Looking for nothingness

[Luchana]

Hi Peter,

When looking in to awareness I laugh and cry at the same time, it is not describable. It just is.

Wonderful. Yes. just is. Can you say without doubt that there is just This?
No separation, no selves, no autonomous entity apart from that which just is?

So when I experience that the imaginary self suffers, that is just the experience and when I experience stillness, that is just the experience.

Mmm, notice is there such experience as "self suffers?" Or this is an experience of a doubt? of a story?
What is real - there is a self and suffering or there is just this, just stillness?

Sending love,
Luchana

[PeterO]

Hi Luchana,

Can you say without doubt that there is just This?
No separation, no selves, no autonomous entity apart from that which just is?

Yes, I can. But I do not experience that all the time, but there is no doubt about it.

Mmm, notice is there such experience as "self suffers?" Or this is an experience of a doubt? of a story?

Yes, it is a story that is believed, of a someone that is a victim...

What is real - there is a self and suffering or there is just this, just stillness?

It is just This. Always. And yet all the thoughts and emotions also exists but it is not what I am. They are not "real" it is story or comes from the story.

Cheers
Peter

[Luchana]

Hi Peter.

Sorry for delay, somehow I missed your reply. If I didn't reply for two days, please give me a sign.

Yes, I can. But I do not experience that all the time, but there is no doubt about it.

Right, and the moment you look - it is here.

It is just This. Always. And yet all the thoughts and emotions also exists but it is not what I am. They are not "real" it is story or comes from the story.

They are here yes as a part from experience.
Do they belong to someone? Someone or something separate from experience?

[PeterO]

Hi Luchana,

Right, and the moment you look - it is here.

Yes.

Do they belong to someone? Someone or something separate from experience?

No, it is just experience.
There is a habit of the story, the "some one" that the story belongs to. But it is just a habit and in reality just a part of experiencing.

Cheers
Peter

[Luchana]

Hi Peter,

There is a habit of the story, the "some one" that the story belongs to. But it is just a habit and in reality just a part of experiencing.

Right. Please look at the following question one by one and check the answer at direct experience.

Is there control over thoughts?
Is there control over sensations?
Is there control over colours?
Is there control over sounds?
Is there control over taste?

Is there control over anything?


Sending much love,
Luchana

[PeterO]

Hi Luchana,

Is there control over thoughts?
Is there control over sensations?
Is there control over colours?
Is there control over sounds?
Is there control over taste?

Is there control over anything?

There is no control over anything. It might feel like it is but when looking it is seen that there is no control.
Life is happening.
This is something I realized about a year ago and sometimes it helps me to relax and sometimes it is just another memory. But every time I look I see that this is the truth. No control whatsoever.

Cheers
Peter

[Luchana]

Hi Peter,

There is no control over anything. It might feel like it is but when looking it is seen that there is no control.
Life is happening.
This is something I realized about a year ago and sometimes it helps me to relax and sometimes it is just another memory. But every time I look I see that this is the truth. No control whatsoever.

Beautiful.
Is there something which you would like to look at?

Are there any doubts?
or
can you say that the illusion of the separate self has seen through?

I can send you some final questions if you are ok. Although there is no end ...as you may already guessed :-)

How do you feel about that?


Sending much love,
Luchana

[PeterO]

Hi Luchana,

Is there something which you would like to look at?

Are there any doubts?
or
can you say that the illusion of the separate self has seen through?

There is nothing specific I would like to look at right now.
There are no doubts at the moment and if doubt arise I can just look :)
Yes, the illusion have been seen trough. I get caught in story sometimes and that is ok, I can just look to see what is real.

I can send you some final questions if you are ok. Although there is no end ...as you may already guessed :-)

How do you feel about that?

Yes, send some final questions, that would be nice!

Cheers
Peter

[Luchana]

Hi Peter.

Yes, send some final questions, that would be nice!

Great!
Here are the questions, spend as much time as it needed with each one, no rush. Reply from experience of how things are seen the last few days.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?


Sending love,
Luchana

[Luchana]

Hi Peter,
Trust all is good with you.

How is it going?

Are you still with me?


