Looking for a Guide

[DebbieGinnie]

While working to finish documentation for work earler, I was in the living room with my husband who was watching TV. I could tune out the TV but spoke out harshly to my husband when he repeatedly tried to get me to attend the show instead of the work. He suffered a brain injury a few years back so he can’t help it. Normally, I would have felt deep shame for being harsh with him. I was surprised to notice that without effort, the outburst was over and there was none of the usual self-flagellation. There was a sense that no one was to blame. That is new.

And of course, I still want to be kind to my husband, but self-shaming is not kindness to him.

[Elad]

sensations do not inherently express a particular emotion (like anxiety) just like they don't inherently express a separate self. Those illusions only are created by the combination of sensation and belief. We don't have to see that all the time, sometimes we can just enjoy the "relative level of experience" where it seems as if there is self and particular emotions, but when we are troubled, we can inquire and find peace in seeing the self-less and essence-less nature of these appearances. Explore that in your direct experience and let me know what is seen

The following may not be what you are looking for since it doesn't address an emotion exactly, but it is a sensation that is here now:

There’s a sensation above the right lateral knee just now. As I feel into it, it continues to change in character and intensity. It might be described as burning but then morphs into something that might be described as pressure. In any case, these words are just labels that don’t really do justice to the ever-changing sensation.

It would be an additional layer of narrative beyond the description if I were to think, “Oh, I have knee pain.” At that point, I have covered over the richness of the actual sensation with a label that not only pushes away the direct experience but also implies there’s now a person who has a problem that needs fixing.

You are right on track! This is the same point pertaining to pain label vs sensation. Next time you have an emotional reaction investigate similarly and tell me what you see.

The formulation "what you are looking for"... It's important that this process be about the truth you discover and not something I look for, except that I look to help you look... So just checking in: do you feel safe with me that this is all about your truth, you can disagree with me, and my only job is to support your looking for yourself? If it feels different in any way let's do our best to fix it !

This is all really good stuff! Let's see what comes next :)

[DebbieGinnie]

Spend some time with the dissapointment, this won't necessarily make your personality and psychological dispositions any easier, it might in fact just.make them more obvious, which could evoke more resistance and thus worse patterns of negativity.

Spend some time with this, then tell me what you notice.

“Hello, disappointment, I see you. You are welcome here. You are part of Life’s movements. Welcome. Welcome.”

Gnawing sensations in the lower abdomen

Hearing my husband snore

“Where is the fairy godmother I read about as a child?”
Ok, that’s a thought.

Back to attending to sensations:

Stretching sensations in the upper thigh area
Contracting sensations in the lower back

“Maybe I should start doing yoga again.”
Ok, that’s a thought.

Looking within again:

“Disappointment does not seem to be here now.”

“Maybe feelings are just briefly felt if not attached to thoughts.”

Ok that's all thought.

Here’s another thought but it’s from observation:

“There is so much thought stuff that diverts from just feeling into the body sensations.”

“Merely look and feel. Make it a game. Look at the thoughts too. No need to call anything ‘wrong.’”

I notice that everything is in constant flux and only labels are static.
No need to push away thoughts but no need to believe in them either. There is a benefit to looking into bodily sensations as often as I can remember. Attaching to the thought train is a habit. Feeling into the body can become a different habit.

I am getting confused because anything I can type is a thought.

Tingling in the hands
Ringing in the ears
Hearing my husband’s rhythmic snores

[Elad]

[quote=DebbieGinnie post_id=381367 time=1701011198 user_id=15671]
[quote]Spend some time with the dissapointment, this won't necessarily make your personality and psychological dispositions any easier, it might in fact just.make them more obvious, which could evoke more resistance and thus worse patterns of negativity.

Spend some time with this, then tell me what you notice.
[/quote]

[color=#0000FF]
[b]“Hello, disappointment, I see you. You are welcome here. You are part of Life’s movements. Welcome. Welcome.”[/b]

[i]Gnawing sensations in the lower abdomen [/i]

[i]Hearing my husband snore[/i]

“Where is the fairy godmother I read about as a child?”
Ok, that’s a thought.

