Postby hball » Mon Jul 10, 2023 12:17 am
1. Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
A. Whenever I stop and look, it is obvious that there is no separate self. There is only being, and everything, including my body, simply appears in it. This is clearly always been the case that I what have taken myself to be is just a conglomeration of thoughts. There is no fixed entity, and those thoughts, feelings, and sensations are subject to ongoing change.
2. Explain in detail what the illusion of a separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
A separate self is constructed from thoughts and beliefs. It also seems like this separate self can make things happen and has agency. But in reality, life is lived in the present moment, and all that is happening are thoughts and impulses that push in one direction or another depending on conditions that are out of my control. Yet the mind can kick in, creating a separate self and labelling it as good or bad, depending on the outcome.
3. How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
A. There is a great deal more equanimity. Any reactions, stresses and anxieties just move through quickly and don’t have the potential to affect my mood, and there is more peace, harmony and acceptance in my relationships. There’s also greater appreciation of all the things that I have in my life as well as enjoying the beauty of my surroundings.
There is also greater wisdom and understanding of myself and others and better choices, which are more likely to enhance my well-being.
What is particularly liberating is that the seeking is over. I know that no one has the answers for me, or there is some knowledge I need to acquire or a book I need to read. The path, or non-path, has become very clear, and it’s simply about seeing through the illusion of a self.
4. What was the last bit that pushed you over that made you look?
A. I don’t think in terms of being “pushed over”. I first experienced that my thoughts and beliefs weren’t telling me the truth when I did a personal development training in 1985. That was a shocking revelation to me, and it led me on a spiritual path. I read many books, meditated, went to retreats etc and over time, continued to evolve into a better version of myself.
I had come across no self in many of the different teachings, and while it felt inherently true was basically just a concept. Through my exposure to liberation unleashed and my dialogue with Gunnar, I started to experience this as a reality. The various exercises he set helped more deeply expose the unreality of thoughts and a greater ease in turning towards the awareness of what I am and what’s real.
5. Describe decision, intention, free will, choice, and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
A. Behind decisions, intentions, and choices are thoughts. And those thoughts just pop up into my awareness. I have no control over the thoughts that come up and clearly can’t choose which thoughts to have. If I did why would so many of them be negative and lead to negative emotions? The thoughts can seem as if they are the purveyor of truth, and when I act on them, it creates the illusion that I have choice and can control and make things happen.
I have been fortunate to have achieved a fair bit in my professional life, with choice of partners and materialistically. While this can lead to feelings of some degree of superiority and inflated ego, the reality is there is no one that made that happen. It was a result of circumstances, including the “choice” of my parents, the good fortune of being born into a particular country and era, and times of being in the right place at the right time. Not things that a separate self can take credit for.
One of my favourite excuses these days for why I did something that didn’t turn out well was “it seemed like a good idea at the time”. I think there is a lot of truth to that being the best reason. This leads to acceptance and knowing there’s really nothing to regret or no one to forgive.
With regard to responsibility, I have come to understand that I am 100% responsible for how I feel and what I do. This is predicated on where I put my attention. In the past, I could blame other people, the world, or even luck for how I felt and how I acted.
It is clear that there is no one doing anything to me or making me do anything and responsibility means that it’s all emanating from me. And in actuality, there’s no me responsible for that.
In the way responsibility is normally used in society, then yes, I am responsible for my actions, and they can cause problems for others, and there are consequences.
I have noticed that there is another place from which actions come that is separate from the usual thoughts and seems to come from outside myself. From this place, decisions and actions taken lead to more love and harmony for myself and others.
6. Anything to add?
While I do understand that everything is happening as it should and in its own timeframe, there are times I think about the concept of a gate, and when I compare myself to others, I think I haven’t gone through it and wonder why I haven’t. I do recognise that these are only thoughts and can appreciate how fortunate I am with where I’m at and to be satisfied with the mystery of how things unfold.
In conclusion, I am extremely grateful for all the valuable work that LU does, particularly for Gunner’s skilful feedback, guidance and willingness to contribute.
