can’t seem to go any deeper …

[Aletheia]

Hi Warissem,

Is energy really experienced or there is a sensation + the label “energy”?

Yes, this is true. It’s just what is happening - energy is a label put on top. For some reason the label “energy” was looked over, and “energy” was taken to be the pure essence of something. But it’s just more words and stories. Labels and labels and more labels. The layers of the onion peeling back.

What is observing contraction? What is observing thoughts about the self? This awareness (being aware) which cannot be known through five senses IS IT.

There is a feeling of that; a recognition of the truth of that. Beyond labels, beyond senses, the field of a luminous kind of awareness holding the self as if it is a character within a story. The mind fights this so much, it hates it, it’s scared of it, it finds all the tricks in the book to avoid this. But regardless of that, the mind can never ever figure this out, can it?

Is there awareness of these words in direct experience OR is there a need for a self to be aware of these words ? So simple, isn’t it?

Yes, just awareness. Then the mind comes in. It is simple, very simple. So simple that it can be overlooked, or complicated, or the mind tries to figure it out, to possess it. Then, identification happens with thought, and the realisation is seemingly “lost” but this is a normal thing. The reality is never lost, it’s still there despite identification with thought.

Narrating about what happened here is just a story. It won’t help you to see through the illusion. It is only more accumulated knowledge.

Okay then, good point.

***

Thank you 🕯️

[warissem]

Good morning Aletheia

Glad to read your insights. Yes, there is awareness of what is going on even of endless selfing thoughts.
Are you seeing clearly that yourself, this I, this mental image of yourself are only thoughts?

Feel free to expose any lasting doubt about the illusion of a separate self.
And let me know if you are ready for the final questions.

Best for you.

[Aletheia]

Morning Warissem,

Are you seeing clearly that yourself, this I, this mental image of yourself are only thoughts?

Reflecting this morning when waking up and observing how the story of “me” of “Aletheia” was never chosen. Name wasn’t chosen, face wasn’t chosen, family, nationality, height, weight, voice, and story wasn’t chosen. It all just happened and “I” claimed it as “my” own.

The story goes that I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian family who taught that everything was about choice between good/bad, right/wrong, heaven/hell, religious/unbeliever. So to understand that nothing was ever chosen, not even the story of “me” is illuminating. The choicelessness of it all … well, it’s breathtaking.

But then, there is something aware that is outside of sensation, emotion, thought, and storylines. It observes the choicelessness.

Feel free to expose any lasting doubt about the illusion of a separate self.

I’m not sure. There is a vacillation between experiencing the truth of the no-self, and then identification back with the story of the self. It feels very wobbly and fragile. Is this just old habits that will dissolve?

And let me know if you are ready for the final questions.

Not sure how to answer this. How would I know when I’m ready?

***

Best wishes & thanks :)

[warissem]

Good morning

But then, there is something aware that is outside of sensation, emotion, thought, and storylines. It observes the choicelessness.

Yes, there is awareness of all what is happening.

I’m not sure. There is a vacillation between experiencing the truth of the no-self, and then identification back with the story of the self. It feels very wobbly and fragile. Is this just old habits that will dissolve?

Have you watched the 2 videos :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJQcD588g2w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUDzrCLlrj4

Not sure how to answer this. How would I know when I’m ready?

I invite you to do this investigation :

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.

Best for you

[Aletheia]

Okay, I will do this and report back.
Have a great Monday

[Aletheia]

*Tuesday!

[warissem]

Hi Aletheia

Have good insights

[Aletheia]

Morning Warissem,

Responses to the questions:

Have you watched the 2 videos :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJQcD588g2w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUDzrCLlrj4

Yes, I watched it, very helpful and normalises the swinging back and forth. I might rewatch them again.

Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

It can’t be known how tall the body is, only a thought says how tall it is. The same thing with weight or volume - the mind says “oh, I weight —kgs” or “I’m skinny or fat” but the experience is just if sensations without a label.

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

No boundary exists between body and clothing or body and chair, only in thought. The experience is just of pressure, softness, coldness, and so on. And even those are labels - there is just “something arising.”

Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

No inside or outside when focusing on the pure sensations. Inside and outside are labels that the mind overlays onto life. I can see that “me” and “out there” is just another label.

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

The label of “body” is directly connected to the “me” - but when there is no labelling, then there is no me and also no body.

The actual experience of the body is one of sensations and also that there is no “my body” outside of thought.

***

Many thanks

[warissem]

Good evening

You have done good observations.
How do you feel to see that the body is a bunch of sensations ?
Do you see the mental image of the body as yourself or is it just a thought passing by?

There is an exercise about control :

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Best wishes

[Aletheia]

Hi Warissem,

Thank you for the feedback and for the exercise. Here are the responses:

How do you feel to see that the body is a bunch of sensations ?
Do you see the mental image of the body as yourself or is it just a thought passing by?

Not quite sure how I feel. Perhaps a little awed, at other times just neutral. When the eyes are closed the body feels much more obviously like a thought passing by. But when my eyes are open, it’s much easier to identify with the thought “this is my hand, this is my face.” It’s an automatic habit perhaps. But when I glance at my hand without a thought story, I don’t see it as mine—it’s just “a thing there.”

