What's the nature of myself?

[Duka444]

How do you feel when you see that the body is only sensations when eyes are closed + colors and shapes when eyes are open?

I Feel confused and sometimes scared that I am going to disappear...then an insight comes in a form of a thought telling me that Awareness does not disappear, only thoughts, emotions, sensations and perceptions comes and goes. Awareness or knowing is always present.

Here is a thought exercise. Sit quietly for about 30 minutes and notice the arising thoughts. Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.

Where are they coming from and going to?

There is no specific place where they are coming from. What I can say is that they are coming from Here.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

No, I did not do anything. They just appear.

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

No.

Can you predict your next thought?

No. I can choose to think a thought but it can vanish quick as well.

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

No.

Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?

No.

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

No.

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

No.

[warissem]

Good evening

I Feel confused and sometimes scared that I am going to disappear...then an insight comes in a form of a thought telling me that Awareness does not disappear, only thoughts, emotions, sensations and perceptions comes and goes. Awareness or knowing is always present.

Yes. There is no you to disappear.

You have done good observations on thoughts but there are some comments.

Can you predict your next thought?

No. I can choose to think a thought but it can vanish quick as well.

Really, can you choose a thought? Is there a basket of thoughts from where you pick one of them?

How do you feel to see that you are not choosing thoughts?
Is there a thinker of thoughts?

Best for you

[Duka444]

Really, can you choose a thought? Is there a basket of thoughts from where you pick one of them?

No, There is not a basket of thoughts from where I can pick or choose one of them. I can see this...thoughts are happening...I am not choosing them...them come and go by themselves.

How do you feel to see that you are not choosing thoughts?

I feel frustrated...the sense of me as a separate self feels frustrated...but then I realize that the separated self is a belief that I am still believing in...however not with much intensity as before...but some remaining belief is still here, and it makes me suffer. How can I be totally free of this belief? Help me please.

Is there a thinker of thoughts?

No, there is not a thinker of thoughts. However, I still experience myself as a thinker sometimes...it has not totally vanished...part of the belief is still here...and it's frustrating to continue to experience this belief...it causes suffering... please give me some guidance here. thanks.

[warissem]

Good morning

No, There is not a basket of thoughts from where I can pick or choose one of them. I can see this...thoughts are happening...I am not choosing them...them come and go by themselves.

Great.

I feel frustrated...the sense of me as a separate self feels frustrated...but then I realize that the separated self is a belief that I am still believing in...however not with much intensity as before...but some remaining belief is still here, and it makes me suffer.

Do you see how the illusion is operating? Your answer is a suite of thoughts giving “existence” to a separate self.

How can I be totally free of this belief? Help me please.

What is this “I” which wants to be free? Look and give answers to these questions :

Does this “I” have a location ?
Does it have a size, a shape ?
Is it an appearance like a seen, a sound, a smell, a taste, a sensation?

No, there is not a thinker of thoughts. However, I still experience myself as a thinker sometimes...it has not totally vanished...part of the belief is still here...and it's frustrating to continue to experience this belief...it causes suffering... please give me some guidance here. thanks.

Don’t worry, I am with you till you see through the illusion but you have to LOOK at what is going on, at direct experience 24/7 during all your activities and discriminate between thoughts and direct experience. During the looking, keep in mind this question : is there a me, Duka doing this or that?
Example : I am walking.
When you look, you see a body in motion. Is there an I walking?
It is as simple as that. The repetitive practice lets the brain “see” that there is no self doing things.

Let me know what is going on.

Best for you

[Duka444]

Good Afternoon.

Do you see how the illusion is operating? Your answer is a suite of thoughts giving “existence” to a separate self.

Yes, I am seeing how the illusion is operating. Thanks for helping clarifying this for me. I am seeing this clear and clear now with your help.

What is this “I” which wants to be free? Look and give answers to these questions :

This "I" was believed to be myself...but I am seeing it now as a thought that I was believing in as myself. It's a thought with a feeling which I believed to be me. However, I am seeing now that it's just a belief, which I was still believing.

Does this “I” have a location ?

No, it does not have a specific location. Now, that I am not believing in it...I only sense myself as this knowing space. I can only say that it's Here, with no specific location.

Does it have a size, a shape ?

No, it does not have a size or shape. I cannot experience it as having a size or shape.

Is it an appearance like a seen, a sound, a smell, a taste, a sensation?

