can’t seem to go any deeper …

[Aletheia]

Afternoon Warissem,

There are years of conditionings, actions and reactions. Seeing through the belief of a separate self is the beginning of a falling process.

Thank you for explaining this.

Strong sensations are known, just be here as a neutral presence. Does a storm occupy the space? It comes then it goes.

Yes. And the more the “me” resisted, the more the sensations persisted. It’s almost like all they wanted was to be felt and validated.

Thanks for your honesty. Can you tell more about this “feeling of not quite breaking through”? How this feeling is expressed in the body? Or is it just a doubting thought?
Is there any fear to step forth? To let go the image of you and just be ?

The feeling of not quite breaking through … I will try to share it the best I can.

There is an uncertainty on a thought level - an uncertainty about what truly breaking the belief in the me “feels” like or “looks” like. There is a lot of mental activity and there are a lot of questions: is it subtle or very noticeable? Is there mostly a functioning from a new place of awareness or just an occasional remembrance? Can one of a few instances of seeing that the self is an illusion count as totally shattering the self/me belief?

Lots of thoughts, I know. And probably not helpful, but nevertheless I thought I would share them to see if you have anything to say.

This morning I did some journaling and realised that there was an even deeper snare inside - something catching my foot and saying, “But how will any of this inquiring help the world and it’s problems? The war, murder, famine, poverty, pain, torture - it doesn’t solve any of it. It doesn’t explain any of it. In fact, it makes it seem even worse: because if there is no “me,” then there are no others, no “you,” and therefore life is just killing and torturing itself. Why would it do that? How horrific. This is a pointless, dangerous, and selfish pursuit. Isn’t this why the Bodhisattva path of delaying realization is better?”

These are the kind of thoughts that have been coming up, from a hidden place inside perhaps, and they have some kind of grip. I know they are just thoughts, and I can argue against them with more thoughts, (like, “isn’t realization of no-self the antidote to a lot of this suffering in the world? Can’t it be shared with others too?”). But it’s a critical part of the mind that comes up.

It also seems like the “me” tries very, very hard to “get this.” As if the “me” goes in search of the “me” and finds it to be a very difficult task. It gets into a habit and pattern of doing this. And the “me” is scared of disappointing Warissem, or being annoying, stupid, or silly. It’s like a cat and mouse game.

***

Thank you for all of your help, I appreciate it!

[warissem]

Good morning

Yes. And the more the “me” resisted, the more the sensations persisted. It’s almost like all they wanted was to be felt and validated.

The “me” is a concept, it cannot resist but it continues to arise as a thought. Just see things as they are : a thought is a thought, a sensation is a sensation, the link between a thought and a sensation, is a thought. Let be all arisings (thoughts, sensations, feelings, emotions) and let them go. A great sufi, Rumi, says : treat them as guests.

The feeling of not quite breaking through … I will try to share it the best I can.

There is an uncertainty on a thought level - an uncertainty about what truly breaking the belief in the me “feels” like or “looks” like. There is a lot of mental activity and there are a lot of questions: is it subtle or very noticeable? Is there mostly a functioning from a new place of awareness or just an occasional remembrance? Can one of a few instances of seeing that the self is an illusion count as totally shattering the self/me belief?

In this forum, we go till the belief in a separate self is seen through. It does not mean that there is no more behaving as a separate self. There is DNA, education, society, religion, past experiences, … : all these are conditionings which reinforced the belief. They don’t fall overnight after having seen through the belief of a separate self. But, you know for sure that there is no separate self as an entity managing life or making decisions. It is like Santa Claus : as a child you believe that it comes through the chimney to put the presents. When you are older you know for sure that Santa is only a thought story and when you see Santa you know that it is a folk disguised as Santa.
Before seeing through the belief, you are convinced that you are a seeker of truth.
After seeing through the belief, you know for sure that “the seeker of truth” is a thought or a mental image.

You have missed theses questions :
Is there any fear to step forth? To let go the image of you and just be ?