Now I’ll answer the exercise in control questions:

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

The movement of the hand just seems to be happening on its own. When I don’t go to thoughts, when there is no “I’m doing this”, then there is no controller. The hand is just moving. It’s just happening. A controller can’t be found.
When exploring how the decision to move the hand or which hand to choose comes up, nothing can be found in experience outside of thought. It’s just happening by itself. Sometimes a thought would pop in saying “I am doing this” or “turn the hand now, and now, and now” but then I could see that it was sticking these thoughts on top of what was already happening and what was already the case (kind of like copying and pasting onto what is).

***

Lots of gratitude for your help and guidance.

[warissem]

Good morning

You are doing a good job.

Is there a separate self, you, Aletheia in any shape or form?
Is there a separate self thinking? controlling what to do or not to do?
Is there Aletheia speaking and washing dishes ?

Look and let me know about what is seen.

Best wishes

[Aletheia]

Evening Warissem,

Is there a separate self, you, Aletheia in any shape or form?

Today there was an instance of feeling very upset, anxious, and angry due to a situation that happened — I noticed that these emotions really solidified this “me”. A lot of mental stories, contraction sensations, and mixed emotions came up and they were very difficult to sit with it. It took quite a while to come back down to neutrality, and only then is it easier to see that Aletheia is a story.

Otherwise, the intense emotions lead to intense stories, that seems to make the “me” feel very real.

Is there a separate self thinking? controlling what to do or not to do?
Is there Aletheia speaking and washing dishes ?

No, no separate self thinking or controlling what to do or not to do. It’s all spontaneous, arising suddenly, but no central controller to say “I am going to do this or that now.” Even the very thought that “I am going to do this or that” arises totally spontaneously and there is no one calculating where, when, or how it arises.

Speaking just seems to happen, to flow. I’m a writer, so writing just seems to happen. Washing the dishes just happens.

***

With many thanks 🙏

[warissem]

Hi Aletheia

Today there was an instance of feeling very upset, anxious, and angry due to a situation that happened —

As I said it earlier, look at the sensations in the body instead of going to thoughts labeling "upset", "anxious", "angry".
There are still emotions arising after having seen through the illusion of a separate self. But it does not happen to you. It just happens.

I noticed that these emotions really solidified this “me”. A lot of mental stories, contraction sensations, and mixed emotions came up and they were very difficult to sit with it. It took quite a while to come back down to neutrality, and only then is it easier to see that Aletheia is a story.

Great to know that there is liberating from thoughts and emotions. How it feels to shift from the old way of looking at things and the new perpective (being neutral) ?

Otherwise, the intense emotions lead to intense stories, that seems to make the “me” feel very real.

But, you know that there is no me, no you at all.

No, no separate self thinking or controlling what to do or not to do. It’s all spontaneous, arising suddenly, but no central controller to say “I am going to do this or that now.” Even the very thought that “I am going to do this or that” arises totally spontaneously and there is no one calculating where, when, or how it arises.

Wonderful.

Speaking just seems to happen, to flow. I’m a writer, so writing just seems to happen. Washing the dishes just happens.

Great, let me know if you are ready for the final questions.

Go for a walk and enjoy the new perspective of looking.

Best wishes

[Aletheia]

Hi Warissem,

As I said it earlier, look at the sensations in the body instead of going to thoughts labeling "upset", "anxious", "angry".
There are still emotions arising after having seen through the illusion of a separate self. But it does not happen to you. It just happens.

Yes, okay. After all, if “I” could haven “chosen” how to respond in that situation, wouldn’t I have chosen to feel happy, calm, and at peace? No matter how much “I” wanted to be calm, anxiety (or sensations of contraction and palpitations labeled as anxiety) arose anyway regardless.

How it feels to shift from the old way of looking at things and the new perpective (being neutral) ?

The shift only sometimes occurs. When it does, there is more peace or spaciousness. When the sensations are strong enough, they seem to overwhelm everything and very little space can be found.

But, you know that there is no me, no you at all.

Sometimes it seems obvious, other times not so much. There’s still a feeling of not quite “breaking through” - as if something is snagging the foot and pulling one back. It’s hard to identify what, perhaps some journaling will help. I’m trying to be as honest as I can.

Great, let me know if you are ready for the final questions.

Okay, but first can we focus on what I said in the previous points?

***

Thank you Warissem

[warissem]

Good morning

Yes, okay. After all, if “I” could haven “chosen” how to respond in that situation, wouldn’t I have chosen to feel happy, calm, and at peace? No matter how much “I” wanted to be calm, anxiety (or sensations of contraction and palpitations labeled as anxiety) arose anyway regardless.

Yes, there is what is happening and selfing is : wanting something else or resisting to what is. Desire and aversion are still here after seeing through the belief of a separate self. There are years of conditionings, actions and reactions. Seeing through the belief of a separate self is the beginning of a falling process.

The shift only sometimes occurs. When it does, there is more peace or spaciousness. When the sensations are strong enough, they seem to overwhelm everything and very little space can be found.

Strong sensations are known, just be here as a neutral presence. Does a storm occupy the space? It comes then it goes.

Sometimes it seems obvious, other times not so much. There’s still a feeling of not quite “breaking through” - as if something is snagging the foot and pulling one back. It’s hard to identify what, perhaps some journaling will help. I’m trying to be as honest as I can.

Thanks for your honesty. Can you tell more about this “feeling of not quite breaking through”? How this feeling is expressed in the body? Or is it just a doubting thought?
Is there any fear to step forth? To let go the image of you and just be ?

Okay, but first can we focus on what I said in the previous points?

Waiting for your insights.

Thank you Warissem
You are much welcome