Suffering in the world

[Stina]

Hi Marcus. Am I done?

Marcus, after our last exchange, I was crying, it felt like something was released. And I was very quiet.

What am I going to do?

Rest in awareness and wait, what will come.

Write Ilona Cuinaite, how brave and curageous she is and thank her for founding this forum, express my gratitude.

Listen to more books from Jed McKenna.

Continue. The gate is only the beginning. There are some teachers I resonate with like Scott Kiloby or Angelo DiLullo. I understand Scott much better now. I looked into the Fetter model with Kevin Schanilec. But, I have to say, I prefer the feminine energy. I like what Ilonka is doing. Let's see.

I feel so sorry for Stina. Already as a little child, she was not able to express her feelings, she felt like alien, she could not be really happy, or really sad, she was always watching her feelings, always resisting, always protecting herself.

I had some health issues lately, my osteopatic therapeut said, the problems I am experiencing are stuck emotions. How interesting.

I looked into methods like TRE or Feldenkrais. Let's see what feels right.

I feel an urge to help kids with diffuculties. I have red some books from Dr. Gabor Maté and I a am able to connect the dots. Trauma, stuck emotions, ADHD, learning difficulties. There is something. What is the best way to help my child and other children? I would like to go there. I am not sure how.

In the past eight months, when I went for a walk, I prayed this Hooponopoono prayer, every day, loud, from memory, although I did not know why. It was magical to me. I learned it from Dr. Joe Vitale, from his book. He learned it from Morrnah Simeona and Dr. Hew Len. It helped me every day to feel better. I would finish our conversation with the prayer.


I am the “I”
I come forth from the void into the Light,
I am the breath that nurtures life,
I am that emptiness,
That hollowness beyond all Consciousness,
The “I”, the “Id”, the “All”.
I draw my bow of rainbows across the waters,
The continuum of minds with matters.
I am the incoming and outgoing of breath.
I am the invisible, untouchable breeze,
the undefinable atom of creation,
I am the “I”.
Spirit, Superconscious, please locate the origin of my feelings, thoughts of the fear of loosing everything.
Take each and every level, layer, area and aspect of my being to this origin. Analyze it and resolve it perfectly with God’s truth. Come through all generations of time and eternity. Healing every incident and its appendages based on the origin.
Please do it according to God’s will until I am at the present. Filled with light and truth. God’s peace and love, forgiveness of myself for my incorrect perceptions. Forgiveness of every person, place, circumstances and event which contributed to this, these feelings thoughts.

Peace be with you, All My Peace, The Peace that is "I" the Peace that is "I am". The Peace for always, now and forever and evermore. My Peace I give to you, My Peace I leave with you, Not the world’s Peace, but, only My Peace, The Peace of I. (Morrnah Simeona)

Thank you, Marcus.

[Marcus1144]

If you feel like you're ready we can move to some questions to check your seeing. Some of the other guides will take a look to check the thoroughness of your seeing and if they're happy I can invite you to the LU aftercare FB group, where there are resources if you wish to take them.

There's also the opportunity to guide others when it all lands and settles a bit.

I can't give you any advice on 'how' to live and choose, but there will of course be changes to how you navigate the 'arising' of experience. A natural unfolding. Trusting life. Trusting what is here. No need to rush and fight. Unless that's what's natural, haha.

Thanks for sharing! Isn't prayer a beautiful way of connecting and aligning with the truth, especially when 'the truth' feels foreign. Let it be home now. A living prayer!

So much love and gratitude to you!

And thanks for staying with the process!

Here's for the questions, take your time, no rush.

1) Is there an independent entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of an independent self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

5) Describe decision, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you absolutely responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

[Stina]

Hi Marcus, thank you for your reply. I will not hurry with the answers to your questions. Is it OK?

I will just say right now, when I listen to the teachers, I know exactly, what they are talking about. I am not seeking anymore, but I am still interested in...different views and expressions of the same nothingness. How can one second change everything?

I found (by coincidence) one interview on You Tube, Luchana and guide Marcus. Is it you?

Have a nice day!

Stina.

[Marcus1144]

It all sounds very affirmative and yes take as long as you like. Hehe, you found me, seems like a long time ago! I’m sure we’ll cross paths.

Look forward to your responses.

