Hello Warissem :)
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No there is not and there never was.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of separate self is an assumption of individual identity that claims what is happening as, "What is happening to me." It assumes it is the doer, and that it has free will, choice, and control. It starts perhaps around when you are taught your name as a child. There is a sort of energetic contraction and you believe yourself to be separate from the rest of reality. The separate self resists what is or forms attachments to it,all based on conditioning. It makes past and future seem real, when all there is, is what is happening now. All suffering is caused from this illusion.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels like freedom. It feels like life is just flowing. It feels effortless and light, like energy just doing its thing. Everything is simple and clear.
Before starting this dialogue, I believe the separate self had already begun to unravel but life was so heavy. Everything felt less alive and vibrant and suffering was a constant...ranging from background unease to heavy anxiety. Seeking was a constant as well, whether that be spiritual seeking or a seeking for distraction from the unease.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
This is very hard to pinpoint but Warissem kept pointing to direct experience and this was really the key. It is seen now that there was looping in concepts for years.
Near the end of our dialogue Warissem wrote:
The goal is to be open to "what is" here now : the field of the five senses appearances :seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, sensations and thoughts (with no leaning to their content). Everything is coming and going, everything is in the flow of life. There is no separation.
I read this and there was a realization that it has already been seen because this was how reality was being experienced, by no one. Although I don't know exactly when this shift occurred. There was no big fireworks moment like I was expecting. It was subtle.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It seems to have been the process of looking at direct experience through the different senses.
5) Describe decision,
intention,
free will,
choice and control.
These are all part of the illusion of separate self. There is no one making a decision, only decisions happening. There is no one setting intentions, only intention arising as what is happening. No one existing to have free will. Choices are made but by no one. And control is an illusion that the apparent separate self believes it has.
What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.
Everything is just happening on its own. There is only what is happening. It seems to be a compete mystery as to how it works. I don't have specific examples other than mentioning that life flows just beautifully all on its own without a separate self that was never there to begin with :)
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
There is no me to be responsible for anything. Example: I have 2 children, and the caring for of them just happens.
6) Anything to add?
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
-Christina