Lots of thoughts, I know. And probably not helpful, but nevertheless I thought I would share them to see if you have anything to say.

This morning I did some journaling and realised that there was an even deeper snare inside - something catching my foot and saying, “But how will any of this inquiring help the world and it’s problems? The war, murder, famine, poverty, pain, torture - it doesn’t solve any of it. It doesn’t explain any of it. In fact, it makes it seem even worse: because if there is no “me,” then there are no others, no “you,” and therefore life is just killing and torturing itself. Why would it do that? How horrific. This is a pointless, dangerous, and selfish pursuit. Isn’t this why the Bodhisattva path of delaying realization is better?”

These are the kind of thoughts that have been coming up, from a hidden place inside perhaps, and they have some kind of grip. I know they are just thoughts, and I can argue against them with more thoughts, (like, “isn’t realization of no-self the antidote to a lot of this suffering in the world? Can’t it be shared with others too?”). But it’s a critical part of the mind that comes up.

It is good to share your thoughts about what is going on. I see doubts about all this stuff. There is a Vedanta teacher who says : “an enlightened person (if so to speak) is one jerk less on earth”.
About the goodies and badies happening on earth : limitlessness contains everything, all the opposites. Ramana Maharshi says (not reported literally) : don’t care about the world, know first this “I” which is asking questions.

It also seems like the “me” tries very, very hard to “get this.” As if the “me” goes in search of the “me” and finds it to be a very difficult task. It gets into a habit and pattern of doing this. And the “me” is scared of disappointing Warissem, or being annoying, stupid, or silly. It’s like a cat and mouse game.

It is helpful to see what the “me” is wanting and doing, … Give a look to this “me” and tell me what is it? Describe it : is it a color, a shape, a sound, a smell, a taste, a sensation ? Or is it only a concept, a deluding concept ?

Thank you for all of your help, I appreciate it!

You are much welcome.

[Aletheia]

Hi there Warissem,

The “me” is a concept, it cannot resist but it continues to arise as a thought. Just see things as they are : a thought is a thought, a sensation is a sensation, the link between a thought and a sensation, is a thought. Let be all arisings (thoughts, sensations, feelings, emotions) and let them go. A great sufi, Rumi, says : treat them as guests.

It’s interesting how you say that the “me” cannot resist. Would you mind explaining this a bit more?
And thank you for the clarity in what you share and point out. That Rumi quote is helpful.

In this forum, we go till the belief in a separate self is seen through. It does not mean that there is no more behaving as a separate self. There is DNA, education, society, religion, past experiences, … : all these are conditionings which reinforced the belief. They don’t fall overnight after having seen through the belief of a separate self. But, you know for sure that there is no separate self as an entity managing life or making decisions. It is like Santa Claus : as a child you believe that it comes through the chimney to put the presents. When you are older you know for sure that Santa is only a thought story and when you see Santa you know that it is a folk disguised as Santa.
Before seeing through the belief, you are convinced that you are a seeker of truth.
After seeing through the belief, you know for sure that “the seeker of truth” is a thought or a mental image.

This is very clear, thank you.
More and more there is a dawning realisation that everything is happening on its own. Thoughts, feelings, sounds, smells, the desire to talk, the desire to stay silent, the impulse to move, and yes, slowly seeing that “Aletheia” too is just happening on her own.

You have missed theses questions :
Is there any fear to step forth? To let go the image of you and just be ?

Oh yes, sorry about that.
Yes, there is fear to step forth, from the mind. But there is also a longing to realise the truth finally and end the lie. The fears say things like, “what if your whole life collapses?” “What if you can’t function anymore?” “What if you lose all drive and ambition?” Then there is also a strong desire to let go of the image and just be.

It is good to share your thoughts about what is going on. I see doubts about all this stuff. There is a Vedanta teacher who says : “an enlightened person (if so to speak) is one jerk less on earth”.
About the goodies and badies happening on earth : limitlessness contains everything, all the opposites. Ramana Maharshi says (not reported literally) : don’t care about the world, know first this “I” which is asking questions.

