Ah, I seem to have forgotten something!

[Anastacia42]

Exactly!

Now let's try this:

Here's a pointer to look at "control. "

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Loving,

[LostOntology]

Stacy,

Very odd.

How is the movement controlled?

I quite frankly have no idea! When I looked, there was nothing, yet the hand still gets flipped! I want to say “the will” but then I see that that is just a thought.

Does a thought control it?

Certainly not. It may seem like it because the thought “I stopped the flipping” comes up afterwards… but that’s just a thought thought up after the fact!

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

No—odd!

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

I have no idea! It just does!

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Nothing chose! There was no choosing-–it just happened.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

I cannot! My muscles are getting sore from constantly flipping because I keep finding it odd that I can’t see what is controlling all of this.

Gratitude,
E
[/quote]

[Anastacia42]

That's true! Isn't it great? And such a mystery.



Actual/Direct Experience - Apple

Have a look at an apple (or any fruit you like.) If you have a ‘real’ apple, you can use it for this exercise. Google for a picture of an apple.



When looking at an apple, there's color; a thought saying ‘apple’; and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple."

What is known for sure? Color is known and thoughts are known.

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?

Actual experience does not refer to thoughts ABOUT something…because that is only just more thought.

Actual experience is sound, thought, color, smell, taste, sensation and the fact of thought arising, but not its content.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT can't be found in actual experience.

This is what is meant by "looking in actual experience." What you know for sure, and, is always here.

Taste labeled ‘apple’ is known
Color labeled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labeled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labeled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known

However, is an apple actually known?

Have fun and let me know what you find out.

Loving,

[LostOntology]

Stacy,

Will that mystery ever be solved? I feel like it can’t be—I’ve been doing the exercise again and again and it doesn’t feel like anything I say in words can explain it. Yet: the hand flips!

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?

At first I said they describe what is happening right now, but after looking, that’s not true. What’s happening right now is direct experience–which includes thought–but THAT thought is happening is different from the content of those thoughts actually DESCRIBING anything. That’s just another thought.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?

No, it’s just a color and a thought about ‘apple’. This reminded me of the other activity where you had me break down daily activities. I really wanted to say “chewing” constantly, but then I realized that “chewing” is just sensation + taste.

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

No, ‘apple’ only exists in the content of thoughts, which is not actual experience.

However, is an apple actually known?

No, it is only a label that comes from the content of thoughts.

Have fun and let me know what you find out.

These labels aren’t real. They are convenient for living through life as it is now, but they are illusory, a product of mistaking the label for the experiences that just are.

Today I woke up incredibly late for work. The thought of panic arose (but not the sensation) and I saw it–knew its potential–and did not add logs to that fire. In fact, I arrived to work much calmer than usual. There was a calm acceptance of what is. It’s easier to be in this calm when I am alone (during lunch, for example), but it’s still there, because that calm *is* direct experience. Today feels a bit different :)

Gratitude,
E

[Anastacia42]

Yes, it definitely feels different when we are SEEING the truth of no self, no control, no doer, no decider, etc.

Will that mystery ever be solved

?

No, not as far as we can tell. It is just a mystery forever. Relaxing into that can be very calming.

that calm *is* direct experience. Today feels a bit different :)

How does it FEEL to see all of this?

Keep LOOKING at DE and reporting how it feels.

Much love,

[LostOntology]

Stacy,

How does it FEEL to see all of this?

Last night, after doing the 20 minute exercise I stared at my ceiling and for a few brief moments I felt... rumbles? Almost? I'm not quite sure how to describe it. It almost felt like very brief flashes of what I can only describe as heightened/full direct experience. It happened quickly, and by the time I noticed it, it disappeared. Of course, upon *trying* to see it again, it did not come up. In moments today when I am seeing, I sometimes feel like I am at the threshold of the same brief flashes/rumbles that I felt last night. It feels like that same "this-ness."

No, not as far as we can tell. It is just a mystery forever. Relaxing into that can be very calming.

Over all, today felt very relaxed as I remembered to practice seeing. Seeing that I could not find a "controller" played a big part in today being "calming." I try to apply this to many things that I do throughout the day--decisions I have to make, for example--and realize that often times those decisions get done without any interference, just like how the palm gets flipped.

I've been mostly doing the "Labeling Daily Activities" and the "Palm flipping" exercise every now and then. I'll continue to do that, thank you :)

Gratitude,
E

[LostOntology]

Stacy,

How does it FEEL to see all of this?

After I submitted the previous post, I wanted to add that it feels like "trust" is building (I don't need to decide because I don't decide, anyway), but after further inquiry I see that this is just a thought + a sensation. There is no need for trust to build; this is just how it is.

Gratitude,
E

[Anastacia42]

Yes, that works!

Relaxation is necessary. You cannot find what you are looking for with struggle and effort, nor with any thinking.

Just relax and LOOK.

Keep posting what you find and how it FEELS.

Much love,

[LostOntology]

Stacy,

Relaxation is necessary. You cannot find what you are looking for with struggle and effort, nor with any thinking.

The past couple hours or so I have been struggling to see direct experience more clearly--as clearly I have been for most of the day--but that struggle isn't helping. I rewatched the first two videos that you linked me and they helped a little bit. I think it may have to do with my being tired right now -- it may just be time for bed :). Tomorrow is a new day.

Gratitude,
E

[Anastacia42]

Okay. Relax!

[LostOntology]

Stacy,

Not much to report on today. I tried to do the daily activity labelling and the hand flipping but I felt like I wasn't seeing as clearly as I had been in the past few days. I'm going to keep at it tomorrow!

Gratitude,
E

[Anastacia42]

Okay, remember, clarity will come & go.

Watch this, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

This is the only pointer I was given here:

ButtChair

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?


It helps keep us out of thinking.

Loving,

[LostOntology]

Stacy,
I watched those two videos yesterday during my lunch and they really helped. I also watched the fear video again in the afternoon and that helped release some stickiness.

I rewatched both videos again just now. I really resonated to this quote:

From Ilona's video: "Stickiness and feeling stuck informs us of an issue that has not been resolved yet. See that as an invitation to explore.

These videos are helping me relax into the process. The breath goes in and out in cycles, and so does this process.

Thank you for the ButtChair activity. I'm in a chair for most of my day so I will be looking with that one all day today.

Gratitude,
E

[Anastacia42]

Excellent!

Keep posting here how it FEELS to SEE.

Much love,

[LostOntology]

Stacy,

Lots of thinking going on lately. I've been practicing ButtChair as much as I can remember to.

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

There is no clear dividing line between my butt and whatever it is sitting on. There is a clear sensation but no "division" inherent within that sensation. The only "division" that seems to be there is within the content of thought, which is just thought and does not change the sensation.

I felt moderately anxious/uneasy before doing this just now (in order to answer your questions) but after looking I feel more relaxed. The other night as I did this I felt as if I was floating.

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

I also do want to be transparent and let you know that I violated the 4th housekeeping guideline. I'm seeing now that I often use "study" as an escape from practice--especially when that practice isn't going well. I'm going to try my best to put these things aside and keep them aside.

Gratitude,
E