No, it's not an appearance. It's where all the appearances appear.

During the looking, keep in mind this question : is there a me, Duka doing this or that?

Thanks for this suggestion. I already started doing this and will be doing it as frequently as I remember. And I will make an effort to remember as much as possible.
Thanks and take care.

[warissem]

Hi Duka

Yes, I am seeing how the illusion is operating. Thanks for helping clarifying this for me. I am seeing this clear and clear now with your help.

You are welcome, the pleasure is for me.

This "I" was believed to be myself...but I am seeing it now as a thought that I was believing in as myself. It's a thought with a feeling which I believed to be me. However, I am seeing now that it's just a belief, which I was still believing.

How do you feel to see that?

No, it does not have a specific location. Now, that I am not believing in it...I only sense myself as this knowing space. I can only say that it's Here, with no specific location.

It could be space like awareness

No, it does not have a size or shape. I cannot experience it as having a size or shape.

Good.

No, it's not an appearance. It's where all the appearances appear.

You are doing a good job.

It is taken as evident that I choose things, control what to do or what to say. I invite you to do this exercise about control.

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Best for you

[Duka444]

How do you feel to see that?

I feel more free as I am seeing that I am not a separate self.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?

It's not controlled by nobody. It just happen. Life expressing itself through that movement.

Does a thought control it?

No, it doesn't.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

No.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

There is no specific decision being made. There is no decision point when a thought made a decision. It happens automatically. There is no specific controller of any decision.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

The choice was made, but not by a who or by a what. It was a choice decision, which was not made by anyone...it just happen...Life choosing to express itself through that movement...no one or not anybody is doing the choosing.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No. Only life is choosing to express itself through that movement...there is no specific individual or individual chooser.

[warissem]

Hi Duka

Wonderful, you have done great observations.

Is there still seeking ?
If so, what is missing ?
Do you see separate self in other people ?

Waiting for your insights.
Meanwhile, I invite you to go for a walk and see how life is flowing as all what is. Enjoy.

Wish the best for you

[Duka444]

Is there still seeking ?

Yes, there is.

If so, what is missing ?

Peace is missing...there is still anxiety and restlessness in the present moment...disturbing thoughts still comes and affects my peace. Any suggestions of practice to help with this?

Do you see separate self in other people ?

Yes, I still see separate self in other people. I still see it in myself on and off. I experience some progress in recognizing the separate self, however sometimes it creeps in through the back door and find myself believing to be this separate self.

[warissem]

Hi Duka

You are doing good.

Peace is missing...there is still anxiety and restlessness in the present moment...disturbing thoughts still comes and affects my peace. Any suggestions of practice to help with this?

Is there an expectation that thoughts won’t come after seeing through the illusion?
Is there an expectation that there will be only peace after seeing through the illusion?
“Peace is missing” :for whom? Look at direct experience before giving the answer.
What is anxiety :is there a sensation in the body?
Are thoughts speaking to someone and disturb it ? Can you put your finger on it?

Yes, I still see separate self in other people. I still see it in myself on and off.

Do you see really a separate self in direct experience or is it a thought story?

I experience some progress in recognizing the separate self, however sometimes it creeps in through the back door and find myself believing to be this separate self.

There is no separate self to recognize : you cannot BE a separate self but there is A BELIEF, a thought
Or a sensation which seems to be ME. Do you see that?

What arises when you read this :
There is no you in any shape or form, it never was, it will never be.

Give a separate answer to each question after having looked at direct experience.

Best wishes

[Duka444]

Is there an expectation that thoughts won’t come after seeing through the illusion?

No. I know thoughts would continue to come.

“Peace is missing” :for whom? Look at direct experience before giving the answer.

When I look at direct experience, I only find sensations, thoughts passing, thoughts about thoughts...discomfort on my chest area...but I am not able to find a Who or Whom.

What is anxiety :is there a sensation in the body?

Yes, there is a sensation in the body...discomfort on my chest ...worry thoughts passing by...so a bunch of mixed sensations and thoughts.

Are thoughts speaking to someone and disturb it ? Can you put your finger on it?

No, the thoughts are not speaking to someone. The thoughts are reacting to other thoughts, it's a reactive movement of thoughts about sensations, perceptions or other thoughts. I cannot put a finger and find someone...just observing/experiencing the movement of sensations, thoughts and perceptions.