[b]Back to attending to sensations:[/b]

[i]Stretching sensations in the upper thigh area
Contracting sensations in the lower back[/i]

“Maybe I should start doing yoga again.”
Ok, that’s a thought.

[b]Looking within again:[/b]

“Disappointment does not seem to be here now.”

“Maybe feelings are just briefly felt if not attached to thoughts.”

Ok that's all thought.

Here’s another thought but it’s from observation:

“There is so much thought stuff that diverts from just feeling into the body sensations.”

“Merely look and feel. Make it a game. Look at the thoughts too. No need to call anything ‘wrong.’”

[b]I notice that everything is in constant flux and only labels are static. [/b]
[color=#BF00FF]No need to push away thoughts but no need to believe in them either. There is a benefit to looking into bodily sensations as often as I can remember. Attaching to the thought train is a habit. Feeling into the body can become a different habit. [/color]

I am getting confused because anything I can type is a thought.

[i]Tingling in the hands
Ringing in the ears
Hearing my husband’s rhythmic snores[/i]
[/color]
[/quote]

Yes! Now when you stop trying to describe, stop believing labels about reality instead of experiencing reality:

Is there a separate self or doer?

Is there any doubt?

Is anything missing?


Don't answer quick except if the answer is the clearest thing in the world. Don't answer what the mind thinks is right or what it thinks I want to hear. Be a light onto yourself.

[DebbieGinnie]

Yes! Now when you stop trying to describe, stop believing labels about reality instead of experiencing reality:

Is there a separate self or doer?

No separation is found. No fixed self is found.Selfing happens in the thought realm. No doer is found. Doing happens.

Is there any doubt?

Doubts arise. Doubting seems to be a web of sticky thoughts. It's ok for this habit energy to come and go.

Is anything missing?

Nothing is missing. Everything is included.

Don't answer quick except if the answer is the clearest thing in the world. Don't answer what the mind thinks is right or what it thinks I want to hear. Be a light onto yourself.

[Elad]

🙏❤️

So we could go to final questions now or we could wait and see how things feels tomorrow. No hurry, we want you to feel as whole with the process as possible when we land.

[DebbieGinnie]

So we could go to final questions now or we could wait and see how things feels tomorrow. No hurry, we want you to feel as whole with the process as possible when we land.

As long as I can sit with the questions until tomorrow if I want, I’m fine with proceeding. If you think it's better to wait, that’s fine too.

[Elad]

Okay! Let's wait til tomorrow. If in the next day you feel any reservations, something not clear, or more things you want support investigating, share.

[DebbieGinnie]

Okay! Let's wait til tomorrow. If in the next day you feel any reservations, something not clear, or more things you want support investigating, share.

OK. Soumds good

[Elad]

Okay! Let's wait til tomorrow. If in the next day you feel any reservations, something not clear, or more things you want support investigating, share.

OK. Soumds good

Hi Deb, anything you want us to clarify further come up?

[DebbieGinnie]

Okay! Let's wait til tomorrow. If in the next day you feel any reservations, something not clear, or more things you want support investigating, share.

OK. Soumds good

Hi Deb, anything you want us to clarify further come up?

No. I’m ready to answer the questions. I will just answer honestly. I’m not invested in “passing”—I will just answer honestly and I am ok with whatever happens.

[Elad]

Sounds good. Yeah, it should not be about "passing". The point with the questions is that I and thereafter 3 other guides will look if they can help clarify anything further for your benefit.


Please answer all the questions below in one message, copy and paste questions into it. Make sure you answer each one below "ANSWER" so it is easy for the other guides to track what questions you are answering. Make sure to answer all questions. Take all the time you need and enjoy.





1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

ANSWER:

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

ANSWER:

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past couple of days.

ANSWER:

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

ANSWER:

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.

ANSWER:

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

ANSWER:

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

ANSWER:

6) Anything to add?

ANSWER:

[DebbieGinnie]

1) Is there a separate entity, 'self,' 'me,' 'I,' at all, anywhere, in any way, shape, or form? Was there ever?

ANSWER: There is no separate entity, self, me, no "I" at all, anywhere, in any way, shape, or form. There never was.

2) Explain in detail the illusion of a separate self, when it starts, and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

ANSWER: From my own experience, the illusion of a separate self is the belief that "I" am separate/cut off from life and, therefore, must always plan and take steps to protect this separate self.

