was interpreted as looking to see if the 'frustration' is really there or if it's something else. The thought "who is the 'I' that's not getting it" came up again, followed by the thought that 'I' am not creating this 'frustration.' Then it seemed helpful to ask "If 'I' am not creating it, is there an 'I' that the frustration is happening to?" Going back and forth between seeing no self creating the sensation and finding no self for the sensation to happen to seemed helpful.

Yes I can see that you didn’t get what I meant. Asking “who is the I that’s not getting it” is a wrong approach as it supposes to find “someone”. When you ask “what is there” then you actually see what is really there instead of just seeing who is not. Does that make sense? Changing the focus to what is here instead of what is not provides “answers” instead of “frustration”.
Is an owner or experiencer (i.e. of “frustration”) needed for knowing_experiencing (or aware experiencing) to happen? Or THIS happens vs does not happen (the "aware" label)?

So back to the question:

When this thought appears, you just leave it be and shift focus to what else is there without the labels. Is there anything there that is “not there”, that looks different or doesn’t?

What is actually there in DE without the thought “I’m not there yet”? Without any labels? Don’t just answer stay with it! Experience it fully. Live it. Be it :)

See how the label is applied to what looks like a discrete sensation, isolated just because the intensity has changed suddenly.

The sensation didn't end while I was dedicating time to 'looking,' but I was not constantly experiencing it during other daily activities.

You see, you still define it (label it) “the sensation”. There is just fluctuating feeling. Was the feeling exactly the same the whole time? Or just the label “this sensation” was appearing? Could you have also defined it as “anxiety” instead of “frustration”, or “mild anger” or maybe “stronger feeling”? See how the story changes with each label coming up with reasons for this label (“cause and effect”). Pick one label from these that doesn’t lead to too much story. Which one? :) If it is the last one, see how there is no cause and effect – it just appears like that.
If you are still not “convinced” you can do this exercise. Bring to memory a situation where you experienced “anxiety”. Try to feel the raw sensation. Then bring back the “frustration”. Feel that raw sensation. Now compare both and describe how there were different without the labels and the story. Be very specific.
Then bring a situation to mind where you felt excitement. Feel that raw sensation. Now compare it to the "other two sensations" without the stories and labels. What was observed??

Not sure if that counts as the sensation 'ending'.

How would it end if it is just the “same old” feeling just changing intensity without the different labels (e.g. sensations during other daily activities)? Just different labels for different intensities of the same experience of feeling. See if you can notice that

It is difficult to drop the expectation that sensations will feel 'lighter' somehow after awakening. Or that they will be more easily seen as merely sensations rather than getting caught up in a story of whether I'm getting it, or even if there is anything to 'get.' We used the analogy of the belief in Santa before, but another one came up today: When going to bed, the thought doesn't occur to be worried about monsters under the bed. The thought might come up tonight because of this analogy :) but it will be seen immediately to not be worth any second thought. There will be no need to 'look' (turn on the lights and check under the bed). It's just not possible to get 'stuck' in thoughts and fear about monsters under the bed because the absence of the existence of monsters under the bed is 100% clear. There is the expectation that being 100% clear on no-self should be like the 100% clarity of no-monster :)

First, can sensations get “lighter” or just their description as such?
Then, what did you do to know for sure that there are no monsters under the bed? Did you have a look under the bed a few times? And what did you find – nothing or a normal “under the bed stuff”? See the difference. Perfect example of emptiness – it’s not that there is just nothing but what was defined as something (e.g. monster, or an I) is actually something else (e.g. just ordinary stuff, or senses, or just THIS).

Or like the analogy with the snake…
There is a snake on the road. It is dark. In the light it’s seen as a rope.
The darkness makes the rope appear as a snake and with that a relationship with it, fear of it.
But in the light it’s clear that a rope is a rope, it was never a snake, it did not transform, snake was an idea superimposed on the rope.
To simplify:
The snake is the separate self.
Rope is reality. (Life, aliveness, being, THIS - whatever Word works to connect to your actuality of being.)
Darkness is not knowing the reality
Light is knowing the reality.

Clear?
Love
Rali

[ablitofself]

Hi Rali,

Thank you for the clarifications. I am unable to respond tonight, but I should be able to tomorrow.

Best,
Brian

[ablitofself]

Hi Rali,

When you ask “what is there” then you actually see what is really there instead of just seeing who is not. Does that make sense?