Do you see really a separate self in direct experience or is it a thought story?

In direct experience, I do not see a separate self. It's a movement of thoughts or thought story... Direct Experience is the Key here...it's what I should focus more in order to find peace and freedom...that's what I am concluding after looking direct in my experience as I am answering these questions.

There is no separate self to recognize : you cannot BE a separate self but there is A BELIEF, a thought
Or a sensation which seems to be ME. Do you see that?

Yes, I see that. I see that I have been taken a belief, a thought or a sensation as ME. Believing them to be me...But when I look at my Direct Experience, I am able to see that there is No separate self, No Entity as a separate self.

What arises when you read this :
There is no you in any shape or form, it never was, it will never be.

In my Direct Experience, I know there is no separate me because I do not experience it. And, if I cannot experience a separate self in my Direct Experience Now, I have the experiential understanding that It was never there, and It will never be experienced as such. Things become more clear for me when I Look at my Direct Experience...I am discovering that the suffering comes from the Belief in being a separate self...but when I look through Direct Experience, peace comes, relief is experienced. Again, Direct Experience is the Key.

[warissem]

Hi Duka

When I look at direct experience, I only find sensations, thoughts passing, thoughts about thoughts...discomfort on my chest area...but I am not able to find a Who or Whom.

Yes, how do you feel to see that?

Yes, there is a sensation in the body...discomfort on my chest ...worry thoughts passing by...so a bunch of mixed sensations and thoughts.

Just welcome all the guests, let them be, let them come and go.Look at the sensation instead of thoughts.

No, the thoughts are not speaking to someone. The thoughts are reacting to other thoughts, it's a reactive movement of thoughts about sensations, perceptions or other thoughts. I cannot put a finger and find someone...just observing/experiencing the movement of sensations, thoughts and perceptions.

Have you seen in direct experience that thoughts are really reacting to other thoughts?

In direct experience, I do not see a separate self. It's a movement of thoughts or thought story... Direct Experience is the Key here...it's what I should focus more in order to find peace and freedom...that's what I am concluding after looking direct in my experience as I am answering these questions.

Yes, great, just be with direct experience 24/7 and look if there is a you doing things. Let me know about what is going on.

Yes, I see that. I see that I have been taken a belief, a thought or a sensation as ME. Believing them to be me...But when I look at my Direct Experience, I am able to see that there is No separate self, No Entity as a separate self.

In my Direct Experience, I know there is no separate me because I do not experience it. And, if I cannot experience a separate self in my Direct Experience Now, I have the experiential understanding that It was never there, and It will never be experienced as such. Things become more clear for me when I Look at my Direct Experience...I am discovering that the suffering comes from the Belief in being a separate self...but when I look through Direct Experience, peace comes, relief is experienced. Again, Direct Experience is the Key.

Yes, how do you feel to see this?

Best for you

[Duka444]

Yes, how do you feel to see that?

I feel more liberated, more free. Less contracted.

Have you seen in direct experience that thoughts are really reacting to other thoughts?

Yes, I see that. That's what I see in my direct experience, thoughts reacting to other thoughts, to sensations or perceptions.

Yes, great, just be with direct experience 24/7 and look if there is a you doing things. Let me know about what is going on.

I am trying my best to just be with direct experience as much as I can. When I do that, I do not see a separate me. I will continue to just be with direct experience as much as I can...so far is going well.

Yes, how do you feel to see this?

I feel more peace and also a relief...I will continue to do that...thanks for the guidance.

[warissem]

Good morning Duka

I feel more liberated, more free. Less contracted.

Yes, glad to read that.

Have you seen with 100% certainty that there is no you, no Duka, no separate self living its life?

Feel free to expose any lasting doubt about the illusion of a separate self.

Best for you

[Duka444]

Have you seen with 100% certainty that there is no you, no Duka, no separate self living its life?

No, I have not seen it with 100% certainty that there is no me as a separate self living its life. I have understood it, and sometimes experienced it, but it's not with 100% certainty yet. I am working on it, I am trying to experience Direct Experience as much as I can as we have discussed in previous posts...I am doing my best, but it's not easy. I know that the road is to keep coming to Direct Experience, and that's what I have been doing as much as I can. The frustrations comes when several thoughts come on the same time, and I am lost in reacting to thoughts, and therefore experience suffering again.