I don't know exactly when it started, but it probably began when I was a toddler beginning to learn language, which is structured in a subject-object form that projects a duality. It's inherent in the earliest games played with infants like, "Peek-a-boo! I see you!"

Believing that "I" am separate has led to all kinds of suffering, such as fear of death, fear of humiliation, and feeling alone and misunderstood. It has also led (innocently) to many types of manipulative behavior as I sought to control "others'" behavior to help ensure my psychological and emotional survival.

As I see it now, this core belief in separation is the root cause of my being in "my head" all the time. Early on, "I" somehow learned that feeling emotions and bodily sensations were just too threatening, even eliciting the primal fear of death. It felt safer to stay lost in the content of thoughts. In telling stories, "I" could plan strategies to keep "myself" safe. If strategies failed to satisfy, "I" looked outside myself for reasons that life felt so painful. For example, I spent years focused on blaming my parents for my inability to feel at home in the world.

Being lost in the narrative kept me from feeling the sensations of direct experience. Even seeing that I am not separate and there is truly nothing to fear, habit energies persist. For example, the tendency to get sucked into the content of thoughts as well as the tendency to look outward for answers.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past couple of days.

ANSWER: Well, there's an understanding here of how "I" innocently became the character "I" am. "I" can let go of some of the ways "I" judged "myself" and judged "others."

The difference now: There's more relaxing into direct experience. I have spent many years carrying shame for my apparent reactionary nature. A couple of days ago, "I" had an impatient/angry reaction, that was over as soon as it began. There was no reason to retreat into stories of blame and shame, so composure naturally returned.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over and made you look?

ANSWER: I don't really know if there was a "last bit." Working as honestly as I could with Elad led to a gradual seeing. The seeing was there, but I was still looking for this character to be better, so it took time to get clarity.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice, and control.

ANSWER: All of those five concepts still appear to this character on the relative level: "I" apparently chose a particular Airbnb and made a reservation for an upcoming road trip this morning.

Since they are concepts that apply to a separate self, none of these are truly experienced. Everything is just apparently happening. There are no decisions, intentions, free will, choice, or control. Life is just lifing. There is an organic freedom here.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

ANSWER: Ha! I would leave those answers to the gurus and deeply realized. I haven't a clue how things work. Everything just happens. It's a beautiful (and sometimes horrible) mystery.

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

ANSWER: This is a good question! The points below are guesses at this moment--as Life moves, these answers will be sure to change.

• Most of all, I am apparently responsible for seeing that I am not a separate self. If there is no separate self to protect, actions will tend to be more aligned.
  
  I would say I am apparently responsible for feeling into my body as often as I can remember. This is a projection, but it seems that the more I can just look (especially at the places that still feel scary within), the more I will go with the flow of Life.
  
  I am apparently responsible to follow intuition and let go of wanting specific results. I am planning a road trip with my husband and dog in the spring. Once the itinerary is complete, I can rest. Whatever happens is supposed to happen.
  
  I am apparently responsible for making those relative choices that seem to bring more contentment and kindness. That doesn't mean avoiding feeling "negative" emotions or experiences that show up. It probably means exerting less efforting and forcing overall, although all of that can arise within the kaleidoscope of life.

6) Anything to add?

ANSWER: I appreciate the extensive amount of time and care you gave me, Elad.

[Elad]

Lots of beauty and clarity here Deb, thank you. One question from me:

Regarding this apparent responsibility - do you and the responsibility exist as more then thoughts? Is there anybody separate to be responsible, is there any real controller over thoughts and actions whatsoever?

[DebbieGinnie]

Regarding this apparent responsibility - do you and the responsibility exist as more then thoughts? Is there anybody separate to be responsible, is there any real controller over thoughts and actions whatsoever?

I am glad you asked, Elad. I had been thinking of clarifying that my answers were for the relative level. Agreed that responsibility is conceptual and implies separation. So on the absolute level there is no responsibility, no controller. All that is, is here now, and just happening.

Meanwhile this character is apparently feeding pets, washing dishes, typing on the cell phone. There are apparent preferences to give care to the apparent environment.