Yes

Is an owner or experiencer (i.e. of “frustration”) needed for knowing_experiencing (or aware experiencing) to happen? Or THIS happens vs does not happen (the "aware" label)?

No owner/experiencer is needed

What is actually there in DE without the thought “I’m not there yet”? Without any labels? Don’t just answer stay with it! Experience it fully. Live it. Be it :)

Staying with it...

You see, you still define it (label it) “the sensation”. There is just fluctuating feeling. Was the feeling exactly the same the whole time? Or just the label “this sensation” was appearing? Could you have also defined it as “anxiety” instead of “frustration”, or “mild anger” or maybe “stronger feeling”?

OK, so 'feeling' is always there, fluctuating. Sometimes 'feeling' fluctuates and is labeled 'foot contacting floor,' and sometimes it fluctuates and is labeled 'anxiety.' When it fluctuates a certain way, there's a habit of labeling it and creating a story around it.

Which one? :)

Yeah, 'stronger feeling' has the least story with it

How would it end if it is just the “same old” feeling just changing intensity without the different labels (e.g. sensations during other daily activities)? Just different labels for different intensities of the same experience of feeling. See if you can notice that

Continuing to watch this happen

First, can sensations get “lighter” or just their description as such?

Super interesting -- it's clearer that sensations are less 'different in intensity' than thoughts suggest (maybe no difference??) since your pointer a few days ago. So yeah, it doesn't make sense to wait for sensations to get 'lighter.'

Then, what did you do to know for sure that there are no monsters under the bed? Did you have a look under the bed a few times? And what did you find – nothing or a normal “under the bed stuff”?

Ha, right. Yes, that's a good analogy for what's happening with the self.

Clear?

Pretty sure you've been trying to point this out for several weeks now, but it is clearer that sensations are being directly observed, and then the times when "I feel like I'm not getting it" are when I'm making stories about sensations and thoughts that are arising. The very act of evaluating whether 'I'm getting it' is drawing me into stories rather than DE. In other words, the sensations are a 'rope' and the stories make it into a 'snake.'

Best,
Brian

[poppyseed]

Hi Brian

Wonderful!

OK, so 'feeling' is always there, fluctuating. Sometimes 'feeling' fluctuates and is labeled 'foot contacting floor,' and sometimes it fluctuates and is labeled 'anxiety.' When it fluctuates a certain way, there's a habit of labeling it and creating a story around it.

Exactly! Certain peaks and troughs are labelled in a certain way but all that is there is an ocean “waving” :)

If you are still not “convinced” you can do this exercise. Bring to memory a situation where you experienced “anxiety”. Try to feel the raw sensation. Then bring back the “frustration”. Feel that raw sensation. Now compare both and describe how there were different without the labels and the story. Be very specific.

What did you observe with this exercise

The very act of evaluating whether 'I'm getting it' is drawing me into stories rather than DE. In other words, the sensations are a 'rope' and the stories make it into a 'snake.'

Yes!!!!
Now just see what can possibly be drawn into stories …

Love
Rali

[ablitofself]

Hi Rali,

If you are still not “convinced” you can do this exercise. Bring to memory a situation where you experienced “anxiety”. Try to feel the raw sensation. Then bring back the “frustration”. Feel that raw sensation. Now compare both and describe how there were different without the labels and the story. Be very specific.

What did you observe with this exercise

This is being attempted but a lot of 'distraction' happens. From what I can see, there is no one sensation with any of them. There is a common sensation for all of them in the chest area. For anxiety, there is a sensation of weakness in the arms and sometimes belly. For frustration, there is tension in the head and throat area. I know the chest/head/arms are labels, but I'm not sure how to be specific without using common labels.

Best,
Brian

[poppyseed]

Hi Brian

From what I can see, there is no one sensation with any of them. There is a common sensation for all of them in the chest area. For anxiety, there is a sensation of weakness in the arms and sometimes belly. For frustration, there is tension in the head and throat area. I know the chest/head/arms are labels, but I'm not sure how to be specific without using common labels.

And does the description come even close to the real experience?! Do you see how the experience “changes” with the descriptions (labels)? What makes “head” and “throat” linked to “tension” and "frustration"? Or “arms” and “belly” – to “anxiety”? Do you see where I’m pointing ??? What is there for "excitement" :) ? And for "happiness"?

Love
Rali

[ablitofself]

Hi Rali,

And does the description come even close to the real experience?! Do you see how the experience “changes” with the descriptions (labels)?