Yeah, unless it’s Chogyam Trungpa haha 😂 But I know what you mean.
Can you describe me more about the limitless containing everything, all the opposites?

It is helpful to see what the “me” is wanting and doing, … Give a look to this “me” and tell me what is it? Describe it : is it a color, a shape, a sound, a smell, a taste, a sensation ? Or is it only a concept, a deluding concept ?

The me is a deluding concept, a thought. A sensation and then a thought interpreting that sensation. Sometimes the me is an emotion then a thought interpreting that emotion through memory, belief, past conditioning etc.

The me feels like a contracted sensation, like a tightly clenched fist. It wants distraction, control, safety, pleasure, and predictability. It feels like one of those huge long black clouds that smothers the sky. Sometimes there are holes in that cloud that show the blue sky underneath.

***

Have a wonderful Sunday & thank you

[warissem]

Good morning

It’s interesting how you say that the “me” cannot resist. Would you mind explaining this a bit more?

Have you seen that “me” is a concept? If it is so how can a concept resist?
Resistance can express itself as a sensation : look at the sensation and see what is behind.

And thank you for the clarity in what you share and point out. That Rumi quote is helpful.

Glad to know that Rumi’s quote is helpful.

This is very clear, thank you.
More and more there is a dawning realisation that everything is happening on its own. Thoughts, feelings, sounds, smells, the desire to talk, the desire to stay silent, the impulse to move, and yes, slowly seeing that “Aletheia” too is just happening on her own.

Yes, great. Just be.

Oh yes, sorry about that.
Yes, there is fear to step forth, from the mind. But there is also a longing to realise the truth finally and end the lie. The fears say things like, “what if your whole life collapses?” “What if you can’t function anymore?” “What if you lose all drive and ambition?” Then there is also a strong desire to let go of the image and just be.

There is nothing to lose : there is no separate self before you begin this dialog but it was not questioned. After it was questioned, it is seen that there is no separate self. The body/mind was navigating, it will continue to navigate.

Yeah, unless it’s Chogyam Trungpa haha 😂 But I know what you mean.
Can you describe me more about the limitless containing everything, all the opposites?

Descriptions about limitlessness awareness, etc … won’t help during this process. Anyway, many books and videos are available about this stuff. An advice :let books and videos aside till we finish our dialog.

The me is a deluding concept, a thought. A sensation and then a thought interpreting that sensation. Sometimes the me is an emotion then a thought interpreting that emotion through memory, belief, past conditioning etc.

it is great to see that a “me” is a concept but the consequences of this seeing are not digested (so to speak). I have already said that a thought is a thought and a sensation is a sensation : just discriminate between the “me” thought and the sensation. What I mean is : me (seen as a concept) cannot be a sensation or an emotion. Is a thought interpreting emotions or whatever ? Or are the interpretations themselves a train of thoughts arising?

The me feels like a contracted sensation, like a tightly clenched fist.

Where is this “me” located ? Can you describe it?

It wants distraction, control, safety, pleasure, and predictability.

Does a me say all that or they are just thoughts arising?

It feels like one of those huge long black clouds that smothers the sky. Sometimes there are holes in that cloud that show the blue sky underneath.

Do you see that all what is said is a train of thoughts ? it does not fit with direct experience.
Before giving answers, look at direct experience (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching or sensations) and SEE the answer.

Have a wonderful Sunday & thank you

Thanks, the same to you.

[Aletheia]

Hi Warissem,

Have you seen that “me” is a concept? If it is so how can a concept resist?
Resistance can express itself as a sensation : look at the sensation and see what is behind.

Behind the sensation is fear. And I can see that “me” is a concept overlayed onto reality.

There is nothing to lose : there is no separate self before you begin this dialog but it was not questioned. After it was questioned, it is seen that there is no separate self. The body/mind was navigating, it will continue to navigate.