Marcus

[Stina]

Hi Marcus, I tried to answer your questions.

) 1. Is there an independent entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

I thought my whole life, there is an independent “I”. Even though I have read about “No Self” in books, I could not understand, what the words are pointing to. Thanks to you, Marcus, a very subtle shift happened in my perception, everything is the same, but it feels different. “I” can not be found. Only aliveness, happening, breathing, blood pulsating, touching, smelling, tasting, hearing, seeing, feeling, noticing, reacting. My body feels like a bundle of perceptions.

I was struggling to give up the identification with the body. To my understanding now, my body exists, like an organism, that is alive.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of an independent self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

To my understanding, the illusion of an independent Self starts around the age of two. I have a little nice who is two and half years old. It is fascinating to watch how she changes. Before she was so attached to her mom, it was everything she needed, she thought, she is her mom. Now, the "terrible two" phase started. Protesting, screaming, crying, saying "No". I see, how we teach children, we show them..."this is your nose, this is your belly" and the smart child repeats and learns. She already knows she is Julia.

When we get identified with a name, role, character, we perceive world like a subject and everything around us are objects. I see, I hear, I taste….We believe, we are separated from the world we perceive. We identify also with everything we learn from our parents, family, school, neighbors. We start to compare ourselves with others. The suffering starts. We think, life happens to us.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Before I started this dialogue, there was sense of separateness. There was always a barrier between me and others, between me and the world. Very thick. There was judgment, there was strong protection of my character, “I” did not want to get hurt. I somehow perceive it differently now. When I hear, see, experience something, it is part of me, it is in me, it is me. I don’t run from it, just bathe in it, take it, accept it, everything is welcome.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

Before you “made me look”, Marcus, I gave up. In the moment I gave up and did not want to continue with the dialogue, something happened. In my case, it was the book from Jed McKenna (thank you Ilona Cuinaite for mentioning it), the first book from the trilogy about spirituality, “No Self” talk between Jed and “Julie", character from the book. The last push were your words Marcus, as you asked me: „Who wants to go through the gateless gate?” In that moment something happened. I understood that I am not Stina. Stina wants to go through the gate, she is still seeking, she is the one who does not want to see what is, accept what is, right now. It was a second, but this second change everything. I can’t really describe it. It felt like I drank 10 cups of coffee at once. Alert, present and spacious. I was laughing and crying and crying. The next day, while walking in the nature, more tears came. I felt so sorry for Stina, I kind of dissociated from her. I still feel it, as I write these words. There is not the same identification like it was before.

5) Describe decision, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you absolutely responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Well, I struggled here as well, I had a hard time to accept, that I have no control over anything. Little investigation and help from you, Marcus, made me see. Decision happens, free will does not exist and I have no control over anything. It is just here, it comes. I am not sure how it works. Yesterday, I could experience it. I had very nice plans for the day. But my kids went for a walk with our dog, and something happened. The dog was sad, looked like he is in pain. Several hours followed, watching the animal, asking “what to do?”, asking the animal “what is wrong?” there was a decision to go to the vet, the moment when I was looking at the vet investigating the animal, I bathed in this moment. I felt it, I had not control whatsoever. The end was good. The dog hurt his esophagus with piece of wood. He will recover fast. To experience these gaps in time, when I don't know how it turns, fascinating.

6) Anything to add?

I am not sure, I went through the gate; if not, I will be glad to do it again. It was magical. It changed my perspective, if there is more, I would be glad to do it. Thank you for your patience, Marcus. You were able to connect with me, feel, where I struggle. Great job as a guide. Good luck with everything.

Stina

[Stina]

When I named our dialogue "Suffering in the world" I had not idea why. As I was listening Jed McKenna, I had to write this quote down.

"The belief in the reality of false Self is the origin of all suffering an all happiness."

[Marcus1144]

Beautiful Stina, you really went for it, showed great courage and commitment and perseverance. Your answers demonstrate quite clearly that you have ‘seen’ and the fellow guides agree. You’ll be welcomed into the LU group and feel free to reach out to me on FB (if you are on there?) if you want any direction on further avenues of enquiry or community. I’m Marcus Smith. Really a pleasure to guide you and be witness and intimate to a movement of liberation that can create such subtle yet profound change in the way we orient to life. Thank you and with love. Marcus