No, the description isn't like the experience. There has been little success in changing the labels at-will to see how experience changes.

What makes “head” and “throat” linked to “tension” and "frustration"? Or “arms” and “belly” – to “anxiety”?

The other day it was reasonably clear that it was just thoughts that link them. But saying that right now seems like it's a hand-waving explanation. It's all ground that's been covered. Like: "It would feel different if I actually got it." It's so confusing how it can seem so clear sometimes and then just be totally obstructed by those thoughts at others.

Do you see where I’m pointing ???

Hopefully 'I' am getting there...

What is there for "excitement" :) ? And for "happiness"?

When trying to call to mind excitement, the feeling is still like anxiety. Not to say that anxiety and excitement feel the same, it's just there is a tired feeling accompanying anxiety that's not there with what would usually be labeled 'excitement.' That tired feeling doesn't go away by trying to think of exciting things. Similarly with happiness... it doesn't just appear when 'I want it to.'

Best,
Brian

[poppyseed]

Hi Brian

No, the description isn't like the experience. There has been little success in changing the labels at-will to see how experience changes.

Cab the actual experience change or just the story about the experience?

What makes “head” and “throat” linked to “tension” and "frustration"? Or “arms” and “belly” – to “anxiety”?

The other day it was reasonably clear that it was just thoughts that link them. But saying that right now seems like it's a hand-waving explanation. It's all ground that's been covered. Like: "It would feel different if I actually got it." It's so confusing how it can seem so clear sometimes and then just be totally obstructed by those thoughts at others.

Because you are looking for answers in thoughts not in the actual experience. So let’s break it up a bit more. Press a finger to the head, feel the sensation “head”, now press a finger to the throat, feel that sensation. Press a finger to your chest, feel that sensation. Now press a finger to head, throat, and chest at the same time. Does that feel like “frustration”? Or “frustration” is only appearing when there is a story about a frustration and it’s not about the sensations at all? Try it with the other combinations as well

Do you see where I’m pointing ???

Hopefully 'I' am getting there...

You either see it or you don’t, aka you either looking or not. Where could you possibly get? This is not about knowledge but seeing. If I ask you do you see the moon you can’t tell me “Hopefully 'I' am getting there...” You have a look and you tell me yes or no. Clear?

When trying to call to mind excitement, the feeling is still like anxiety. Not to say that anxiety and excitement feel the same, it's just there is a tired feeling accompanying anxiety that's not there with what would usually be labeled 'excitement.' That tired feeling doesn't go away by trying to think of exciting things.

Then, what does that show you? If the tired feeling doesn’t go away when you think about exciting things, doesn’t it suggest that there is no connection whatsoever between the story and the actual experience? You might as well call it “orange fish”. Is there anything “tired” in the feeling? Does it limp, or drag, what suggests in the actual feeling that is tired?

Similarly with happiness... it doesn't just appear when 'I want it to.'

Maybe observe these when they happen naturally… Just some food for thought, you had no problem with “frustration” and “anxiety”, but “happiness” is somehow a problem :)
Love
Rali

[ablitofself]

Hi Rali,

Cab the actual experience change or just the story about the experience?

The experience is already happening, so just the story

Now press a finger to head, throat, and chest at the same time. Does that feel like “frustration”? Or “frustration” is only appearing when there is a story about a frustration and it’s not about the sensations at all?

The pressing fingers doesn’t feel like frustration. The frustration comes from the story

You either see it or you don’t, aka you either looking or not. Where could you possibly get? If I ask you do you see the moon you can’t tell me “Hopefully 'I' am getting there...” You have a look and you tell me yes or no. Clear?

Clear

Then, what does that show you? If the tired feeling doesn’t go away when you think about exciting things, doesn’t it suggest that there is no connection whatsoever between the story and the actual experience?

On the other hand feelings associated with anxiety did come up when bringing to mind anxious thoughts. Not sure how to reconcile that.

Is there anything “tired” in the feeling? Does it limp, or drag, what suggests in the actual feeling that is tired?

It is strongly associated with the urge to sleep and can be so strong at times that sleep is inevitable. Yesterday during meditation sleep could not be avoided despite strong effort. But it’s clear that the ‘negative’ assessment of the tired feeling isn’t necessary. There could be a story of feeling relaxed rather than resisting the tiredness.