Yes, wow, very helpful. There is no separate me before the dialogue, during or after the dialogue. The “me” claims ownership of everything even though everything seems to be functioning perfectly on its own already. Just like the breath breathing, the eyes blinking, the eyes moving …
Very helpful thank you, it sparks something.

Descriptions about limitlessness awareness, etc … won’t help during this process. Anyway, many books and videos are available about this stuff. An advice :let books and videos aside till we finish our dialog.

Good point. I have tried to keep a lot of that stuff at a distance (even though I’ve watched a few videos about it, and quotes in a book). The only book I’m really reading is the Liberation Unleashed one, and I was looking through the Gateless Gatecrashers one before that - is that fine?

it is great to see that a “me” is a concept but the consequences of this seeing are not digested (so to speak). I have already said that a thought is a thought and a sensation is a sensation : just discriminate between the “me” thought and the sensation. What I mean is : me (seen as a concept) cannot be a sensation or an emotion. Is a thought interpreting emotions or whatever ? Or are the interpretations themselves a train of thoughts arising?

Okay, yes. The thinking and experiencing got overlapped and messy and confused. I can see that. Feelings arise not from the me but just because they arise - the same with thoughts. The me itself is a thought. But that thought of me can also lead to certain emotions, is it not so? For example, the me-thought comes up and dialogue about “how I’m going to be late for work today” arises, then an emotion of anxiety arises.

Where is this “me” located ? Can you describe it?

It can’t be located … only in a thought. Thoughts about “I’m here!” “In this body” “writing this”.

Does a me say all that or they are just thoughts arising?

These are thoughts about the me. Narrating thoughts about the me-thought.

Do you see that all what is said is a train of thoughts ? it does not fit with direct experience.
Before giving answers, look at direct experience (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching or sensations) and SEE the answer.

Okay, noted.

***

Thank you very much

[warissem]

Good morning

Behind the sensation is fear. And I can see that “me” is a concept overlayed onto reality.

Good to know that it is seen that “me” is a concept. How do you feel to see that?
When there is fear, just put aside the concept “fear” and look at the raw sensation labeled “fear”. Welcome this sensation as a guest, let it be, just put attention on it, let it go. You know, you can notice that a same sensation is labeled “fear”, “joy”, “sadness”, …

Yes, wow, very helpful. There is no separate me before the dialogue, during or after the dialogue. The “me” claims ownership of everything even though everything seems to be functioning perfectly on its own already. Just like the breath breathing, the eyes blinking, the eyes moving …
Very helpful thank you, it sparks something.

Yes, you can notice this automatic operating :thinking is happening, speaking is happening, walking is happening, seeing is happening, … Just watch your daily activities and see if there is a you, a separate self intervening.

Good point. I have tried to keep a lot of that stuff at a distance (even though I’ve watched a few videos about it, and quotes in a book). The only book I’m really reading is the Liberation Unleashed one, and I was looking through the Gateless Gatecrashers one before that - is that fine?

Great.

Okay, yes. The thinking and experiencing got overlapped and messy and confused. I can see that. Feelings arise not from the me but just because they arise - the same with thoughts. The me itself is a thought.

You are doing a good job.

But that thought of me can also lead to certain emotions, is it not so? For example, the me-thought comes up and dialogue about “how I’m going to be late for work today” arises, then an emotion of anxiety arises.

It works like this because there is identification with a “me”, with thoughts and mental images of a person, Aletheia, going to be late for work. Do you see where the illusion is operating : “I am going to be late”. How do you feel when you see without a doubt that “I” is a concept, a thought, in the sentence above ?

It can’t be located … only in a thought. Thoughts about “I’m here!” “In this body” “writing this”.

Do you believe that “I” which is a concept is here, in the body, writing ?
Can you describe what is going on when there is writing ? Is there an “I” intervening or is it just happening? Always go back to direct experience to give your answers.

These are thoughts about the me. Narrating thoughts about the me-thought.

Is there a person, a me, thinking?
Is there a person, a me, Aletheia, hearing the thoughts?