Much love,
Luchana

[PeterO]

Hi Luchana,

I had a long break but am back now :)
This nowing that there actually is no self is always here now but life goes on as usual.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No. it is a fiction and always was.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of a separate self starts at young age when we form the ego/separate self. It is formed because we are treated as we are a separate self, my parents called me Peter and the school and friends and so on. It get's stronger and ads contractions in the body as "I" don't get what "I" want or we experience traumatic events for the "I". Not accepting life as it is.
When I look I only find thoughts about a person called Peter but I can not find a Peter. So there are just thoughts upon thoughts. Story about a thought. Story upon story. Just thinking.
So it is like magical thinking, not actually the real experience.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

I have seen this even before we started the dialogue but there is a strong habit of continuing the story. The familiar is safe. But the safe for who?
When it is really seen it is a liberation. There is noting one ever have to do. Life is happening and it is not personal. Total freedom :)

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

There has been an ongoing looking in different forms for many years.
It has been seen in a tantric setting in deep connection with another that showed up to actually not be another but just the same :)
It has been seen in deep medicine rituals. One time I was laughing so much at the believe of the separate self, it was such a joke I laughed for hours. And the mind kept going to "save itself" and "I" was just laughing.
However the habit always tok "me" back to believing I was a separate self so this inquiry has helped showing that there really is no separate self and that I just have to look regularly.

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

About the above questions :
Life is just happening and it is happening to no one. There is no control whatsoever and there never was. So there might feel as there is intentions, free will, choice, control and that there is someone or something that makes things happen but when I look "I" can see that there is not. No one is running the show. The show is happening for no one for no reason. It just is as it is. It is just happening.
All "I" have to do is let go and surrender to life and enjoy the ride :)
Surrender and let go :)

6) Anything to add?

Yes. Do you have anything to say about awareness becoming aware of itself?

Cheers :)
Peter

[Luchana]

Hi Peter,

so lovely to hear from, it has been a time :-)

Thank you for you replies, I will share them with the other fellow guides and they may or may not have some additional questions for you. If so - I will bring them to you.
This may take time.

Do you have anything to say about awareness becoming aware of itself?

mmm, nice question :-) I would rather prefer to answer with the question, if you don't mind.
And this is an invitation to have a look at your own direct experience and see from there:

How awareness is experienced?
Is awareness something prior to senses?
Is there an autonomous awareness separate from the experience of whatever is happening?


Sending love,
Luchana

[PeterO]

Hi!
Yes, I'm happy to answer and investigate more :)

How awareness is experienced?

Awareness is experienced trough sensations, sounds, sight. There is experiencing going on.

Is awareness something prior to senses?

No, it looks like it is the same.

Is there an autonomous awareness separate from the experience of whatever is happening?

No, it is not separate since it is all the same soup...

In a satori awareness becomes aware of itself and I had a few of those but now it is of course just in the memory. I'm just wondering if that is anything you ever talk about in this forum.
An enlightened master produces a pretty strong buddafield, some people say this is what happens when awareness becomes aware of itself. I have been sitting with masters and my mind falls apart, it is impossible to think, this is a very real experience.
From where I am looking it seams like the part of discovering the illusion of the self is one step on the way and awareness becoming aware of itself is another. And at the same time everything is perfect as it is and there is nothing we ever have to do, there is no-thing to get. The seeker is in the way but is also needed at the same time.

Is this ever anything you talk about or is it just the mind looking for more riddles to solve? :)

Cheers!
Peter

[Luchana]

Hi Peter,


the other guides have no other questions for you which means that you crash the Gateless gate so speak..but as you already know there is no gate and no one can crash it :-)

Maybe you recieved a message from the admin already? If not probably soon and the admin will contact you also in FB.
I will be waiting for you there in the Unleashed FB group.

Thank you for your commitment, trust and willingness to look.

It was really a joy to explore with you and to mirror in your expression as one of the many aspects of this wonder.

An enlightened master produces a pretty strong buddafield, some people say this is what happens when awareness becomes aware of itself. I have been sitting with masters and my mind falls apart, it is impossible to think, this is a very real experience.
From where I am looking it seams like the part of discovering the illusion of the self is one step on the way and awareness becoming aware of itself is another. And at the same time everything is perfect as it is and there is nothing we ever have to do, there is no-thing to get. The seeker is in the way but is also needed at the same time.

Is this ever anything you talk about or is it just the mind looking for more riddles to solve? :)

I hear you... yea, when we stop believing that there are enlighten masters out there - all which remains is that spaciousness and vastness, or awareness if you wish without a need for a name or a label.
For all we have are labels. Inevitable mind is always try to solve the riddle (as you beautifully noticed)
You can play with that for fun or simply let it go.
:-)

And here is a video with which you may found a resonance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMRrCYPxD0I


Sending much love,
Luchana

[PeterO]

Thank you, it was a fun journey, I am happy and grateful :)