Best,
Brian

[poppyseed]

Hi Brian

The frustration comes from the story

Does the frustration come from the story or it exists only in the story as a label of experience (i.e. feeling)? Is there a frustrated Brian because he is not awake yet or just feeling/sensations and a conditioned label? Does this label (frustration) describe/point to an "I" or to a sensation?

On the other hand feelings associated with anxiety did come up when bringing to mind anxious thoughts. Not sure how to reconcile that.

Were they the “real deal” or “imaginary chocolate” kind of thing? Don't forget I asked you to remember what it feels like. A memory is a thought, like an echo of experience that has always been labelled “anxious”. Anyway, I keep pointing to this, is there anything “anxious” in the actual sensation? What exactly makes the sensation “anxious” without the story/label? Is the sensation “anxious”/scared itself? Can a sensation feel?
Can you really fit all the richness of what is experienced in just “anxious”? Is there a chance you are mistaking the label for experience? Also, what is there to decides how sensation are labelled? LOOK! Is there an experiencer/thinker that describes the experience (i.e. of being anxious)? Is there an “anxious I” or just sensations and thoughts about anxiety?
Please no bulk answering! I want an individual answer to these questions.

It is strongly associated with the urge to sleep and can be so strong at times that sleep is inevitable. Yesterday during meditation sleep could not be avoided despite strong effort. But it’s clear that the ‘negative’ assessment of the tired feeling isn’t necessary. There could be a story of feeling relaxed rather than resisting the tiredness

Exactly! A story is a story no matter what it is about. And what a story indeed! What is “sleep” in DE? What goes to “sleep”? What is an “effort”? Are you in control of meditation in other circumstances (e.g. “when not tired”)? What meditates and gets tired?
What matters is what is here in DE. Is there an "I" that experiences anything at all? Or just experience happening? Is there an "I" that is tired, relaxed, tired, frustrated or happy? Or just sensations and a label? Is there a thinker of these stories or do they just arise on their own?

Let me remind you that this inquiry is about the existence or not of an inherent self. So let me ask this again:
If you look for the I, what is there? If I say there’s no doer, thinker, experiencer, decision maker, or a witness, what comes up? Where exactly did you look? What exactly did you find? Please describe in detail what appears – feelings, sensations, thoughts, anything?

Love
Rali

[ablitofself]

Hi Rali,

Does the frustration come from the story or it exists only in the story as a label of experience (i.e. feeling)?

It exists only in the story as a label of experience

Is there a frustrated Brian because he is not awake yet or just feeling/sensations and a conditioned label?

Sensations and a conditioned label

Does this label (frustration) describe/point to an "I" or to a sensation?

A sensation

Were they the “real deal” or “imaginary chocolate” kind of thing?

They were imagined experiences

Anyway, I keep pointing to this, is there anything “anxious” in the actual sensation?

No

What exactly makes the sensation “anxious” without the story/label?

Nothing

Is the sensation “anxious”/scared itself?

No

Can a sensation feel?

No

Can you really fit all the richness of what is experienced in just “anxious”?

No

Is there a chance you are mistaking the label for experience?

Yes

Also, what is there to decides how sensation are labelled?

Nothing

Is there an experiencer/thinker that describes the experience (i.e. of being anxious)?

No

Is there an “anxious I” or just sensations and thoughts about anxiety?

Just sensations and thoughts

What is “sleep” in DE?

Other than dreams, there is no DE in sleep. Or at least, there is no memory of the DE when awake

What goes to “sleep”?

I don't know. Experience just stops

What is an “effort”?

Resistance to what is happening (in this case, falling asleep)

Are you in control of meditation in other circumstances (e.g. “when not tired”)?

No

What meditates and gets tired?

All that's there are sensations and thoughts

Is there an "I" that experiences anything at all?

No

Or just experience happening?

Yes, just experience happening

Is there an "I" that is tired, relaxed, tired, frustrated or happy?

No

Or just sensations and a label?

Yes, just sensations and a label

Is there a thinker of these stories or do they just arise on their own?

They arise on their own

-----

It is late so I've stopped here for now. I will respond to the rest tomorrow.

Best,
Brian

[ablitofself]

Hi Rali,

If you look for the I, what is there?

Experience, sensations, thought

If I say there’s no doer, thinker, experiencer, decision maker, or a witness, what comes up?

Thoughts about how to figure out whether 'I' actually actually 'know' this as opposed to just believing it.

Where exactly did you look?

Feeling, seeing, thoughts (trying not to look at content)

What exactly did you find?