Thank you very much

You are much welcome.

[Aletheia]

Hi Warissem,

Good to know that it is seen that “me” is a concept. How do you feel to see that?
When there is fear, just put aside the concept “fear” and look at the raw sensation labeled “fear”. Welcome this sensation as a guest, let it be, just put attention on it, let it go. You know, you can notice that a same sensation is labeled “fear”, “joy”, “sadness”, …

There is a seeing that the “me” is a concept, and yet still a functioning through it. Perhaps as you said earlier, it hasn’t digested. I know it is normal to go back and forth, but mostly there is just functioning through the “me”. After all, who is it that is meant to control this process? No one.

And yes, I will try to put aside the labels and focus on the sensations only.

Yes, you can notice this automatic operating :thinking is happening, speaking is happening, walking is happening, seeing is happening, … Just watch your daily activities and see if there is a you, a separate self intervening.

This is a very powerful practice, already it’s helping greatly. Thank you

You are doing a good job.

Thank you

It works like this because there is identification with a “me”, with thoughts and mental images of a person, Aletheia, going to be late for work. Do you see where the illusion is operating : “I am going to be late”. How do you feel when you see without a doubt that “I” is a concept, a thought, in the sentence above ?

Yes, the illusion is operating in the ownership.
And I feel a great space opening up, briefly, when seeing without a doubt that the “I” is a concept and thought in the sentence that was shared. Just briefly.

Do you believe that “I” which is a concept is here, in the body, writing ?
Can you describe what is going on when there is writing ? Is there an “I” intervening or is it just happening? Always go back to direct experience to give your answers.

Yes, there is just writing happening, words streaming out, typing happening, without any intervener. It’s just happening, just flowing.

Is there a person, a me, thinking?
Is there a person, a me, Aletheia, hearing the thoughts?

Increasingly it can be seen that the me-thought is one that seems to like taking ownership of everything. So no, there isn’t a me thinking or Aletheia hearing thoughts, thinking and thoughts just happen, just arise spontaneously.

***

Thank you for the pointing

[warissem]

Hi Aletheia

There is a seeing that the “me” is a concept, and yet still a functioning through it. Perhaps as you said earlier, it hasn’t digested. I know it is normal to go back and forth, but mostly there is just functioning through the “me”. After all, who is it that is meant to control this process? No one.

Can you elaborate on the functioning through “me” ? Give some examples.

And yes, I will try to put aside the labels and focus on the sensations only.

Great.

This is a very powerful practice, already it’s helping greatly. Thank you

You are welcome.

Yes, the illusion is operating in the ownership.
And I feel a great space opening up, briefly, when seeing without a doubt that the “I” is a concept and thought in the sentence that was shared. Just briefly.

Yes, it is a good beginning. I invite you to do this exercise

Let’s look at thought and the content of thought a little more,

Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?

Speak the word “I” silently; be aware of any sensations or responses to this word. Are any of these reactions in your body or mind by themselves YOU?

Now say the word “I” aloud. Is that sound YOU?

Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”

Is the thought, "I exist" you?

Is the thought "I" you?

Yes, there is just writing happening, words streaming out, typing happening, without any intervener. It’s just happening, just flowing.

Increasingly it can be seen that the me-thought is one that seems to like taking ownership of everything. So no, there isn’t a me thinking or Aletheia hearing th

oughts, thinking and thoughts just happen, just arise spontaneously.
How do you feel to see that?

Thank you for the pointing

You are welcome.

[Aletheia]

Good morning Warissem,

Can you elaborate on the functioning through “me” ? Give some examples.

Ok. So for example, still thinking that “I am in conversation with …” or “I have to do this at work today …” Or even the thought that “I am looking out behind these eyes.”

These are all automatic and habitual, and perhaps it’s unrealistic to expect it to be different. But there is certainly a tendency to take the “me” less seriously, as in, it doesn’t have as much weight or gravity to it.

Yes, it is a good beginning. I invite you to do this exercise

Let’s look at thought and the content of thought a little more,

Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?

Speak the word “I” silently; be aware of any sensations or responses to this word. Are any of these reactions in your body or mind by themselves YOU?

Now say the word “I” aloud. Is that sound YOU?

Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”

Is the thought, "I exist" you?

Is the thought "I" you?

Wow, this is a very illuminating practice. I did the activity and additionally wrote down “Aletheia” as well as “me” “my” “mine.” And there is a recognition, and a thought of “Aletheia - that’s me!” but it is only a thought. There wasn’t much response in the body to “I” or any of the other self-referential words.

The thought “I exist” or “I” isn’t me because they’re just thoughts. Slowly there is an understanding that the thoughts don’t think themselves into existence. The thoughts themselves don’t think (a big sticking point here). The thoughts just arise.

oughts, thinking and thoughts just happen, just arise spontaneously.
How do you feel to see that?

It is awe-inspiring, truly fascinating. Fearful thoughts arise that say “oh no! Things are out of control!” but I’m trying to just meet those with kindness, remembering what you said about life functioning well and taking care of itself already without the me.

***

Thanks Warissem!

[warissem]

Good morning

Ok. So for example, still thinking that “I am in conversation with …” or “I have to do this at work today …” Or even the thought that “I am looking out behind these eyes.”

Thoughts like these continue to arise : it is due to habit and it is normal. Is there a you thinking?

These are all automatic and habitual, and perhaps it’s unrealistic to expect it to be different. But there is certainly a tendency to take the “me” less seriously, as in, it doesn’t have as much weight or gravity to it.

Yes.

Wow, this is a very illuminating practice. I did the activity and additionally wrote down “Aletheia” as well as “me” “my” “mine.” And there is a recognition, and a thought of “Aletheia - that’s me!” but it is only a thought. There wasn’t much response in the body to “I” or any of the other self-referential words.

Glad to know that you are attentive to the body answers instead of going to thoughts.

The thought “I exist” or “I” isn’t me because they’re just thoughts. Slowly there is an understanding that the thoughts don’t think themselves into existence. The thoughts themselves don’t think (a big sticking point here). The thoughts just arise.

Yes, yes, good to see that. See that there is no one behind the thought “I”.

It is awe-inspiring, truly fascinating. Fearful thoughts arise that say “oh no! Things are out of control!” but I’m trying to just meet those with kindness, remembering what you said about life functioning well and taking care of itself already without the me.

Wonderful.

Go for a walk and describe what is going on as seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, sensations. Just relax and be open to what is going on.

Best wishes

[Aletheia]

Good morning Warissem,

Thoughts like these continue to arise : it is due to habit and it is normal. Is there a you thinking?

No, no me thinking. Just thoughts happening. Thanks for validating that it’s normal!

Yes, yes, good to see that. See that there is no one behind the thought “I”.

Yes, I can see this .

Wonderful.

Go for a walk and describe what is going on as seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, sensations. Just relax and be open to what is going on.

Okay - feet walking, eyes moving around, seeing trees and water, pressure beneath the feet, sounds of traffic and the gravel underneath …

The “me” takes ownership sometimes of what is arising, but everything just pops up spontaneously. Aletheia seems to look through the eyes, but looking is just happening …

***

Thank you

[warissem]

Good morning

Aletheia seems to look through the eyes, but looking is just happening …

Is there Aletheia, a separate self inhabiting the body?
Is there something or someone outside of "what is" here now?

Feel free to expose any lasting doubt before giving a go to the final questions.

Best for you.

[Aletheia]

Good morning Warissem,

Is there Aletheia, a separate self inhabiting the body?
Is there something or someone outside of "what is" here now?

No, Aletheia is just a thought, a story, one that can appear to be very convincing due to conditioning and habit, but is nevertheless just a thought. It’s just like when watching the TV or going to sleep, where does Aletheia go? Watching the TV and breathing in deep sleep are still happening, but no one is there to do these functions.