Feelings, sensations, thoughts

Please describe in detail what appears – feelings, sensations, thoughts, anything?

A broad 'looking' at what is here. Then "How do I look for the 'I'?" thought. Then "I don't see an 'I', but it doesn't feel 'complete.'" Sensations labeled 'frustration.' Remembering to look and see that the sensation isn't inherently frustrated. Noticing 'I' am not choosing those sensations.

Best,
Brian

[poppyseed]

Hi Brian
You can see such clarity with your first reply, when you are answering directly to the pointers, and so much unclarity when thoughts are involved. Any conclusions?

Experience, sensations, thought

What makes sensations and thoughts different from experience? Are they not experienced?

Thoughts about how to figure out whether 'I' actually 'know' this as opposed to just believing it.

As we said in the beginning of the inquiry we are not interested in the content of thoughts, we only notice their presence.
Thoughts really say funny (i.e. untrue) stuff. How are “knowing” and “believing” different? To “know” is to give some meaning to what is experienced. Raw experienced is unknowable/indescribable as you have reported before – like that funny fruit (sour soap) I was trying to describe to you. “Believing” is based on learned stuff/knowledge - be it “directly” (cause and effect) or through “outside” sources. We’ve seen already that cause and effect do not exist beyond thought content – it’s just a pyramid of concepts based on each other. Reality is unknowable and yet it can be experienced
The big burning question here is: is there any entity, an I, Brian, that can know things, believe them rightfully or wrongly as thoughts “claim”? Or if we use the apple exercise

Does the label "I"/"Brian" contain an actual I/Brian...does it contain an actual person?
Does the label "I" itself, suggest in any way that it is an I?
Does the label "I" know anything about an I?
What does the label "I" point to? In other words, what does the word/label "I" actually refer to?

Feelings, sensations, thoughts

Remember feelings=sensations+thoughts. I’ve been using “feeling” as a verb for sensation (according to the dictionary). “Sensing” would be logical but unfortunately English does not agree with logic. It just shows you how language could be so random.

A broad 'looking' at what is here. Then "How do I look for the 'I'?" thought. Then "I don't see an 'I', but it doesn't feel 'complete.'" Sensations labeled 'frustration.' Remembering to look and see that the sensation isn't inherently frustrated. Noticing 'I' am not choosing those sensations.

What is the sensation for awakening? Is there one? What is the sensation for “complete”? How would that feel? To whom these sensations (frustration vs calm, complete vs incomplete or whatever labels you want to put to describe them) belong? Or are these sensations simply appearing (label or no label/story or no story)? Are they revealing a calm “Brian” or frustrated “Brian” somehow? How does the existence of an “I” depend on these sensations in DE?
All that is reported here is a story (expectations), a story about someone that is trying to awaken and he’s not sure that he has because it doesn’t feel complete and he feels frustrated about it. Do you see that? Do you see how the story is layered on top of the experience? What is (t)here without the story/all the labels? LOOK! Look how funny, absurd even that story is! What could possibly awaken? Thoughts? Would they experience "completeness"/"lightness"? Can thoughts feel? What feels?

Here is something to consider…
Imagine for a moment a scene, one of a little mountain stream which is tumbling down a hillside gully, not far from its source. It has been raining and so the level is quite high.

Consider in your mind's eye, if you can, how it flows to the right over a little rock (where, had the level been lower, it would probably have gone around the rock), then the flow goes to the left over a tree bow, and then slows a little in a broader place, before splashing over a small cascade into a pool, and so on down the mountain side.

Does it choose any of its directions? Is it even really a separate entity different from the water deposited in it, the rocks, the depressions in the ground and so on?Is it even the same entity moment by moment, or more the product of weather conditions and water, like an ever-changing pattern?

1. Can you find anywhere where 'Brian' autonomously intervene into life, choosing something that is not the product of all the elements; that is not a part of the overall flow?

2. Now please consider a regular decision made eg; what to wear in the morning, or what to eat for lunch, and describe to me what happens. There are environmental factors, there are color preferences (but where did those come from - any autonomous intervention there perhaps?), practical issues (such as what is available), available time for preparation, purpose (eg; need to fill up for the day, or to look cool for a certain person) etc.

Where in there is an autonomous entity intervening in the flow of life? Can you find anything anywhere?

3. Can anything be found for which 'Brian' is responsible – if so responsible to what and for what?

Enjoy :)
Love
Rali