What is, is just what is. The me-thought comes up in that stream of life, and it can be very persistent, but then it fades away.

Feel free to expose any lasting doubt before giving a go to the final questions.

I don’t think there’s any more doubt. There may still be functioning through the me-thought as a result of habit, but when trying to locate this Aletheia, it’s seen to be just a thought, just a conditioned belief. Life happened perfectly before the Aletheia-thought took ownership of it all, but in reality it never had ownership over anything. Everything just arises spontaneously, even Aletheia. Life is just living itself through the character role of Aletheia!

Thank you Warissem, lots of gratitude!

[warissem]

Good morning

Life is just living itself through the character role of Aletheia!

Beautifully said.

These are the final questions usually asked on this forum. Take your time.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision,
intention,
free will,
choice and control.

What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Best for you

[Aletheia]

Good morning Warissem,

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, there is no separate me or self in any way, shape, or form — and there never was! The “me” is just an elaborate story and construct of the mind; a very persistent idea, but with no real lasting substance.

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of the separate self begins early on in childhood. When the mind is taught to separate life into labels, it’s also taught about the idea of a “me” that is reinforced over and over again by parents, society, and culture. This me-thought goes unquestioned for most people and often results in a lot of suffering, seeking, and searching for answers. The me-thought is so subtle and so close that it’s the last thing we’d ever think to question! The “me” operates quite persistently by taking ownership of certain thoughts, habits, feelings, and situations that it has no real control over, because it has no solid substance and never did in reality.

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It feels awe-inspiring to see through the illusion of the separate self — like waking up from a long trance or dream! In other ways, it feels very ordinary, very obvious, and quite simple; sometimes even imperceptible. I was expecting something big to happen, like an explosion of energy, but it was a slowly dawning realisation, like the sun quietly rising.

Before this dialogue I was convinced that “I needed to get something” and “go deeper.” But actually, now it can be seen that these are just beliefs and ideas. The fact that Aletheia is just a conditioned and habituated thought is undeniable, obvious, and clear. No need to “go deep” or “search for something” — the answers are already here!

The past few days, there have been experiences of noticing how everything just happens by itself, without Aletheia involved. Moving the head, closing the eyes, stretching, getting up, sitting down, thinking this, feeling that — all of these things are spontaneous, arising from life suddenly. It’s quite fascinating.

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Realizing the wildness of life and how things just happen without “me” making them happen, and the choicelessness of it all, pushed me to recognize that the same happens with the “me” thought. Aletheia, and the whole story surrounding her, we’re never chosen — they just occurred, they just arise. Next was seeing without labels; dropping all labels and focusing on the pure experience without touching any thought was illuminating. Through this, life can be experienced in an undivided way, and there is no “me” there!

Describe decision,
intention,
free will,
choice and control.

What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Decision, intention, free will, choice and control are all thoughts and beliefs of the mind — in reality, life just arises spontaneously and suddenly. It’s very wild. Aletheia is a character who believes that she is in control, has free will, makes decisions of HER own accord, but in reality this isn’t true. It all just happens. For example, she doesn’t choose what to type next here: the words just come randomly. She doesn’t control what dreams she has at night, what emotion will arise next, what sound comes up in the environment, or how the body will move. She isn’t responsible for how her story was formed: it just formed itself according to a collection of uncontrollable life situations. Taking responsibility for being a good person is a wonderful way to live, but even that preference she didn’t ultimately choose.

Anything to add?

It is beautiful to discover that life is just living itself out through a certain character, through “you” and “me.” What helped was to look, look, and keep looking, and to not give up. If any fear comes up, just welcome it like a dear friend. If expectations of how waking up “should” look like, just notice that is a thought and accept that it can feel very subtle and even imperceptible, but slowly the ripple effects become more obvious. Letting go, dropping all labels and not touching thought, as well as noticing the wild spontaneity of life and being with what is, also helped so much.

Thank you for all your patience, help, and guidance, Warissem. I deeply appreciate it!
So … what now? :)